The bad joke thread!

Hawkwind

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An Austrian jounalist asked a neighbour how long he had known josef Fritzels daughter alice. "Alice?" he replied " who the fuck is alice, u mean for 24 years iv been living next door to alice!"

Hint: Dr Hook tune.
 

Hawkwind

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Q: Why do woman have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: What's the fastest way to a woman's heart?
A: Through her chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Whats the worst thing about gang rape?
A: Waiting your turn.

Q: What do you do after raping a blind, dumb girl?
A: Break her fingers so she cant tell anyone.

Q: What's blue and fucks grannies?
A: Me in my lucky blue suit.

Q: What's the difference between spit and swallow?
A: About 30 pounds of pressure on the back of her head.


An old Jewish guy in the USA won the Lotto Jackpot of $120 million. While being interviewed by the local news, he was asked what he was going to do with the money.
"First thing I'm gonna do is give half the money to the Nazi Party in Germany."
Some what surprised by this response, the news guy asked, "Why the hell would you do that after all the things they put you and your family through during the holocaust."
"Well, come on, fair's fair," he says as he rolls up his sleeve, "they did give me the numbers."
 

swords

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What can turn a fruit into a vegetable? A stroke!
 

Urgluf

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?






Nothing. You already told her twice.



With this joke I have to win this thread!
 

tris-

Failed Geordie and Parmothief
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what do a blackman and a bicycle have in common?

they both work better with a chain.
 

Wonk

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A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
 

Bahumat

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Lots of nice jokes in here, but have you heard this one?

What's yellow and stinks of piss

Dukat...dirty man
 

- English -

Resident Freddy
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just heard there could be another Bank Holiday in the wake of Bin Laden's death !! All together now! Weee'rrre all going on a Osama Holiday
 

Reno

One of Freddy's beloved
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just heard there could be another Bank Holiday in the wake of Bin Laden's death !! All together now! Weee'rrre all going on a Osama Holiday
A hit and a fail in one: Osama jokes go in the bad taste joke thread which is also not 2 year old, but the joke is soo bad it is actually more appropiate here.

Some1 make a poll about this..

Danita
 

Job

The Carl Pilkington of Freddyshouse
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Newspaper: One-motor Cessna crashed into a graveyard. 184 corpses have been recovered, the search goes on.
LOL that joke had us in stitches when it first appeared, except it was an Irish plane.
I added to it
Locals who joined in the search were amazed to find that many relatives were on the plane who they hadn't seen for years and were presumed dead.
 

Hawkwind

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Man talking to his mate in the pub. that's it, the wife left me after I blew all our savings on a penis extension. She said she just could not take it any longer!
 

CorNokZ

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Wow, my doorknob joke on page one is horrible.. :/

Srsly what was I thinking?
 

Gwadien

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Anti jokes are usually hilarious, but that shit's an anti anti anti joke
 

CorNokZ

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If I could go back in time I would kill my 20y old internet persona.

The daily reminders on Facebook are just bucket of ice cold water thrown in my face, and it is just too cringy at times
 

Gwadien

Uneducated Northern Cretin
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If I could go back in time I would kill my 20y old internet persona.

The daily reminders on Facebook are just bucket of ice cold water thrown in my face, and it is just too cringy at times
Now you're a grown up with kids and shit.
 

Bodhi

Once agreed with Scouse and a LibDem at same time
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If I could go back in time I would kill my 20y old internet persona.

The daily reminders on Facebook are just bucket of ice cold water thrown in my face, and it is just too cringy at times
I am SO happy Social Media wasn't a thing when I was in my early 20's. The stuff from my late 20's is bad enough :/
 

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