Best quotes thread

[Deebs]

its more the fact that deebs always comes out with the perfect one liners in the middle of conversations that would make anyone laugh..

except cdr, we are still trying to find out if he really is human...

Am I human or not?

Hmm, tough one there. Have luck trying to find out.....

 

[Cdr]

Am I human or not?

Hmm, tough one there. Have luck trying to find out.....

If I'm not, then you definately aren't.

 

[k9awya]

<Zenith> we will win the map
<Zenith> if we dont we will lose

concerning bwra2 :/

 

[Deadmanwalking]

As we are doing quotes that don't have to involve anyone from here.

Murphies laws of combat. Not really quotes but im sure you will live. A bloody olden but funny as hell.
Here

 

[Lazarus]

wet meself at this one :

http://www.bash.org/?4848

 

[Doh_boy]

wet meself at this one :

http://www.bash.org/?4848

Another good bash one

http://www.bash.org/?8851

The same one?

 

[nath]

lol good ol' dave.

See q2.uk isn't all bad!

 

[Doh_boy]

Another, better, bash quote.
#139697 +(1915)- [X]
<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

 

[kosh]

fozzys dad on his favourtie sexual perversion


(@fozzer) frogs with a straw up their ass are fun ))

 

[mank!]

lol good ol' dave.

See q2.uk isn't all bad!

q2.uk was the funniest place I ever went on IRC.

<@kowalski`> dont frig in the bath, it can only end in tears

 

[TdC]

--
dear people, it is very important that we -or at least some of us- are aware of what is going on in the world
--


some bloke in the dutch metro said that

 

[milou]

http://www.i-rox.com/

mostly #trickery

 

[Lazarus]

<linky

 

[Elcain]

Elcain is so god damn sexy \o/

Yeah

 

[Munkey]

dunno if quoting yourself counts but this made me laugh:

[21:12] <Munkey`> set the controls for the heart of the sun!
[21:13] <freddiestar> sheep
[21:13] <Munkey`> bicycle
[21:13] <freddiestar> money
[21:13] * freddiestar turns into arnold layne
[21:13] <Munkey`> heh
[21:14] * Munkey` - fell in love with a boy
[21:14] <freddiestar> and...
[21:14] <Munkey`> ark. that sounds dodgy
[21:14] * Munkey` goes to edit the filename
[21:14] <stav> heh

 

[00dave]

During a game of DoD:

Stazbumpa: We're gonna lose this one
Me: No we can pull it back........like the foreskin of hope.


At work:

Workmate: Well let's not beat about the bush
Me: Why not what's wrong with foreplay?


Proud of them myself

 

[Salteh]

<Salteh> get an USB -> ps2 converter thingie
<Salteh> every mouse comes with them nowadays
<digibawb> "a USB"
<Salteh> a USB ?
<Salteh> why
<Domi`> u said AN
<digibawb> cuz it's phonetics that matters
<digibawb> USB is pronounced with a y sound
<Salteh> oooh scary
<digibawb> so no an
<Salteh> so you say.. get ayouessbee
<Salteh> evil
<Domi`> wtf
<digibawb> yes
<Domi`> i say
<Domi`> you ssss bee
<digibawb> so did salteh
<digibawb> you ess bee
<Domi`> why is it a y sound then
<digibawb> er, "you" ?
<Domi`> :|
* digibawb pats domi on the head

 

[Deady]

Yay time for Mr Bandit quotes! Various quotes taken from different times.

<Mr_Bandit> sffu i gave head on holiday to some spanish girl

<Mr_Bandit> Processor speeds it up loads and RAM but not as much as the processor or the CPU is quite fast if u upgrade it has it got a driver for the CPU?

(Mr_Bandit): when u register for Linux shell does £2 come out your Bank? (Mr_p): nah they come round your house every month to collect it (Mr_Bandit): do they?

<Mr_Bandit> i found School hard, but i found maps easy

(Mr_Bandit): words mean nothing (T0PCAT): course they don't twat (Mr_Bandit): ok who rattled ur cage dick face

<Mr_Bandit> Webpages come quicker now cus the data from hard drive is better

You can retreive more by joining #a&i and doing !quote

 

[Trem]

<leggy> my dad heard you calling me a fucking wanker on the mic
<leggy> he laughed
<Trem> lmao
<OblongChicken> heh

 

[Lazarus]

<+b00bie> as thin as trems c0x0r
<@Trem>
<+Lazzarus> treams got a coxor?
<@Trem> it is strangely thin
<@Trem> like a pigs
<@MIDER{KEA}> curly
<+Lazzarus> cos youre a tight fisted wanker tbh
<+b00bie> nah, quite averagly thin luv
<@Trem> oh no laz is gonna quote me
<+b00bie> im ;pissed i thinkm
<@Trem> im thinking i am

 

[Trem]

<Lazzarus> mind you its only 3 inches
<leggy> lol
<Lazzarus> but most girls dont like it that thick
<leggy> fs mine actually is
<Trem> lmao

 

[b00bie]

[23:11] <OblongChicken> you are going to be a daddy?
[23:11] * Geeber has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
[23:11] <Trem> yes m8
[23:11] <Lazzarus> trem is teh daddeh
[23:11] <Trem> i have working spunk tbh
[23:11] <OblongChicken> my brain really does not know how to process all the implications of this piece of information
[23:11] <Trem> lol
[23:11] <Trem> same here
[23:11] <Trem> all I can think is Scalextric

 

[throdgrain]

Ahh the sounds of home .....

 

[DaGaffer]

[23:11]
[23:11] <Trem> all I can think is Scalextric

That is beyond...fabulous. Distilled bloke in a quote.

 

[Lester]

/now talking in #gov
<Blunk>adsffll ffnwyutypb loj
<2Jags>I think your text 2 speech prog is fucked dave
<Blunk>kjh pol asdavc
<Gordo> lmao
*2jags slaps Blunk around a bit with a large trout
*Tony has entered the room
<Tony>lo guys
<2jags>lo
<Gordo>lo
<Blunk>ki
<Tony> just wanted to drop in to makes ure i have your support tomorrow....
<Gordo>of course
<2jags>np
<Tony>great nn all.
<2jags>nn
Gordo>bye
*Tony has left the room
<Clare> wanker
<Gordo> aye

 

[Bodhi]

Thorny shoots Mac (who is wearing nothing but a bullet proof cup) in the bollocks.

Foster:How ya feelin there Mac?
Mac (in a high pitched squeal): Good enough....to fuck....your mother.


From Super Troopers. If you havent seen it do so, now.

 

[Kryten]

As sad as it is quoting myself:

<Guest2453> how i make Q come?
<Kryt> stroke it harder.

usual quakenet #help humour :>

 

[Loxleyhood]

[TB]Heavens: going to watch harry potter 2 =(
Wilddork|Draxa: its so sad harry dies in the end
[TB]Loxleyhood: Harry dies!?
Wilddork|Draxa: hes eaten alive by a soem giant snake
enkor: he dies of a cocaine
[TB]Loxleyhood: Does he at least get to fuck Hermanie first?
ekydus: actually there might be a name for textual porn
[TB]Loxleyhood: No
[TB]Loxleyhood: Harry Potter donned his magic invisable cloak, and silently slipped into the girl's dorm. He carressed Herm's silky breasts, and stroked her hair, until he felt the time was right, and pulled out his wand.......
[TB]Loxleyhood: Gentley he pushed it inwards, back and forth, back and forth. The fact that herm shared a room with 2 other girls detered him not. Then he got bored. "Time for you to see my most powerful wand" he said, grinning
[TB]Loxleyhood: Herm didn't really like Harry, but everyone else in the school was ginger or fat, so "fuck it" she thought. And she did.
[TB]Heavens: u writing a book or something ?
[TB]Loxleyhood: Herm squealed in delight as Harry thrust his magic forwards.
[TB]Loxleyhood: Herm's breasts shimmered as she began to sweat, her toes stretching out as Harry probed deeper and deeper.
[TB]Loxleyhood: At this point Ron's little sister decided to join in for some reason
[TB]Loxleyhood: Ron's sister and Herm kissed tenderly as Harry continued his magic, Herm's face starting to contort with pleasure.
ekydus: Ron's little sister was inexperienced with the wand, but she new how to wave it just the way Harry liked it.
[TB]Loxleyhood: Herm's pussy began to throb and shake, she screamed out so the whole dorm could hear!
[TB]Loxleyhood: But Harry was not finished with Herm yet, they didn't call him a parcel tongue for nothing
[TB]Loxleyhood: Licking his way around as wisely as a man navigating a Labirynth, he made Herm cry out even more
[TB]Loxleyhood: haha, im making myself laugh now
ekydus: my turn
[TB]Loxleyhood: Now both Ron's sister and Harry licked and licked
[TB]Loxleyhood: licked and licked and licked!
[TB]Loxleyhood: Herm's small frame teetered on the brink of a second climax!
[TB]Loxleyhood: Then she lurched her body in the air, crying in her new discovered ecstasy!
[TB]Loxleyhood: Then Ron decided he wanted to join in
[TB]Loxleyhood: But they told him to fuck off because he was ginger
ekydus: magical gang bang ^^
[TB]Loxleyhood: But Harry was still not content
[TB]Loxleyhood: Herm was gasping on the bed, clutching the sheets, but Harry had still not blown his magical potion
[TB]Loxleyhood: Now it was Ron's sister's turn, who had very unselfishly waited up until this moment
[TB]Loxleyhood: Harry forced open her legs, like a conqueror smashing down the gates to the city, and thrust deep into her body
[TB]Loxleyhood: She cried and cried until abrubtly Harry was content, and the three of them were left grasping, exhausted between the sheets.
[TB]Loxleyhood: I should do this when on pad more often
ekydus: His wand was no longer sparkling as if new, it had been worn down and it was growing larger as the magic waited to explode
[TB]Loxleyhood: this is barrysworld worthy imo
ekydus: nah it'll be closed cos of it's paedohphillic content ~_~
[TB]Loxleyhood: well, at least I'll have no shortage of fantasys if I want a wank tonight
pinkie: thought TB was against zerging

 

[Jupitus]

As sad as it is quoting myself:

looks like you started a trend

 

[Kryten]

Bugger. /me hands in his apologies