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old.Trinity
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- #31
Sorry about the spelling there....
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old.[GA]Kryten
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- #32
bloody ROFL
if anything this is one of the funniest threads around
excellent
The Shit Stirrer
Ok its not a direct shit. But still, you walk into the bathroom to find kids (younger relatives, friend's kids etc) poking the floaters in the bowl with a stick. You are then obliged to say someting, but thats the hard bit! What do you say to that?
The Delayed Constipation Shit
You sit on the bog as usual, doing your stuff. The shit ceases to drop, but you just dam well know there is more shit in the bladder. It turns into the "Pop A Vein In Your Forehead" shit trying to evacuate what is in there. After a lot of straining and vocal assistance, the lincoln log appears, stretching you tender ring to its limits, and as you can imagine, on the dropping of said shit, the force of the impact causes the already pungent toilet sewage/water to rise, thusly splashing your backside. This leaves you with an annoyingly hard choice. You either:
(i) Wipe you arse as normal with tissue, although doing this on a wet arse does mean that the tissue is likely to disintergrate and before you know it you are wiping your arse with you bare, wet hand.
(ii) Dry your arse first with a towel. This also means long, dirty brown streaks on the lovely towel, and no matter how dirty it was before, you would have a hell of a time explaining said streaks to parents/relatives/friends
(iii) Make use of the bidet. If you can use this choice, posh git
sorry, was a long one
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**[GA]Kryten**
redalert@barrysworld.co.uk
Q2BAttleUK Co Webmaster
q2battleuk@barrysworld.com
if anything this is one of the funniest threads around
excellent
The Shit Stirrer
Ok its not a direct shit. But still, you walk into the bathroom to find kids (younger relatives, friend's kids etc) poking the floaters in the bowl with a stick. You are then obliged to say someting, but thats the hard bit! What do you say to that?
The Delayed Constipation Shit
You sit on the bog as usual, doing your stuff. The shit ceases to drop, but you just dam well know there is more shit in the bladder. It turns into the "Pop A Vein In Your Forehead" shit trying to evacuate what is in there. After a lot of straining and vocal assistance, the lincoln log appears, stretching you tender ring to its limits, and as you can imagine, on the dropping of said shit, the force of the impact causes the already pungent toilet sewage/water to rise, thusly splashing your backside. This leaves you with an annoyingly hard choice. You either:
(i) Wipe you arse as normal with tissue, although doing this on a wet arse does mean that the tissue is likely to disintergrate and before you know it you are wiping your arse with you bare, wet hand.
(ii) Dry your arse first with a towel. This also means long, dirty brown streaks on the lovely towel, and no matter how dirty it was before, you would have a hell of a time explaining said streaks to parents/relatives/friends
(iii) Make use of the bidet. If you can use this choice, posh git
sorry, was a long one
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**[GA]Kryten**
redalert@barrysworld.co.uk
Q2BAttleUK Co Webmaster
q2battleuk@barrysworld.com
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old.[GA]Kryten
Guest
- Thread starter
- #33
bloody ROFL
if anything this is one of the funniest threads around
excellent
The Shit Stirrer
Ok its not a direct shit. But still, you walk into the bathroom to find kids (younger relatives, friend's kids etc) poking the floaters in the bowl with a stick. You are then obliged to say someting, but thats the hard bit! What do you say to that?
The Delayed Constipation Shit
You sit on the bog as usual, doing your stuff. The shit ceases to drop, but you just dam well know there is more shit in the bladder. It turns into the "Pop A Vein In Your Forehead" shit trying to evacuate what is in there. After a lot of straining and vocal assistance, the lincoln log appears, stretching you tender ring to its limits, and as you can imagine, on the dropping of said shit, the force of the impact causes the already pungent toilet sewage/water to rise, thusly splashing your backside. This leaves you with an annoyingly hard choice. You either:
(i) Wipe you arse as normal with tissue, although doing this on a wet arse does mean that the tissue is likely to disintergrate and before you know it you are wiping your arse with you bare, wet hand.
(ii) Dry your arse first with a towel. This also means long, dirty brown streaks on the lovely towel, and no matter how dirty it was before, you would have a hell of a time explaining said streaks to parents/relatives/friends
(iii) Make use of the bidet. If you can use this choice, posh git
sorry, was a long one
------------------
**[GA]Kryten**
redalert@barrysworld.co.uk
Q2BAttleUK Co Webmaster
q2battleuk@barrysworld.com
if anything this is one of the funniest threads around
excellent
The Shit Stirrer
Ok its not a direct shit. But still, you walk into the bathroom to find kids (younger relatives, friend's kids etc) poking the floaters in the bowl with a stick. You are then obliged to say someting, but thats the hard bit! What do you say to that?
The Delayed Constipation Shit
You sit on the bog as usual, doing your stuff. The shit ceases to drop, but you just dam well know there is more shit in the bladder. It turns into the "Pop A Vein In Your Forehead" shit trying to evacuate what is in there. After a lot of straining and vocal assistance, the lincoln log appears, stretching you tender ring to its limits, and as you can imagine, on the dropping of said shit, the force of the impact causes the already pungent toilet sewage/water to rise, thusly splashing your backside. This leaves you with an annoyingly hard choice. You either:
(i) Wipe you arse as normal with tissue, although doing this on a wet arse does mean that the tissue is likely to disintergrate and before you know it you are wiping your arse with you bare, wet hand.
(ii) Dry your arse first with a towel. This also means long, dirty brown streaks on the lovely towel, and no matter how dirty it was before, you would have a hell of a time explaining said streaks to parents/relatives/friends
(iii) Make use of the bidet. If you can use this choice, posh git
sorry, was a long one
------------------
**[GA]Kryten**
redalert@barrysworld.co.uk
Q2BAttleUK Co Webmaster
q2battleuk@barrysworld.com
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old.FingerMagnet
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- Thread starter
- #34
Ta Trinity, but I don't think i can take all the credit for this string. Everyone has contributed some darn fine shit.
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FingerMagnet@Pakistans.com
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FingerMagnet@Pakistans.com
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old.Trinity
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- Thread starter
- #35
What about the..
In The Middle Of Playing Quake Shit?
You know the one when youre winning a game and the urge to relieve your bladder comes uppon you and you try to be in and out of the bathroom as quickly as possible by washing your hands as you dump.
In The Middle Of Playing Quake Shit?
You know the one when youre winning a game and the urge to relieve your bladder comes uppon you and you try to be in and out of the bathroom as quickly as possible by washing your hands as you dump.
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old.[GA] Shovel
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- Thread starter
- #36
The ([GA])Shovel Shit (c)
You are happily playing quake 2 when everyine on the server promtly anillates you.
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[GA] Shovel wardben@hotmail.com
Grey Area
Q2BATTLEUK
You are happily playing quake 2 when everyine on the server promtly anillates you.
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[GA] Shovel wardben@hotmail.com
Grey Area
Q2BATTLEUK
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old.[fs]Carbuncle
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- Thread starter
- #37
The IF I STAND I'LL MAKE A MESS shit
Your sat down when the tortoise starts getting curious, and you realise standing will only aid the enevitable.
Your sat down when the tortoise starts getting curious, and you realise standing will only aid the enevitable.
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old.C4
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- Thread starter
- #38
LOL
You know a topic is good when it takes up 2 pages...
C4
You know a topic is good when it takes up 2 pages...
C4
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old.Trinity
Guest
- Thread starter
- #39
A mate sent me these......
"RELEASE THE BROWN TROUT BACK INTO THE WILD"
To expell a large but streamlined shit, which slips quietly beneath the water's surface.
"THE BARKING BROWN SPIDER IS HAVING A CIGAR"
Also known as a "turtle peeking out of his shell", this is when a shit will, for an unknown reason, stop halfway out, and refuse to move further.
"THE GUILLOTINE"
When the above condition is rectified by stategic tightening of sphinctal muscles, causing the removal of a "turtle's head".
To "DROWN SOME KITTENS"
Similar to the "I think I'm a bunny" situation, this is the act of disposing of a litter of small shits which nobody wants.
The "HIROSHIMA"
A lethal explosion which ensures instant death to all wildlife within a 3 mile radius, often with lasting effects to the worst hit areas.
To "PUMP SOME GASOLINE"
Also, to "strike oil", this is very similar to the "liquid shit". The resulting vapour is highly potent and flammable. No smoking.
The "LAWN SPRINKLER"
Often occurring whilst "pumping some gas", the toilet bowl appears to have been pebble-dashed afterwards.
"WILD & FREE"
From human or animal, this stray, happy shit can usually be found wandering streets and pavements.
The "VAUXHALL NOVA"
This small, compact shit makes far more noise than is neccasary for a shit of its size.
The "FALSE ALARM"
You think it's a shit, your butt thinks it's a shit, but nothing but hot air.
"RELEASE THE BROWN TROUT BACK INTO THE WILD"
To expell a large but streamlined shit, which slips quietly beneath the water's surface.
"THE BARKING BROWN SPIDER IS HAVING A CIGAR"
Also known as a "turtle peeking out of his shell", this is when a shit will, for an unknown reason, stop halfway out, and refuse to move further.
"THE GUILLOTINE"
When the above condition is rectified by stategic tightening of sphinctal muscles, causing the removal of a "turtle's head".
To "DROWN SOME KITTENS"
Similar to the "I think I'm a bunny" situation, this is the act of disposing of a litter of small shits which nobody wants.
The "HIROSHIMA"
A lethal explosion which ensures instant death to all wildlife within a 3 mile radius, often with lasting effects to the worst hit areas.
To "PUMP SOME GASOLINE"
Also, to "strike oil", this is very similar to the "liquid shit". The resulting vapour is highly potent and flammable. No smoking.
The "LAWN SPRINKLER"
Often occurring whilst "pumping some gas", the toilet bowl appears to have been pebble-dashed afterwards.
"WILD & FREE"
From human or animal, this stray, happy shit can usually be found wandering streets and pavements.
The "VAUXHALL NOVA"
This small, compact shit makes far more noise than is neccasary for a shit of its size.
The "FALSE ALARM"
You think it's a shit, your butt thinks it's a shit, but nothing but hot air.
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old.[GA]Kryten
Guest
- Thread starter
- #40
rofl!!
The "VAUXHALL NOVA"
This small, compact shit makes far more noise than is neccasary for a shit of its size.
^oh yes, perfectly true as well
^
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**[GA]Kryten**
redalert@barrysworld.co.uk
Q2BAttleUK Co Webmaster
q2battleuk@barrysworld.com
The "VAUXHALL NOVA"
This small, compact shit makes far more noise than is neccasary for a shit of its size.
^oh yes, perfectly true as well
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**[GA]Kryten**
redalert@barrysworld.co.uk
Q2BAttleUK Co Webmaster
q2battleuk@barrysworld.com
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old.FingerMagnet
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- Thread starter
- #41
Wow, Trinity thats a darn fine list. I thought there couldn't be any more shit out there! Guess I was wrong. Dam, is this a 2 pager now! Cool
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FingerMagnet@Pakistans.com
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FingerMagnet@Pakistans.com
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old.FingerMagnet
Guest
- Thread starter
- #42
This made me chuckle...
***********************
A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of people one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud- speaker system. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the sound of my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Pretty soon, he had every single person in the audience completely mesmerized, each one hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And then he repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his ass, and yelled "SHIT!".
[This message has been edited by FingerMagnet (edited 20 July 1999).]
***********************
A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of people one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud- speaker system. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the sound of my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Pretty soon, he had every single person in the audience completely mesmerized, each one hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And then he repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his ass, and yelled "SHIT!".
[This message has been edited by FingerMagnet (edited 20 July 1999).]
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old.Nige
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- Thread starter
- #43
THE COMICAL SHIT
[This message has been edited by Nige (edited 27 July 1999).]
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old.FingerMagnet
Guest
- Thread starter
- #44
OMG! That is fantastic!
I've got that file on my hard drive, but how did u incorporate it into the message? Was it just a simple link? Such as the one to display pictures?
Me like is I do.
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FingerMagnet@Pakistans.com
I've got that file on my hard drive, but how did u incorporate it into the message? Was it just a simple link? Such as the one to display pictures?
Me like is I do.
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FingerMagnet@Pakistans.com
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old.Nige
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- Thread starter
- #45
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old.TUG
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- #46
Weeeel Finger reminded me of this thread and its too damn funny s its gotta live!!
Bunch of shite: http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~smeg/poo.htm
Bunch of shite: http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~smeg/poo.htm
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old.FingerMagnet
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- Thread starter
- #47
OMG This shit is back!
I hope everyone has a shitty christmas
I hope everyone has a shitty christmas
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old.Mikey
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- Thread starter
- #48
Well funny, but that picture mad me want to throw up!!
Saxon taking things a bi too far..
Mikey out!!!
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Music is the answer!!
John Digweed is the No 1 DJ!
Can't beat the UK club scene!!
Best in the world!!
It's all about soul.
See ya on the dance floor!
Leave the attitude at home.....
Saxon taking things a bi too far..
Mikey out!!!
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Music is the answer!!
John Digweed is the No 1 DJ!
Can't beat the UK club scene!!
Best in the world!!
It's all about soul.
See ya on the dance floor!
Leave the attitude at home.....
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old.Billy
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- Thread starter
- #49
Wot a load of shit this topic is.
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old.[GA] Shovel
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- Thread starter
- #50
< insert crappy chain letter stuff here >
eg.
1) Read what follows
2) Choose your favourite type
3) Send to:
5 friends - you will have this shit within 2 weeks
10 friends - you will have this shit within 2 days
15 friends - you will have this shit within 2 hours
20+ friends - you may be about to shit your pants.
eg.
1) Read what follows
2) Choose your favourite type
3) Send to:
5 friends - you will have this shit within 2 weeks
10 friends - you will have this shit within 2 days
15 friends - you will have this shit within 2 hours
20+ friends - you may be about to shit your pants.
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old.FingerMagnet
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- #51
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old.FingerMagnet
Guest
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- #52
I'm sorry, I found this and I just had too...
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old.Billy
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- #53
Coolio - how do you put an image from a website onto these boards I tried but failed.
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old.Billy
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- #54
Finfermagnet is wise in the ways of the world. To prove his teaching abilities and my learning acquistion, I have attached a beautiful picture.
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old.TUG
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- #55
moo nasty shit 
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old.FingerMagnet
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- Thread starter
- #56
hehe
X
xenon2000
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- #57
Fingermagnet: You post total shite...
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old.venturer01
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- #58
this had me crying with laughter , and printed it had almost the office in roflol, now there is another one by mr b or blonde, i think on something about a horse, tribal wisdom i think.
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old.FingerMagnet
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- #59
brought many a tear to my eye
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Ono
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- #60
