Comedy Injuries Part 2.

[kameleon]

I'm not explaining it

 

[old.ignus]

I mean a reply

 

[Yoni]

I have several - not as dramatic or as funny as Willer's tho


1] As a young thing I jumped out of the swimming pool and went over to the deck chair - my little sister promptly threw herself down on it and it collapsed on my big toe - which proceeded to go all kinds of colours before the nail dropped off.

2] Me and one of my brothers were putting a hammock up in the garden when yes I was the fool that held the nail which he obviously missed and got my thumb which he broke and still clicks in a funny kinda way today.

3] Again same brother and I were playing golf in the garden and he took a full swing with me too close behind him. he cracked my head with it when I came round my hair was redder than it is naturally and there was blood pouring down my face.

 

[Trem]

Originally posted by leggy
I remember another one.

I laughed at this guy singing vierra songs on the way home from the pub. He knocked me to the ground and kicked me in the body and face until my shoulder was broken and my face mangled.

I know it ain't funny Legs but I laughed my ass off at that. I remember when it happened it was the first time I had ever spoke to you and it was to ask how your shoulder was. Great days.

 

[~Lazarus~]

Does this count.

NOTE That this was not me

MEDICAL ASPECTS OF HUMAN SEXUALITY

JULY 1991, Page 15

UNUSUAL CASE

By William A. Morton, Jr, MD

"Scrotum Self Repair"

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She
directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to
say that he "needed a doctor
who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and
obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his
trousers to expose a bit of angry red
and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his
trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped
about his scrotum, which was
swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged
zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some
half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several
days earlier, he replied, he had
injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the
laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were
one-inch staples of the type used in
putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to the
hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy,
and hexachlorophene sitz baths
prior to surgery the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and
debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were
retrieved, and the skin edges were
trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The
stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and
the vessels ligated properly,
though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and-through Penrose drains
were sutured loosely insite, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less
than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An
unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave
the machine shop at lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had
begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the
canvas drive-belt of a large
floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he
lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum
suddenly became caught between
the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a
few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too
stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the
wound closed and resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of
self-gratification.

 

[Jupitus]

I was stupid enough to read that whilst eating my breakfast


OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[.Cask]

I thought that was gonna turn out to be a load of bollocks but Snopes confirms it.

What a stupid wanker

 

[FatBusinessman]

 

[Munkey-]

My mate dislocated his arm after tripping over a log in the forest.

Nothing unusual there, but he claims he saw a hamster and the shock made him trip.

 

[xane]

A boss at the department at work I used to be in tripped over his doorstep, and broke both his arm and leg !

 

[Wilier]

Originally posted by Munkey-
My mate dislocated his arm after tripping over a log in the forest.

Nothing unusual there, but he claims he saw a hamster and the shock made him trip.

Your mate, is he gay?

 

[Will]

My girlfriend has apparently managed to tear two different exes frenulums. This scares me a lot.

 

[Summo]

Um... Google turns up nothing. Care to explain what happened, Will?

 

[Will]

Someone had to ask...you know the small piece of skin which attaches your foreskin to your penis? That.

It bleeds a lot, apparently.

 

[leggy]

Lines you can use in this situation will:

1) "I'll call you sometime"
2) "It's not me it's you"
3) "Please fuck off I love my penis too much"

 

[Aoln]

accidently farting really loudly in the middle of assembly in primary school

ofc i blamed it on the person next to me and everyone believed me

 

[Will]

Originally posted by leggy
Lines you can use in this situation will:

1) "I'll call you sometime"
2) "It's not me it's you"
3) "Please fuck off I love my penis too much"

I'm actually not too worried...having the piercing helps to protect against that one.

I just know Summo is going to ask why. But I refuse to go into detail until then.