Your CV

[old.RedVenom]

Clown doesn't do jokes, they require intelligence.

 

[Clowneh!]

Originally posted by Testin da Cable
perhaps you should give out some tips on CV making then smartalec

the woman who wrote all that is some sort of adviser. i'd trust her over what to put in my cv than a little kiddy boy filled with hate.

 

[Mr.Monkey]

Originally posted by old.RedVenom
Clown doesn't do jokes, they require intelligence.

oic.
Can we feed him then?

 

[Testin da Cable]

play nice now




I've managed to fit my CV into a single small paragraph:

name: tdc
skills: I can do everything needed to admin 1000+ node unix networks and can make it do nice things as long as I never ever EVER get disturbed in which case I shall kill/rend/destroy/maim depending on my caffeine level. I'm also good with people and cats. I can be bribed with pizza, but if it's not a quality one there's the odd chance your data will be lost in a freak harddrive malfunction caused by shock damage of the drive impacting on your face. Hire me or those dodgy emails you've been sending will be printed in all the major papers across the country. I come cheaply but cost a lot.
goals: to meet up with an 18yo blonde beach bimbo who has a degree and likes unix.

 

[Mr.Monkey]

Mine

Name: Monkey
Interests: None, fundamentally boring.
Prev job experience: None. Unless you count unpaid masturbation as a job. In which case, lots.
Ability: Willing to spam forums for food. Will happily tread on uncertain moral ground for money, and ethics are for wussies.
Housetrained and good with carpet. Not allowed to go near childern since the "incident".
Convictions: Everything apart from treason (working on it)

 

[old.RedVenom]

You trust someone who wrote out a CV to sound like that? Poor fool.

Anyway, who says I'm hate filled? I'm the most cuddly, affable person you could meet. Not that you ever will, because I don't suffer fools gladly.

Anyway, this about sums it up, since you're all so CV-tastic:

Systems and network administrator for a multinational design firm, catering for the needs of 5000+ nodes across multiple time zones. Bit of a smartarse.

 

[mank!]

This has turned into a brag-about-your-job thread. Well, before it descends into utter madness can I just mention I've got shit qualifications and no job? thx

Oh, and my CV sucks apparently.

 

[Sir Frizz]

CHAFF

:/

 

[old.RedVenom]

Not really mank... I'm quite happy to demean myself, as long as its knocking someone else off their pedestal aswell.

 

[Mr.Monkey]

Originally posted by mank!
This has turned into a brag-about-your-job thread. Well, before it descends into utter madness can I just mention I've got shit qualifications and no job? thx

Oh, and my CV sucks apparently.

Err, if ur jealous of my CV, I can remove it if u like.
I didn't mean to make anyone feel inadequate.

 

[mank!]

Yes, please remove your CV immediately. It makes me horribly depressed.

 

[Sir Frizz]

I'm a rocket scientist, brain surgeon, bombs physicist...oh and i'm the president of the world. No really. No, i really am.

 

[Clowneh!]

Originally posted by old.RedVenom
You trust someone who wrote out a CV to sound like that? Poor fool.

Seeing as it's her job to help people find work, I'd say so, yes.

 

[stu]

"Personal Summary" paragraphs are a waste of time. They tell you absolutely nothing - after all, everyone puts down they have good communication skills, a drive to succeed, etc. Total bollocks. You're not going to put "actually, I'm a bit of a slacker" are you.

Just the facts ma'am. Just the facts.

 

[leggy]

Unless you put uselful info into your personal summary.

And btw only wanks put good communication into a CV. A bit like "I enjoy reading and playing with friends or myself"

 

[mank!]

How about your post your CV leggy, seeing as you have so much to say about other peoples? I'm curious as to what a proper professional CV looks like.

 

[leggy]

How about no?

I'm smart enough to know that it is probably the worst idea coming only second to you asking for a custom title.

And btw mate I dont have that much to say about others' CVs I was merely stating fact. Employers other than McDs dont want to see "I play with my friends and read books".

 

[Sar]

My CV:

Smarter than you. Job plsthnxhi!

 

[old.RedVenom]

Just post the obnoxious; "My job consists of me doing lots of clever things."

It worked for me...

 

[Sar]

Just use lots of very big words.











































60 point type should do it nicely.

 

[mank!]

It was a genuine question, seeing as everyone here has so much to say about other peoples CV's I'd like to see what a professional one looks like. Or do you work for MI5 as well?

Employers other than McDs dont want to see "I play with my friends and read books".

There's fuck all else to put on my CV frankly, it's not as if I have any decent qualifications or life experience.

 

[leggy]

Ok sorry I thought you were having a dig.

The thing to do is to build on what you genuinely have done (i.e exagerate a little )

I'll post my CV later. It needs worked on again but it'll give me a reason to fiddle with it (so to speak).

 

[Testin da Cable]

Originally posted by leggy
I enjoy reading and playing with friends or myself

Originally posted by leggy
it'll give me a reason to fiddle with it

I'll post mine too. It's shit, but got me hired somehow

 

[mank!]

heh, perhaps I should just put "employ me" in size 60 font like Sar says :d

 

[old.RedVenom]

It worked for me... although that was several years ago now.

Just get on the rungs of the corperate ladder, as long as you aren't as stupid as clown, you'll be fine.

 

[leggy]

I see RV has underlying homosexual feelings for clown that he just cannot keep to himself.

 

[Testin da Cable]

 ######  #    #  #####   #        ####    #   #          #    #  ######  #    #
 #       ##  ##  #    #  #       #    #    # #           ##  ##  #       #    #
 #####   # ## #  #    #  #       #    #     #            # ## #  #####   ######
 #       #    #  #####   #       #    #     #            #    #  #       #    #
 #       #    #  #       #       #    #     #            #    #  #       #    #
 ######  #    #  #       ######   ####      #            #    #  ######  #    #

#     # #     # #######
 #   #  #     # #     #
  # #   #     # #     #
   #    #     # #     #
   #    #     # #     #
   #    #     # #     #
   #     #####  #######

######     #    ######   #####  #######    #    #     # ######   #####
#     #   # #   #     # #     #    #      # #   ##    # #     # #     #
#     #  #   #  #     # #          #     #   #  # #   # #     # #
######  #     # ######   #####     #    #     # #  #  # #     #  #####
#     # ####### #   #         #    #    ####### #   # # #     #       #
#     # #     # #    #  #     #    #    #     # #    ## #     # #     #
######  #     # #     #  #####     #    #     # #     # ######   #####

edit: err :/

 

[mank!]

It's Glynners MKII.

 

[Testin da Cable]

seems so indeed :/

 

[old.RedVenom]

Originally posted by leggy
I see RV has underlying homosexual feelings for clown that he just cannot keep to himself.

He's my bitch, and he knows it. We just spat on here becuase we can't be together all the time. Hot man-love diggity...








</sarcasm>