Valentines Day

[Loxleyhood]

So....... my stupidity actually prevents me from getting myself harmed?







What the merry hell am I supposed to get her!

 

[Sissyfoo]

Yea...some people think it is a safety mechanism that evolved over millenia in dumb people to prevent them from doing something fatally stupid.

I just call it 'dumb fucking luck'.

As for the pressie, get her a dead rat with a card attached which says, "Unlike this rat, my love for you will never die!"
Its, like, concentrated romance, man! Guaranteed to win her heart foreveeeer!!

 

[Loxleyhood]

My best friend got his girlfriend a model chimp from the early learning centre which he painted blue last year............ I was thinking of doing the same except with a dinosaur, which is more awesome than a chimp, and red, ze colour of love.

 

[Sissyfoo]

I can hear St. Valentine turning over in his grave.

 

[Loxleyhood]

What did he do anyway?

 

[Dillinja]

Erm... maybe, just maybe he invented Valentine's day?

 

[Sissyfoo]

Helped marry people under harsh conditions and then refused to convert back from being a christian and got whacked for it. Silly bugger. Apparently he left a card to his jailer's daughter signed, 'From your Valentine' which is where all this BS got started from but I think that sounds a little tooooo cheesy to be true.

 

[Loxleyhood]

Well, at least we know who dies first if we get our hands on a time machine.

 

[Dillinja]

Yeah, Jesus!

 

[Sissyfoo]

<edited out because I will get banned>

Nope. Who?

 

[Loxleyhood]

If Jesus died for our sins I honestly don't think he did enough dying. I still have shit loads left over.

 

[evzy]

Here's another one you may be able to use!
Dont know if they do this anywhere near you (as i dont know where you all live.....only 98% of you...and yes i am watching you right now!)
If there is a zoo nearby phone em and see if they let you sponsor/adopt an animal - women normally love Big snakes from what i hear although some do prefer Beavers...
I know the zoo nearest us does this and also when you adopt an animal (went for teh funny ole orangutan personally.) you get a little plaque with ya name on and also free tickets for another visit , letters updating you on the animal of your choice blah blah blah... and it aint that expensive to be honest -prob same cost as some of teh underwear of lurve..
Better than a poxy furry teddy bear imo , give her a real one that may rip her limb from limb...i mean hold her and cuddle her in its warm fluffy arms..

 

[Loxleyhood]

I'm not getting her a fucking animal!

 

[Dillinja]

Get her a normal animal then.

 

[Loxleyhood]

Witty banter. That's what we're good at.

 

[Sissyfoo]

If she already has a pet then you could get her a discount voucher for a taxidermist. It will be like giving her pet immortality. What girl could refuse a gift like that?

 

[Loxleyhood]

I hate her cat. It beats up my old cat and pisses on our garden. And it stares at me.

 

[Dillinja]

Sounds like a top cat.

(I'm so on form today)

 

[Sissyfoo]

It knows what you are doing to her...

I'd watch yer back if I were you (although I think the cat will rip yer arms off).

Oh yea, just one last tit bit (hur hur...tit) of info for you. I think this will actually help you out a lot in any future relationships you get into ... ready?

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!

/slaps

 

[Loxleyhood]

My penis says it should be. And he's almost always right.

 

[Dillinja]

I suppose he's got a name too. :|

 

[Loxleyhood]

Edwardo.

 

[Sissyfoo]

Mine is called THE DEVASTATOR!!

 

[Loxleyhood]

Edwardo is known as the destroyer of worlds.

 

[Sissyfoo]

I'm sure we would have heard about any worlds that had been destroyed by a penis called Edwardo.

 

[Loxleyhood]

There were no survivors to tell the tales.

 

[evzy]

So you claim to have humped planets? to death?

 

[Sissyfoo]

After you have humped said planet how do you get back to earth?

~skeptical~

 

[Dillinja]

He used his rocket!

 

[Loxleyhood]

Presicely.