Far Gate

[Wij]

*wake tdc up from dream of freedom*

*question him at a pleasant picnic*

*observe big white bollock capturing tdc as he tries to escape*

*get replaced by a new number two with a slightly different beard*

 

[Testin da Cable]

Who are you and why am I here? Where is here?


*wonder what the hell is going on*

 

[Wij]

*observe tdc trying to help pretty young girl escape from pleasant holiday village*

*play 'who can we trust' games with them*

*observe tdc's grief as girl dies during failed escape attempt*

...


...


...


*greet girl in my hq with a cucumber sandwich and a gin and tonic*

 

[Sir Frizz]

"Ack, is that a...whole cucumber in your sandwich?"

*slap Wij*

 

[Munkey-]

*spike gin with laxative*

*watch in glee as girl drinks*

 

[Wij]

*watch girl pretend to die again*

*imprison Munkey in dream-world of cowboys with mind-altering drugs*

*bump into TdC at village fete*

"We just want the information. This doesn't have to be hard you know."

...

...


*wonder if anyone else has a clue what I'm talking about*

 

[Testin da Cable]

Apart from me I'd say no.

*refuse to speak to Wij*

*run away in a random direction*

*enter house, sit at table*

*accept cup of tea from Wij*

 

[Wij]

*wonder if cup of tea is number one*

*realise I must have inhaled some of the mind-altering drugs I put in TdC's tea in order to be having thoughts like that*

*expect to be replaced by a new number two next week*

 

[Testin da Cable]

*notice Wij looks slightly different*

 

[Summo]

*observe Number Six running round The Village again*

Tsk.

Will Number Six never learn?

*continue monitoring Number Two's tea intake*

 

[Wij]

*inject tea*

*need to wee desperately*

*nip into bush to wee*

*find spy equipment I didn't know about*


*wee*

 

[Testin da Cable]

*notice odd thing in lampshade nearby*

*wonder what the heck is going on*

*resolve to attempt escape tonight*

 

[Munkey-]

*drop stage light on TdC's head from a great height*

*take beautiful woman off to cuba is episode shocker*

*win bafta's*

 

[Wij]

"Hmm, number 12 is having the BAFTA dream again. I must give him less tea. Or more. I forget."

*wonder if number 1 has something in store for me for letting TdC notice the air-freshener in the lampshade*

 

[Testin da Cable]

*walk through house carefully taking note of things that seem out of place without seeming to*

*take long shower*

*open bathroom window*

*walk out of bathroom towling hair*

 

[Wij]

*make TdC's shower spray out mind-altering drugs... because i can*

 

[MYstIC G]

*ponder why people from bulgaria are visiting his website*

10. 10 August 12:24 Bulgaria (euro-card.net)

*continue to ponder*

 

[Testin da Cable]

*trip madly while showering*

 

[Munkey-]

*cheer up mystic G*

 

[Nibbler]

*accidentaly get in the way of camera shot*

'Whoops'

*scurry off*

 

[Testin da Cable]

*wonder who it was that passed in front of the window*

*wonder why, if this flat is mine, does nothing look worn or have my name on it*

*wank*

 

[Sir Frizz]

*cut*

 

[Furr]

*wee on cut to stop infection*

*make bacon sandwhich*

*leave on table to get a beer from fridge*

 

[Nibbler]

*walk into kitchen*


Oooh bacon!

*pick up sarnie*

*scurry off*

 

[Furr]

*walk back with beer*

*find sandwich gone*

*Go mad*

*see nibbler with sandwich*

*give chase with sword*

 

[Nibbler]

*scurry to chainsaw shop*

*buy*

*Power up my big long friend*

*cut furof's sword in half*

Muhahaha! The hunter becomes the hunted!

*give chase*

 

[Wij]

*pick up itsy-bitsy ickle nibbler and furof in one hand*

"Aw - they're so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute. Can I take them home Daddy ?"

 

[Furr]

*Crawl up Wij's Arm*

*Jump in nose*

*Set up camp in wij's sinus*

 

[Wij]

*inhale aftershock*

 

[Furr]

*Inhale fumes*

*Suffer immense pain*

*fall out of wij's nose*