How do you tell a friend...

[old.Tohtori]

...that you want to be closer friends?

It's a tricky one, since we all know about the "i want to f*ck you" and "i want to marry you" situations, but a "i'd like to be more friends as friends" seems like the trickiest of all.

This is a male/female friendship situation, so the prolem there is that some things might sound like you want a relationship.

 

[BloodOmen]

hit her over the head with a house brick and have done with it.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well yes i've already gone through the usual FHOT answers in my head, but if we're talking real world strategies

 

[ECA]

"Hey, I really like you as a friend, but I don't want to sex you".

ezgame.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Not that ezgame.

It's clear that we're not in the i want to sex you area, and i like it that way too. the problem is moving on to a next level in a friendship.

We're good as is, but it would be great if we were in a more actie friendship.

With relationships, sure, been there done that, but this is different.

 

[Cerb]

I don't think it's something you say so much as it's something you act on. You make an effort to do things with them more?

 

[Krazeh]

I'm confused, you're already friends yes? But you want to be more friends but not by sleeping with each other? What exactly are you after?

 

[old.Tohtori]

To turn a friendship from that to a close friendship, don't know what the differentiating terms are in english.

Kinda like from seeing to dating in a relationship.

There are afterall a lot of stages in a friendship too, very few reaching real friendship.

The problem is, that the type of friendship we have, it's so cool as it is, that if i were to suggest something else(like hanging out more often, movies, etc), it might actually turn things to worse.

Ah f*ck it, too complicated to explain i guess.

 

[Punishment]

"Hey, I really like you as a friend, but I don't want to sex you".

ezgame.

Hahaha

 

[Punishment]

Not that ezgame.

It's clear that we're not in the i want to sex you area, and i like it that way too. the problem is moving on to a next level in a friendship.

We're good as is, but it would be great if we were in a more actie friendship.

With relationships, sure, been there done that, but this is different.

How about not overanalysing it and just letting it happen, its not like you start training advanced friendship level 5

EDIT: Not being mean or anything but you are coming across as somsone who would be a very possesive friend

 

[Wonk]

Just invite her over some more, and tell her that you really appreciate what you've got with her. I think she gets the point.

And if you're afraid that she thinks it's turning into a "more than friends" thing - do some uncharming masculine things in front of her. I'm sure we've all done things in front of GF's, that we wouldn't do before the relationship started

 

[Cerb]

How about not overanalysing it and just letting it happen, its not like you start training advanced friendship level 5

EDIT: Not being mean or anything but you are coming across as somsone who would be a very possesive friend

Jimmy I want us to be better friends. Come to DC...only soloution

 

[leviathane]

can't force these sorta things. That's the beauty of friendships, they're organic. Just try an be there really.

 

[Zita]

ummmm..... just let it happen, and if its meant to be... it will ;p

 

[Mey]

Yeh you can't really force someone to be a close friend it just happens.

Situations that you have gone through, experinces that you have shared, trials and tribulations spent. All these things and a hundred other make you close with a friend.

 

[Fast]

Just tell ch3t how you feel

 

[kiliarien]

Jimmy I want us to be better friends. Come to DC...only soloution

You can't have him Cerb; Jimmy will in the future save the Irish economy single-handed and then conquer the world. I have seen it.

On-topic: I'm not sure how to do what you're suggesting Toht, I suppose it's kind of hard because it must be specific to each friend relationship and the type of person they are. What activities/stuff do you discuss etc. at the moment?

 

[Thorwyn]

I thought Finns had 27 different words for "snow". Didn´t know they also had 27 different definitions for "friend".

Seriously, aren´t you always the advocate of "just tell him/her straight away" strategy? If it gets worse, as you say, it´s bad luck.

 

[Zenith.UK]

can't force these sorta things. That's the beauty of friendships, they're organic. Just try an be there really.

I know my wife shouldn't count but she's been my best friend for the last 14 years. We were friends that just enjoyed each other's company for 4 months before that.

 

[Lethul]

This was the weirdest thread in a long time. I have a lot of close friends, both male and female, not once have I asked "can we be a closer friends?" to become close

 

[Jiggs]

Wash your arse and come meet me.

It might work.

 

[Gwadien]

show her this thread = done.

 

[old.Tohtori]

On-topic: I'm not sure how to do what you're suggesting Toht, I suppose it's kind of hard because it must be specific to each friend relationship and the type of person they are.

Yeap, think so since people seem to think every friendship goes along just as the other. If it was a question about a relationship, it'd be every day stuff for people, now it's weird?

It's basically the same thing with good friends. Ofcourse, might be a whle different social thing with friends around the world.

And nobody is forcing anything.

But, as ssaid, it's too complex to explain really, so might as well drop it. If someone does get where i'm going, do PM.

 

[Bahumat]

Stick it in her bum and ask if she likes it?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Actually, let's ask it like this;

How would you go about asking your GF to move in together? It's a bit tricky since i'm nto sure if she's in the same place as me and i really don't want to f*ck up where we're at.

 

[Thorwyn]

I think the part that´s hard to understand (at least for me) is your wish to talk about your friendship status. Maybe it´s a cultural difference, I don´t know.
I´ve got a couple of people that I would consider friends. Some of these friends are good friends and some of these good friends are best friends. But I would never think about actually telling them, it´s a silent agreement. Talking about friendship status - and I don´t mean to offend you in any way - is what I have done in primary school.
So in order to understand your problem, let me ask you this: what are the differences between your current status and the "closer" status you´re talking about. Do you share more stuff with a "close" friend? Or what exactly is the "close" about?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Like i said, it's too complex to explain(evident from thread).

It's not like i was planning on asking "Wanna be best friends?!" or some other schoolyard crap like that, more towards spending more one on one time, how to start that, how to do it carefully so you don't spook someone etc.

JUST like asking someone to move in, because when you do and they don't agree, it's never gonna be the same again.

But at the same time, if you don't ask, it's going to stay the same. Same is with friends, you don't just "suddenly" evolve into sitting around talking personal sh*t. Someone instigates it.

Oh and i'm not a posessive fiend, i just take friendships more seriously then relationships even(if i get into one). Buddies and aquintances don't really count.

 

[kiliarien]

Like i said, it's too complex to explain(evident from thread).

It's not like i was planning on asking "Wanna be best friends?!" or some other schoolyard crap like that, more towards spending more one on one time, how to start that, how to do it carefully so you don't spook someone etc.

JUST like asking someone to move in, because when you do and they don't agree, it's never gonna be the same again.

But at the same time, if you don't ask, it's going to stay the same. Same is with friends, you don't just "suddenly" evolve into sitting around talking personal sh*t. Someone instigates it.

Oh and i'm not a posessive fiend, i just take friendships more seriously then relationships even(if i get into one). Buddies and aquintances don't really count.

I think I do actually get what you're wanting in terms of moving up the friendhsip ladder as such, just in a bind trying to think of how to go about it - maybe you've partly answered it yourself; could you start opening up about personal stuff in passing (ie. not just going personal scary stuff full-on) and see if she latches onto it and joins in the conversation, not necessarily with her own personal stuff, but trying to help or respond to yours?

It might be a way of subtly asking if she's interested in learning more about you as a friend without, as you aptly put it, just asking 'wanna be best mates?!' etc. That way your approach is passive without causing awkwardness or changing your friendship forever.

 

[Chosen]

Didn't you make a similar thread like this a couple years ago?

Anyway, I'd say go for it! IF you know for sure, that you can go back to beeing just friends, if she do not want anything more!

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think I do actually get w*snip*your friendship forever.

Yeah, or another thing i thought of is just wait and let her instigate it.

Problem is, that we've talked about deep dark secrets etc, talked about pretty much everything, but we're not hanging out except if we happen to meet(hang about same places). It's kinda like having a copy of yourself(gets and knows), but not hanging out on a scheduled basis. We don't even know when other one is out and about since we haven't exchanged numbers etc.

So while we're great friends, we're not in the conventional friendship thing

Didn't you make a similar thread like this a couple years ago?

Anyway, I'd say go for it! IF you know for sure, that you can go back to beeing just friends, if she do not want anything more!

Don't think so, might've done a similar though, can't put it past the realm of possible.

I can never really know for sure if things could go back, hensh the caution.

Then again, on a devils advocate way; Do i really want people in my everyday life? It's cool ofcourse to have someone you can talk everything to, but is it something that should be brought into weekdays etc.