K
Killgorde
Guest
Hmm..thought it was finished way back in August last year but ain’t life a bitch at times? Didn’t really want to get involved in a slagging match and am well past caring about what regard I am held in on Excal, BUT I DO take exception when those whose friendship I hold dear are having spiteful pops (Deri) taken at them by someone who should have crawled down that dark dank evil little hole from whence he came ages ago.
Ok…some home truths about myself first and then we’ll dwell on Eben awhile, something that I refrained from doing publically to any degree back then in the distant past because it isn’t my style usually - events over the past day have irked me somewhat though…
I have never denied that I have character traits (faults if you like) that some find distasteful. Brutal honesty, both with myself and others is high on that list. Sometimes the truth hurts...if you can’t recognise and admit to traits within yourself that may not put you in a good light in the eyes of others you will never develop as a person. Take CE on PvP as an example. Contrary to the generally held perception that I was a ruthless bastard (which is what CE on Camlann actually needed as which worked with Avalanche, given the numbers of people involved who had no relationship with each other prior to the event) I’m not. We are all playing a game and being a “Little Hitler” just isn’t my style, and never has been. We play this game (or did, in my case) for fun, and kicking someone from a guild for being afk (FFS we all have RL’s) and crap like that isn’t and never will be me. I fucked up big-time on Camlann because i took for granted the fact that I could get 170 people singing from the same hymnsheet.
As far as I can recall with the +300 player I have had involvement with during my time as GM in DaoC I have only binned 3 people for reprehensible behavior. There’s some myth about me always getting my own “way” in things. What I actually get (and it doesn’t always happen) is the “way” which the majority consensus of those around me wish...and therein lies the rub - it puts individuals’ noses out of joint if their first priority is themselves rather than their comrades. On that point refer to the above “...if you can’t recognise and admit to traits within yourself that may not put you in a good light in the eyes of others…” and realise that it might hurt to admit that others think you are a complete fuckwit, but then the truth can hurt (I should know better than most
). My illuminating you to this particular fact if you step way out of line and cause offence is one of my flaws in the eyes of some, but I can live with it. The propensity for selfishness (for want of a better word) is a factor of DaoC I always struggled to come to terms with, and something which the design of Eve has to my mind done away with. Another issue (or fault) with me was wanting to get things right, but not as some might suggest out of some “ego-trip” but because it benefits everyone involved. An example is a Relic Raid. Whoever calls one has a responsibility to the +100 involved not to screw up 4 hours of each individual’s time in some half-arsed attempt, but to make every effort to plan, prepare and execute the damn thing as best he/she can so everyone has a blast. If giving a damn that things go right for everyone taking part makes me an egotist, it’s a fair cop Guv. Try searching for a post-RR musing of myself where the emphasis hasn’t been on the efforts of everyone involved rather than some individual demand to have my ego inflated.Now onto Eben.
This is the guy, if memory servers me correct (could be wrong here because I’m getting old and vague) who I stood by on occasions too numerous to mention (How many, Eben? 5? 10? More?) when everyone around me thought he was a malignant little shit and said so in no uncertain terms. I could ask in retrospect wtf I bothered but hell, that’s another of my failings: taking people as I find them and giving loyalty if I like what I see, twat that I am. Someone I spent hours pl’ing in Spindelhalla when no one else would give him the steam off their piss because of his unbearable obnoxious nasty little manner. Who posts inflammatory threads and then locks them immediately, denying the right of reply. With whom no one will ever engage in a private conversation with again for fear of it being made public at a later date if there is a falling out. The same guy who came back from Pryden and couldn’t get a guild because of this – no one trusts him further than they toss a dwarf. Someone who hides behind a veneer of “hard done by little guy” a propensity for spite and maliciousness which is second to none I have ever in my 39 years encountered RL or online. I think those of you who actually read the final few posts on Derianna’s recruiting thread (and the reason for it being pulled) will know EXACTLY where I am coming from here). I could go on and on and on…
Who needs a psych evaluation? Let the jury decide, because the thread wont be locked (but more likely pulled).
Ciao Midgard and God Bless – have a blast pulling this one to pieces - I've got a great bunch of guys to get back to in Eve
