What to do

[Teh Krypt]

About a year ago my parents split up, I really didn't care as I still saw both of them. I lived with my mum.

A week later some Turkish bloke moved in, he was ok to me at first, after a while he decided I spent too much time on my pc he started taking internet wires, computer cables ect off me, hiding them somewhere, even when I needed it for homework.
He began to be totaly unreasonable about everything really. He was pushing past me in the house, and lieing to my mum about different things. I won't go into great detail about all that.

One time, after a few months of living with him, I was taking my dog into the living room, he said the dog can't be where we eat, now this dog loves people, and I feel so sorry for her if she has to be kept away. She sulks . I brought her in anyway, I had done for 10 years, why not now?

He picked me up threw me into a glass table, I banged my head, then he kicked me while I was on the floor, he then draged me by my arm upstairs, while I was still led down. I couldnt belive what was happening. My mother came in half way through, he told her I started hiting him, which I didn't.

I immediatly called my dad and went to his house, aint been back to my mums since.

Shes marrying him tomorrow, after knowing him for a year. Im really upset and have been crying for hours, she wants me to go back to living with her, but she can't get it into her head that he beat me up and she just didnt give a fuck.

I just don't know what to do. She can't even see past the fact hes with her to stay in the country, why marry so soon? Why get rid of the only person that says -aloud- that I think hes marrying her to stay here?

I say 'aloud' because many of her so called friends think the same but won't say anything to her. Shes too easily draged in and I can't get her to understand.

Thing is, marrying him after all he did to me.. its just not on. I went through hell all the things he did.

Please don't flame me saying I deserved to be beat up. Real life is different to the internet.

 

[Furr]

You should have called the coppers tbfh and got him done for GBH

 

[.z.]

I would suggest you talk to a trained councillor or somebody who would know about this - as you said, it's real life. You can't really rely on anyone on the internet.

 

[Damini]

Some people want so much to be with someone and be happy that they ignore the fact that it isn't right and it isn't real. One of my friends was seeing this guy who was camper than christmas, yet when he left her to live with a guy she was shocked. Nobody else was though. He liked musicals and Steps ffs. People see what they really want to see, and your mum really wants to be happy.

 

[mank]

Originally posted by .z.
I would suggest you talk to a trained councillor or somebody who would know about this - as you said, it's real life. You can't really rely on anyone on the internet.

Furthermore, the BarrysWorld general forum really isn't the place to ask for advice.

www.teenhelp.org

 

[Damini]

Would have to agree with the rest of the guys here - this is probably not the best place for advice. Don't you have anyone at school (teacher wise) you can talk to?

 

[(Shovel)]

As Mank says, as much as we;d all like to help - and I expect many of us will try anyway - I don't think there's any experts hiding around, though if there are then you've hit lucky. Certainly give Mankeh's link a good look.

I'd seriously consider talking to someone in the know. Definately try and establish whether anything can be done regarding the assault.

 

[evilmonkeh]

do as much as you can to stop the wedding, talk to your mum, tell her whats up and maybe call the pigs.

 

[Mr.Monkey]

[Responsible mode]

Originally posted by .z.
I would suggest you talk to a trained councillor or somebody who would know about this - as you said, it's real life. You can't really rely on anyone on the internet.

[/end]

Normal monkey:
Hit the wanker with something heavy.

 

[Cdr]

In all honesty - I'd call the police. Smacking children (even your own is seen to be bad these days), he'd get a nice long sentence. Of course there would be rammifications - it'd be your word against his (he would obviously lie), and they may ask your mum to confirm if it happened. Which could be a very awkward situation.

I'd also call immigration. Get the fucker sent back to Turkey, and let him try it on with someone else. Or at least get him sent to D Wing were he can be a 'bitch' for Big Harry.

Follow Manks link, you'll get much more useful help from them.

 

[Any]

Originally posted by Cdr
I'd also call immigration. Get the fucker sent back to Turkey, and let him try it on with someone else.

Do this. If he is illegal then it doesnt matter who he marries, he wont be staying. If hes not illegal then getting his door kicked in at 5 in the morning would be quite annoying.

 

[Gef]

Hire some dodgy geezers to beat the crap out of him

 

[Damini]

My god, this thread is like a Fox tv show.

When Dear Dierdre Goes Bad.

If you take up half the advice in this thread, you will completely sabotage whatever relationship you have left with your mum.

 

[Mr.Monkey]

Originally posted by Damini
My god, this thread is like a Fox tv show.

When Dear Dierdre Goes Bad.

If you take up half the advice in this thread, you will completely sabotage whatever relationship you have left with your mum.

But there is nothing like the dangerously unqualified and opinionated to give advice.


Amusing advice, not good advice.

 

[Ch3tan]

Originally posted by evilmonkeh
do as much as you can to stop the wedding, talk to your mum, tell her whats up and maybe call the pigs.

Sorry to invade your thread for a sec Krypt. Do you ever read what people post carefully before you give opinions? He has talked to his mum, she won't listen. As for do all you can to stop the wedding -he could end up alientating himself from his mother, when for all he knows she could realise her mistake herself (okay it could take time) and they would still have a chance at a parent/child relationship.

Go ask for some real help somewhere else Krypt, have you talked to your dad about this? Be careful what you do when it comes to getting the authorities involved, do you really know how your mother would react if you did?

 

[mank]

Originally posted by Damini
My god, this thread is like a Fox tv show.

When Dear Dierdre Goes Bad.

If you take up half the advice in this thread, you will completely sabotage whatever relationship you have left with your mum.

That's what I was thinking :/

 

[old.Fweddy]

I wouldn't ask this lot how to tie my shoes*, never mind anything to do with running my life.




*This is hypothetical, as I already can tie my shoes perfectly well thankyou.

 

[Tom]

Well, I'd like to think I'd do the following:

Tell your mum that you love her, and that you'll always be there for her, but that you will never walk into a room with the guy she's marrying. If she wants to see you, it has to be just you and her.

As for him, don't acknowledge him in any way. Hopefully everybody else will do the same. I just hope that as a result of that, he doesn't begin to take his frustrations out on your mum.

 

[dysfunction]

I would still call the police now and tell them he beat you up...

 

[old.D0LLySh33p]

I would call the police.

I would also seek professional counselling of somesort who might be able give you help in ways you have not thought about.

/me feels for krypt

 

[Lester]

For everyone except Fweddy

 

[Teh Krypt]

Heh, cry baby me. I was crying last night, my dad came in and took me to my mums. I talked to her a bit, with the Turkish cock buting in all the time, refusing to leave the room. I didn't get anywhere, I wanted him to admit what he did, to my mum and dad, and say sorry for it. He insisted I made it all up. Now, my mum isnt very bright, so I don't know if she is covering up for him or really can't remember what happened..

I was very upset the whole time, but was laughing to myself inside, some of the things he says "He is make me lose my knowledge!" Its under the chair and I just hoverd it up, oh no!

Im going to ring my mum later, I think, and let her know how I feel about what shes doing. If she still won't listen, she can go ahead and learn the hard way. Like Damini said, she sees things how she wants.

She started going to turkey about 5 years ago, sometimes 5 times a year, I don't think she was with any men, but she was very friendly with many, you guys know what its like. A lot of the people are after her money there, they treated her like a princess and thats all she wanted. She thought it was all genuin. I guess she thinks the same about this.

About the staying in the country thing, hes got her into the thinking, that no he can't stay in the country, but she loves what she sees so wants him to stay . Hes on an educational visa or something, basicly he can only stay if he gets married.

Ive not had much sleep and aint gone to work today (work experience) which will prolly have conciquences. My dad does his upmost, and feels like smacking the bastard Turk in the face many a time. But won't because hes not stupid . I don't think I want to talk face to face to people about it.. now at least.

Heh, have to say, when I went up last night, he smoked about 6 cigarets in an hour, think he was panicing I might ruin his plans to stay.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Thats more or less the reason I posted here as theres many different people viewing..

 

[Ekydus]

Typical step dad type relationship. From what I have heard, from friends around me (not knowing personally); step dads and the likes usually have attitudes like this. :/ (Well I mean some) and they hate all children that aren't their own blood. Well if he's anything like what you're making him out to be, then he won't be with your mother much longer. After you he will start beating your mother and their relationship will either fall apart very quickly or your mother will stay in denial. :/ Get someone professional to help you, and use your own good judgement, after all - you know the situation better then any of us could.

 

[Jupitus]

My step dad was an asshole. 20+ years on and my Mum just realised I am now an executor of her new will with strict instructions on turfing him out of their home should anything happen to her, regardless of how old/ill he is. Joy

Stay with your Dad, and away from the Turk for now. Stay in touch with your Mum (I'm assuming she now understands why) and try to arrange to meet up with her regularly. Get proper advice, soon, but also try to get on with your life. Look after number one, ok?

 

[Teh Krypt]

Well, apparently she did something clever. Shes signed my grandmas and her house over to my name...

(Grandmas because, god forbid, if anything happened and she had to goto a home or something, they couldn't take her house oh and.. it was in my mums name but she gave it to me so he has no access)

So at least he has no access to any of that

 

[Durzel]

At least thats some good news.

As Damini has said, typically people looking for love will dismiss things that are plainly obvious to everyone else, and be eternally forgiving of wrongdoings. You're fighting a losing battle in this respect.

If I were you, I would nuke the entire site from orbit, just to be sure. Alternatively, I would run him through with a blade made of the finest steel. In practical terms however, you're better off living with your Dad and just "looking out" for your Mum - there's not really a lot else you can do. You could, in theory, orchestrate some kind of situation where is pushed to a point where he lashes out right in front of your Mum (thus hopefully opening her eyes to his violence) but that's obviously very risky.

But then what do I know, I haven't said more than 2 words to my Mum for over 11 years.

Families eh? Who'd 'ave em.

 

[Tom]

My mum is the nicest kindest more selfless person I know of, I'd hate to think of her in similar circumstances. My dad is still around though, and the two have been married for 40 odd years now, so no chance of that tbh. He can be a grumpy old git at times, but she knows how to handle him

 

[7th]

harsh man

in that kinda situation i'd alienate my mum, dont know why... it'd be a case of "you can have your dirty turkish lover, but you're not going to have me too"

seems a bit selfish putting it that way but eh, i dunno

families are indeed strange things, i only ever speak to my mum with any regularity now and only talk to my brother and sister when i visit home on the odd occasion... not spoken to my cousins who i was quite close to since ive left home.. and ive not spoken a word to my various aunts and uncles since my gran died in 1997...

your best bet krypt is to seek out professional advice elsewhere, the forums isnt the best place and someone posted a good link above, take a nosey through there

in the worst case scenario, stay with your dad and do as someone else said, stay in contact with your mum but don't let her new husband be a part of the relationship between you and your mum

7th

 

[leggy]

Recipe:

1) Invite a load of (big muscly) greek friends around for a party
2) add Turk
3) Stir

 

[evilmonkeh]

Originally posted by Teh Krypt
Well, apparently she did something clever. Shes signed my grandmas and her house over to my name...

(Grandmas because, god forbid, if anything happened and she had to goto a home or something, they couldn't take her house oh and.. it was in my mums name but she gave it to me so he has no access)

So at least he has no access to any of that

that certainly was a very sensible thing to do.