should i feel guilty?

[tris-]

long story short, i split with my girlfriend. to give a background, im pretty blunt speaking and just say as it is. apparently she didnt like this and a few times it caused a problem. but thats me and my personality and no one else i know has a problem with it. i did say to her, many times "i can try talk a bit different, but it is my personality so i might not always do it how you want". i was willing to change a bit.

the thing that really fucked me off is she dumped me via a text! shes always said "i love you" and said she cares about me, but did she? can you dump someone via text if you give a shit about them? and then has the cheek to ask if we can still be friends? obviously i said no and she should go fuck her self.
this initiated a slagging match, started by her. calling me immature, spoilt etc
i kept telling her each time "please stop texting me" but she kept on doing it anyway. then says shes sent me an email.
so i reply to the email ending with "please stop contacting me" but she keeps replying, and so i reply and say ^^.

obviously it was more of the same, slagging. her saying "yes i did care about you" and me saying "of course, thats why you dumped me with a message" etc. all i can think because of that is she fained caring, and i feel like ive been played for an idiot. she gave examples of how she cared for me. sure she visited me in hospital and helped me through recent medical problems. but i cant see how she actually cared, if she can dump me with a txt. i did honestly think at the time she did, and i dont think she would of pretended. but to end it in such a way, well you understand.

the last email really ended it in a flaming fireball of slaggery. she was going with the whole good riddance thing. to me, good riddance is a pretty strong thing to say. i ended it with something like "because you are a fucking idiot and you deserve to stay in your shitty job for the rest of your misserable life. good riddance indeed!"

even for me i think its pretty harsh, but should i feel guilty?

 

[liloe]

Well it seems like this spring is truly fucked up. I split with my g/f a few days ago (same for about anoter 4 friends of mine)

But seriously, getting dumped via text is like the worst thing a person can do and no, I don't think you should feel guilty for anything.

 

[Laddey]

Your just a proper c*nt.

On a serious note though, you just weren't made for and that is just a recipe for disaster. Fuck that bitch man, get back on your horse and find some more fishies.

 

[tris-]

But seriously, getting dumped via text is like the worst thing a person can do and no, I don't think you should feel guilty for anything.

see this is what i thought. its so impersonal she may aswel of wrote it on a wall somewhere and hoped id chance across it.

i do not think you can say you honestly loved or cared about someone if you can dump them via a text message.

 

[Wonk]

Getting dumped via a text is fucking low, however..

..You do really need to speak differently to a lady. Every man needs to be a gentleman every now and then in order to please a woman that's just how it is.

But yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I'm usually saying things like they are, however I've learned that I need to draw my own lines every now and then.

 

[Bahumat]

She dumped you in a fucking horrible way. If she loved you at any point then she should have told you face to face. Doing it by text is so so wrong.

Relationships require compromise, and although you said you were blunt, you did try a bit to be different. But she has to accept who you are, not try and change you into something you're not.

Staying friends can be very difficult, but it can work. Your girlfriend is technically also like a best friend, so you really enjoy their company. If you are no longer together you can still do alot of the social things you do etc.

You both seem like you had a huge slanging match. You should tell her you need time to think...and actually do that. It may take a month or so, but you need to think "Can I be friends with this person?" If the answer is Yes, then see how it goes. if you do it too soon, you will end up changing your mind every 5 minutes.

If you want to try that, then wait a few days for the air to clear.

What will really make it difficult for you is if you did not want to split up (really really didn't want to). Only you will know how much you wanted to stay in a relationship with them.

If she emails/calls again tell her you need to think things through.

or

if she's a complete idiot who tests your patience all the time, maybe you got out of a bad thing

 

[tris-]

i know wonk but its not like what i say is intentionally bad or even particularly bad. i just say it as it is.

if you annoyed me and i said "im wound up now i dont want to talk anymore" would you say thats talking to you like shit? according to her it is. on each ocassion she didnt like what i said or took as "talking to her like shit" she would A) tell me she doesnt know if we can stay together B) ignore me C) not want to see me for a week. so each time it happened i was bothered less and less as i simply prepared for the worst each time. and i wasnt really concerned that she dumped me, because days before i prepared for the worst. i even grabbed some womans arse when i was out.

dont talk to me about pleasing a woman and being a gentleman. one day i bought flowers and drove all the way to where she worked with the intention i would suprise her outside and take her to dinner. what actually happened is i met her outside, she went home and i went home. and then later she came back and i had to drive us again. who gives a shit i spent a load of money on going places already?!

bahumat: i didnt want to stayt friends. the moment she texted "lets call it a day then. can we still be friends" was the moment she was told to go fuck her self.

 

[Wonk]

ah, alright mate.

The best thing I've done when splitting up, was with my last ex. I told her face to face that I wouldn't want to see her anymore, and I've not really missed her since then. That's 7 months ago or so (we were together for 2½ years). I know it's a little harsh, but it's not worth going through all the trouble just to be friends in my opinion. I've learned that through experience

 

[tris-]

ah, alright mate.

The best thing I've done when splitting up, was with my last ex. I told her face to face that I wouldn't want to see her anymore, and I've not really missed her since then. That's 7 months ago or so (we were together for 2½ years). I know it's a little harsh, but it's not worth going through all the trouble just to be friends in my opinion. I've learned that through experience

i dont think im going to miss her, i will only miss the idea of having a girl friend and all the good shit that comes with that. but her herself, i dont think i will miss.

 

[Laddey]

Just wait til you hear about her shagging one of your mates.

Thats even lower than a textfinish.

 

[chipper]

no respect for anyone who dumps someone via a txt its a fuckin cowards way out she deserved any abuse you threw at her dont feel guilty at all last split i had we sat down and talked about it and decided it wasnt working and decided to be friends and thats how it should be ye its painful but at least you reached the decision as a couple


fuck her m8 ya better off rid.

 

[tris-]

no respect for anyone who dumps someone via a txt its a fuckin cowards way out she deserved any abuse you threw at her dont feel guilty at all last split i had we sat down and talked about it and decided it wasnt working and decided to be friends and thats how it should be ye its painful but at least you reached the decision as a couple


fuck her m8 ya better off rid.

if we had sat down and discussed it i would of thought "yep ok, it aint working and i understand you did care about me. i dont think friends will work now but maybe in a few months". but i simply cannot believe you dump someone wtih a text if you cared about them.

 

[Wonk]

i dont think im going to miss her, i will only miss the idea of having a girl friend and all the good shit that comes with that. but her herself, i dont think i will miss.

aye, i'm starting to miss that myself. Im not really into shagging random people, as I doesn't give me the same pleasure.

The search for the perfect woman (who can cook) is very tough, but hopefully worth it in the end \o/

 

[echome]

Guilty... hmm why?

Shit happens and does just sound like you two were not right for each other. Not much to say about it really.

Hope it goes better next time mate.

 

[tris-]

Guilty... hmm why?

even for me i found my levels of abuse above board, thats why. but objectively it may look justified.

 

[echome]

even for me i found my levels of abuse above board, thats why. but objectively it may look justified.

One should always treat others the same way as they would like to be treated. So as long as you have done that then no problem... again you were perhaps just not right for each other.

 

[tris-]

One should always treat others the same way as they would like to be treated. So as long as you have done that then no problem..

nope, i just slung as much shit as she did but added a bit more to it.

 

[Binky the Bomb]

I'd say 50/50 as this looks like a "he said / she said" and thats just messy at best.
However, to end it with a text, yes she was indeed wrong.

If you didn't want it to get this bad, and think you may have handled it a bit better, then a little guilt is okay. You do however, have full right to your anger, do not fell guilty about that in the slightest.

 

[Tilda]

I think its a pretty harsh way of dumping you.

 

[tris-]

if its worse than hitler then i feel fine for saying what i did.

 

[Tilda]

ok perhaps a slight exaduration
Its still harsh though. I still feel guilty about one gf i dumped by txt I wouldn't do it again.

 

[Laddey]

Does this mean i can have a go of her hole tris?

 

[tris-]

Does this mean i can have a go of her hole tris?

go for it.

 

[Bahumat]

i know wonk but its not like what i say is intentionally bad or even particularly bad. i just say it as it is.

if you annoyed me and i said "im wound up now i dont want to talk anymore" would you say thats talking to you like shit? according to her it is. on each ocassion she didnt like what i said or took as "talking to her like shit" she would A) tell me she doesnt know if we can stay together B) ignore me C) not want to see me for a week. so each time it happened i was bothered less and less as i simply prepared for the worst each time. and i wasnt really concerned that she dumped me, because days before i prepared for the worst. i even grabbed some womans arse when i was out.

dont talk to me about pleasing a woman and being a gentleman. one day i bought flowers and drove all the way to where she worked with the intention i would suprise her outside and take her to dinner. what actually happened is i met her outside, she went home and i went home. and then later she came back and i had to drive us again. who gives a shit i spent a load of money on going places already?!

bahumat: i didnt want to stayt friends. the moment she texted "lets call it a day then. can we still be friends" was the moment she was told to go fuck her self.

It sounds like the "can we still be friends" is that thing girls often do whereby they dont feel as bad for dumping you.

p.s. the "i dont wanna talk anymore" is a bad thing to say, you really gotta address that. If you are not wound up at them, they will want to try and help, and if you dont open up to them she will feel like you dont trust her or want to share things. If she is the reason you are wound up, then telling her she is the reason probably wont do you any favours.

If she pissed you off alot then its best it ended.

Hope you are not mad any anything i said buddy.

 

[Bahumat]

Does this mean i can have a go of her hole tris?

No wonder Meggey's stressed....

 

[leviathane]

could be worse, could of come back from a a holiday to find out your gf has been cheating on you with your so called best mate, well ex-best mate now for obvious reasons xD

But shitty thing to do none the less, don't bother wasting time dwelling over it and look to the future.

 

[Mey]

My gta relationship with KIKI taught me one thing about life, "if you love someone so mcuh it's better to let them go!" atleast thats what her text message said when she dumoed m,e..

 

[echome]

could be worse, could of come back from a a holiday to find out your gf has been cheating on you with your so called best mate, well ex-best mate now for obvious reasons xD

But shitty thing to do none the less, don't bother wasting time dwelling over it and look to the future.

Damn that is a nasty one...

 

[Moggit]

i would like to say first i dont aggree with dumping some one by a text.

I do know some one who did and the reason they did. She loved her boyfriend very much but they had lots of problems they had tried to work threw a lot of times and every time the problems would go for a few weeks and then return and she knew if she tried to split up with him face to face he would try and change her mind. As she did love him she knew that he would be able to change her mind. So she finished with him by text so that it would not be a possability.

You can love some one and know that the relationship is wrong or in a bad place.

I dont aggree with what she did but for her it was the only way she felt she could do it

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well knowing you(from here), i don't think it'd be that easy for you to go on that kind of an offense, so i'm thinking she said some rather nasty things to you too. Not just the good riddance, but flameypoo as well.

I can relate though, even more, as i once hooked up with a girl, everything went hunkydory, no "yyou're doing things" wrong even, then one time i went for a weekend to her place(about 250miles on a train), everything went splendidly and when i was traveling back home on the train, i got the dear john text.

On the train...
Text...
Going back home feeling everything was loveycloud 9...

So when i say i can relate, i mean it.

Shouldn't feel guilty, not one bit, maybe sad that things ended etc, but not guilty.