The bad joke thread!

[Sharma]

I'll start.

A man walks into a 24hr shop late at night and asks the girl on the till "Can I have a kit-kat chunky?"

So she walks off and comes back with a kit-kat chunky.

The man shakes his head and says "No. I want a normal kit-kat you fat fuck."

 

[Laddey]

lol thats pritty good.

A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

 

[chipper]

lol thats pritty good.

A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

..... yup thats bad altho you truly have to wonder how many ppl there will be going "i dont get it"

 

[Aoami]

Bloke: 'Doctor, Doctor! I can't stop singing what's new pussycat?!'
Doctor: 'Ah, sounds like Tom Jones symdrome!'
Bloke: 'Is it common?'
Doctor: 'It's not unusual'

 

[old.Tohtori]

I could, but last time it nearly caused a world war III in here

 

[Laddey]

Josef Fritzel LTD. Cellar Conversions and soundproofing specialist. A family business, established 25years.

A journalist asked a neighbour how long he had known Fritzles daughter Alice?

'Alice?' he replied. Who the fuck is Alice. For 24 years...i've been living next door to alice?!

 

[Wonk]

what do you call a fat, bald chinese nun riding down a hill on a bike?




A cyclist.

 

[CorNokZ]

What did the doorknob say?

Spoiler

Nothing.. It's a doorknob ffs!

 

[Binky the Bomb]

Q. What happens when two snails fight?
A. They slug it out.

Q. What did one plate say to the other?
A. Lunch is on me.

Q. Why wont a bike stand up by itself?
A. Its two tired.

Q. What did the duck say when she bought some lipstick?
A. Put it on my bill.

 

[Helme]

Bleh lost my awesomeness webpage pedia with 40k+ sick jokes in format, anyone can find it?

It was called sickipedia or something, google turns up nothing worthwhile. I'll tip!(in rep).

 

[georgie]

google ftw

Sick Joke Wiki - Sickipedia

 

[Helme]

Awesome!

 

[CorNokZ]

As a United fan who's booked his Moscow trip I've had this cloud of worry about travelling to Russia what with all these stories of pickpockets, muggings at knife point, and general threats to my person ... thankfully, the Scousers are out now so I don't have to worry about that anymore!!!


:england:

 

[Binky the Bomb]

How many GTA fans does it take to promote GTA4?
Just one, named Jack Thompson.

 

[Lamp]

How about the Labour Party ? Biggest joke ever (apart from Zede). They got mullered by the Tories in the local elections. There was a massive turn-out. This was the country's way of saying that they're fed up with Gordon Brown.

 

[Laddey]

How about the Labour Party ? Biggest joke ever (apart from Zede). They got mullered by the Tories in the local elections. There was a massive turn-out. This was the country's way of saying that they're fed up with Gordon Brown.

Why are you telling us?

 

[Lamp]

Why are you telling us?

Because you suck

 

[Laddey]

Because you suck

Lier!

Why is it called a blowjob if they suck? :|

 

[pikeh]

saw a guy lying on the floor kissing a shrimp
i said "you alright mate?"
he goes "i think i pulled a muscle"


what do you call a fish with no eyes?
a fsh

what do you call a pig with three eyes?
a piiig

a guy phones up his local swimming pool. he says "is this my local swimming pool?" the guy on the other end replies; "depends where you're calling from"


a guy walks into a psychiatrists wearing clingfilm for shorts. the doctor says "well, i can clearly see your nuts"

 

[old.Tohtori]

How about the Labour Party ? Biggest joke ever (apart from Zede).

Hey hey! don't forget Gorb, he might be, gods forbid, offended!

Lier!

Why is it called a blowjob if they suck? :|

Because it sucks if you don't get one and while your job may blow, it's still a job that needs to be done

 

[kirennia]

Pfft, last time I posted my bad jokes (in a bad joke thread) I got loads of negative rep so screw this thread

 

[old.Tohtori]

Pfft, last time I posted my bad jokes (in a bad joke thread) I got loads of negative rep so screw this thread

Exactly!

*tempted to give egative rep*

 

[kirennia]

Exactly!

*tempted to give egative rep*

hah, posted that wondering how many I was gonna get just for that comment

 

[old.Tohtori]

hah, posted that wondering how many I was gonna get just for that comment

That's why i didn't

 

[Overdriven]

What do you call a deaf person?
Nothing. They can't hear you.

 

[crispy]

When people start to make jew or nazi jokes go:

'My granddad died in Auschwitz you know '






watch them be all serious








'He fell down from one of the watchtowers'

 

[Iceforge]

The german natial amusement park got a new attraction this year:

The holocoaster!

 

[Aoami]

What did the Nazis get after they installed a tanning salon in Auschwitz?

Concentrated OrangeJews

 

[CorNokZ]

What did the Nazis get after they installed a tanning salon in Auschwitz?

Concentrated OrangeJews

lol xd

 

[Raven]

Whats brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A stick