Football The 2011/2012 Season Thread

[Lethul]

luis16suarez luis suarez
I want to welcome Coates, partner in the uruguayan team, friend and great player who just signed for Liverpool!

 

[Lethul]

The night that just keeps giving!

Reds agree Poulsen transfer - Liverpool FC

 

[Job]

Toshack was appointed manager of the Macedonia national football team on 7 August 2011

 

[megadave]

harry redknapp day is finally here, hope theres a lot of action

 

[Keitanz]

Ughhh no prem football for a week and a half? :S

 

[megadave]

It's ok we get to watch a half-arsed England team play against some minnows

 

[Embattle]

I love all the papers just picking various players and linking them to Arsenal.

 

[eksdee]

Here's hoping for an exciting deadline day. First ridiculous, out of the blue rumour of the day I've seen so far: Chelsea bid £30m for Franck Ribery.

 

[Ch3tan]

Bendtners dad is at stoke finalising a move for Nik.

 

[Ch3tan]

Ughhh no prem football for a week and a half? :S

Yep, yawn.

Was tempted to get tickets for Ghana v Brazil at Craven cottage though, but I wont' be in the country

 

[Ch3tan]

harry redknapp day is finally here, hope theres a lot of action

06:00 - A bevvy reporters are up at the crack of dawn at Newcastle international airport to greet Davide Santon off the early-bird flight from Milan. The throng descends on a man in his early 20s, bombarding him with questions about his imminent move to the North-East. Only when the player pulls out a battered acoustic guitar does it become apparent that this is not Santon, but an aspiring busker looking to make his fortune crooning the hits of Zucchero around Bigg Market.

08:00 - Arsenal continue to be linked with Gary Cahill, Phil Jagielka, Alex, Florent Malouda, Yann M'Vila and Eden Hazard. Owner Stan Kroenke issues a statement begging Arsene Wenger to "spend some freaking money already," adding: "We might have to get this guy drunk." Wenger remains steadfast: "We are working hard but we must find value."

09:00 - Harry Redknapp arrives at Spurs Lodge to take training. He insists that Tottenham's summer spending is done, and assures reporters Luka Modric is "one million per cent" staying at White Hart Lane.

10:00 - Everton's precarious financial situation puts paid to an audacious attempt by David Moyes to spend some money at last. When club creditors Barclays learn of Moyes's bid to upgrade the training ground biscuits from Rich Tea to Chocolate HobNobs, they pull the plug on the deal, saying the move can only be sanctioned if Everton first sell Leighton Baines.

10:15 - Aston Villa sign Leighton Baines for £15m.

11:30 - Barclays rule that, since part of the Baines fee takes the form of performance-related extras, they can only stretch to Custard Creams.

12:30 - With training over, Redknapp tells TV cameras his day's work is finished. "I'm off home!" he chirps before walking off in the opposite direction to his car while pulling four mobile phones out of his pocket.

14:00 - Sky Sports News's guff loudhailer Jim White announces that a massive new signing is on his way to Newcastle for a medical. "HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!!!" he yells. Sixteen thousand teenage boys immediately head down to St James' Park, where they amuse themselves by standing behind reporters while on the phone to their mates, repeatedly asking: "Am I on the telly? Am I on the telly? Am I?"

15:30 - After three defeats in as many games, Steve Kean pulls a textbook panic buy move: sign a player who has scored a few goals somewhere - anywhere - else. It is a tactic that brought Afonso Alves and Mario Jardel to this shores, and one that saw ex-Blackburn boss Graeme Souness once order his scouts to: "Get me the best striker in Serie B." He ended up with Corrado Grabbi. A similar order from Steve Kean leads Rovers to the splendidly-named Elvis Abbruscato, who rattled in 19 goals for Vicenza last term. The 30-year-old proves a big hit, but only with headline writers when he inevitably leaves the club on loan in January.

16:30 - Fulham sign Mido. Martin Jol confesses he has no idea how: "I thought I was signing for delivery of a nest of tables. Then all of a sudden this shaggy haired-bloke bursts out of the packaging. I complained to the Premier League, but they said it's standard procedure for journeyman strikers."

18:00 - Back at Newcastle, a large blacked-out Mercedes pulls into St James' as the crowd swarms around expectantly. "IT'S THE MOMENT NEWCASTLE FANS HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL SUMMER FOR!!!" bellows White. A car door opens and out steps... Shefki Kuqi, there to sign his second short-term contract with the club.

19:00 - Redknapp emerges from his bunker with a cup of tea and a bawdy anecdote for the men from the press. He admits there were "a couple of possibilities" in the transfer market earlier but they have come to nothing.

20:00 - Desperate to leave Manchester City, Carlos Tevez does an impromptu guest presenter stint on Bid TV, attempting to hawk his services to a new owner. Sadly for Tevez, the highest bidder - 'Rednev' of Bury - turns out to be a hoaxer.

21:00 - Barcelona sign Giuseppe Rossi from Villarreal. Announcing the deal, Pep Guardiola smirks: "To be honest, the only reason we've done this is because we can. Look how many world-class players we've got. Rossi's got more chance of winning Miss New Jersey than he has of getting a game here. His primary role will be to aim provocative hand gestures at Jose Mourinho during Clasico matches."

22:00 - Arsenal confirm the big-name reinforcement fans have been crying out for... Jens Lehmann, brought out of retirement again, this time as a defender after proving more agile than Carl Jenkinson in a training session. "Jens is a big personality," says Arsene Wenger. "He could be the answer to our problems." The 41-year-old pledges to "kill with my bare hands" any team-mates guilty of basic errors. Wenger reminds him Arsenal's injury crisis is severe enough without half a dozen homicides every Saturday.

22:45 - With rumours flying that Spurs are about to pull off a deadline-busting coup, Redknapp denies all knowledge. "Daniel Levy deals with the transfers, and as far as I'm aware he's in bed with a cup of Horlicks and a Maeve Binchy novel."

23:00 - BONG! The transfer window is over. To mark the occasion, Sky Sports News slam shut a giant 200ft window specially-constructed in the car park of their West London studio, The reverberations break QPR's fax machine, which was in the process of telling the FA they had signed Joe Cole. The move falls through.

23:30 - Tottenham announce the signings of Scott Parker, Yossi Benayoun, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Adam Johnson, Kaka, Carlos Tevez and Ferenc Puskas.

heh

 

[Ch3tan]

also fucking LOL @ what happened at Swindon, Di Canio is a fucking legend

 

[eksdee]

Haha. Legendary tit perhaps.

That timeline thing was a good laugh, but it was missing one thing:

10.59pm: Tottenham sell Luka Modric to Chelsea for 35.5m. The north London club had been holding out to the last minute to squeeze as much money out of Chelsea as humanly possibly, leaving Harry Redknapp with a full 60 seconds to splash the cash before the transfer window slams shut.

 

[Ch3tan]

Yeah the Levy / Redknapp relationship is the most strained I've ever seen it. It's got to be tough managing under those conditions, you basically have no control over who your chairman thinks you need or don't.

 

[eksdee]

I bet Redknapp secretly gets off on it. "OOOH STELLA TELL ME I CAN'T BUY ANY PLAYERS BECAUSE I'M A NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY BOY."

 

[Ch3tan]

Do you think he shouts out "t'riffic" at climax?

 

[eksdee]

Christ. Too much.

That may be the most disturbing thing that has ever gone through my head come to think of it. Sorry for any undue mental duress that image puts on anyone.

 

[eksdee]

1011: RUMOUR MILL
Rumour Mill
Check this one out - QPR are said to be in talks to sign Welsh striker Craig Bellamy from Manchester City. Would be a fine signing, I reckon. Will anyone else make a late move for him?

Barton, Taarabt and Bellamy in one team? Christ on a bike.

 

[eksdee]

Haha, Redknapp has started early perhaps?

Tottenham midfielder Tom Huddlestone on Twitter: "Can't believe who just sneaked into the training ground the back way! Wow."

1016: Tottenham fans... check this tweet out from Tom Huddlestone...

I LOVE DEADLINE DAY. Work is going to be so much more entertaining than usual.

 

[Aph3x]

The best days of the summer for me! Love it.

According to the Sunderland message board I read we're going to sign anyone from Papiss Cisse to Patrick Helmes to Peter Crouch or Georios Samaras.

Worst things about today so far is that it looks like Anton Ferdinand is off too QPR and that the site I use for my Sky Sports News feed is buggered

 

[soze]

I hate today. There is always the hope there will be a monster signing and more often than not it's a nobody. Yes some of these nobodies turn into superstars but the day itself is often a bust!

 

[Gray]

Wonder if Everton will sign anyone today.

It's always an exciting time of year, like Christmas just without any presents.

 

[gohan]

quite a few reports saying Liverpool have first option on hazzard as part of the cole loan deal

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Bendtner to Stoke looks off as they've agreed to sign Cameron Jerome for around £6m.

Fucking lol at Stoke.

 

[Aph3x]

I would love Bendtner but sadly all Im hearing is that Crouch is on his way and to make it worse for £10 mil, now if thats not paying over the odds for a striker I dont know what is.

 

[soze]

Wenger is reportedly keen to keep big Nick at Arsenal and loan out Chamakh back to France so he can try to work on his form problems. It also means we won't lose our second choice Striker to a stupid International Tournament.

 

[Gray]

So we bring in a striker on loan (Denis Stracqualuisi) and then accept an offer of £4m for Beckford from Leicester. Urgh.

Bet the money won't even be used to bring someone in.

 

[megadave]

someone take kalou please

 

[Raven]

Ballotelli to spurs is a rumour, would be interesting if true.

 

[megadave]

also fucking LOL @ what happened at Swindon, Di Canio is a fucking legend

yeah, what a legend ...