T
Tigerius
Guest
Came across this little mock dialouge made by a disgruntled Cabalist. Thought it was well amusing 
Sanya: er, Matt, we have a problem
Matt: No Sanya, we have an opportunity and I want solutions, anyway....what is it ?
Sanya: It's Pygmy Goblins sir
Matt: Where !?!, outside my palace ?
Sanya: No sir, in the game
Matt: What, Imperator ?
Sanya: No sir, the one that is paying for it
Matt: Ah...Cabbageplot
Sanya: er no sir.....Camelot
Matt: Ok whatever, now about these Undersized Pixies
Sanya: PYGMY GOBLINS
Matt: ok, what about them ?
Sanya: We have two issues sir, our Trending and Levelling Analysis Team have shown that Albs between 35-45 are levelling 0.1 faster than the equivalent Hibs and Mids....worse than that there is a class that can get twice as much xp as normal from levels 46-50.
Matt:....damn I bet it's those pesky...er pet thingies, no one wants them in groups, oh ya Cobalots
Sanya: That's right , its the CABALISTS
Matt: There's just to many of them , nerf them, nerf them (manic laughter ensues)
Sanya: Actually they're one of the least played classes (ponders briefly then moves on)
Matt: oh well, someone has to be last, it's called balance. So what's the real issue here.
Sanya: (blushing), its the developers sir, they're upset
Matt: WHAT, why ?
Sanya: Well sir, they spent all tbeir time putting nice looking mobs in the frontier, Dartmoor, the new RvR Dungeon etc yet no one ever goes there, they just kill Pygmies
Matt: Why don't they go there ?
Sanya: It's pathetic, they complain about getting ganked, poor XP, poor camp bonuses,no BAF mobs, poor spawn rates etc. Pygmies seem to be the quickest way to level that's why people are there.
Matt: Jesus, why does the player base want to level efficiently with little downtime ?
Sanya: I believe they call it fun plus it's a level based game and lots of players don't like the 40-50 level grind.
Matt: heh, cry more noobs, these Pygmies new ?
Sanya: No sir, they've been there for months
Matt: So what's changed then ?
Sanya: Well, we had a lot of complaints about these Pygmies
Matt: Complaints eh (looks around for nearest carpet and brush), who's been complaining the most ?
Sanya: Strange as it may seem, but our Trending and Levellling Analysis team confirm, its the Albs.
Matt: ALBS (raucous laughter), god those ALBS are stupid, they never learn...lets nerf them again. What are our options ?
Sanya: I see three courses of action one, do nothing, on the grand scale of issues it's trivial and besides that the majority of our Alb customer base quite like it. Two, put an equivalent in Hibernia and Midgard, it equalises it out and will make more people happy. Finally, three, nerf the hell out of it for no good reason.
Matt: Do nothing is not an option (smiles based on his attendance at the Trendy Managememt Techniques -101 Symposium). If we put some equivalents in Hibernia and Midgard then we'll just upset the other developer, so we can't do that. So , it looks like we'll have to NERF (more raucous laughter, this time throughout the whole office).
Sanya: Yes sir, we assumed that already and have decided to up their hitpoints by 20%, it might upset a few but we think it's fair.
Matt: My girl (condescending tone), you just don't know how to nerf, this is what we'll do
Increase HP by 50-70%
Add casting Mobs
Add random BAF rules
Make a couple very magic resistant, this will appear to be random.
Make it, so they never return to their spawn point. They can follow the player for ever plus we get the bonus that no one else can kill them because they are not there.
Sanya: Brilliant thoughts sir (smiles pending the upcoming salary review), true genius, a change that benefits no one and will upset a lot of players
Matt: Ah Sanya ye (said so that he can justify understanding of the roleplayers mentality) miss the point. I've calculated that every .1 slowdown in levelling will add $500,000 to my, er our, bank balance.
Sanya: But haven't we just announced an increase in levelling ?
Matt: Don't worry we never actually published by how much and this along with the new frontier dungeon will be among the first of many 'features' that will get it back again.
Sanya: Genius, genius...so how can we sneak this change in ?
Matt: Easy, make a small patch note less than 24 hours before go live and add it right at the end.
Sanya: Shouldn't we test it first.
Matt: We don't anything else, besides it's all part of the plan.
Sanya: Plan ?
Natt: We nerf it to oblivion on the back of no testing, everyone complains, it'll die down when we put Spellcrafting live, then shortly after that we'll reverse the 'chase for ever' part and everyone will be happy. It's all about managing Customer expectations.
Sanya: I understand that , but what about the Cabalists, numbers will dwindle, people will leave.
Matt: Those..um.....er... what were they called again ?
Sanya: CABALISTS
Matt: oh Sanya, don't you see...........they will all purchase Shrouded Isles and re-roll as Necromancers.
Sanya: er, Matt, we have a problem
Matt: No Sanya, we have an opportunity and I want solutions, anyway....what is it ?
Sanya: It's Pygmy Goblins sir
Matt: Where !?!, outside my palace ?
Sanya: No sir, in the game
Matt: What, Imperator ?
Sanya: No sir, the one that is paying for it
Matt: Ah...Cabbageplot
Sanya: er no sir.....Camelot
Matt: Ok whatever, now about these Undersized Pixies
Sanya: PYGMY GOBLINS
Matt: ok, what about them ?
Sanya: We have two issues sir, our Trending and Levelling Analysis Team have shown that Albs between 35-45 are levelling 0.1 faster than the equivalent Hibs and Mids....worse than that there is a class that can get twice as much xp as normal from levels 46-50.
Matt:....damn I bet it's those pesky...er pet thingies, no one wants them in groups, oh ya Cobalots
Sanya: That's right , its the CABALISTS
Matt: There's just to many of them , nerf them, nerf them (manic laughter ensues)
Sanya: Actually they're one of the least played classes (ponders briefly then moves on)
Matt: oh well, someone has to be last, it's called balance. So what's the real issue here.
Sanya: (blushing), its the developers sir, they're upset
Matt: WHAT, why ?
Sanya: Well sir, they spent all tbeir time putting nice looking mobs in the frontier, Dartmoor, the new RvR Dungeon etc yet no one ever goes there, they just kill Pygmies
Matt: Why don't they go there ?
Sanya: It's pathetic, they complain about getting ganked, poor XP, poor camp bonuses,no BAF mobs, poor spawn rates etc. Pygmies seem to be the quickest way to level that's why people are there.
Matt: Jesus, why does the player base want to level efficiently with little downtime ?
Sanya: I believe they call it fun plus it's a level based game and lots of players don't like the 40-50 level grind.
Matt: heh, cry more noobs, these Pygmies new ?
Sanya: No sir, they've been there for months
Matt: So what's changed then ?
Sanya: Well, we had a lot of complaints about these Pygmies
Matt: Complaints eh (looks around for nearest carpet and brush), who's been complaining the most ?
Sanya: Strange as it may seem, but our Trending and Levellling Analysis team confirm, its the Albs.
Matt: ALBS (raucous laughter), god those ALBS are stupid, they never learn...lets nerf them again. What are our options ?
Sanya: I see three courses of action one, do nothing, on the grand scale of issues it's trivial and besides that the majority of our Alb customer base quite like it. Two, put an equivalent in Hibernia and Midgard, it equalises it out and will make more people happy. Finally, three, nerf the hell out of it for no good reason.
Matt: Do nothing is not an option (smiles based on his attendance at the Trendy Managememt Techniques -101 Symposium). If we put some equivalents in Hibernia and Midgard then we'll just upset the other developer, so we can't do that. So , it looks like we'll have to NERF (more raucous laughter, this time throughout the whole office).
Sanya: Yes sir, we assumed that already and have decided to up their hitpoints by 20%, it might upset a few but we think it's fair.
Matt: My girl (condescending tone), you just don't know how to nerf, this is what we'll do
Increase HP by 50-70%
Add casting Mobs
Add random BAF rules
Make a couple very magic resistant, this will appear to be random.
Make it, so they never return to their spawn point. They can follow the player for ever plus we get the bonus that no one else can kill them because they are not there.
Sanya: Brilliant thoughts sir (smiles pending the upcoming salary review), true genius, a change that benefits no one and will upset a lot of players
Matt: Ah Sanya ye (said so that he can justify understanding of the roleplayers mentality) miss the point. I've calculated that every .1 slowdown in levelling will add $500,000 to my, er our, bank balance.
Sanya: But haven't we just announced an increase in levelling ?
Matt: Don't worry we never actually published by how much and this along with the new frontier dungeon will be among the first of many 'features' that will get it back again.
Sanya: Genius, genius...so how can we sneak this change in ?
Matt: Easy, make a small patch note less than 24 hours before go live and add it right at the end.
Sanya: Shouldn't we test it first.
Matt: We don't anything else, besides it's all part of the plan.
Sanya: Plan ?
Natt: We nerf it to oblivion on the back of no testing, everyone complains, it'll die down when we put Spellcrafting live, then shortly after that we'll reverse the 'chase for ever' part and everyone will be happy. It's all about managing Customer expectations.
Sanya: I understand that , but what about the Cabalists, numbers will dwindle, people will leave.
Matt: Those..um.....er... what were they called again ?
Sanya: CABALISTS
Matt: oh Sanya, don't you see...........they will all purchase Shrouded Isles and re-roll as Necromancers.
