The Official "Unofficial" Euro 2012 Thread
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Cerb
I am a FH squatter
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Gentlemen of UEFA,
Normally, I would introduce myself as Xavi -- advocate for the marginally oppressed -- and I would comment on the weather, but today there is no time for such pleasantries. That I must write to you once again is an unspeakable disappointment. When you not only failed to immediately apologize to me after my last correspondence, but also allowed Chelsea to cheat their way to winning the Champions League by using "defenders" I should have known that this travesty would arise once again.
But that's the one problem with always being positive and idealistic -- those who are cynical and carry an evil realism in the empty cavern where their appreciation for how my teammates and I play football should be are always willing to persecute us worse than anyone in human history has ever been persecuted before.
They said racism and violence were the two horrific dangers of this tournament. Well I have a racism to report: That pitch in Gdansk was racist against football. And I have a violence to report, as well: That pitch in Gdansk literally curb stomped everyone who appreciates beauty or happiness or angels.
Simply put, that pitch was equivalent to deadly earthquake under an orphanage for children too gifted to have parents. I personally presented the groundskeeper with our officially sanction 475-page book on adequate pre-match watering techniques and they flatly refused to even read the first 38 chapters. How can UEFA sit quiet as inhumanely dry grass ruins football and the concept of destiny? In the name of all that is Pep, I politely demand answers.
You see, there are even more important matters at stake here than the all-important pursuit of football. Namely, the constant and unparalleled suffering of Cesc Fabregas, noble warrior and aspiring pastry chef. Though Cesc scored a goal to punish Italy's reprehensible use of strikers and did his best to hide his pain, I could sense that he was still suffering. And how could be not be when forced to endure the horrors of dry grass.
Now, I am not one to perpetuate conspiracy theories -- they are hurtful and only partially correct when involving UNICEF -- but I could not help but feel the smothering darkness of Jose Mourinho's presence at the match. Judging by the waves of smugness pouring out of his untalented grin from the stands, I am confident he forced his son and agent to use travel sized hairdryers on the pitch earlier that morning. Surely this qualifies as the worst kind of war crime, which is why I have carbon copied The Hague on this message.
I expect you to rectify this injustice. If you don't, you will be receiving an even more sternly worded letter at some yet undetermined point in the future. Repent to Cesc.
The most sincerely,
Xavi, co-founder of goodness
Normally, I would introduce myself as Xavi -- advocate for the marginally oppressed -- and I would comment on the weather, but today there is no time for such pleasantries. That I must write to you once again is an unspeakable disappointment. When you not only failed to immediately apologize to me after my last correspondence, but also allowed Chelsea to cheat their way to winning the Champions League by using "defenders" I should have known that this travesty would arise once again.
But that's the one problem with always being positive and idealistic -- those who are cynical and carry an evil realism in the empty cavern where their appreciation for how my teammates and I play football should be are always willing to persecute us worse than anyone in human history has ever been persecuted before.
They said racism and violence were the two horrific dangers of this tournament. Well I have a racism to report: That pitch in Gdansk was racist against football. And I have a violence to report, as well: That pitch in Gdansk literally curb stomped everyone who appreciates beauty or happiness or angels.
Simply put, that pitch was equivalent to deadly earthquake under an orphanage for children too gifted to have parents. I personally presented the groundskeeper with our officially sanction 475-page book on adequate pre-match watering techniques and they flatly refused to even read the first 38 chapters. How can UEFA sit quiet as inhumanely dry grass ruins football and the concept of destiny? In the name of all that is Pep, I politely demand answers.
You see, there are even more important matters at stake here than the all-important pursuit of football. Namely, the constant and unparalleled suffering of Cesc Fabregas, noble warrior and aspiring pastry chef. Though Cesc scored a goal to punish Italy's reprehensible use of strikers and did his best to hide his pain, I could sense that he was still suffering. And how could be not be when forced to endure the horrors of dry grass.
Now, I am not one to perpetuate conspiracy theories -- they are hurtful and only partially correct when involving UNICEF -- but I could not help but feel the smothering darkness of Jose Mourinho's presence at the match. Judging by the waves of smugness pouring out of his untalented grin from the stands, I am confident he forced his son and agent to use travel sized hairdryers on the pitch earlier that morning. Surely this qualifies as the worst kind of war crime, which is why I have carbon copied The Hague on this message.
I expect you to rectify this injustice. If you don't, you will be receiving an even more sternly worded letter at some yet undetermined point in the future. Repent to Cesc.
The most sincerely,
Xavi, co-founder of goodness
Turamber
Part of the furniture
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Shagrat said:
Quoted for truth. On his last game at Villa Park most of us turned up in Swedish yellow and some wore Viking helmets. Still have mine somewhere
He responded by giving a free shirt to all of the Villa fans in attendance away to West Ham. Great fella.
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Pleasantly surprised with England last night. We seemed to have a game, plan which is an improvement. Milner had a decent game in the end despite missing a sitter after doing the hard work. There were signs of laziness creeping in at times, losing the ball far to easily. Terry actually played well in an England shirt for once too, amazing.
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Cunt
old.user4556
Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.
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Hehe, no need, comes with having a nose like mineSorry that was a poor cheap shot, I apologise
Ctuchik
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Agreed.
For me the best thing about the match was the fact that the "England Band" weren't there. It was fucking excellent that I didn't constantly have to listen to The Great Escape and think of World War 2 whilst watching a football match.
Trill trumpets, badly timed drums, FUCK OFF
Unfortunately, I think they'll be back
Wonk
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Hamrém fucked up so badly it isn't even fun to gloat over...
I still think you've got a good chance of advancing from the group. Who's the replacement for Lustig on the swedish team? He has never really impressed me.
Wazzerphuk
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Craig Burley
