Women Troubles...Help!

[PLightstar]

Hi

Kinda in a strange situation with my GF at the moment, And I don't know what to do..

Best if I explain

On Friday night we had a huge argument, and I decided to walk out, the next day I moved all my stuff out and moved back in with my parents.

The problem is she says she wants me back, but I don't now if I can go back,
we have these huge arguments every few months, usually when she has too much to drink, she bottles up all her feelings then lets them out in one go, but becasue of her drunken state you can't reason with her, and we end up in huge arguments. Sometimes she brings up the same subject which is a girl I fancied a year b4 I met her, which she still believes I still fancy her, even though I have told her so many times that I don't, I always feel guilty talking to anybody when we go out for a drink. My parents say I should be the one with the paranoria, (she is my 1st serious gf, she has had quite a few bf b4 me and she was married with a child yrs ago).

But even with those problems, when she is sober most of the time she is the best GF you could ask for.

my entire family find that she is very manulpitive, so if I do go back I've got that to deal with.

at the mo, its best that I stay with my parents, I am up to my eyes in debt, but the main problem is that the house we are renting, the lease is contracted for 6 months and I still got another 3 to go.

Maybe we did move to fast, but I was wondering what other ppl thought of the situation.

 

[dysfunction]

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare tbh...

If you cant live with her drunken rages then its probably best to dump her and find someone else....thats what I would do anyway.

I certainly wouldnt be happy with all those arguments...it would drive me to drink!!

 

[Tom]

Don't involve your family. They'll invariably be on your side, and should you decide to stick with your gf, while you make it up with her, they won't.

 

[Will]

If its so bad you've moved out, I'd stay moved out. Take some time to see how you feel...if you feel happier not there, stay away.

 

[babs]

Some people just turn into arses when drunk, you can't do anything about it. You just have to agree between you that if she gets drunk she has to realise she's being a tit and that you won't pay any attention. That's fair enough if you ask me.

Living together is a strain regardless of how well you get on, a good barney once in a while clears the air. 4 a year is reasonable, i'd love to keep it to that

 

[Tilda]

Some people just turn into arses when drunk, you can't do anything about it. You just have to agree between you that if she gets drunk she has to realise she's being a tit and that you won't pay any attention. That's fair enough if you ask me.

Living together is a strain regardless of how well you get on, a good barney once in a while clears the air. 4 a year is reasonable, i'd love to keep it to that

I agree with babs.
I'd go and talk to her and decide between you what you should do.
If she gets drunk again, just walk away and go to bed, tell her you'll talk about in the morning or something. Theres no point arguing with a drunk who's convinced she's right.
Perhaps ask her if theres anything you should be talking over? If shes bottling up her feelings, perhaps sitting down with her and having a good chat about any issues she/you think you have would help. Then she'd have less to rant about when drunk?
I'm not quite sure about the moving out/in thing.
If it was me, i'd talk to her and explain that if theres problems, you want to talk about then when you're both sober, and that in future if she does it, you'll just walk away.
If she really wants you back, and is to you a perfect girlfriend when not drunk, i'd go back.

If you're up to your ears in debt, why go out drinking? I know it sounds harsh, but if you really are struggling, then cut things down.
Regarding the house, I dont know what your contract says, if you say ofc its no problem, if you leave, its quite likeley, if you cant sublet a share, that you'll still be paying rent.

In conclusion (sorry for the ramble), it seems to me, although she was drunk etc, you're moving out was (certainly looks it from what you've said) a bit of a reflex reaction.
I'd go to her at a netural location, neither your parents house, nor hers (and keep your parents out of it!) and talk things over. Explain that while it might have been an over reaction you moving out (if it was ofc), you dont want to have drunken arguements. Talk through the problems she thinks you have, and any problems you think you have. If she has problems talking face to face about it, ask her to write you a note with it in might help. But make clear, that if she does it again, you'll just ignore her until she stops ranting or something.

Tilda

 

[Calaen]

You have missed one of the main problems Tilda, his family does not get on with her/trust her this is a major issue. The fact you got all your stuff and left says to me that there is more problems underlying than 1 drunking argument.

When in a relationship and by this I mean living with your partner, every detail can at times fuck you off, if you bottle it up it is bad for the relationship no matter how much you talk about it. If your partner persists in bringing something up that is totally pointless and from the past e.g. Girl you might fancy blah blah blah there is no hope tbh.

Everything you do wrong could be brought up in an argument months down the line, look forward not back you could be dead tommorrow, if your partner doesnt agree her loss, go out and live your life. As said in Tom's post there will be other lovers, partners no doubt.

 

[Formash]

I'm glad you're only renting and havent bought a place, it gets a lot more complicated if you decide to stay out and possibly lose the asset of a house.

On the flip side, if you owned the house, you could tell HER to go.

This isn't really helping the problem at hand.

I've been with my GF for the last 13 years, we argue, although we don't drink, so our arguements are when sober. They are over small petty things, and after a year or two she obviously stopped bringing up previous GF's and nowadays its all with a pinch of salt.

If its only ever drunk arguements which cause you to feel like this, or put you in this situation then i suggest sitting your GF down when she is sober, telling her you wanna talk, without the threat of drink talking. Explain how you feel. Now comes the crunch, if she doesn't want to listen, when sober, then i feel the time is right for you to move on.

Sounds horrible, but i see it as the only way to go in this situation. Unless you want to try and work through it, but picking your 'talk' times will have to be paramount.

You say you have a lot of debt. a word of advice - DON'T ever go to one of those companies advertised on living tv (if you're in the UK) that offer debt consolidation, as invariably you'll end up paying a ton more in interest per year than your income

 

[Trem]

A swift shovel to the back of the head would work.





Works for me anyways.

 

[PLightstar]

Thanks for your help guys.

I wouldn't go with one of those debt companies I think one of them, you ask for £25K and you end up paying nearly 50K, not worth it in the long run.

On the Money front my Grandad has stepped in and said that if I need a quick loan from him, I can pay it back when I want, but I don't really want to borrow money from my family bad bad idea.

...
I mean we do still have the odd arguement here and there, when shes sober. The thing is I don't drink so it makes it harder, I find it hard backing down and walking away, Her best friend said shes always been like it and she gets into drunken arguements with her, she said she looks for an arguement when she gets like that.

The more I think about it, the more likely I will be finishing with her.

I think its gunna be hard but I think its for the best, in the long run.

 

[old.user4556]

Life's too short to be in a situation that you're not happy in such as yours.

You're in danger of paralysis by analysis - don't think of the "ifs", "but this", "but perhaps if we this and that"; it's clear that the potential to argue will always be there with her, made worse by her drunken state. Resentment will also build up and come pouring out - give "moving on" a try.

Stay at home, get some space and start sticking your dick in other women. You'll feel much better, I guarantee it.

 

[~Yuckfou~]

Shag her sister.

 

[old.user4556]

and that

 

[Wij]

Only ever say nice things about your family to her and about her to your family. Never give them ammo. No good will EVER come of it. It's always your decision and if one ever has reason to suspect the other of backstabbing your life will be hell.

If these jealosies are confined to the odd drunken whinge I wouldn't be that bothered, just make sure she doesn't still harbor them whilst sobre. Ask her when she's feeling guilty. If she's puking her guts up with a hangover and actually saying sorry, then take advantage (sorry girls, you have much worse tempers than we do generally, we have to adapt) and ask her about it in a nice way whilst being consoling.

If she really is jealous and controlling then you're best off out. If it's just booze and she's not an alcy, you'll cope.

 

[Marc]

If you are in a lot of debt, try talking to your creditors. They will try and help you out. Alternatively, if you are in debt by £15k+ and are really struggling to repay it, contact the CCCS. This is who we recomend as they are a charity and wont rip you off. They are very good at negotiating with creditors as they are held in high regard by the credit industry. You will only pay back what you owe and wont pay any charges etc.

 

[`mongoose]

IF it's just the odd drunken argument it seems a bit mad to be walking out over it....

My sister used to be the same, she'd have a drink and before you know it you'd be in an argument, over something stupid then she'd get all mad and upset and you'd have 2-3 days of tension until she'd realised what an arse she'd been.

Over 2-3 years with the same fella, they have worked hard at resolving the issues and now she knows the warning signs. She knows when she is about to move from happy and having a good laugh to too much and likely to start an argument. When she feels like that she stops drinking, sobers up and generally only argues with her fella when sober.

Generally my wife and I rarely argue - big arguments tend to arrive once every year or so and normally are caused by worries over things. I doubt if your girlfriend actually thinks that you would run off with the girl you fancied, I think it's more likely that she feels low about herself ...

I'd go and have a chat with her over tea or sommint and say how she makes you feel when you argue. My wife and I went through a phase like this before we got engaged and it almost split us up. It's possibly one of those if you work through it, you will be stronger jobs.

I guess it's down to how hard you both want to work at it. If you both do she'll cut down on the drinking to argue and you'l work hard at listening when she want's to have a sober whinge

Hope that helps

M

 

[Panda On Smack]

I havent read what anybody else has written as im a little busy but you mentioned her being the best GF when shes sober. i think you need to talk to her in this state and express what happens when she has been drinking.

Communication is so important, you have to explain to her how what she does makes you feel but not in a way that gets her back up. As a general rule i always play the diplomat assuming the person im with will take things the wrong way but with time and a calm manner you can talk about anything and resolve all problems.

No matter what just be calm and understanding. We all have bad points but we have to decide if the person we are with has issues which we just cant deal with.

Sadly though there are some very unreasonable people in the world and you just have to walk away from them.

Hope you sort it anyway.

 

[PLightstar]

Thanks again guys,

I've asked to meet up with her for a casual chat, so that I can get all my feelings of my chest, and clear my head.

 

[PLightstar]

I had the 'chat' last night, talked for about a hour, and I decided to end it. Then when I got back to my parents I was fine, then she called me asking if there was anything she could say to get me back, I went back round and we spent about 4 hours talking again, and im back to square one, we are both willing to work on our problems, but I said I can't move back in yet, but she wants me to move back in straight away, I just don't feel ready in myself to move straight back in, I need time, but she thinks thats a bit selfish.

 

[Bodhi]

Shag her sister.

and her best mate too.

 

[Lazarus]

and her best mate too.

then mount her from the back, grab her tits, tell her you shagged them and then see how long you can hold on for

 

[.Wilier.]

Dont move back in mate, not if you dont feel ready to. If she wants you back that bad, she will understand your concerns and realise that the only way of keeping you is by doing it your way.

You will either find that some space will make you closer, or you will realise that your best off without her. Then at least you dont have to worry about moving out again.

Has she admitted that its only when she's drunk that she let it all out? It may be that drink is just what she needs to feel confident enough to let all the bottled up shit go, Im sure you aint no angel (no-one is......except maybe Jonty ). After several episodes of the same nature with Mrs Wil weve come to realise that keeping anything bottled up is bad, its much better to have a small tiff a couple of times a week than a monster row every few months.

 

[Whipped]

I've just been through the exact same situation with my fiancee. It was a lot harder for me to leave her as she has a little 6 year old boy that I adored. However, sometimes you just have to ask yourself if you're happy. In my case I was far from happy and I had to leave even though it would break the little boys heart.

The only difference between my situation and yours was that it wasn't drinking that caused arguments, it was breathng in an out. Or at least it seemed that way sometimes.

Don't move back in until you're ready to do so. Sometimes a bit off time apart can be good for the soul. You'll, hopefully, miss each other more and realise why you were together in the first place. Of course, if that doesn't happen, then get out quick and don't drag it on giving her hope.

 

[PLightstar]

I decided to stick by my guns and end it between us, she says that if I love her there is no option but to move back in with her, she doesn't see that I need time and space to sort things out in my head.

I least im starting to feel a bit better, now i've made my decision, I don't feel so ill.

 

[dysfunction]

Good for you! Sounds like the best thing...

 

[.Wilier.]

It takes a lot of guts if youve been really close with someone, but Im sure, by the sounds of it, that you'll be ok.

Now come to my LAN and have some fun why doncha??

 

[PLightstar]

Well to wrap things up, I managed to end it, she kept asking me to come round, but I knew if I did I would keep going round in circles. As I was speaking to her on the phone things kept coming to the conversation, that meant I knew I was doing the right thing, she even tried saying things like im really horny and I need you to look after me, to get me to go round there.

She then went out drinking and she phoned twice during the night, I think she may have tried to get into my garden aswell, I think I heard someone trying to get in the back.

Ah well, everything happens for a reason or so they say.

Hopefully we can stay friends eventually, we'll just have to see what happens.

and thanks guys for all your advice really has helped me.

 

[~Yuckfou~]

So you shagged her sister?

 

[tankgirl_ni]

" Some people just turn into arses when drunk, you can't do anything about it. "

not drink? alcohol free beer? i don't drink.. i haven't for 2 years and 1 day... last night i drank was the night johnny cash died.

women are mental.. i am one... i know!
as for the stay friends.. dude, in all fairness and i know its hard but the best thing is to just cut all ties and start again. being pals with someone who basically wants their cake and to eat it never really works.. especially if its an ex.
tomorrow is a new day. keep yer chin up.

 

[PLightstar]

Its nice to know what women think of the situation, I always have to take what my mum and sis say with a pinch of salt. Cause they are supposed to always back me up.

I think your right though, being friends is guna be kinda awkward, seeing as everyday now im getting txt's and e-mails from her saying she loves me.

Plus the fact im getting mixed signals from her, I thought I would send her an e-mail asking how her weekend went, cause apparently she went out on a date, wether this is true or not doesn't bother me anymore. But all I got back was, what are we guna do about Telewest (as its in my name I canceled it, god knows how much she used the phone last week, I think the bill is guna be very high).

And I went round there last night to pick up the Telewest Box and she didn't say a word, Id rather stay out of it, if shes playing games.