No idea Mates who've had their testicles removed

[old.user4556]

So I was reading in another thread about @Scouse and his biking trip that's been fucked up because his mate is bringing his missus along and it inspired me to start a thread that I've been wanting to kick off for sometime.

As I've grown up / got older (I'm 34 soon) I've become aware of two distinct scenarios that impact most of my so-called mates. They either disappear off the radar completely (understandable at the start of a relationship) or their girlfriend comes along and sandbags the whole fucking social occasion. I genuinely really don't like a lot of the girls my mates have chosen as a partner because they've turned into absolute fucking dullards as a result.

I could cite examples all night, but the sort of things i'm talking about are:

- dropping off the radar completely.
- taking forever to get back to "social arrangement" texts, or simply not replying at all.
- seemingly easy to arrange things becomes a military exercise - "fancy a pint on Friday?" becomes "fancy a pint 8 weeks from now on Friday for one hour?"
- maybe they do show up to social events but they bring their missus with them all the fucking time - even if you get on with them, that gets tiresome eventually especially when you tell your own girlfriend "it's just the guys on Saturday, we've not seen each other for 6 months". One of the guys brings a girl, then you get the third degree from your own bird.
- their missus doesn't like the pub / bar / club you go to, so she sits with a face like fizz and they "leave early", or he has a pint and takes the car. Your night, with your mate, has been sandbagged by his socially inept girlfriend.

This isn't a criticism of their other halves, it's a criticism that the mate you once knew has become a total ghost, an absolute doormat, a pushover and a little bit of a cunt with it.

Here's my recent example:

Most years, the guys go to the golf (The Open) - just the guys. It's all about the men getting together, having a few pints and talking shite about golf whilst watching shite golf. The girls are forbidden, they can fuck off and have their "gin cocktail lunches" where the men aren't allowed (we don't want to go anyway!). However, this year sees the Ryder Cup coming to Gleneagles - I simply cannot wait and I was lucky enough to be drawn on the same game day as my good mate (we both arranged to go).

He now informs me he's bringing his fucking missus. I know what she's like - she'll be bored, she'll get sore feet, she'll want to go and "have a seat somewhere" and at worst she'll go in a huff and want to "head back to the car". I can't believe that the one thing I was looking forward to for the past however-long is now going to be a dirge of an experience. It's nothing personal against her, she's nice enough, but she just has a reputation for being a nightmare at social events. It's him I'm pissed off at for not saying "it's the golf, it's just the guys, you're not coming".

He won't say that to her though because she'll probably withhold sex or use some other controlling behaviour. In other words, his testicles have been removed.

I know life moves on, people grow up and things change. However, whatever happened to boundaries in relationships? The girls get their nails done, have champagne, go on nights outs and the guys are like "K THX BYE" but the girls want to interfere with the guys - the fuck is going on with modern life?

Just me?

 

[Olgaline]

Thanks for that, it's good to be remind every now and then how awesome my own bird actually is.

I do seem to sense just a smidge of passive aggressiveness there?, nah, can't be...

 

[Gwadien]

Yeah its stupid, there's no equality anymore, Women control men and were reminded to put up with it by social media telling us they're unequal to us, the sort of gfs that like to follow their bfs everywhere are the types that are feminists. Wanting 'equality' which really means a unrealistic dominance of females, and the sorts that go out with their friends and tell their bfs to fuck off.

Accept it or drop them as mates.

 

[old.user4556]

Accept it or drop them as mates.

At that point though, I feel like a bad person or a bit childish, but I've had no choice but to drop several mates like hot rocks. No idea what they're doing now, haven't spoken to one of them in a couple of years now.

 

[Gwadien]

I think it's an issue with getting older too, I'd imagine the bulk of the FH community have mates that are prrobably looking at having kids, so sucking up to a bird they reckon would make a decent mother, rather than leaving it too late.

My dad had a couple of mates that recently divorced, and with their exes they went to England matches away all the time, now he's lost his best mate of 40 years and another says he'll stop going away too, because of the new partners.

They may see them as perfect, but you can pick out the flaws, you can't expect them to drop their partners because they've changed, maybe they're happier like that.

Women

 

[old.Tohtori]

Thanks for that, it's good to be remind every now and then how awesome my own bird actually is.

I do seem to sense just a smidge of passive aggressiveness there?, nah, can't be...

I'm with this in a way. Every single one of my friends who has a GF/BF have sone i can get along with, even if we have nothing in common. In some cases i've got twice the "mates" i had before. The guys/girls aren't doormats, but they compromise like adults do.

And it's not just because they happen to be great people, i helped by not taking it personally if a couple getting together need some me time. I'm a big boy, i can go out solo

Two sides to each story and for *every "mate got balls cut off" there's a bit of a jealous schoolyard kid on the other side of it.

Here's a counter question; who here is in a relationship where you check nothing with the missus and do exactly what you want, no matter what?

*Does not mean 100% every single time, exceptions and all.

 

[old.Tohtori]

As a disclaimer though; there might be a cultural difference in how important a "lads night out" is. Around here women aren't that different when it comes to going out(yes that includes liking the cock @Wij ).

 

[old.user4556]

Here's a counter question; who here is in a relationship where you check nothing with the missus and do exactly what you want, no matter what?

*Does not mean 100% every single time, exceptions and all.

I do. We both do.

She tells me what nights she's going to the gym and I tell her what nights / days I might be golfing. Unless we've made a mutual plan (dinner at a parent's, beers with mutual friends) then we don't feel the need to get express permission.

 

[Job]

The guy over the road lost his wife two years ago, he's 57 but looks good for it, all his hair and well built, she died of lung cancer but he never really seemed upset because she was a fukin horrid woman and made his life hell.
He now hangs around with five of his old mates who are divorced, the wife is constantly trying to matchmake him with girls from her running club.
He told her he doesn't want a girlfriend and will, never, ever, ever get married again.
He's off to Magaluf (yes really) with his mates living the vi daloca, I keep telling her, he's happier now than his entire marriage.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I do. We both do.

She tells me what nights she's going to the gym and I tell her what nights / days I might be golfing. Unless we've made a mutual plan (dinner at a parent's, beers with mutual friends) then we don't feel the need to get express permission.

Yeah that's how my friends work too. But when they do have mutual plans, they never come out, which is the thing that usually pisses people off and should be a "that's fine" moment. Plans just didn't match up, oh well, can't help it and no harm. You know? For example; Let's say you haven't seen a mate in 6 months and right on that night that you're planning a pisser(all other friends are ok), he has mutual plans(as you said) and says no. That's not his fault really.

Also people do change as the guys hanging out pisser every night rara lifestyle just isn't "grown up" so to speak.

All that being said though, i get it, if someone is always checking with the missus, never apart, never holds up plans etc then yeah, there's no other way to deal with it then let them make the plans and just see if they fit your calendar/interest and other times throw an invite with the base assumption it's going to be a no. Just add "no girls allowed, stay home otherwise" in the invite. If they can't handle that, ot your real friends.

Friendships are treated like relationships, which they are in essense, but the key factor missing in that relationship more often then not is communication. Imagine if you never told your GF where you were going, or what days work for you.

Also don't worry, i'll try and ignore any "danger signs" of thread derailment so it won't get ruined. Just saying my piece here

 

[Shagrat]

it's just an age/changing circumstances thing though isnt it?

I kind of went through something similar, got married, kids, moved 100 miles away from all the people I knew (due to work) and just fell out of contact with everyone.

what I've realised is damn hard is getting back into that whole friendship, having mates to go down the pub with etc. now I've moved back to near hometown and lifes settled down.

 

[Scouse]

I agree with all of your post @Big G - and it's the problem that keeps on giving.

This isn't a criticism of their other halves, it's a criticism that the mate you once knew has become a total ghost, an absolute doormat, a pushover and a little bit of a cunt with it.

Yeah, this is the problem with a lot of men. And I get so fucking frustrated with them for it.

But I do blame this type of woman too - it's because they've not got enough about them to develop their own interests - so they rely on their man-half to keep them entertained - and they get bored/jealous when their other half is having fun. They want that fun - but won't organise their own, separately.

Those relationships quickly degenerate into resenting each other. And you can't find your other half attractive if they've not got anything about them.

Which leads me on to:

He won't say that to her though because she'll probably withhold sex

And off he goes. Eventually. If he's got anything about him at all. Otherwise he'll die a broken husk of a "man".

I was best man at a mate's wedding recently. He suffers badly from this (and therefore so do his mates - getting him out without the missus requires a stag do or something where women are effectively banned (though she moans at that) or a letter from the pope. She made a "joke" before they got married about witholding sex and all the men lost their rag with her - quite openly and vociferously to her face.

I almost advised him to bin her off then and there. You cannot ever put up with threats like that - a relationship is a partnership and if your other half is making selfish power-plays then they're no longer a partner but instead become an overlord with forbidden tits who grants you succor to a timetable they dictate.


Mates with marriages like that tend to be unhappy. Both sets of partners tend to cheat on occasion just so they can be found attractive again.

Mates with marriages where they're independent people are happy. They make their own decisions without consulting each other. They have weekends away from each other - and things to talk about because of it - and they laugh at each other instead of being sickly sweet. They're free and independent - and choose to be together. (Which is why I'll never get married - with a divorce rate of 50% it pretty much proves marriage is a waste of time and money from a "togetherness" standpoint).


This is something excellent about sexual desire of one's partner. . It describes something that most people in relationships forget. The whole thing's worth a watch - but from 5:25 is the crux of the argument as it relates to this discussion...

At that point though, I feel like a bad person or a bit childish, but I've had no choice but to drop several mates like hot rocks. No idea what they're doing now, haven't spoken to one of them in a couple of years now.

You've not dropped them. You'll have made a lot more running than them. It's a two-way street. Do they ring you?

Don't feel like a heel - you've been treated badly.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I kind of went through something similar, got married, kids, moved 100 miles away from all the people I knew (due to work) and just fell out of contact with everyone.

(from other side of this)This has actually killed, well more like buried, more friendships then any other thing for me. People just find that someone(which most are looking for) and then plan their lives instead of "my life".

Ofcourse you try to make it work, promise to visit(perhaps even manage to do so), text/call now and then but eventually since you're no longer a reaccuring influence in their lives and things XYZ happen you just lose contact.

I didn't take it personally(that's me though) so that might give you perspective that it isn't your fault at all(which you might not even think), it's no ones fault really.

 

[Tom]

Wait until they have children. God, it's fucking boring listening to someone rattle on about their kids for 2 hours...

 

[Yoni]

It's weird I have kept very few true friends over the years. These friendships to me are as important to me as my relationship and in most cases have been a part of my life for longer.

These friends are spread across mainly Europe (I have two in aus) and when I have spare cash I travel to see them, on my own and without permission... As I believe I am in a balanced relationship, Kris is entitled to do the same and it works well. I don't have any close female friends, so I don't do the afternoon tea shite or shopping experience.. You are more likely to find me at the rugby etc. I don't know or understand this whole bribing or manipulating the person you love to do stuff...

 

[Scouse]

I don't know or understand this whole bribing or manipulating the person you love to do stuff...

Comes when you get two people who are insecure IMO.

 

[old.user4556]

I agree with all of your post @Big G

But I do blame this type of woman too - it's because they've not got enough about them to develop their own interests - so they rely on their man-half to keep them entertained - and they get bored/jealous when their other half is having fun. They want that fun - but won't organise their own, separately.

Those relationships quickly degenerate into resenting each other. And you can't find your other half attractive if they've not got anything about them.

You're absolutely right. In the case of my golf situation, I get the feeling she's into a whole load of things he's into not because she actually likes them, but because she's got nothing else going on and somewhat feigns an interest just to share something.

You've not dropped them. You'll have made a lot more running than them. It's a two-way street. Do they ring you?

Don't feel like a heel - you've been treated badly.

The thing is - why do grown men behave like this, and why do grown men like me feel resentful as a result? Aren't we supposed to man-the-fuck-up and say "achht fuck 'em"? It actually hurts a little bit that people who I shared large parts of my life with in my early twenties fucked off without a trace.

I have a theory on why this has come about. I think that there are men out there that look at their respective partners and realise that they're actually not that happy but will take the path of least resistance for an easy life. If my mates were young, handsome, slim and still able to go out and readily meet women, then they'd dump them in a flash. However, they're in their early thirties, they've got a receding hairline, the grey hair is coming in, they're fatter and they're too old to go to the trendy clubs anymore so they make a decision that being single and lonely is not an option. They know that no one else will have them easily, and yet they have reasonably easy and reliable sex. I think that a lot of these relationships are just comfortable and convenient. As Chris Rock says, "married and bored, or single and lonely".

Now, I don't want to sound sexist, I'm sure that this works in the opposite direction when women get with men and their girlfriends say "bitttchhhh, hell no.... *head wobble*". @Yoni @russell can probably add something of value here.

 

[soze]

I have a mate, well almost an ex mate at this point who personifies this shit.

When he is single he is a top bloke who can be relied on. As soon as there is a lady in his life he wants to do nothing but hang around her. Now I do not believe it is the girl I think he just decides he is staying with her and fuck well me.

The most recent example is we had planned to go to a concert and I booked the tickets. I emailed confirmation and booked the days off work at the same time while saying he should do the same. We spoke about it several times for about a month before we were due to go I spent two weeks trying to find out about booking the hotel. So I heard nothing from him the week leading up to it and on the day I decided as I had been chasing him so much I would wait for him to get in touch with me. After the show had started I forwarded the email onto him again and all he offered to do was pay for the tickets. Due to his circumstances I would never take the money and he knows that. A month later he offered me the money again but had not said one word between the two offers.

I know he is not forgetful as he did not stop going on about a bike trip with his other friends so I do not know how personally to take this but I am upset by it. I just think if he had ever wanted to go he would have booked the holiday or spent 10 seconds adding it to his calendar. I only booked the think because he 100% wanted to go.

 

[Scouse]

I'd have taken the cash tbh.

 

[DaGaffer]

My missus basically tells me to get off my fat arse and keep in touch with my friends; I went to Brussels to catch up with some old mates a couple of weeks ago at her urging. I feel guilty about leaving her with the kids, but she knows I don't take the piss and I'll do my turns when she wants to see her friends. Its just open communication.

 

[soze]

I'd have taken the cash tbh.

That is not me buddy, the money will make little difference in my life but it is a big deal in his currently. And the money was never the issue and after 13 years of friendship he should know the money was not the important part.

 

[Billargh]

- maybe they do show up to social events but they bring their missus with them all the fucking time - even if you get on with them, that gets tiresome eventually especially when you tell your own girlfriend "it's just the guys on Saturday, we've not seen each other for 6 months". One of the guys brings a girl, then you get the third degree from your own bird.

I don't really have anything to contribute, but I fucking hate this!

 

[Job]

It actually starts up again..me and my mates are going offroading 2 weeks in Corsica....oh by the way the missus made it to the top of Kilimanjaro on wed night..(fukin never hear the end of that)..and we've bought a rib (boat) between us..so it will be like last of the summer wine on water.
In conclusion..keep in touch cos you need people who remember you when you were young.

 

[Yoni]

Now, I don't want to sound sexist, I'm sure that this works in the opposite direction when women get with men and their girlfriends say "bitttchhhh, hell no.... *head wobble*". @Yoni @russell can probably add something of value here.

I've already said I don't have 'girl friends' ... I have a few very close married friends (males), most of their wives don't mind me taking their husbands out on the lash and rarely do they come too, as someone has to babysit the kids. I only have one close friend where the wife won't let us out on our own and that is because there is a convoluted mucky history going back nearly 30 years, not with me I might add, I last saw this friend in 08 and there was still too much weirdness so we communicate via text or phone only but always there for each other in times of distress...

 

[Lamp]

Old friends moving away. No excuse not to at least make an effort to stay in contact. I know blokes do that haven't seen you for 5 years and you've caught up in 5 minutes thing, but come on. Its only a txt msg. You've paid £600 for a phone. Use it.

 

[TdC]

Like I said in the other thread, I currently have two mates who -imo- are really "under the thumb" as the NL humans call it.

One hooked up with a woman, insta-kid and married. Used to be a proper pub tiger, sporty as hell and a real good mate of 20 years. Hes the guy who vanished: won't come out and do ANYTHING social (because she doesn't want to, he's told other mates) with me or others, not even a BBQ in the park with like 20 other people there, kids, women etc. "I want to spend time with the wife" he says, but to the exclusion of all other things. These days it's the case that he doesn't even get in touch when he has free time, I mean holy shit she's got him to the point where he does what she wants even when she's not there! Today I ate a burger with the guy who is the vanished mate's best friend; I asked him when he'd last seen vanished...and he said he couldn't remember. I've been on holidays, spent countless pub hours, festivals, and even to school with vanished guy over the past 20 years. I miss my friend tbh.

Other guy with the uber controlling gf is even more rediculous tbh because he doesnt see it: he still does things for himself, but as soon as she gets off work or anything like that she'll either text him basically saying "when are you coming home?" or turn up at where ever he is and prolly the second thing out of her mouth will be saying that she either wants to have food (eg go home) or that she wants to go home. I've seen it happen and it amazes me that he doesnt say anything about this to her. It irks me that he thinks it's great that she's taking control of his life, I mean, come on there are limits!

I suppose I kind of dislike her due to one thing in particular, and that is that she isn't into food. This may sound weird, but myself and a group of mates are foodies/coffee heads/consumers of fine alcoholic beverages. We can sit in some place, and eat a 30 euro pasta that is basically just pasta, olive oil, and garlic...and and pay the price because the pasta is fresh, the garlic some uber garlic from where ever, gathered on some super-moon night by 17yo virgin lesbians singing hymns to Odin or some such fluff, and it gets put together by a decent chef. She's been along a few times and while she doesn't go out of her way to be difficult, she will say things to her bf like "I can make this at home for 2 euros!" that I can hear, or she'll tell me some toasted bespoke-mill bread and truffels I just had cost 6 euros a bite. I mean, duh. Also, she dislikes most foods; if its not <insert standard Dutch meal> she's not having it willingly. I have a strange mistrust of people who are difficult eaters (NOT from allergies, beliefs, or personal choice, obv) and drinkers. I once cooked a meal for a bunch of us mates, and she sat picking at her food, looking unhappy and staring at us like we were insane. Nobody said anything, but she sucked the joy I had from preparing and sharing food with my friends right out of me. I also can't not invite her because that's a social fuckup and even so it's like she and my mate are joined at the frigging hip or something.

Re woman exterting control over the men in their lives... to an extent I believe it is all communication but it's really tough subject matter when things are bad: I've been on the receiving end of the withholding intimacy, coupled with the statement "nothing's wrong, I'm just not in a good place right now" or whatever trip. That severely fucks me off because there is no way to resolve such a situation gracefully as a guy. Asking questions / NOT asking questions, giving space...or NOT, etc, whatever you do all will fail when the communication door is shut in this way, especially coupled with shying away from any kind of intimacy...and its just plain wrong to get magically blamed / get "difficult" behaviour for stuff you can do fuck all about. I'm a grown-up, I can handle my shit: if I forget your birthday, your MUM's birthday, that you're on the blob, that you had an intimate night planned with me, the chocolate you asked for, the fact that 8 months ago you told me something that you just now referred to and I had no idea what you were talking about which filled you with the rage...sure, I'll accept your griefing and apologize. I *won't* accept grief, childish-, or misbehaviour for reasons unknown or not being communicated because woman. None of that now, hell no.

A friend once told me: "never budge an inch to a woman when she tries to change something you want, ever". The reasoning behind it was once you change a plan, or schedule, or whatever for her for any reason at all the only thing that will stick in her mind is that you changed for her. That resonated with me because, and this is years ago really....once apon a time I played games online with a group of friends (amongst others from BW, which is why I know it's hella dangerous to get in to a car in BF2 with DaGaffer for example). We used to meet up on certain nights and the gf of the time wanted me to pick a specific night so she could plan stuff around that night. Anyway, time passed and we eventually settled on a night and I told her. The very first thing she came back with was "you cant do that night (because reasons I don't remember), pick another". I explained that the group was large and multi-national, etc, so choosing another night to play would be very hard for me. A scene was made, and I ended up letting myself be pressured to not game online in the group any more: "well, if you cant pick another night to game, then you can't game" lady-logic. Ah, if only I knew then what I know now. Also, imo the woman didn't give a shit about which night was chosen...the only thing she wanted to know was if I would change if she wanted me to. Those kinds of mind games fill me with rage.

Ah well, I'm a happy single guy atm. I had a great compliment earlier today where a lady friend told me off for having a living room that "looks like a bicycle workshop". She didnt understand why I was so pleased either.

 

[Olgaline]

some uber garlic from where ever, gathered on some super-moon night by 17yo virgin lesbians singing hymns to Odin.

Just end the thread right here!

 

[russell]

You're absolutely right. In the case of my golf situation, I get the feeling she's into a whole load of things he's into not because she actually likes them, but because she's got nothing else going on and somewhat feigns an interest just to share something.



The thing is - why do grown men behave like this, and why do grown men like me feel resentful as a result? Aren't we supposed to man-the-fuck-up and say "achht fuck 'em"? It actually hurts a little bit that people who I shared large parts of my life with in my early twenties fucked off without a trace.

I have a theory on why this has come about. I think that there are men out there that look at their respective partners and realise that they're actually not that happy but will take the path of least resistance for an easy life. If my mates were young, handsome, slim and still able to go out and readily meet women, then they'd dump them in a flash. However, they're in their early thirties, they've got a receding hairline, the grey hair is coming in, they're fatter and they're too old to go to the trendy clubs anymore so they make a decision that being single and lonely is not an option. They know that no one else will have them easily, and yet they have reasonably easy and reliable sex. I think that a lot of these relationships are just comfortable and convenient. As Chris Rock says, "married and bored, or single and lonely".

Now, I don't want to sound sexist, I'm sure that this works in the opposite direction when women get with men and their girlfriends say "bitttchhhh, hell no.... *head wobble*". @Yoni @russell can probably add something of value here.

I actually agree with your theory as sad as it is!

I also agree with Yoni about how important friends are.

I am lucky in my marriage as we have always done things separately and enjoyed being together and discussing our adventures. I wouldn't dream of going with Mr Russell down the pub, to watch motor sport, ford classic evenings and trips etc as it's his time.

Even with kids, I go out with my friends, spa days, cinema and gigs that I like- all without him.

But we work well together and don't feel the need to be in each other's pockets and tbh if he wasn't like this I genuinely wouldn't have married him. I would feel stifled and suffocated.

I have friends who do everything together and who frown on my independence, they think me strange to do things without my husband. I think fuck'em!

Especially when I go out with Ed as he is a boy! Shock horror.

Having said all this if my husband seriously asked me not to go out somewhere I probably wouldn't as I really respect him. It hasn't happened yet.

I think it's a shame when friends disappear and it's not necessary at all to be attached to your other half - it's very unhealthy.

 

[russell]

Like I said in the other thread, I currently have two mates who -imo- are really "under the thumb" as the NL humans call it.

One hooked up with a woman, insta-kid and married. Used to be a proper pub tiger, sporty as hell and a real good mate of 20 years. Hes the guy who vanished: won't come out and do ANYTHING social (because she doesn't want to, he's told other mates) with me or others, not even a BBQ in the park with like 20 other people there, kids, women etc. "I want to spend time with the wife" he says, but to the exclusion of all other things. These days it's the case that he doesn't even get in touch when he has free time, I mean holy shit she's got him to the point where he does what she wants even when she's not there! Today I ate a burger with the guy who is the vanished mate's best friend; I asked him when he'd last seen vanished...and he said he couldn't remember. I've been on holidays, spent countless pub hours, festivals, and even to school with vanished guy over the past 20 years. I miss my friend tbh.

Other guy with the uber controlling gf is even more rediculous tbh because he doesnt see it: he still does things for himself, but as soon as she gets off work or anything like that she'll either text him basically saying "when are you coming home?" or turn up at where ever he is and prolly the second thing out of her mouth will be saying that she either wants to have food (eg go home) or that she wants to go home. I've seen it happen and it amazes me that he doesnt say anything about this to her. It irks me that he thinks it's great that she's taking control of his life, I mean, come on there are limits!

I suppose I kind of dislike her due to one thing in particular, and that is that she isn't into food. This may sound weird, but myself and a group of mates are foodies/coffee heads/consumers of fine alcoholic beverages. We can sit in some place, and eat a 30 euro pasta that is basically just pasta, olive oil, and garlic...and and pay the price because the pasta is fresh, the garlic some uber garlic from where ever, gathered on some super-moon night by 17yo virgin lesbians singing hymns to Odin or some such fluff, and it gets put together by a decent chef. She's been along a few times and while she doesn't go out of her way to be difficult, she will say things to her bf like "I can make this at home for 2 euros!" that I can hear, or she'll tell me some toasted bespoke-mill bread and truffels I just had cost 6 euros a bite. I mean, duh. Also, she dislikes most foods; if its not <insert standard Dutch meal> she's not having it willingly. I have a strange mistrust of people who are difficult eaters (NOT from allergies, beliefs, or personal choice, obv) and drinkers. I once cooked a meal for a bunch of us mates, and she sat picking at her food, looking unhappy and staring at us like we were insane. Nobody said anything, but she sucked the joy I had from preparing and sharing food with my friends right out of me. I also can't not invite her because that's a social fuckup and even so it's like she and my mate are joined at the frigging hip or something.

Re woman exterting control over the men in their lives... to an extent I believe it is all communication but it's really tough subject matter when things are bad: I've been on the receiving end of the withholding intimacy, coupled with the statement "nothing's wrong, I'm just not in a good place right now" or whatever trip. That severely fucks me off because there is no way to resolve such a situation gracefully as a guy. Asking questions / NOT asking questions, giving space...or NOT, etc, whatever you do all will fail when the communication door is shut in this way, especially coupled with shying away from any kind of intimacy...and its just plain wrong to get magically blamed / get "difficult" behaviour for stuff you can do fuck all about. I'm a grown-up, I can handle my shit: if I forget your birthday, your MUM's birthday, that you're on the blob, that you had an intimate night planned with me, the chocolate you asked for, the fact that 8 months ago you told me something that you just now referred to and I had no idea what you were talking about which filled you with the rage...sure, I'll accept your griefing and apologize. I *won't* accept grief, childish-, or misbehaviour for reasons unknown or not being communicated because woman. None of that now, hell no.

A friend once told me: "never budge an inch to a woman when she tries to change something you want, ever". The reasoning behind it was once you change a plan, or schedule, or whatever for her for any reason at all the only thing that will stick in her mind is that you changed for her. That resonated with me because, and this is years ago really....once apon a time I played games online with a group of friends (amongst others from BW, which is why I know it's hella dangerous to get in to a car in BF2 with DaGaffer for example). We used to meet up on certain nights and the gf of the time wanted me to pick a specific night so she could plan stuff around that night. Anyway, time passed and we eventually settled on a night and I told her. The very first thing she came back with was "you cant do that night (because reasons I don't remember), pick another". I explained that the group was large and multi-national, etc, so choosing another night to play would be very hard for me. A scene was made, and I ended up letting myself be pressured to not game online in the group any more: "well, if you cant pick another night to game, then you can't game" lady-logic. Ah, if only I knew then what I know now. Also, imo the woman didn't give a shit about which night was chosen...the only thing she wanted to know was if I would change if she wanted me to. Those kinds of mind games fill me with rage.

Ah well, I'm a happy single guy atm. I had a great compliment earlier today where a lady friend told me off for having a living room that "looks like a bicycle workshop". She didnt understand why I was so pleased either.

Wow. That is a post man.

 

[russell]

Having said all this I have witnessed the weird phenomena of men who LOVE being bossed around and actively seek that kind of dominating relationship where everything is done for them and they don't even have to think. Wierd fuckers!