There was a young man...

[old.shotgunstow]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

 

[Karam_gruul]

my brother txted me a better joke today:

Quick turn the radio on!! all the immigrants in the UK have died.. ......

Carlsberg dont send text messages... but if they did, this would probably be the best text message in the world..

 

[old.shotgunstow]

nice

 

[chi_]

Originally posted by Karam_gruul
my brother txted me a better joke today:

Quick turn the radio on!! all the immigrants in the UK have died.. ......

Carlsberg dont send text messages... but if they did, this would probably be the best text message in the world..

:x

 

[old.shotgunstow]

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

 

[old.shotgunstow]

It was a typical problem, show {expr} is equal to {much simpler expr}. The maths was pretty nasty, and half-way through it looked like I'd need a clue to getting to the answer, so I went to the result and tried to work it back to the intermediate result (typical test/homework trick). They didn't meet. I had two expressions which I knew were equal from plugging into the calculator, but I couldn't show it algebraically. So, I used another familiar trick, between the two lines I wrote: ICBS (it can be shown) and stuck it between the two pieces I couldn't connect. Now, somebody else in the class did the same thing, exactly, and got stuck in exactly the same place. He wrote: TAMO (then a miracle occurs) in the same place. I got full marks, he lost marks and got a sarcastic comment from the corrector.

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A student was writing an exam and the time was up so the professor said hand in your papers now or you will get a zero grade. One student had a couple more things to write down so he did thinking the prof would be reasonable. Instead the prof says to him, you've got a zero.
The student then turned to the prof and demanded, "Do YOU know who you're talking to ??!"

"No," replied the prof.

"Great," countered the student and quickly slipped his exam in the middle of the pile of exams the prof was holding and left.

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Another story that does the rounds here - I've no idea how true it is or if it's an UL - this guy was sitting an exam in Trinity College here (old college, bout 400 years old). In the middle of the exam, he called a porter and requested his pint of ale. The porter, of course, just looked at him.}i Our hero then produced a copy of the *o-l-d* regulations which stipulated that a gentleman was entitled to this type of refreshment. The college authorities, fearing more expensive and disruptive episodes in the future, checked the college regulations. They then provided your man with his glass of ale - but promptly fined him for not wearing his ceremonial sword.

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A professor was known for being an easy grader. The grades he gave for a survey course (i.e. the type where you are expected to learn generalities and not specifics) were based entirely on two exams, and the stuff on the exams was entirely covered in the textbook, so showing up for class wasn't a big deal. However, this started to get out of hand. As word of the course spread, each term there was a larger block of students who would show up infrequently or not at all, except for the exam days. Finally, it got so bad that about half of the students one term never showed before the midterm. At the start of the midterm everyone came in, and a graduate assistant handed out exams. "Prof X. is sick, so he asked me to give you your exams."
There was only one question in the exam booklets: "Which one of the pictures below is of Professor X?"

Obviously, the students who never showed up didn't know and had to guess. Many failed, while the students who had been showing up regularly got As.

Ok I'm bored now

 

[Restart]

here's a rather sick joke for you:

Q.Why do Paedophile's cover themselves in Sunny Delight?

A.Because it's the great stuff kids go for!

Sorry :/

 

[Kagato.]

Originally posted by Karam_gruul
my brother txted me a better joke today:

Quick turn the radio on!! all the immigrants in the UK have died.. ......

Carlsberg dont send text messages... but if they did, this would probably be the best text message in the world..

Hahahah

 

[old.shotgunstow]

Originally posted by Restart
here's a rather sick joke for you:

Q.Why do Paedophile's cover themselves in Sunny Delight?

A.Because it's the great stuff kids go for!

Sorry :/

two paeodphiles laying one a beach

one turns to the other and says

get out of my son

 

[old.shotgunstow]

"called my boss today and said i was sick and couldnt come to work" "how sick are you?,he asked" "well..im home fucking my sister..how sick is that?"

 

[[PS]Venom]

Originally posted by old.shotgunstow
"called my boss today and said i was sick and couldnt come to work" "how sick are you?,he asked" "well..im home fucking my sister..how sick is that?"

Well, incest is fun for all the family, I guess.

 

[Luv_Bunny]

Originally posted by old.shotgunstow
"called my boss today and said i was sick and couldnt come to work" "how sick are you?,he asked" "well..im home fucking my sister..how sick is that?"

now that IS sick

 

[uncle_sal]

Originally posted by old.shotgunstow
"called my boss today and said i was sick and couldnt come to work" "how sick are you?,he asked" "well..im home fucking my sister..how sick is that?"

Gotta try that one out

 

[Luv_Bunny]

i'd like to see you try, plz post the outcome here

 

[uncle_sal]

Well... there is one technical problem... i dont have a sister and my boss knows that... i do have a brother though...

 

[Luv_Bunny]

ok, stop, don't even go there, i ate recently

 

[uncle_sal]

Actually i started to feel quite sick myself... uke:

 

[Luv_Bunny]

maybe you shouldn't go to work if you're feeling sick

 

[uncle_sal]

This is one sick thread

 

[Luv_Bunny]

gonna ask the teacher if i can go home, i'm feeling sick 2

 

[uncle_sal]

Better not get sick... gotta go party :hat:

Free booze :bazbeer:

 

[Luv_Bunny]

and be sick afterwards

 

[uncle_sal]

Yeah

 

[Luv_Bunny]

instead of not going to work today, it's not going to work tomorrow, unless (like me) you have a holiday tomorrow

 

[uncle_sal]

Ofc i have holiday tomorrow... doesnt every1?

 

[Luv_Bunny]

dunno, what holiday is it tomorrow?

 

[uncle_sal]

Hmm... i dont know English name for it... in Finland its called "helatorstai"... something about thursday and church and stuff...

 

[Luv_Bunny]

about baby jezus going back to papa god or sumthing like that?
had a catholic education altho i'm atheïstic and alcoholic now

 

[uncle_sal]

We have this Evancelic-Lutherism as our main religion... i still pay taxes for church too... i kinda want to believe in something too... and im still few steps away from being an alcoholic... party cloosing... weeeeeeee :hat:

 

['Shy]

Originally posted by uncle_sal
Ofc i have holiday tomorrow... doesnt every1?

No Givf holiday