Two men banned from "approaching girls"

[DaGaffer]

@DaGaffer i didn't mention God..... I'm not sure about the differences between men and women, as I am not male. I do know that having sex at 15 / 16 is and was a massive thing for us girls.... From a female point of view there can be enormous pressure to shag from boyfriends... It feels like boys just need to shoot their load and all is good (the pressure for boys appears to be to lose their virginity and any anxiety that is associated with ensuring they don't ejaculate too early). Girls normally need some kind of emotional investment..... At between the age of 14 and 16 we are driven by hormones, our brains translate lust into love and obsession.. Massive inner turmoil ensues. I was put under immense pressure by what I thought was my boyfriend of the time I was 16 and he was 23... I didn't have sex with him, he left me... Don't worry I didn't care .....He was a friend of my brothers we are still in contact and it transpired when we were both made godparents to a mutual friends child that he was also shagging his now wife. So looking back had we fucked, to him I would have just been a 16 year old convent school trophy and I would have been obsessed and bitter.

See no mention of the wrath of God.... My parents for Catholics were very practical. I went on the pill with their support when I was ready and I remember my dad giving me a pack of British std condoms before going to the U.S. with the comment... i know you are on the pill but please make sure if you have sex they use one of these.. (My dad was awesome).

I had sex when I was ready much to the frustration of a few chaps... However I remember so many of my girlfriends emotionally broken because after they had sex, there was no phonecall, no hearts and unicorns, no nothing except regret and bitterness which they carried with them for many years afterwards.

That's all fine, but don't you see how you're equating your personal experience into a legal requirement? That's the fastest and surest way to create bad laws. It also enshrines this idea that girls are victims and boys are predators, which I don't think was ever actually true, and certainly isn't culturally true in modern Britain. And for the record, the local convent school girls scared the shit out of me when I was 15. I used to get off the bus where they got on and it wasn't me making all the suggestive comments. (To be fair I did look good in my uniform, so I guess I can't blame them )

 

[Scouse]

I remember so many of my girlfriends emotionally broken because after they had sex, there was no phonecall, no hearts and unicorns, no nothing except regret and bitterness which they carried with them for many years afterwards.

That's because as a society, for girls, we tell them what I've said above - that it's a big deal, that it's something that is more than recreational fun, that "you should love the person you're with before you have sex with them", that losing your virginity is a big deal (boys need to know that it isn't either).

If sex was shown, at an early age, to be a recreational sport rather than something intrinsically intertwined with emotion (which it can be, but isn't intrinsically) then all the guilt / emotional expectation etc. that comes from it would simply evaporate.

If girls are not emotionally ready to have sex at the age of 16 then we've failed them as a society, because it's what we're designed to do. Certainly, from a biological standpoint, much earlier...

When you're ready.

That's it, no age, no law, just that.

I think the fact that we've legislated on it is part of what makes it such a big deal in people's minds...

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think the fact that we've legislated on it is part of what makes it such a big deal in people's minds...

I've said pretty much all on the matter, not really a subject i care to argue extensively, but if the whole world can't decide what is the right age(scandinavian 16, oriental/inuit 12, 18 at places), then the "limit" loses all purpose in a non-biased discussion.

That's also why i usually avoid these in "regular" circles. Same as with rape, taking advantage, touhing butts as men vs women etc etc. It's all way too personal(preference/readiness/etc).

 

[Scouse]

I agree @old.Tohtori - how can you legislate what is a very personal social interaction when we know that all humans get social experiences at different rates?

Emotionally, nothing hurts like being dumped the first few times - just like anything you're inexperienced at. But experience is gained through doing...

 

[old.Tohtori]

I agree @old.Tohtori - how can you legislate what is a very personal social interaction when we know that all humans get social experiences at different rates?

If i'm being completely honest and possibly anger a few people; because parents don't want the responsibility. Same goes with PG ratings, isp blocks, game restrictions in countries, sex legislation, dating, eating muffins, drugs and you name it.

To put it short and "sweet"; It's the fathers job to make sure no boys winky goes in his daughter until she tells her father to f*ck off. At which point said father kicks daughter out of house to get her own place.

 

[Gwadien]

If i'm being completely honest and possibly anger a few people; because parents don't want the responsibility. Same goes with PG ratings, isp blocks, game restrictions in countries, sex legislation, dating, eating muffins, drugs and you name it.

To put it short and "sweet"; It's the fathers job to make sure no boys winky goes in his daughter until she tells her father to f*ck off. At which point said father kicks daughter out of house to get her own place.

Even when the girls are telling their fathers to fuck off when she's 12? I mean, were not talking about a well structured family life, not to paint everyone here but I'd imagine the people that get pregnant at 14/15 most likely are to have split up parents and/or not the best parents in the world, I mean, statistics show youre more likely going to be a parent as a teen if your parents were teens when you were born, meaning you're pregnant when your mum is 30, most mums at that age will be like yes, my daughter can look after herself so I can go live my youth properly, oh shit, she's pregnant.

Issue is too that in these girls heads, they want to get pregnant too, its rarely seen as a negative thing at the time.

As I said before changing age of consent won't change this behaviour, its the way it is and unless there's a full scale attack from the state to intervene there's not a lot that can be done to be honest.

I feel that if we're going to be this bothered about changing sexual attitudes, we need to bring back middle schools and high schools too, because year 10s/11s (14-16) brings a lot of sexual pressure to the younger people in the school.

 

[DaGaffer]

Even when the girls are telling their fathers to fuck off when she's 12? I mean, were not talking about a well structured family life, not to paint everyone here but I'd imagine the people that get pregnant at 14/15 most likely are to have split up parents and/or not the best parents in the world, I mean, statistics show youre more likely going to be a parent as a teen if your parents were teens when you were born, meaning you're pregnant when your mum is 30, most mums at that age will be like yes, my daughter can look after herself so I can go live my youth properly, oh shit, she's pregnant.

Issue is too that in these girls heads, they want to get pregnant too, its rarely seen as a negative thing at the time.

As I said before changing age of consent won't change this behaviour, its the way it is and unless there's a full scale attack from the state to intervene there's not a lot that can be done to be honest.

I feel that if we're going to be this bothered about changing sexual attitudes, we need to bring back middle schools and high schools too, because year 10s/11s (14-16) brings a lot of sexual pressure to the younger people in the school.

Actually, you can make an argument for girls' age of consent to be 15 on purely medical grounds (cervical cancer rates go through the roof if girls are having regular sex much before that age), which is also a reasonable parental argument.

 

[Gwadien]

Actually, you can make an argument for girls' age of consent to be 15 on purely medical grounds (cervical cancer rates go through the roof if girls are having regular sex much before that age), which is also a reasonable parental argument.

But how do you enforce that? Prosecute a kid that sleeps with your daughter?

 

[Scouse]

Actually, you can make an argument for girls' age of consent to be 15 on purely medical grounds (cervical cancer rates go through the roof if girls are having regular sex much before that age)

They get vaccinated against HPV now (boys should too tbfh) - so that's no longer an argument.

 

[DaGaffer]

But how do you enforce that? Prosecute a kid that sleeps with your daughter?

The current rules for that kind of thing are fairly sensible; boys who shag girls of a similar age are very rarely prosecuted in the UK (US is a whole other fucked up ballgame), and parents who try to push for prosecution usually come up against the CPS who tell them to piss off. Which is why the jails arent full of 15 year o!d dads.

 

[Scouse]

The current rules for that kind of thing are fairly sensible

And I wouldn't say the possibility of prosecution is even slightly sensible for two 15 year olds gettin' it on. Or even two 12 year olds. But I do agree with your point.

However, just to be explicit - the law shouldn't come into it.

 

[Moriath]

I think there's two things. I think it's less of a deal being the inserter rather than the receiver in sex. Your letting something or someone inside your body. I can see that being a whole different ball game emotion wise.

Also men and women's brains are wired differently for what they are after in sex. Women it's still some where deep inside that they are looking for the father of their off spring. Just because the contraceptive pill was fourth years ago or so doesn't change millions of years of survival of the fittest etc.

Men are programmed like a lot in nature to spread the seed wild and to as many people as possible. Testosterone pushes that behaviour.

So the emotional investment from a woman is much more, in my opinion. Where as a guy shags and goes at the age of sixteen he isn't fussed as long as he got his rocks off.