W
woodmansee
Guest
How many gears in a french tank? Six, five reverse and one forward in case they are attacked from behind...
hah
hah
- Status
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #2
Why might the french send troops to the gulf?
To teach the iraqis how to surrender..
Why do frenchmen have mustaches? To look like their mothers....
har har
To teach the iraqis how to surrender..
Why do frenchmen have mustaches? To look like their mothers....
har har
V
vestax
Guest
- Thread starter
- #3
lol
Q) What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A) A Golden Retriever
Q) What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A) A Golden Retriever
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #4
lol
Why do blonde girls have black and blue belly buttons?
Blonde guys are dumb to...
Why do blonde girls have black and blue belly buttons?
Blonde guys are dumb to...
B
BrassMonkey
Guest
- Thread starter
- #5
Two blondes on the way to Disneyland, they come to a T junction with a sign saying 'Disneyland left' So they turned around and went home.
V
vestax
Guest
- Thread starter
- #6
haha
Blonde jokes are great! keep them comming
Blonde jokes are great! keep them comming
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #7
Nah french jokes are in atm )
Why does the new French Navy use glasss bottemd boats?
So they can see the old French Navy..
)Why does the new French Navy use glasss bottemd boats?
So they can see the old French Navy..
O
old.CrazyMuppet
Guest
- Thread starter
- #8
An elephant asks a camel: Why the hell do you have your tits on your back?
Camel answers: That's an interesting question, coming from a guy who's dick hangs from his face!
Camel answers: That's an interesting question, coming from a guy who's dick hangs from his face!
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #9
bahaha
O
old.Nol
Guest
- Thread starter
- #10
The real joke is that the french are the only people brave enough to stand up to the idiot and his puppy...
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #11
lol so you stand up for bin and saddam?
A
Arnor
Guest
- Thread starter
- #12
pfff, no woody. but he might agree with me that war isnt the solution to this problem
W
Wharfe_GoP
Guest
- Thread starter
- #13
Oldies are the goldies
GirlGriend Version 1.0
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been
having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of
DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the
GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to
say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them
separately, and it works okay.
GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf
program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I
might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of
conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have
enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require
a Token Ring to run properly. He was right--as soon as I purged my
cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs
were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me
a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down
for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It
worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was
still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I
didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any
other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some
way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I
think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather
than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections
with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version
of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires
within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but
soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes
as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't
load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go
with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0
which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn-off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if
you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
I suppose the moral of the story is: know your system's hardware,
it's software requirements and compatibilities and be real careful
about what software you install and when and how you upgrade.
GirlGriend Version 1.0
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been
having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of
DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the
GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to
say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them
separately, and it works okay.
GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf
program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I
might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of
conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have
enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require
a Token Ring to run properly. He was right--as soon as I purged my
cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs
were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me
a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down
for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It
worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was
still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I
didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any
other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some
way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I
think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather
than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections
with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version
of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires
within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but
soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes
as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't
load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go
with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0
which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn-off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if
you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
I suppose the moral of the story is: know your system's hardware,
it's software requirements and compatibilities and be real careful
about what software you install and when and how you upgrade.
T
tildson
Guest
- Thread starter
- #14
Why are 17 albs standing outside the tavern?
You must be 18 to get in!
You must be 18 to get in!
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #15
HAHAHAH
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #16
yes he would agree with you, so he could bomb you behind your back...
T
tildson
Guest
- Thread starter
- #17
How come blonds never dial 112 at emergencies?
Because they cant find the number 100 in the telephone-book
Because they cant find the number 100 in the telephone-book
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #18
What do you call 100,100 frenchmen with their hands up?
The French Army!
How did the French advertise surplus World War 2 rifles?
"Never fired, only dropped once."
The French Army!
How did the French advertise surplus World War 2 rifles?
"Never fired, only dropped once."
O
old.job
Guest
- Thread starter
- #19
A Frenchman an Englishman an old lady and a young attractive girl are sitting in a train carriage, the train goes through a tunnel and in the dark a loud slap is heard.
When the train leaves the tunnel the Frenchman is holding his cheek which is bright red.
The Frenchman thinks 'that old lady must have slapped me for leering at the young girl'
The old lady thinks 'The Frenchman must have tried it on with the young girl and got slapped'
The young girl thinks 'that old lady must have slapped the Frenchman for leering at me'
The Englishman thinks ' I hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again'.
When the train leaves the tunnel the Frenchman is holding his cheek which is bright red.
The Frenchman thinks 'that old lady must have slapped me for leering at the young girl'
The old lady thinks 'The Frenchman must have tried it on with the young girl and got slapped'
The young girl thinks 'that old lady must have slapped the Frenchman for leering at me'
The Englishman thinks ' I hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again'.
A
Arnor
Guest
- Thread starter
- #20
lol, you uninformed bushist
yeah Im very afraid of a lunatic leader of a country with access to mass-destruction-wpns.
More afraid of bush then of saddam atm actually.
Oh, more interesting news: Did you know the reason that Iraq HAS wpns of mass destruction? USA sold it to them.
Did you know CIA spent 3million dollars training Bin-Laden&his crew?
And here we have you, cheering for Bush to kill millions of civillians with his "preciscion" bombs, and all the other fun toys you get when you are president in the US.
A
Arnor
Guest
- Thread starter
- #21
good jokes though
T
Teh Fonz!!1
Guest
- Thread starter
- #22
Originally posted by Arnor2
lol, you uninformed bushist
yeah Im very afraid of a lunatic leader of a country with access to mass-destruction-wpns.
More afraid of bush then of saddam atm actually.
Oh, more interesting news: Did you know the reason that Iraq HAS wpns of mass destruction? USA sold it to them.
Did you know CIA spent 3million dollars training Bin-Laden&his crew?
And here we have you, cheering for Bush to kill millions of civillians with his "preciscion" bombs, and all the other fun toys you get when you are president in the US.
ROFLMAO Classic joke!
A
Arnor
Guest
- Thread starter
- #23
that too, im sorry to say, was an anti-joke
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #24
Originally posted by Arnor2
lol, you uninformed bushist
yeah Im very afraid of a lunatic leader of a country with access to mass-destruction-wpns.
More afraid of bush then of saddam atm actually.
Oh, more interesting news: Did you know the reason that Iraq HAS wpns of mass destruction? USA sold it to them.
Did you know CIA spent 3million dollars training Bin-Laden&his crew?
And here we have you, cheering for Bush to kill millions of civillians with his "preciscion" bombs, and all the other fun toys you get when you are president in the US.
Usa sold them to them??? When and where? back that up dont just say it....
Trainned bin ladens crew? That was to fight the russians. So they train people to defend theirself and its oki for them to attack america??
Wtf are u smoking?
T
Teh Fonz!!1
Guest
- Thread starter
- #25
A
Arnor
Guest
- Thread starter
- #26
USA sold the Iraq weapons to attack Iran back in the 80's I think.
Havent you seen the pic of donald rumsfield shaking hands with Saddam? ill try to find it for you.
Bin laden was trained to fight the russian invaders yes, but you think they were trained for "defense" or do you think they were learned to use the nastiest, dirtiest tricks in the book to get their goals?
and btw, the US could have offed saddam e-z during the last campaign there, but they'd rather have a weakened saddam in control, then the up&comming shia-muslims(or someone else, i forget)
FYI: watch Bowling For Columbine, gonna learn something new i promise ya.
O
old.Nol
Guest
- Thread starter
- #27
It has nothing to do with bin or saddam, it has to do with all the innocent people that have died and will die because this war. T
I have no qualms with a joke thread, but don't bring crap politics into it.
S
spivvy
Guest
- Thread starter
- #28
Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Give me a beer!" The bartender replies, "Well uh..aren't you a piece of string?" The piece of string answers, "Yeah!" And the bartender says, "Well get out of here! We don't serve your kind!" So the first piece of string walks back towards the door.
The second piece of string says, "Hey wait, hold on a minute!" "You're not doing it right, watch this."
He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says "Barkeep! Give me a beer!" The bartender says "Aren't you a piece of string?"
The piece of strings replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not!"
The second piece of string says, "Hey wait, hold on a minute!" "You're not doing it right, watch this."
He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says "Barkeep! Give me a beer!" The bartender says "Aren't you a piece of string?"
The piece of strings replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not!"
W
woodmansee
Guest
- Thread starter
- #29
Lol usa sold iraq weapons in the 80s...
You didnt asnwer the question either..
Is it oki for bin laden to attack america after they trainned him to fight off the russians???
NO you didnt you made up some bs!!!!
Just cuz they trainned them to fight dosnt make it oki to attack America.. They should be friging greatfull someone taught them how to defend, or the russians would have turned them into dog poo...
V
vestax
Guest
- Thread starter
- #30
damn hijackers.....
THIS IS A JOKE THREAD!!!!11111
THIS IS A JOKE THREAD!!!!11111
- Status