If you know there's no future= break-up?
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Billargh
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How do you know that she plans to be settling down, getting married and having kids in the future Toto? Unless you've spoken about it, and I doubt you have after a week. Whats to say she isn't on forums.freidashouse.com asking her Off Topic mates exactly the same thing?!
...or maybe you should just change your views on not getting married etc!
...or maybe you should just change your views on not getting married etc!
pikeh
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Haggus
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Exactly what I was thinking. It's been 1 week and your thinking she wants to settle down? I think your being paranoid. If your gonna sit down with her and say look I don't want kids and shiz she is proberly gonna think where the hell did he get this idea from and would be the one running a mile.
Bejezus it's been 1 week. Let it run and see what happends. By saying she wants to get to know you doesn't mean she wants all that she just can see something with you. More like relationshipwise. Which doesn't mean kids and marridge.
Thinking she wants all that with you after 1 week of "seeing" (btw 1 week is more like getting to know, then about 3 weeks is probarly classed as "seeing") each other sounds abit big headed imo and if you talk to her might come accross wrong.
My opinion, stop. Stop what your thinking and just see how it goes. The time when you tell someone that you don't want kids is when it gets serious. NOT after 1 week.
russell
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Man Alive.
I respect a man with strong values and opinions, but you only just met?
Sure talk about how you feel, if it comes up.
But otherwise just get on with having fun
She will think there is something seriously wrong with you if you suddenly go on about not wanting to marry her and give her babies.
(I thought it was supposed to be the women who get all heavy too quickly)
You are not mis- leading her. Enjoy it for what it is.
I respect a man with strong values and opinions, but you only just met?
Sure talk about how you feel, if it comes up.
But otherwise just get on with having fun
She will think there is something seriously wrong with you if you suddenly go on about not wanting to marry her and give her babies.(I thought it was supposed to be the women who get all heavy too quickly
)You are not mis- leading her. Enjoy it for what it is.
i'd just coast, see how it goes i mean i'd be mortified if i did the whole "I'm not looking for a serious relationship but I know you are so I wanted to be fair to you" thing and then the other person came back with "I will be looking for a relationship...not with you though, i'm just using you for sex and foot massages, now grab a tootsie and stfu till someone better comes along".
i think i'd just go with it i mean if its nice and fun then carry on till it either blows its self out or evolves on its own.
boy am i in touch with my feelings or what
*gets in to lotus position and chants*
ommmmmommmmowwwwwOWWWW...aaargh, help, someone help ffs this really fucking hurts!
i think i'd just go with it i mean if its nice and fun then carry on till it either blows its self out or evolves on its own.
boy am i in touch with my feelings or what
*gets in to lotus position and chants*
ommmmmommmmowwwwwOWWWW...aaargh, help, someone help ffs this really fucking hurts!
old.Tohtori
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To those asking, i answered it before, it has come up(overheard) as pure knowledge that along the line, she wants kids and marriage, and WANTS wants.
Also it's bee made clear that she doesn't want to "mess about", but is looking for a real deal.
I'm not panicking, or bringing things into it, and i will do as i see fit, but if you know that someone is something and you're not, would you drop it.
Stop assuming thank you
Easy thing would be to just "hang about and drop her when she brings this stuff in", but that's exactly my point, if i know how she feels about marriage and kids now, would it be fair for me to stick about, let her maybe fall for me, and then bugger off when things get serious?
I know it's jsut a week, and i know it's just "meeting" and nothing serious, duh, but the fact is, i don't want to cause someone heartache(possible) if i know it's not gonna end up the way they might think.
Also it's bee made clear that she doesn't want to "mess about", but is looking for a real deal.
I'm not panicking, or bringing things into it, and i will do as i see fit, but if you know that someone is something and you're not, would you drop it.
Stop assuming thank you
Easy thing would be to just "hang about and drop her when she brings this stuff in", but that's exactly my point, if i know how she feels about marriage and kids now, would it be fair for me to stick about, let her maybe fall for me, and then bugger off when things get serious?
I know it's jsut a week, and i know it's just "meeting" and nothing serious, duh, but the fact is, i don't want to cause someone heartache(possible) if i know it's not gonna end up the way they might think.
Zede
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agree !
as frank zappa once said " ram it ram ram it up yer poop chute"
"broken hearts are for arseholes"
Overdriven
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Toht, do it all. I want to be the Godfather of the child.
To those asking, i answered it before, it has come up(overheard) as pure knowledge that along the line, she wants kids and marriage, and WANTS wants.
Also it's bee made clear that she doesn't want to "mess about", but is looking for a real deal.
I'm not panicking, or bringing things into it, and i will do as i see fit, but if you know that someone is something and you're not, would you drop it.
Stop assuming thank you
Easy thing would be to just "hang about and drop her when she brings this stuff in", but that's exactly my point, if i know how she feels about marriage and kids now, would it be fair for me to stick about, let her maybe fall for me, and then bugger off when things get serious?
I know it's jsut a week, and i know it's just "meeting" and nothing serious, duh, but the fact is, i don't want to cause someone heartache(possible) if i know it's not gonna end up the way they might think.
Just saw this post, and fuck me. If she laid all those "demands" on the table within a week, I'd run off screaming. No bloke is ready to live up to those demands within a week ffs, women aren't from fucking Venus, they most be 39127392817 trillion lightyears further from that plant!
old.Tohtori
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Ngh....let's get it straight...again...
She said she wants to get to know me. As in KNOW not just have fun.
I overheard the "kids and marriage" thing.
Not going to dump her because "i dun wanna get marrieds!!!"
She didn't lay anything on table.
The point is, what would YOU do, not "what should i do panic panic!"(where i mention "this thread is for feedback" is so i get perspective)
It's a hypothetical discussion based on a real life event.
She said she wants to get to know me. As in KNOW not just have fun.
I overheard the "kids and marriage" thing.
Not going to dump her because "i dun wanna get marrieds!!!"
She didn't lay anything on table.
The point is, what would YOU do, not "what should i do panic panic!"(where i mention "this thread is for feedback" is so i get perspective)
It's a hypothetical discussion based on a real life event.
old.Tohtori
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"Not going to dump her because "i dun wanna get marrieds!!!"" - means that i'm not gonna throw that down on table either.
Any other misconceptions or thoughts?
As said, not a "help meh" thread, a discussion thread as i found the "morals" of the issue interesting, no future=break-up right away and all.
I'm not gonna base my dumping her on forums...
Any other misconceptions or thoughts?
As said, not a "help meh" thread, a discussion thread as i found the "morals" of the issue interesting, no future=break-up right away and all.
I'm not gonna base my dumping her on forums...
old.Osy
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To be honest, I was in the same situation -- with a coworker. I knew what she wants (married, kids, house, etc), and I knew what I wanted (Sex, lots of it, no kids, absolutely no marriage).
So I did the natural thing and ... LIED.
"Of course honey, someday we'll think about that too, but for now we have to get to know each other better".
I didn't tell her I wanted the same things, nor did I tell her I didn't want those things explicitly.
She hates me now, one year later -- but I gave her good sex, and she still remembers that fondly.
Tbh, if everything in your life is planned to the last detail, and you try to do things exactly as you planned them, with no regard to the environment around you, and what it can sustain, in regard to your plans -- you're going to be a sad bear pretty fucking soon.
A bit of chaos never hurt anyone.
old.Tohtori
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Aye Osy, that's the usual thing and i wouldn't usually have aproblem with it, but i have this annoying thing that's popped up where i dno't even think about sexing someone if there's any indication that things might get more serious, until they get serious.
You know?
If it's rogering galore, ok, let's go.
If it seems it might get serious along time, stop check and bail if necessary.
I hate it 'cause it interferes with my "go with the flow" mentality
You know?
If it's rogering galore, ok, let's go.
If it seems it might get serious along time, stop check and bail if necessary.
I hate it 'cause it interferes with my "go with the flow" mentality
old.Osy
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I'm a "go with teh flow" guy aswell, but I still don't think that any indication that things might get "serious" should stop me from having my way with the opposite sex.
Sure, unfair -- Boohoo. Everyone does it, women more so.
Who knows, maybe some day i'll meet a girl just like me. God forbid
Sure, unfair -- Boohoo. Everyone does it, women more so.
Who knows, maybe some day i'll meet a girl just like me. God forbid
Calaen
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If you've only been with her a week? talking about kids will more than likely scare the fuck out of her. Shes probably thinking about all the great places you could have sex.
speaking up the sooner the better is the best option but being in something that might not even be considered a relationship for a short period of time and discussing kids and adopting is insane
speaking up the sooner the better is the best option but being in something that might not even be considered a relationship for a short period of time and discussing kids and adopting is insane
old.Tohtori
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If you've only been with her a week? talking about kids will more than likely scare the fuck out of her. Shes probably thinking about all the great places you could have sex.
speaking up the sooner the better is the best option but being in something that might not even be considered a relationship for a short period of time and discussing kids and adopting is insane
Not the point. Again.
If you know something about someone, that would be a deal breaker down the line, and you knew it IS a deal breaker either way, no matter how you know this, and you're only in a week old relationship, would you break it off?
liloe
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I strongly agree with this tbh.
Too true.
old.Tohtori
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Hey!
Yeah, it's a bugger all confliction between going along and having fun and thinking of the fact i know something will break us up eventually.
Kinda feels like keeping at it, with the promise of shooting her down, would be immoral.
Though, with Karma on "my side", jealous b*tch, who could stand me
old.Tohtori
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WELL....a little update as you all surely must feel like hearing it.
Things never came up, as said, not worth even talking about.
Today, normal evening, go watch a fireworks show, nice neough, huggy huggy, kissy kissy.
"You're so good for me", from her.
Etc. The usual.
Well, 1:30am rolls on. We're at a club/pub. Having a smoke outside, she's all apologetic, saying she really likes me..but..
Aye...but...
She'd really like to spend the night by herself to learn this new club, to meet new people.
Right. "No worries, i'll head on home and you lemme know if there's any trouble." Hell, can't help it, i am who i am.
Stand at bus station, waiting for the bus home, raining, and something i've not felt in 10(or more) years stirs in mah belly. You people know i don't say this lightly. Anger. Not the kind like "oh shucks, my tea is overboiling", but the kind that makes you start wars and slaughter small animals. Deep, burning, serious anger.
Here i am, with a girl, spending time and she's saying things like she likes me, REALLY likes me, huggy kissy, nomnom of a starting thing and then...blam..."i'd like to spend some time at this club by myself".
Seriously. Can i pick 'em or can i pick 'em...karma, sympathy, denial...all the women i need it seems.
Things never came up, as said, not worth even talking about.
Today, normal evening, go watch a fireworks show, nice neough, huggy huggy, kissy kissy.
"You're so good for me", from her.
Etc. The usual.
Well, 1:30am rolls on. We're at a club/pub. Having a smoke outside, she's all apologetic, saying she really likes me..but..
Aye...but...
She'd really like to spend the night by herself to learn this new club, to meet new people.
Right. "No worries, i'll head on home and you lemme know if there's any trouble." Hell, can't help it, i am who i am.
Stand at bus station, waiting for the bus home, raining, and something i've not felt in 10(or more) years stirs in mah belly. You people know i don't say this lightly. Anger. Not the kind like "oh shucks, my tea is overboiling", but the kind that makes you start wars and slaughter small animals. Deep, burning, serious anger.
Here i am, with a girl, spending time and she's saying things like she likes me, REALLY likes me, huggy kissy, nomnom of a starting thing and then...blam..."i'd like to spend some time at this club by myself".
Seriously. Can i pick 'em or can i pick 'em...karma, sympathy, denial...all the women i need it seems.
Huntingtons
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personally - (now i havnt read the thread since im doing a habit of it) - if you're not dating steadily but just bumming her bumhole and having fun theres no need to step up and tell her what you feel. that is if you both feel its not "dating steadily" (does many include her?). Now if she feels you're going steadily its already a lost cause. Its not your job to tell her this-and that. but its your job to make it clear that you are NOT serious at this moment and as long as you're both clear on that.
To be fair, yeah you could leave it now because you think (or know) that she wants it serious, since thats what she (possibly) wants. but if she has not expressed this to you (as in: I want YOU to join my life forever *in uncle Sam voice) then you have your right and your morals intact (as in dont feel guilty)
/edit
i should probably read the last post before posting!
Fair point from her side though. Although i would of said that thats some bullshit bringing you out there and telling you to fuck off (oh yeah, and i think its healthy for a relationship to go out without your partner)
and isnt that situation kinda ironic in some way?
To be fair, yeah you could leave it now because you think (or know) that she wants it serious, since thats what she (possibly) wants. but if she has not expressed this to you (as in: I want YOU to join my life forever *in uncle Sam voice) then you have your right and your morals intact (as in dont feel guilty)
/edit
i should probably read the last post before posting!
Fair point from her side though. Although i would of said that thats some bullshit bringing you out there and telling you to fuck off (oh yeah, and i think its healthy for a relationship to go out without your partner)
and isnt that situation kinda ironic in some way?