Scarecrows?

Trem

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I have had a kitchen and patio built so we have some baron bits of lawn.

I sent Samm to buy me some grass seeds on Saturday which she did, she also bought a fucking cock **** shit bird table as well. So what this means is that all my newly planted grass seeds are being eaten by her new friends. Last night there was 1 bird on the fucking bird table and about 72 eating my grass seeds. I have already thrown a spring onion at them and chased them with a huge hammer, they don't care, they sit on the hedge and wait for me to sit down.

Is there any useful scarecrow type things I can make before I get my gun out? I mean something cheap and easy to do, I don't want a man sized monster doll in my garden in case it gives my son nightmares. What do cun....farmers use nowadays other than poison and throwing burning £50 notes at the birds?

I am getting a bit obsessed over this now and it may lead to bird/bird murder, oh yeah while I was waiting for the fuckers to eat my grass tonight I was leaning on the kitchen top looking out of the window when Samm slammed the dishwasher door on my fingers....she wants to look at a wedding venue tomorrow.........FUCKERS!
 

JBP|

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When the birds have finished eating the seed, get some turf laid down instead.

Oh and throw the bird bath thingy into the nearest skip.
 

Deebs

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Go to local farmer shop, yell expletives and then buy the bangers on a string. Come home, light the string, lob into garden, fuck everyone off once an hour with a fucking huge bang.

Get hammer beat shit out of birdtable, pour wet superglue on it. leave till devil birds get stuck. Invite neighbours cat around for dinner.

Feel good.
 

TdC

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Get hammer beat shit out of birdtable, pour wet superglue on it. leave till devil birds get stuck. Invite neighbours cat around for dinner.

Feel good.
this is clearly the best idea ever.


also....you're getting married?!!!@113?
 

Trem

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also....you're getting married?!!!@113?

Not if my grass doesn't grow :eek:

I have told her the bird table is going in the skip but she thinks I'm joking. I have moved it to the bottom of the garden now but the birds don't want that, they want my grass, the bird table has boring nuts and fat and seed on it. Jesus you could fill it with worms and they would still eat my grass.
 

TdC

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OMGOMGOMG!




also, rub a cat on the table. or better, use a laser defense system!
 

Trem

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The cat idea I have thought of, the cat would eat the birds but then my dogs would eat the cat, thats how wars start.

I may dress spacedog up as a cat later on and see if that works, we do have a tiger mask.
 

Calaen

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I think you should stand in the garden.
 

TdC

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nah, odds are they won't even see it ;)
 

Jupitus

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Threadtastic!!!!

Netting!!!!

Ooops..... serious stuff in a Tremlar thread?:eek2:
 

Chilly

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damn it jup, I was hoping to be the sole bastion of sanity in this sea of crazy shit with the netting :(
 

taB

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Bamboo canes in the ground at an angle with an old CD on a bit of string attached to the top, it twirls slowly in the wind and reflects light and stuff.

Well, it worked in my old veg garden :) but with grass seed and lots of birds will be difficult to eliminate entirely.


Ben.
 

Deebs

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netting raised 6 inches above the ground. metal of course wired to the mains.
 

MYstIC G

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Print out your non-updated TremBrain Blog. (that you think I've forgotten about, cos you've taken away the sig link, but ohhhhh nooooo) and scatter copies about the garden. When the birds see it, they'll naturally flee in fear. :p
 

Trem

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I only took it out of my sig last night Meg :(

I stopped doing it because I kind of post my useless happenings here instead.

Just got back from the wedding venue and it was shat, got back from the shat venue and caught 274 birds ON MY FUCKING PATCH OF SEED!"!!"£!!!
 

TdC

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spilling the seed stunts your growth :eek:
 

Trem

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I have a plan.

Will post pics shortly.

AHA!!

I am so gonna pwn those birds :eek:
 

Trem

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right I have decided to go defensive rather than offensive. Obviously if they don't learn from this then I will be using Deebs' tactics.

In our first picture you can see I have fenced the area off in case any emu's or none flying birds try to steal seed and placed the big hammer there as a warning. You may also see some aggressive balloons on sticks inside the seeded area -

CIMG1188.JPG

In our second picture you can see the warning balloon which kind of spells out what will happen to them if they don't stay away -

CIMG1189.JPG

In our third picture we can see the general area where the troubles have been happening -

CIMG1190.JPG

I am sure you will all agree that I have done my best to be fair with them on this. If they continue then bad things will happen :eek:
 

MYstIC G

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Fucking lol. Post of the year.
 

Deebs

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Absolutely fucking LOL.

Have some rep my man!

btw, my tictacs are sound and guaranteed to kill the fuckers if they overpower teh balloons.
 

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