T.L.S.I.T.W.O.T.W. (B.S.) volume 2!

[Testin da Cable]

...they decided that the area was secure and...

 

[Wij]

...the n00b attacked his teammates with the pliers.

"oi fuckwit !!!!!!!!!!1"

they cried but he didn't know why those messages were occuring so he carried on. The medic decided to...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...disconnect after spamming "J00 a|| 4r3 l0053r5" on the console sixteen zillion times and...

 

[Summo]

... the remaining soldier carried on firing his flame-thrower randomly into the air, admiring the cool lighting effects.

"Das ist hopeless," thought the Axis team, so they...

 

[Wij]

... just camped the documents room, making the game real dull until...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...one of them discovered that team damage hadn't been turned off by...

 

[Wij]

...accidentally hitting the hidden 'Enola Gay strike' key. When the dust settled...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...they made another amazing new discovery...

 

[Summo]

... that underneath all the fancy brickwork and uniforms, it was just a bloody Quake III mod! Mighty pissed off, the Allies and Axis teams united to...

 

[Sir Frizz]

...create the ultimate team called...

 

[Summo]

...:::{{{ l337 4rs3 b4nD1tz m0f0 }}}:::...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...or "arse" as they became known to their friends, with friends being the people who yelled/snarled/kicked or otherwise abused them on IRC. Well known for their viciousness and sheer inability to cope with any form of tactics while playing, they...

 

[Wij]

...proclaimed their greatness on their website with some shitey Shockwave anim and then just whinged that everyone who beat them was a "cheetin fucker gh3y bastid !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!12"

A kind admin suggested they might be more suited to Counter Strike so...

 

[Summo]

... they told him to "phUk 0ff and die, j00 l4m3 cunt0r!!!!12122" and tried Counter Strike anyway. Much to their surprise...

 

[Wij]

...they found the CS players to be far too rude and immature for them so they gave up and decided to try talking to girls. Their clan leader turned up in #arse to describe his first attempt to chat to a '61|2|_'

<bigcockkillah[CL]> well i first had to leave my room so

...

 

[Stazbumpa]

..that proved impossible for a while, and in the end...

 

[Summo]

<bigcockkillah[CL]> she said she would let me touch her jubblies outside her bra.
<n00b w4staar[CL]> cool
<_inurface_[CL]> nice 1
<bigcockkillah[CL]> and then i did it wiv er
<n00b w4staar[CL]> cool
<_inurface_[CL]> nice 1

...

 

[DAN200]

<bigcockkillah[CL]>It was l333t!
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
<bigcockkillah[CL]>
You have been kicked by ^barrys_arse^. Reason: Spam.

PING! PONG!

/join #arse
You have joined channel #arse
<bigcockkillah[CL]> M0ff3r f0ck1nG l4m3r5 f1nk th3y can f0ck1n B4NN M3H!!!!!!!!!!!
You have been banned by ^barrys_arse^. Reason: Being a complete and utter prat.

------------

The clan leader had been banned! He then threw his PC out of the window, burst in to tears, and headed down currys to buy a new one, when he arrived...

 

[Summo]

... there was the girl with the jubblies and the bra! Standing behind the counter, pulling her knickers out of her arse.

bigcockkillah[CL] approached her nervously, and...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...while she looked at him with utter disinterest, waiting with bovine patience, he broke into a cold sweat and just managed to stammer...

 

[DAN200]

..."Can i have a brand new PC with an AMD Athlon 1.4 Ghtz processor and 512mb of DDR Ram and a Geforce3 64mb Graphics card and a 22" Sony monitor and a 64X CDRW Drive with DVD and a 70gb Hard Drive and a Gigabyte Motherboard and a Microsoft Intellimouse Optical and a keyboard and a HUGE Sirrocco Crossfire speaker system and a SoundBlasterLive 5.1 sound card PLZ!!!"

Bigcockkillah[CL] got an errection just thinking about those superior system specs.

"Anything else??" asked the assistant worriedly...

"Just one thing" said Bigcockkillah[CL], "A...

 

[Summo]

... Lara Croft mouse mat, please.

 

[DAN200]

..."

At which point he made a nasty mess on the floor and had to leave...

 

[Stazbumpa]

...This annoyed the assistant immensely as they had to clean it up with nothing but a toothbrush, which didn't clean it so much as move it around a bit.
Meanwhile, Bigcockkillah[CL] had decided to...

 

[Testin da Cable]

...swagger down the local burgerking where his best mate _inurface_[CL] had a part-time jobby sweeping the kitchen. Dispite his slightly soggy pants, he made good time and arrived...

 

[DAN200]

...just in time to be told that the McDonalds Breakfasts ended 2 hours and 35minutes ago, "Yes!" though Bigcockkillah[CL], "my best time yet!". He then ordered a Happy Meal and spent the next half an hour playing with the plastic Skooby Doo toy that came with it...

 

[old.Jas]

.. On his way out he noticed the huge Ronald McDonald near the door...

 

[Sir Frizz]

...who was weraing the biggest goddamn girdle ever worn by a man with a 56" waist...

 

[DAN200]

...and thought it would look quite good next to his PC, he was about to nick it when he realized... He didnt have a PC, he'd thrown it out the window earlier and, despite going down currys and making a mess on the carpet, he hadn't actually brought anything, so, he swallowed his pride and returned to currys and...

 

[Sir Frizz]

...couldnt figure out how to get thru the sliding door, so instead he...