Deebs, is he or isn't he?

[TdC]

Heya Deebs, I don't know you that well, and I certainly don't know your dad, but the thought just struck me that perhaps next time you should maybe tell your dad that you really were calling your ma. I don't think it would be a bad thing to do.

From your words I can see that your ma is clearly still there amongst you even if she no longer is physically. I mean this non-religiously, just from the way you describe things around you, like a car, or something to eat or a place you liked. That is just awesome.

 

[russell]

Hey you.
Get through the next month, its going to be tough (for everyone who was close to her).
Then re-evaluate.
Think about getting help. Where's the harm? No-one need know.

 

[Billargh]

The few times I've read this thread is really has been an eye opener tbh. I doubt many can imagine what you're going through/been through Deebs, but good luck with it non the less.

 

[Kryten]

It certainly goes to show there's more to life than the Internet, but it's always damned good to know there's all these folks on here to support you when you need Sometimes that little gee-up from other generally anonymous folks online is something you need when you just can't face people eye to eye :/

 

[chipper]

youve done us all proud m8 youve got not 1 thing to be sorry for, real life should always come before the virtual one just remember the community is always here for ya

 

[Deebs]

Thanks folks, appreciate the words. Means a lot.

 

[sayward]

I find what you feel and write about your Mum amazing. Coming from a man such as you it breaks my heart. And I am not being facetious.(It's very difficult for me to write things without the intonation of verbal speech.)

My father was killed in a most horrific way a few years ago so I have a feeling for what you are going through. Fortunately I didn't feel about him as strongly as you do for your Mum, if I had I don't think I could have coped.

I think you are doing fantastically well. Even if you're only voicing your thoughts to FH that's quite an acheivement. I couldn't talk about my father for years and it's still difficult.

We don't seem to do a crying smiley.

 

[Deebs]

Sayward,

I am nothing special just someone who appreciated and loved his Mother very very much. There was not a thing I wouldn't do for her, why? I know from experience that she sacrificed certain things in her life for her children and never once complained.

Really sorry to hear about the loss of your father but still we share the same pain. We both just deal with it in different ways.

 

[sayward]

I hope that's a big hug, from me to you.

 

[Yoni]

Deebs as always you know where I am if you need me *hugs*.... next time we all go out can we do the 32 line of schnapps please .. although 2 made me feel a little icky

 

[Deebs]

What a hard day it has been. Take a trip back one year today and then 10 hours back from now.

I was in Kefalonia enjoying the sun, the cigarettes and the beer with my close friend "Muvva". Enjoying is a subjective word to me as I was actually waiting for my flight home to England.

Those of you who know me will know that my Mum passed away at around 1230am tonight (well technically tomorrow) and I had to rush back from my holiday to be by her side. I remember it very clearly as I also told my Mum off for trying to pull herself up in bed and it hurt her.

I arrived from Greece around 1830 still dressed in summer clothes and flipflops and went straight to her ward in Guildford Royal Surrey. She was pleased to see me and me her though when I first walked through the ward and saw her I could not stay for long as I was breaking up inside big style.

Hmm, I think that I have never said what I am typing to anyone outside of my family but I now feel that I am at the stage where I can share my experience (if you call it that) with you all (my friends who have known me for years and other who have learnt of me in recent times).

Ah yes, I remember now, I arrived back on a Thursday about 1800 and went straight from Gatwick to the hospital. All my family were there and my children had been to visit Nanny and make sure she was ok. It was hard, extremely hard, I could not handle it. Mum always said I wore my heart on my sleeve.

Anyway, things were looking okish so all my family went home and as we were walking outside I turned round to them and said "I am not going home, I am staying here with Mum". The nurses were accomodating and found me a nice recliner chair which I couldn't get the hang off so slept upright

Friday morning came and I was still in my holiday gear and my baby sister and brother turned up with coffee. After the coffee I went home with my Dad to have a shower and change. In the meantime my other sister turned up at the hospital and then rang us to hurry up as Mum had detoriated.

The rest of the day was quite surreal as certain members of my Mum's immediate family turned up and waited for our approval to come see her. At this point I still do not know if my Mum knew what was going on, I had to lie and say that my holiday was already over and it had been a week since I last saw her.

We called upon my Mum's priest, the Rev Nancy Ford, who came and said her last rites. At this point I still did not accept what was going on, I just felt my Mum was poorly and will get better. (yeh yeh, I am a soppy ****).

I will not go into the rest of the evening but from around 1900 till my Mum stopped suffering it was just her immediate family and we looked after her, spoke to her, joked with her and loved her more than anything.

My Mum passed away at 0025 on the 11th August, 2007. I was there loving her and holding her with the rest of her loving family. It has been a tough year for me, some of you think that I should let it out and seek professional help, I bottle too much up but trust me, this is how I need to deal with losing my Mum. I've never been one to share my thoughts but over the last year I have had my ups and downs. At one point I drank far too much but pulled myself out of it, other times I was just so down but my family and children helped me through the worst of it.

There are a few of you on the forums that know how much my Mum meant to me, Edmond, Jupitus, Meg, Chet, TdC, Kosh etc. They will understand my rambling and why I felt like I needed to post it on a public forum. Edmond especially, thanks for the text today.

I have said what I want to say and will not speak anymore of it, I have suffered the first anniversaries of everything, her birthday, my Dad's, my baby Sister, mine, my other Sister's, my Brothers. Her death. The cycle is complete.

Now I shall remember and enjoy my memories of a beautiful woman, loving Mother and Wife.

http://pamela.covelli.co.uk/

Love you Mumma Gucci, always in my heart.

 

[Kryten]

That says it all, Deebs. You know you're with friends here, whether we've met you or not, and you're quite within your rights to talk about it as much as you have done. Although you may have coped with it the best you could and bottling it up elsewhere, it's often easier to type things from the heart than it is to tell someone - especially when you know you've a great support crew here, as well as your ever-close family.
Whatever happens in future, you know she's at peace and wishing you a happy life from up there, right now.
You've a hell of a lot of respect from the folks here - never feel for one moment that you're putting anyone out of place when your talking about matters such as these; we welcome it.

 

[Rubric]

Respect.

 

[TdC]

so amazing how you can word these incredible emotions Deebs, what an awesome fellow you are. soppy **** indeed, in the best possible way of saying that. you say you're bottling things, yet if I could word a tenth of what you have already said, and told me in private, when my own time comes around, looking at things in such an emotional yet down to earth manner I will count myself a good man.

as always, and as Kryten said, we are all here for you mate.

 

[Himse]

You probably don't see eye to eye with me, because of my previous forum attitudes Deebs, but im always here as is everyone else if you ever want to spill out!

Much respect for staying strong, you're last post brought a tear to my eye i must say.

 

[Edmond]

Can still remember the phone call from you at about 9.30 that morning, when i looked at the phone and saw it was you ringing i didn't want to answer it as i knew what you were going to say. The whole period is still very fresh in my mind as i know it is for you, and it still brings back recollections of my own grief when my mum passed

But as i said to you, her memory is something to be celebrated, and not something to run away from, however you choose to hide from it, embrace it, because it will always be there

Will speak to you tomomrrow, Love you

 

[Deebs]

aww Edmond, sharing the thoughts! Not hiding from it, just reliving my memories and her passing away. Man it is hard!

 

[MYstIC G]

You and the rest of your family are the biggest tribute that can be paid to your mother T. I can only assume that the rest of the clan are as outstanding as you and it is through you that your Mothers accomplishments continue on.

All I can offer you is that I am here if you need me.

My continued condolences, friendship and respect.

Rob

 

[Jupitus]

T - I've known how hard this year has been for you at times, and hope that collectively we all have done our own bits to help where we can. Your loss cannot be portrayed in mere words, but I do sense from your own posts a feeling that Mama is still very much in your heart as she is in the rest of your close knit family. Stay strong fella, we all love you *hugs*

 

[Yoni]

*hugs* Tony

 

[sayward]

A bit late, but more thoughts and hugs.xxx