No idea Mates who've had their testicles removed

[Scouse]

A friend once told me: "never budge an inch to a woman when she tries to change something you want, ever".

And start as you mean to go on.

Ah well, I'm a happy single guy atm. I had a great compliment earlier today where a lady friend told me off for having a living room that "looks like a bicycle workshop". She didnt understand why I was so pleased either.

 

[russell]

Like I said in the other thread, I currently have two mates who -imo- are really "under the thumb" as the NL humans call it.

One hooked up with a woman, insta-kid and married. Used to be a proper pub tiger, sporty as hell and a real good mate of 20 years. Hes the guy who vanished: won't come out and do ANYTHING social (because she doesn't want to, he's told other mates) with me or others, not even a BBQ in the park with like 20 other people there, kids, women etc. "I want to spend time with the wife" he says, but to the exclusion of all other things. These days it's the case that he doesn't even get in touch when he has free time, I mean holy shit she's got him to the point where he does what she wants even when she's not there! Today I ate a burger with the guy who is the vanished mate's best friend; I asked him when he'd last seen vanished...and he said he couldn't remember. I've been on holidays, spent countless pub hours, festivals, and even to school with vanished guy over the past 20 years. I miss my friend tbh.

Other guy with the uber controlling gf is even more rediculous tbh because he doesnt see it: he still does things for himself, but as soon as she gets off work or anything like that she'll either text him basically saying "when are you coming home?" or turn up at where ever he is and prolly the second thing out of her mouth will be saying that she either wants to have food (eg go home) or that she wants to go home. I've seen it happen and it amazes me that he doesnt say anything about this to her. It irks me that he thinks it's great that she's taking control of his life, I mean, come on there are limits!

I suppose I kind of dislike her due to one thing in particular, and that is that she isn't into food. This may sound weird, but myself and a group of mates are foodies/coffee heads/consumers of fine alcoholic beverages. We can sit in some place, and eat a 30 euro pasta that is basically just pasta, olive oil, and garlic...and and pay the price because the pasta is fresh, the garlic some uber garlic from where ever, gathered on some super-moon night by 17yo virgin lesbians singing hymns to Odin or some such fluff, and it gets put together by a decent chef. She's been along a few times and while she doesn't go out of her way to be difficult, she will say things to her bf like "I can make this at home for 2 euros!" that I can hear, or she'll tell me some toasted bespoke-mill bread and truffels I just had cost 6 euros a bite. I mean, duh. Also, she dislikes most foods; if its not <insert standard Dutch meal> she's not having it willingly. I have a strange mistrust of people who are difficult eaters (NOT from allergies, beliefs, or personal choice, obv) and drinkers. I once cooked a meal for a bunch of us mates, and she sat picking at her food, looking unhappy and staring at us like we were insane. Nobody said anything, but she sucked the joy I had from preparing and sharing food with my friends right out of me. I also can't not invite her because that's a social fuckup and even so it's like she and my mate are joined at the frigging hip or something.

Re woman exterting control over the men in their lives... to an extent I believe it is all communication but it's really tough subject matter when things are bad: I've been on the receiving end of the withholding intimacy, coupled with the statement "nothing's wrong, I'm just not in a good place right now" or whatever trip. That severely fucks me off because there is no way to resolve such a situation gracefully as a guy. Asking questions / NOT asking questions, giving space...or NOT, etc, whatever you do all will fail when the communication door is shut in this way, especially coupled with shying away from any kind of intimacy...and its just plain wrong to get magically blamed / get "difficult" behaviour for stuff you can do fuck all about. I'm a grown-up, I can handle my shit: if I forget your birthday, your MUM's birthday, that you're on the blob, that you had an intimate night planned with me, the chocolate you asked for, the fact that 8 months ago you told me something that you just now referred to and I had no idea what you were talking about which filled you with the rage...sure, I'll accept your griefing and apologize. I *won't* accept grief, childish-, or misbehaviour for reasons unknown or not being communicated because woman. None of that now, hell no.

A friend once told me: "never budge an inch to a woman when she tries to change something you want, ever". The reasoning behind it was once you change a plan, or schedule, or whatever for her for any reason at all the only thing that will stick in her mind is that you changed for her. That resonated with me because, and this is years ago really....once apon a time I played games online with a group of friends (amongst others from BW, which is why I know it's hella dangerous to get in to a car in BF2 with DaGaffer for example). We used to meet up on certain nights and the gf of the time wanted me to pick a specific night so she could plan stuff around that night. Anyway, time passed and we eventually settled on a night and I told her. The very first thing she came back with was "you cant do that night (because reasons I don't remember), pick another". I explained that the group was large and multi-national, etc, so choosing another night to play would be very hard for me. A scene was made, and I ended up letting myself be pressured to not game online in the group any more: "well, if you cant pick another night to game, then you can't game" lady-logic. Ah, if only I knew then what I know now. Also, imo the woman didn't give a shit about which night was chosen...the only thing she wanted to know was if I would change if she wanted me to. Those kinds of mind games fill me with rage.

Ah well, I'm a happy single guy atm. I had a great compliment earlier today where a lady friend told me off for having a living room that "looks like a bicycle workshop". She didnt understand why I was so pleased either.

NEVER trust a woman who doesn't like food. That pasta sounds divine.

 

[Calaen]

(from other side of this)This has actually killed, well more like buried, more friendships then any other thing for me. People just find that someone(which most are looking for) and then plan their lives instead of "my life".

Ofcourse you try to make it work, promise to visit(perhaps even manage to do so), text/call now and then but eventually since you're no longer a reaccuring influence in their lives and things XYZ happen you just lose contact.

I didn't take it personally(that's me though) so that might give you perspective that it isn't your fault at all(which you might not even think), it's no ones fault really.

I'm married, and enjoy this exact relationship. I have my hobbies, she has hers. However, it's a pain in the arse, simply because the majority of my mates all suffer from the circumstances that Big G described. Any attempt to get everyone together is like building sandcastles in outer fucking space.

 

[Scouse]

Any attempt to get everyone together is like building sandcastles in outer fucking space.

Got a weekend camping and mountain biking over bank holiday next weekend in Wales. The lad I'm going to do the BHF ride with (the pussy) won't commit to it.

His bird is working that weekend. She can't come. But he's still not said whether he will come (despite being asked repeatedly over the past two months). My money is on that he won't.

He's got a good bike. Bought a lot of stuff for it. Just bought a dropper post and tubeless wheelset (which you use when you mountain bike to a high standard - I don't have a dropper post). You think he'd jump at the opportunity to do a bit of MTB'ing because he must be good, right?

He's shit. He never comes out with us. He just wants the toys and struggles with pavements. Three or four years ago he'd have been ashamed of himself...

 

[Calaen]

Got a weekend camping and mountain biking over bank holiday next weekend in Wales. The lad I'm going to do the BHF ride with (the pussy) won't commit to it.

His bird is working that weekend. She can't come. But he's still not said whether he will come (despite being asked repeatedly over the past two months). My money is on that he won't.

He's got a good bike. Bought a lot of stuff for it. Just bought a dropper post and tubeless wheelset (which you use when you mountain bike to a high standard - I don't have a dropper post). You think he'd jump at the opportunity to do a bit of MTB'ing because he must be good, right?

He's shit. He never comes out with us. He just wants the toys and struggles with pavements. Three or four years ago he'd have been ashamed of himself...

It's a crying shame!

 

[SilverHood]

We all have mates like that and it's frustrating. I was in the UK recently, the first time in 4 years it wasn't Christmas, and tried to get in contact with as many of my old mates as I could. Only a handful responded. True friends.

 

[russell]

Yep. It certainly separates the wheat from the chaff. You find out who your real friends are.

 

[Edmond]

Especially when I go out with Ed as he is a boy! Shock horror.

See...I told you all I was a real boy, and none of you believed me. In your face(s)

 

[Yoni]

I'm not really sure but women follow one of two paths when they grow up.

Some become these jealous creatures who want to possess and own their partner and manipulate them into a state of being that to me is not natural. ie I have male friends who receive a to do list from their wife \ girlfriend every Friday evening of 'jobs' they have to complete before the weekend is done ..... Why?
Recently one of my closest friends got divorced, he was never allowed out to play, he was given the list every time he was free and generally he was a devoted husband and awesome father, although she physically beat him and psychologically berated him.... She left him after 20 years, she had an affair... He has now completely taken his life back, he will never get married again, he has two or three fwb and when they get remotely clingy he tells them to back off or doesn't see them again (especially if they fall in lurve with him), he has girl friends (not wb) that he takes to social events as plus ones and generally he is having an awesome life.

The other path is where I believe the roles in the relationship are really understood, there is no need for jealous behavior because there is an element of trust and understanding, your partner is one of your greatest friends... I have seen couples come back from near break ups because of their ability to talk openly about their issues... My oldest and best friend has been known to fuck up royally... I'm not making excuses for him, he was buggered by his headmaster when he was at school and this naturally has caused a myriad of issues during his life... He finally settled down with the most wonderful, patient woman and had several children... He drinks a little too much and sometimes has random sex..... When he does this he goes home and talks it over the situation is resolved...... I think it takes great communication skills to manage a relationship like that

Finally I find it strange and I always have done because I only have groups of male friends not female friends, (my mum thinks I'm a closet lesbian and my sisters think that I am not feminine in the slightest...) that people emphasise the need for a 'lads night out' or 'girls night out' why not a 'friends night out'. My group of school friends 5 chaps and I just used to go out...I was never excluded, in fact most weekends were spent at my parents (they were boarders at the school where I did my a levels), where my dad supplied the beer and mum cooked for us, some of the greatest years (and worst years.. Another story) of my life. When I moves up north I really didn't have friends because this division became quite hard and fast... I remember on the Isle of Man, Friday nights were single sex night outs, the boys went out with the boys and the girls went out with the girls .... I fucking hated it..... It was weird and unnatural, I didn't want to feel forced to spend my time with a group of people just because they had vaginas.. So I worked in a nightclub instead ...

 

[Scouse]

single sex night outs, the boys went out with the boys and the girls went out with the girls .... I fucking hated it.....

A lot of women I know do. And as a rule it's very rarely case with my friends. But as a man I occasionally enjoy single-sex nights out even now.

Why? Because sex is a constant thing that's biological, and biology isn't something you can ignore - so if there's women out you act differently. Can't help it. It's not a conscious thing. But it's definitely a thing.

Sometimes it's nice just to go out without that being a thing.

 

[Yoni]

I've never known it be a thing.... Biology has never gotten in the way of my friendships

 

[soze]

When you are out with the lads sometimes you want to call someone a cunt. Sometimes you want to burp and fart and tell horrible stories and jokes. As soon as the other half shows up most people will go to best behavior mode. There are exceptions but the cool girls who would join in are normally the ones who just let their bloke go out with his mates. The clingy types who never let their guys go for a shit in peace also tend to be the types who take every c word personally and could not have a laugh in a group of guys even if they were being paid.

But with my mate it is not his ladies fault. She often wants rid of him and tries to send him out with us but he would rather stay in. It is not the girls being bitches as I have know his through 3 relationships and all of the girls have been good as gold. I honestly think it i more him than any of them.

 

[Scouse]

I've never known it be a thing.... Biology has never gotten in the way of my friendships

Not a man...

 

[Yoni]

It just doesn't work like that in my group of friends scouse sorry

 

[old.Tohtori]

Doesn't work like that around here either; "biology made me do it etc i can't control it" is a very nice bs excuse though.

 

[MYstIC G]

Here's a counter question; who here is in a relationship where you check nothing with the missus and do exactly what you want, no matter what?

That's pretty much how me and the wife are. We've both got access to view each others online calendar so say if one of us is going to the cinema all we do is chuck it in our diary and the other one knows what's going on and can plan for themselves (or not) accordingly.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Yeah, but in both cases that's not "do what i want whenever i want f*ck the wife". You still have mutual plans that you respect and you -do- check with the missus in a sense.

Mind you that's how it should work, just that when looking from the outside in it might look like you too have your balls cut off. Perspective.

 

[MYstIC G]

Yeah, but in both cases that's not "do what i want whenever i want f*ck the wife". You still have mutual plans that you respect and you -do- check with the missus in a sense.

Mind you that's how it should work, just that when looking from the outside in it might look like you too have your balls cut off. Perspective.

No, I don't. Using the same example I wouldn't ring her up and ask permission before booking cinema tickets. You really do talk out of your arse sometimes.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Ok, go to a strip club and see what happens. Oh wait, mmm, is it "Oh no i don't like those places" time?

Just f*cking admit that you're different then you were solo, you're not as much of a "bloke" as you were and -everyone- changes in a relationship. F*cks sake stop trying to be a snowflake JUST to say i'm wrong.

 

[soze]

My last ex was really cool. We just agreed if we would rather go alone or would rather send the other person on their own then that was that. But as I met her through my group of friends she did come along all the time. And now she comes along with her new bloke so she might be an exception to the rule

 

[miri]

Thanks for that, it's good to be remind every now and then how awesome my own bird actually is.

I do seem to sense just a smidge of passive aggressiveness there?, nah, can't be...

This.

It always baffles me that people end up in relationships where they're not happy with how the dynamic of the relationship in terms of 'allowing' (the very idea seems absurd to me) each other to do things alone or finding things that you enjoy together. It's sad. Maybe we're just really lucky, I don't know, but all my mates love my partner and when we're all together it's great, equally so if either of us want to do something alone then there's no issue. Been together nine years, always been the same.

 

[old.user4556]

but all my mates love my partner

I hope you're right, I really do.

The reason I say that is my ex was the life and soul of the party, she got on really well with all my mates, but when it was all over they were like "mate, she was a total cunt, we just put up with her because she made you happy".

 

[old.Tohtori]

That's the absolute truth though isn't it; you see your relationship as perfect, while looking at other mates you're thinking "pussywhipped".

True or not, suprisingly your grass is greener.

 

[miri]

I hope you're right, I really do.

The reason I say that is my ex was the life and soul of the party, she got on really well with all my mates, but when it was all over they were like "mate, she was a total cunt, we just put up with her because she made you happy".

Haha. I guess I just don't have friends who lie about stuff like that. It helps that most of our friends were/are mutual, we don't have 'her' friends and 'my' friends. The only friends of mine she doesn't want anything to do with are the nerds I spend most of my free time gaming with over the internet.

Like I said, I do think I'm pretty lucky. However I still truly believe I wouldn't have settled down with anyone who put any kind of limitations on what I can do with my time/self and when I can do it. Equally, I'd never do that to my partner either.

 

[old.user4556]

The only friends I have where this works, are all mutual friends like yours. We've naturally gravitated towards each other - the girls mix well with each other, and the guys mix well with each other. However these are all friends I've made in the past 3 to 4 years, the people I grew up with are now people that I used to know.

It's sad.

 

[Urgat]

The correct response to a long term partner threatening to "withhold sex" is to reply...

No problem love, i will get it elsewhere. See you tonight when i get in.

I mist be one of the luckier guys. My wife and i are quite independent.

I can do my thing, and she can do hers. She wouldn't dream of tagging along on a guys "do"

I feel for ya man.,. Nothing worse that a pussy-whipped fella fir a mate.

 

[Scouse]

It just doesn't work like that in my group of friends scouse sorry

Fair enough. Not saying it's better or worse. It just is.

Ok, go to a strip club and see what happens. Oh wait, mmm, is it "Oh no i don't like those places" time?

I don't. They're fucking boring. What's sexy about just looking at a naked women you paid to strip for you? At least if you're watching porn you can wank.

Was in a strip club on a stag do the other week. As far as I was concerned the evening took a massive dive at that point - but the stag and his father-in-law to be had a good time. I exited after an hour or so with another mate to a better pub so we could talk without the pointless expense...

 

[old.Tohtori]

"Yeah the night was great, if it weren't for Scouse getting all bored when we hit the club and then just f*cking left."

You sound like a great "friend" when all your stories involve A: slacking off your frieds/their girl B: Being bored at someone elses night C: telling how your friends suck at XYZ.


Me me me, my my my. Jesus christ.

 

[Scouse]

"Yeah the night was great, if it weren't for Scouse getting all bored when we hit the club and then just f*cking left."

Started stag do at 10:30am. Finished in strip club at 3am - saying my goodbyes. Went to pub with two others at "end of night" (as far as the stag knew - apparently he left the strip club 15-20 minutes later and crashed out). Turns out we were out longer than him anyway

Don't think that was a bad evening or innings...

Why you pissed off that some men simply aren't that bothered with naked dancing chicks?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Why you pissed off that some men simply aren't that bothered with naked dancing chicks?

Point<---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->Scouse