D.i.v.o.r.c.e

[old.Tohtori]

Trolllolololol

Yes i know, you're one of the ad hominem crew who can't discuss anything without it.

 

[Calaen]

Do you think it's necessary though? For you, from what you said, it seems to be, but in a general manner; do you think people can have the same relationship without marriage "forcing" things?

Grats on actually standing a woman for 10 years btw

That's the thing dude, because I actually stood up and acknowledged my Love for my wife in front of others, I take responsibility for making it work. That for me is the difference.

My uncle had 3 children to his g/f of 20 years, then they got married, so yes these things can work. But at the end of the day, relationships or marriage people just need to get real. It's not all fucking rosy, and but he likes everything I do and we're really good together. my own relationship works because we are both fucking realists.

I'll tell her if I've seen/met another female I am attracted to, likewise if she's saw someone. I flirt like a single man with everyone female I know and while it's hard in some instances as there has been the possibility of it going a step further I always reign it in and hold off. All because I made a commitment, if I say I will do something I follow it through.

I think Dori said it very well in the other thread about best friends

I don't see why it should be an issue.

I take pride in my friendships with the opposite gender - chastity is one of the most admirable and elusive qualities a human can possess.

 

[Calaen]

Yes i know, you're one of the ad hominem crew who can't discuss anything without it.

Sorry did I have to put a smiley face or a disclaimer to say I was taking the piss

 

[old.Tohtori]

Sorry did I have to put a smiley face or a disclaimer to say I was taking the piss

You're always taking the piss

I used it as an excuse to piss on the other two above

On the marriage, guess we agree, all you need to do is be smart about it and it doesn't really matter how the relationship goes.

Same goes for the whole divorce, as i said, the problem isn't getting divorced, it's how moronic the people are about it. Mostly underestimating how perceptive and smart kids can be.

 

[Deebs]

I had 2 children with my wife and we split up in 1999 after I realised that it was not fair on me or my children to keep pretending that all was well at home. It was the hardest thing I had ever done at that point in my life and I was devestated about what I was going to do to the children.

To ensure that it worked out as best as possible during the first 4 weeks I drove from Croydon back to their home every night to see them. As soon as I could (4 weeks from split up) I then had them at my flat every weekend for a long time and then as they got older it went to every other weekend.

Funnilly enough I took them out to Pizza Express this past Sunday and the subject of me splitting up was raised. I told them why I had to do it. They seemed happy and then immediately asked if I was going to ever have children again, I said no, at that point it was "oh Dad, I want a brother (from Francesco), I want a sister (from Anna-Marie)".

I have no doubt that it affected them in some way but I made sure that I did whatever I could to minimise the pain. Luckily both myself and their Mum have a good friendship.

 

[ford prefect]

I think if anything people probably leave it too long to get married these days. Any healthy marriage is filled with comprimise, but by the time you are in your late twenties or early thirties people tend to be very much set in their ways. It seems to me that people who marry late often find it very difficult to make those changes and find it difficult to have someone taking up their personal space.

 

[Huntingtons]

I think if anything people probably leave it too long to get married these days. Any healthy marriage is filled with comprimise, but by the time you are in your late twenties or early thirties people tend to be very much set in their ways. It seems to me that people who marry late often find it very difficult to make those changes and find it difficult to have someone taking up their personal space.

i believe its the general egocentric way people act these, days, and the possibilities that youre not Forced together by social norm, status or economy. Splitting up has become easier which is good, but its also bad and hurtful to the kids (so is sticking together when its not working)

 

[Everz]

The moto?

Never get married, pointless waste of time to me.

 

[russell]

Case closed, divorces fucks children up

Not as much as living 24/7 with unhappy, frustrated parents, who take it out on them -one might argue.

 

[Huntingtons]

Not as much as living 24/7 with unhappy, frustrated parents, who take it out on them -one might argue.

no, and yes - if the parents cant handle the divorce im pretty sure it can fuck them up just as much (and maybe more)

 

[old.Tohtori]

no, and yes - if the parents cant handle the divorce im pretty sure it can fuck them up just as much (and maybe more)

Pretty much what i've been saying all along, except that i said it in a different way.

 

[Thorwyn]

I think too many people are trying to solve a complex thing like this by just throwing in some of the big buzz words ... "selfishness" ... "responsibility" ... "egocentric", which just doesn´t work.

A divorce is a mutual decision between two grown up persons, who came to the conclusion that - for whatever reason - their relation doesn´t have a future. Each of those two persons is *responsible* for his own life and that he´s not trapped in a situation he doesn´t want for the rest of his life. And it´s *CERTAINLY* not the society´s job to put up any pressure on them, based on anachronistic thinking patterns and biased moral codices. (Now, to cover the "selfishness" part... you can reduce any human action to selfishness. In fact, the sheer act of reproduction is a priori selfish.)

Both people are acting responsibly in reflection of their current situation.
As soon as children are involved, it´s getting a bit more complicated, but essentially it´s the same. As long as BOTH parents are still trying raise their kids with all the love and support they need and with the appropriate cooperation and responsibility, there is no reason to change their decision. They may not be able to provide their children with a perfect family, but then, nobody is able to do that.

The fact that people don´t love each other anymore doesn´t mean they don´t love their children anymore as well. And a divorce doesn´t mean: run away from wife and kids.

As for the marriage thingy...
I don´t know about the UK, but here in Germany, people are basically forced to marry if they want to avoid serious drawbacks. Married people are in a different tax class than singles/non-married people (paying less taxes), if one partner dies and he´s not married, the remaining partner doesn´t get ANY pension or similar benefits (regardless whether or not he/she has children), if you´re not married and without children, you´re the first one to get fired as soon as your company needs to lay off employees. The pressure to get married (and more importantly: pop out some kids) is remarkablly high.

 

[ford prefect]

A divorce is a mutual decision between two grown up persons,

If you don't mind me saying so, that is a bit of an assumption on both counts.

 

[Thorwyn]

It´s as much of an assumption as "all divorced people are selfish, egocentric and without responsibility".

 

[eksdee]

My parents divorced when I was 7, by which point I had seen them have blistering rows daily, had other women coming to the house to scream at my mum for various reasons saying they were the one my dad really wanted to be with and all that toss. I saw my dad strangle my mum until she almost passed out. All those things effected me far more than the love and care I have received from my step-dad whom my mum met when I was 8. They have been together since and are both so much happier than they were before.

In my case at least, divorce was by far and away one of the most positive things to happen in my life, such as the results of it were. Things could, of course, have turned out much different but luckily they turned out well.

Conversely my girlfriend's parents are 49 and 50 respectively and have been married happily since they were 18. Their marriage couldn't be better and it completely changed my viewpoint on marriage - previously, as you might expect, I was vehemently against it.

Having seen both sides of the coin, and having been with my girlfriend for 6 years, I'm still completely on the fence about marriage/divorce. The pragmatist in me says what is the point? We are happy, why put unnecessary financial (the stupid cost of the event itself) and legal constraints on ourselves? But the more whimsical side of me thinks it would be lovely to call my girlfriend my wife and commit myself to her in public in the same way I do privately.

Thankfully, I'm lucky enough to have a very understanding girlfriend and while I get the impression she would like to get married some day what she always tells me is that she knows I would marry her in a heartbeat, and that's enough for her.

All in all, I think it comes down to this for me: if you're in love, marriage isn't going to change how you feel, but divorce can irrevocably change your life and the lives of those you love - especially in the case of kids - but not necessarily always for the worst. Like all things in life, I think you ultimately have to just try and do what is best for you and yours.

 

[ford prefect]

It´s as much of an assumption as "all divorced people are selfish, egocentric and without responsibility".

Absolutely.

 

[russell]

My parents divorced when I was 7, by which point I had seen them have blistering rows daily, had other women coming to the house to scream at my mum for various reasons saying they were the one my dad really wanted to be with and all that toss. I saw my dad strangle my mum until she almost passed out. All those things effected me far more than the love and care I have received from my step-dad whom my mum met when I was 8. They have been together since and are both so much happier than they were before.

In my case at least, divorce was by far and away one of the most positive things to happen in my life, such as the results of it were. Things could, of course, have turned out much different but luckily they turned out well.

Conversely my girlfriend's parents are 49 and 50 respectively and have been married happily since they were 18. Their marriage couldn't be better and it completely changed my viewpoint on marriage - previously, as you might expect, I was vehemently against it.

Having seen both sides of the coin, and having been with my girlfriend for 6 years, I'm still completely on the fence about marriage/divorce. The pragmatist in me says what is the point? We are happy, why put unnecessary financial (the stupid cost of the event itself) and legal constraints on ourselves? But the more whimsical side of me thinks it would be lovely to call my girlfriend my wife and commit myself to her in public in the same way I do privately.

Thankfully, I'm lucky enough to have a very understanding girlfriend and while I get the impression she would like to get married some day what she always tells me is that she knows I would marry her in a heartbeat, and that's enough for her.

All in all, I think it comes down to this for me: if you're in love, marriage isn't going to change how you feel, but divorce can irrevocably change your life and the lives of those you love - especially in the case of kids - but not necessarily always for the worst. Like all things in life, I think you ultimately have to just try and do what is best for you and yours.

Repped for a totally great post

 

[Ezteq]

My childhood was a bit like Esk's, except when they divorced I was still stuck with the female parent.

So the fact that they finally split up should have been an end to all that went before but it just started up a whole new box of tricks and fuckery (I was like 10 - 11 when they finally called it a day) and I am all in favour of divorce when two people hate eachother so much, staying together just for the children is a shocking idea...but when you really are just a crap parent I think they should have given the option to divorce them...they could have had full custody of eachother and I would have got some peace!

 

[Scouse]

So what makes people fall out of love?

The same pussy for 7 years and the fact that she stops gobbling quite as eagerly as she did when she was trying to impress?


Edit: I almost feel ashamed of myself for the crass obviousness of the above.

 

[Ezteq]

The same pussy for 7 years and the fact that she stops gobbling quite as eagerly as she did when she was trying to impress?


Edit: I almost feel ashamed of myself for the crass obviousness of the above.

...it's not just the men that fall out of love allow me to retort:

So what makes people fall out of love?

the fact that any chance of good sex has flown out the window because he's got a bad back and erectile dysfunction and hair sprouting from alarming facial orifices while still managing to go bald makes it impossible to find him attractive let alone sexy Oo

Edit: no, I don't feel ashamed at all.

 

[old.user4556]

Interesting. Keep the thoughts coming .

 

[TdC]

The same pussy for 7 years and the fact that she stops gobbling quite as eagerly as she did when she was trying to impress?


Edit: I almost feel ashamed of myself for the crass obviousness of the above.

tbh I would have willingly fucked my ex for the rest of her life (and mine for that matter, as just hers...well...that sounds rather dodgy)

the fact that any chance of good sex has flown out the window because he's got a bad back and erectile dysfunction and hair sprouting from alarming facial orifices while still managing to go bald makes it impossible to find him attractive let alone sexy Oo

sounds like most men tbh. the ones who don't get that are gay. just remember men develop the first two due to a well documented phenomenon called "having to listen to teh female winge". as to the latter, well, the hair has to go somewhere you know, and when it's not on my head or on my nuts then it will take another path

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think the old saying "Someone around is tired of f*cking angelina jolie" fits the case