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mank!
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- #61
They're both AQ2 players, I'd be angry if I played that.
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old.RedVenom
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- #62
And Battlefield. Games (and people) generally make me angry.
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Clowneh!
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- #63
you're a sad twat with nothing better to do
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old.RedVenom
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- #64
Handbags at dawn, baby.
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Xtro
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- #65
Indeed.
Moving back to the subject area - I answered this on another forum recently in a lot of detail so excuse me for being a bit scant here.
When looking over CV's the main things I want to know first are:
1. Where do you work now and how long have you been there. I want to know what you do exactly.
2. What job did you have before the one you are in now and how long did you do that for?
3. Qualifications. I do not give a FUCK about O levels or A levels and I don't much give a fuck about degrees but most do. Bearing in mind what job it is - have you done specific courses relating to that job? Summarise ffs, not EVERY FUCKING qualification that you've ever got in life.
4. Age (not that fussed), crim record (again can be dealt with, depends on job), driving licence that kind of thing.
And importantly - contact number. Get it on the covering letter and get it on the CV. If I can't contact you without fucking about = the bin.
Interests? Fuck off. I couldn't give a shit if you play the guitar, like books or wank yourself off with dutch cheese graters. If any twat includes stuff like that - bin.
Listing every job you have had since the dawn of time - bin.
A CV in a wanky font - bin.
CV over a page - bin.
CV with covering letter drawing out the main points of CV - ok. CV with covering letter that goes on and on and sounds like total PR shite - bin.
CV from anyone who supports Sheff Utd - bin and house torched.
ANYONE who rings up to pester - bin.
I think that covers it. Just give the facts without much flowery shite on top so that they are easy to find and easy to pass on to HR etc.
/edit: I forgot the most important thing - a year's actual work in the job area > 20 billion qualfications and no experience.
Moving back to the subject area - I answered this on another forum recently in a lot of detail so excuse me for being a bit scant here.
When looking over CV's the main things I want to know first are:
1. Where do you work now and how long have you been there. I want to know what you do exactly.
2. What job did you have before the one you are in now and how long did you do that for?
3. Qualifications. I do not give a FUCK about O levels or A levels and I don't much give a fuck about degrees but most do. Bearing in mind what job it is - have you done specific courses relating to that job? Summarise ffs, not EVERY FUCKING qualification that you've ever got in life.
4. Age (not that fussed), crim record (again can be dealt with, depends on job), driving licence that kind of thing.
And importantly - contact number. Get it on the covering letter and get it on the CV. If I can't contact you without fucking about = the bin.
Interests? Fuck off. I couldn't give a shit if you play the guitar, like books or wank yourself off with dutch cheese graters. If any twat includes stuff like that - bin.
Listing every job you have had since the dawn of time - bin.
A CV in a wanky font - bin.
CV over a page - bin.
CV with covering letter drawing out the main points of CV - ok. CV with covering letter that goes on and on and sounds like total PR shite - bin.
CV from anyone who supports Sheff Utd - bin and house torched.
ANYONE who rings up to pester - bin.
I think that covers it. Just give the facts without much flowery shite on top so that they are easy to find and easy to pass on to HR etc.
/edit: I forgot the most important thing - a year's actual work in the job area > 20 billion qualfications and no experience.
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mank!
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- #66
I'm fucking glad I'm never likely to apply for a job where you work X.
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Xtro
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- #67
hehe
Its not that bad tbh.
People are usually pointed out and invited here rather than the traditional CV - interview routine, but we do get loads of random CV's sent and occasionally we'll pick one up.
As long as people pass a round of security checks its all done via a "little chat". I've had 3 jobs here, never had a formal interview.
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PhaZeY
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- #68
Well i think the first rule is keep it short and sweet - with emphasis on your selling points (experiance).
For example, my CV is quarter page personal details/ quarter page qualifications and training and one and a half page experiance (less school leaver building site crap)
Think of it as a Pot Noodle advert - after 20 seconds you are sold and want one, but it still takes 5 minutes to eat.
Best of luck with the job anyways.
On the other hand you could always go with a CV that just says "I give free oral pleasure, please employ me" (just for the goons here)
cheers
./P
For example, my CV is quarter page personal details/ quarter page qualifications and training and one and a half page experiance (less school leaver building site crap)
Think of it as a Pot Noodle advert - after 20 seconds you are sold and want one, but it still takes 5 minutes to eat.
Best of luck with the job anyways.
On the other hand you could always go with a CV that just says "I give free oral pleasure, please employ me" (just for the goons here)
cheers
./P
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mank!
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- #69
James Bond.
That was quite informative though, I'm going to remake my CV but it's going to look shit and dull, and I need to keep my GCSE results on there because they're the only qualifications I have
I'll get rid of interests, key skills and most of my 'experience'.
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old.RedVenom
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- #70
Yep, put things appropriate to the job.
If you can find a relevant way to link in being a bum for most of your life, do - otherwise leave it out. Employers only look for relevant things...
If you can find a relevant way to link in being a bum for most of your life, do - otherwise leave it out. Employers only look for relevant things...
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Mr.Monkey
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- #71
Staple a fiver to the CV.
Or if it's an executive postition, best make it a tenner.
Failing that, offer the "services" of your wife/gf/mum/sister/self.
And I do mean sex.
Or if it's an executive postition, best make it a tenner.
Failing that, offer the "services" of your wife/gf/mum/sister/self.
And I do mean sex.
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leggy
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- #72
Nice post Xtro, made me cry
bin and house torched lol.
Anyway.. where exactly do you work? and what do you do? if you don't mind me asking.
bin and house torched lol.
Anyway.. where exactly do you work? and what do you do? if you don't mind me asking.
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mank!
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- #73
He can't say, I've asked before
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leggy
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- #75
If you can't say, can you give me a job?
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old.RedVenom
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- #76
Not sure employers would notice, but for your grades I'd be tempted to put "B, B", rather than x2. Looks lazy. But then I'm not in control of recruiting people, so....
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mank!
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- #77
Done.
I just had a thought, shall I steal the longest DAoC sig I can find and put it in my CV?
I just had a thought, shall I steal the longest DAoC sig I can find and put it in my CV?
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Sir Frizz
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- #78
You'd make millions!
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Testin da Cable
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- #79
with that you could become my chief coffee-getter. you want the job? it pays shite, but you get to be near me lots!
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Scouse
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- #80
No no and NO!!
If you exaggerate on your CV then chances are if the job is for something other than data-input monkey then they'll ask detailed questions about the job - and if you've been less-than-honest you'll get found out and binned.
My CV? 3 pages, word template (highly modified)
Never failed to get an interview if I sent it out, only ever failed 3 interviews...
I'd post it here but frankly, its fucking gold and there's no way I'm going to give any of you fuckers a head-start
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Xtro
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- #81
leggy
No I can't say where I work. No, I can't get you a job mate sorry To recompense though I did vouch for you on the trade thread of that other forum this morning, dunno if you spotted it
I've signed the Official Secrets Act but I'm not James Bond lol. Its dull but can be interesting sometimes, enough said.
I'm glad you found my rant a bit useful mank (oh and ta for the Swindon post!). One thing I did forget to say is that sometimes you see these "personal statements" on CV's, more than likely put there after the CV WIZZARD in Word demanded the poor sod include one. I...abhor...these. They usually read as either badly written PR or narcissistic shite. Avoid.
No I can't say where I work. No, I can't get you a job mate sorry
To recompense though I did vouch for you on the trade thread of that other forum this morning, dunno if you spotted it I've signed the Official Secrets Act but I'm not James Bond lol. Its dull but can be interesting sometimes, enough said.
I'm glad you found my rant a bit useful mank (oh and ta for the Swindon post!). One thing I did forget to say is that sometimes you see these "personal statements" on CV's, more than likely put there after the CV WIZZARD in Word demanded the poor sod include one. I...abhor...these. They usually read as either badly written PR or narcissistic shite. Avoid.
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Xtro
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- #82
Btw - posted new reply rather than edited as i cba, but one thing about O levels/GCSE's. Think of a time you've been asked for specific proof for your O level or GCSE results when applying for a job....how many times?
Lets just say you can "adapt" them and employers don't notice fuck all.
Depending on the age of applicant and nature of the job you can also do this with A levels and Degrees. Obviously going into a job for the state or education might make it a bit different but honestly, do you remember any employer asking you to bring your degree certificate in?
Be careful but bear it in mind, don't lie out and out, just "mold" what you have.
Lets just say you can "adapt" them and employers don't notice fuck all.
Depending on the age of applicant and nature of the job you can also do this with A levels and Degrees. Obviously going into a job for the state or education might make it a bit different but honestly, do you remember any employer asking you to bring your degree certificate in?
Be careful but bear it in mind, don't lie out and out, just "mold" what you have.
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mank!
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- #83
I might as well just delete that bit and put in '10 GCSE's' I suppose. I've never been asked for proof, but then I've never applied for a job before. I was just randomly offered my last one because I knew someone there.
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Xtro
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- #84
Christ a third reply in a row - sorry.
Mank, why the x2? I know someone above mentioned it - I don't understand why its there though - 2 grades for the same thing or what?
As for little things like (Half GCSE) - drop that. I don't care and employers won't. Just list subject - grade, that's fine. Later in life if say you had A levels and degree etc etc I'd just put Degree - A lvls with subject and grade (As not many so not too many to witter on about) and a 1 liner - XX no. of O lvls including (RELEVANT ONES TO THE JOB MENTIONED HERE).
Why 3 referees? Strange as it may seem I noticed that immediately. 2 not good enough? I hate to be funny but if I noticed it others will - there's no need for a third, drop the one you trust least.
Also if you get other experience soon, drop that 2 weeks experience from the CV. The one below provides far more info about you.
Not bad tbh.
Mank, why the x2? I know someone above mentioned it - I don't understand why its there though - 2 grades for the same thing or what?
As for little things like (Half GCSE) - drop that. I don't care and employers won't. Just list subject - grade, that's fine. Later in life if say you had A levels and degree etc etc I'd just put Degree - A lvls with subject and grade (As not many so not too many to witter on about) and a 1 liner - XX no. of O lvls including (RELEVANT ONES TO THE JOB MENTIONED HERE).
Why 3 referees? Strange as it may seem I noticed that immediately. 2 not good enough? I hate to be funny but if I noticed it others will - there's no need for a third, drop the one you trust least.
Also if you get other experience soon, drop that 2 weeks experience from the CV. The one below provides far more info about you.
Not bad tbh.
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mank!
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- #85
It's two grades, they bundled Science together as one subject and you get two GCSE's for all three subjects. I've changed that to D, D now. That english one shouldn't be there, as I got a C and it's listed below.
Dunno really, I just had three people in mind and put all three down
I'll get rid of my head of year at school, before he tells prospective employers I didn't turn up for 6 months
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Scouse
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- #86
That like the "mold" on your brain there X?
/pedant off
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leggy
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- #87
Originally posted by Xtro
To recompense though I did vouch for you on the trade thread of that other forum this morning, dunno if you spotted it
Actually I have just seen it.
Thanks alot m8
Fear not about the job, I prefer my chosen career as a male slag anyway.
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mank!
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- #88
*slip fiver*
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Wij
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- #89
*keep wallet closed*
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.Cask
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- #90
Is it worth investing IT training courses? Like the Cisco and Microsoft ones you can do. I was thinking they might be something good to do during summer but they've got a pretty hefty price tag of around £800 - £1200 for 3 or 4 day courses.
They'd look good on a CV but I suppose might be a huge waste of money if I wanted to do something other than IT or unrelated IT sectors.
I'm desperately looking for a part-time IT job at the moment so I actually have a tiny amount of experience after finishing my degree. I doubt serving on the meat and fish counter in sainsburys and hygiene training will impress many IT employers :/
They'd look good on a CV but I suppose might be a huge waste of money if I wanted to do something other than IT or unrelated IT sectors.
I'm desperately looking for a part-time IT job at the moment so I actually have a tiny amount of experience after finishing my degree. I doubt serving on the meat and fish counter in sainsburys and hygiene training will impress many IT employers :/