D.i.v.o.r.c.e

[throdgrain]

Actually from my own personal experience it fits the human condition perfectly, you want them together but you want the happy version and know you can never have that but it doesn't stop you wanting it.

Anyway divorce numbers increasing to me is another example of the fact that these days people don't have to take responsibility for anything.

Have a kid, walk away.
Get married, walk away.
Beat people up, walk away.

It's not going to change but I think it's a shame.

This pretty much sums it up.

 

[megadave]

Toht, don't quote me on it, but I understand there are some important bits such as children and inheritance (which I suppose is financial gains).

I think pension as well. My parents have been together for over 30 years and are only now thinking about getting married, purely for the economic advantages.

 

[Ezteq]

i fail to see the point of relationships at all anymore, they don't last so why make it expensive when you do split up by getting into a contract about it.



/Havisham.

 

[old.user4556]

If I was to become single again, I honestly couldn't be bothered looking / finding another person.

I said to my mate in a semi-serious way that I would just pay for top quality call girls, I'm sure the total cost ownership would be be less .

 

[rynnor]

i fail to see the point of relationships at all anymore, they don't last so why make it expensive when you do split up by getting into a contract about it.

/Havisham.

Shame - marriage is a rite of passage - it marks the end of your childhood and the start of putting someone else first (and in time kids).

Nowadays even people who are married seem to think they can continue to live as they did before - this fuels the divorce rate.

A lot of people are stuck in childhood living purely for self gratification - the cost of housing, student debts etc. mean people spend longer and longer at home stuck between life stages.

Our society has become increasingly shallow driven by pure self gratification - this is extremely corrosive to society in the long term.

 

[russell]

If I was to become single again, I honestly couldn't be bothered looking / finding another person.

I said to my mate in a semi-serious way that I would just pay for top quality call girls, I'm sure the total cost ownership would be be less .

I know what you are saying.
But a life without love stinks in reality, in some form or another.

 

[old.user4556]

Romantic love - it's just a big illusion in your own head designed to keep two people together long enough to raise children.

 

[russell]

I disagree.

 

[old.user4556]

You're a woman though .

 

[russell]

Romantic love would be the shakiest foundation possible to raise children.

Hence the 'I love you soo much I would die for you'-Lets procreate. Fuck Im knackered and you look like shit. Stuff this for a life. I'm not in love with you anymore. I want a divorce... and no I dont want to see the kids. The end.
What this here thread is all about!!

 

[old.user4556]

Okay, let me rephrase; romantic love is an illusion that lasts long enough to make two people pro-create.

 

[russell]

maybe

 

[old.user4556]

So what makes people fall out of love?

 

[russell]

BINGO.
Now that is a prudent question.

 

[rynnor]

Okay, let me rephrase; romantic love is an illusion that lasts long enough to make two people pro-create.

Personally I always wanted kids - my only worry was could we afford them but that turned out ok

 

[Ezteq]

Shame - marriage is a rite of passage - it marks the end of your childhood and the start of putting someone else first (and in time kids).

Nowadays even people who are married seem to think they can continue to live as they did before - this fuels the divorce rate.

A lot of people are stuck in childhood living purely for self gratification - the cost of housing, student debts etc. mean people spend longer and longer at home stuck between life stages.

Our society has become increasingly shallow driven by pure self gratification - this is extremely corrosive to society in the long term.

yep, you commit yourself to a relationship and plan your future round it then the other bugger decided 'ooh I wonder what's over there' or just decides to hit the eject button rather than stay with it. I for one just don't have the energy to pour so much of myself into a relationship that will be whipped out from under me like a bad carpet and you have absolutely no say in the matter.

another person is a variable that you just cannot account for, they lie when they show you what they want you to see of them. I'll stick to having friends...it's a kind of love but not one that'll break your heart when they decide to bugger off.

 

[old.user4556]

BINGO.
Now that is a prudent question.

I could answer it openly and honestly, but I fear i'd get slated by the Freddies.

 

[rynnor]

another person is a variable that you just cannot account for, they lie when they show you what they want you to see of them. I'll stick to having friends...it's a kind of love but not one that'll break your heart when they decide to bugger off.

True enough but I hope you have better luck in the future - there are decent blokes out there.

 

[Ezteq]

Romantic love would be the shakiest foundation possible to raise children.

Hence the 'I love you soo much I would die for you'-Lets procreate. Fuck Im knackered and you look like shit. Stuff this for a life. I'm not in love with you anymore. I want a divorce... and no I dont want to see the kids. The end.
What this here thread is all about!!

because while they may love someone so much when they have the flu and are leaking from every facial hole they own and dribble food down their shirt or drive them nuts they will then see someone who they haven't seen looking like hell on toast and can't imagine them ever looking like it (even though they do, but just in secret), or even just think about what they 'might' be missing.

You hear people going 'I gave them the best years of my life!' says who? there could be more brilliant years but there might not so they decide to go have a look for themselves because getting out of it is so easy, and a lot of times people will take those who dumped them for greener fields back when they decide there isn't anything better waiting for them.

Folk make rash decisions but they usually have a safe and sure way back in if it goes tits up.

 

[Ezteq]

True enough but I hope you have better luck in the future - there are decent blokes out there.

lol thanks but please don't wish that on me, I've had all I can stand and just want to focus on being a dotty old bat surrounded by friends and guinea pigs for the duration

 

[old.Tohtori]

So what makes people fall out of love?

Realisation that they weren't that in love to start with?

 

[old.user4556]

Too tired to post, will return tomorrow.

 

[Huntingtons]

Not me -not yet anyway!

More and more of my friends, with kids, are separating, having affairs, divorcing or having councilling about their relationship.
Basically after they wake up from the baby/ small child phase, they seem to be thinking is this it? Do I want to be with this person, for ever, like this? What does this man/ woman actually bring to the table...

i saw this when i worked in a nurserey (sp?) (0-3 y/o). NONE OF THE MOTHERS WRE SINGLE!

Rewind 30 years, when I was at school I was the ONLY one in my class whose parents were divorced and people took pity on me and frowned upon my mum -some of her own family didnt speak to her for years.

In my class now (I am a teacher) over half of the children are from 'broken families' and the majority are fine. It is now the norm - but still something the government blame for the breakdown of society (which is utter crap -I grew up with 'single parent families' children never do well, resort to crime, dont get A levels, dont go to uni, drop outs etc- It is how the child is parented that counts, be it 1, 2, 3, or 4 parents. It is the example, attitudes, values and beliefs that child is given that determine their contribution to society -anyway I go off on a tangent...)

Back now!
So I am starting to see divorce as a positive thing that allows choice -if you are stuck, dont love the person anymore, you can escape and make a better life. However I am aware it costs an arm and a leg and the children can be unsettled (I dont think it scars them for life any more) and that the ending of any relationship is painful.

I however disagree and believe it can scar kids for life still. The thing that helps is the reaction from society and the sorroundings. Kids still get severely affected by it (the few cases i saw at my old job its easy to tell even on 0 y/o children that their parents have having trouble at home, in fact we often know before the parents tell us simply because they have no other way of reacting to it). Because whether or not your child shows it, its still their world UPSIDE-FUCKING-DOWN, and you as parent dont handle it with utmost care youre gonna have a teenage rebel or 2 on your plate.
That said youre probably gonna have that anyway

 

[Vasconcelos]

The worst marriage is the one you commit with your mortage bank

 

[Huntingtons]

Claiming i live in a bubble pretty much ended that discussion.

oh, but you do which is why ive refrained on numerous occacions to take up a discussion with you. I will however, ask this:

I see it, but did you notice the point where i said i wasn't talking about special cases? Nowhere was i claiming that someones mental illness isn't one.

what makes a childhood trauma like divorce, drunken beating daddies, death of parent or abuse any different from mental illness? why dont just say to people who are schizophrenic, just get over it? grow up and realize its not how youre supposed to work?



kudos to you zenith taking it 1 step at a time.

 

[Lethul]

Yeah, being that my parents divorced when i was 13-14, with a violent drunk father, no, nothing at all.

So how's your experience?

Just to add; sometimes divorce is a f*cking blessing, instead of a "deeply emotionally wounding boohoo experience" like Sputnik there tried to enforce.

Case closed, divorces fucks children up

 

[old.Tohtori]

what makes a childhood trauma like divorce, drunken beating daddies, death of parent or abuse any different from mental illness? why dont just say to people who are schizophrenic, just get over it? grow up and realize its not how youre supposed to work?

Because schizophrenia isn't the only mental illness around. Mental illness and trauma of divorce(not abuse, not beating parents) are quite different. The onlöy "trauma" you get as a kid, if your parents divorce without being morons, is that you felt a boohoo as a kid. You get over it, if you're a reasonable adult, because you know it was for the best.

Zenith got over it, as i said, not lasting. Problem with you is that you read things as you want and don't budge after. No amtter what is said, if you have a problem with it, you cling to it like your mothers tit.

Case closed, divorces fucks children up

Nothing to do with divorce and i'm less f*cked up then a lot of other folk in here, who've had a fine dandy home life.

 

[Calaen]

BINGO.
Now that is a prudent question.

A shit load of things

There's been times when I have fell out of love with my wife and we've had difficult periods, as in considering going our seperate ways. But after we've actually sat down and discussed the issues we both have, with the way the relationship is going. We have been able to pin point when the problems started and when significant changes to how we were feeling started to grow.

By talking about it and breaking it all down. We've effectively been falling in and out of love for 10 years this June, 5 of which will have been married.

Marriage.... For me it's an extra commitment that says.... Sure we are going to have problems, but we're going to try everything within our power to try and make things work before we just walk away. That's the difference for me between being married or not, had I not made that commitment it would have been easier to walk away from my GF and I dare say I probably would have.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Marriage.... For me it's an extra commitment that says.... Sure we are going to have problems, but we're going to try everything within our power to try and make things work before we just walk away. That's the difference for me between being married or not, had I not made that commitment it would have been easier to walk away from my GF and I dare say I probably would have.

Do you think it's necessary though? For you, from what you said, it seems to be, but in a general manner; do you think people can have the same relationship without marriage "forcing" things?

Grats on actually standing a woman for 10 years btw

 

[Calaen]

Zenith got over it, as i said, not lasting. Problem with you is that you read things as you want and don't budge after. No amtter what is said, if you have a problem with it, you cling to it like your mothers tit.

Nothing to do with divorce and i'm less f*cked up then a lot of other folk in here, who've had a fine dandy home life.

Trolllolololol