Help Single Parents

[Chilly]

fuckin women!

 

[Scouse]

See this is why I brought it all up.

I'll start badgering him I guess.

Just find a divorce lawyer and make an appointment for him, for a time when he's gonna be in*

He'll thank you in the long run!







*Above may be a bit extreme

 

[Talivar]

Someone that can leave their two small children eventually wont find it hard to leave all the debts to him if she is told a way. And agree with Scouse these things normally only happen when there is someone else waiting in the wings. (not always tho)

 

[old.user4556]

She has pretty much come out and said she wants to live a life without responsibilities, which means no husband or children to answer too.

Seeing someone else...

I haven't read the rest of the thread; but yes, spot on the money Scouse. As soon as someone says:

- I want out because I want to be independent
- I want out because I want freedom
- I want out to focus on my career
- I want out to travel the world
- I want out because I don't want to be tied down
- I want out

Generally it's to find or be with someone else.

 

[Ch3tan]

Sorry I've missed a couple of pages, and can't be arsed to read them

Agree with the views on page 1, he should sting her for all he can legally. He should not simply accept what she wants to give, he should chase for what his is entitled to. She needs to realise that she can't jsut have no responsibilties, she was just as involved in producing the kids, now she has to pay for them.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Then again, i wouldn't be me if i didn't say this; it's one side of a story and shouldn't take anything as truth when judging is concerned.

 

[Scouse]

Well, one's leaving her kids. One isn't.

Whatever the motivations, financial responsibility for the children is a given = screw her to the wall...

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, one's leaving her kids. One isn't.

True, true. But even then i know from personal experience that it isn't that simple every time. Not saying it's not that clear cut this particular time, but i've learned to hold some scepticism to every she/he is this/that story.

But we can leave it at that before someone says that the thread is going off rails and especially before someone gets annoyed.

 

[russell]

Well, one's leaving her kids. One isn't.

Whatever the motivations, financial responsibility for the children is a given = screw her to the wall...

There are always 2 sides.
Yes, leaving your kids is unforgivable, but the women I have met who have done that have never done it lightly.
If its for the sake of her own mental health, thats a different story. Are you all sure its for 'no strings fun?' as you have all condemmed this woman, having never been in the situation yourself.
Motherhood is relentless(its not the same as being the dad, unless he is 'mum'), and if you have never' lived' before it happens and have the stress of a failing relationship and massive debt. I dont blame her for wanting out.
I would never leave my kids, but I would be a liar if I said I have never wanted to. momentarily.
*awaits the male outrage*

 

[Calaen]

I don't blame her at all Russell, infact she is also a very close friend.

But the kids are my main concern and as he is keeping them I want to help him out every way I can. Also because I can't comprehend how someone who has two daughters aged 5 and 3 can suddenly wake up and want to walk out on them. I have to make sure that she can't just come back into his life and take everything away out of spite.

 

[Scouse]

*awaits the male outrage*

/allays fears

However, I did expect a woman to jump to this woman's defence tho.

Motherhood is relentless(its not the same as being the dad, unless he is 'mum'), and if you have never' lived' before it happens and have the stress of a failing relationship and massive debt. I dont blame her for wanting out.

For a start "it's not the same as being the dad" is bullshit russ.

These two have been together since they were 17, so the bloke himself has "never lived" and now has the stress of a failing relationship, massive debt, the kids she's leaving and no way out.

For years women have bemoaned men for doing exactly what this woman's doing - skipping out on kids with no thought of her financial responsibilty.

Who cares if she's "never lived" - it doesn't come into the argument when men skip out on their kids - so it shouldn't with women.

Welcome to "equality"

 

[Scouse]

I can't comprehend how someone who has two daughters aged 5 and 3 can suddenly wake up and want to walk out on them

They don't "suddenly wake up" and walk out. They get someone else's cock in them and then decide it's time for out.*








*May not be true. However, it's the sort of bet you put your house on. In all my years I've never seen it work any other way. You need a really good reason to skip out on your kids.

 

[MYstIC G]

If there's no cock involved there's still someone in the background "confirming" that she's making the right choice and doing the right thing. I've never met anyone who would do something like this without them being egged on by someone, somewhere.

 

[Calaen]

If there's no cock involved there's still someone in the background "confirming" that she's making the right choice and doing the right thing. I've never met anyone who would do something like this without them being egged on by someone, somewhere.

You are right Mystic and we know who the person is, she is the wife of another friend in our group, and she is very manipulative and a general bitch.

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

Women caught in a cycle of domestic abuse can be in a situation where the only way out is to leave everything. Apparently very few are able to successfully break the cycle as they become trapped in victim mode and unwittingly make choices that perpetuate the cycle with their abuser(s).

I am not implying that is what has happened in this case but its a valid example.

Its also interesting to note the responses so far on this thread that seem to indicate a prevailing attitude that its ok for the father to leave the family home but not the mother.

 

[DaGaffer]

Women caught in a cycle of domestic abuse can be in a situation where the only way out is to leave everything. Apparently very few are able to successfully break the cycle as they become trapped in victim mode and unwittingly make choices that perpetuate the cycle with their abuser(s).

I am not implying that is what has happened in this case but its a valid example.

Its also interesting to note the responses so far on this thread that seem to indicate a prevailing attitude that its ok for the father to leave the family home but not the mother.

I haven't seen anyone saying that at all...

 

[Scouse]

Its also interesting to note the responses so far on this thread that seem to indicate a prevailing attitude that its ok for the father to leave the family home but not the mother.

Where's anyone said that?

All that's been said is that there's a financial responsibility that needs to be filled and legal protection for the kids is paramount.

i.e.: the same rules for her as there are for men.

 

[Calaen]

Women caught in a cycle of domestic abuse can be in a situation where the only way out is to leave everything. Apparently very few are able to successfully break the cycle as they become trapped in victim mode and unwittingly make choices that perpetuate the cycle with their abuser(s).

I am not implying that is what has happened in this case but its a valid example.

Its also interesting to note the responses so far on this thread that seem to indicate a prevailing attitude that its ok for the father to leave the family home but not the mother.

While I don't disagree if you go to see a RELATE councellor you get a piece of A4 paper with a list on it ranging from have you been shouted at to does your partner ever get angry. If you say yes to any of them they ask you to turn the page over and on the other side of the paper it says your a victim of domestic abuse.

Now I don't condone any form of abuse, I grew up with my mother being beaten of various boyfriends. However If I get angry at my wife or shout at her SHE is not a victim of domestic abuse. Shes a Woman in a relationship and sometimes people raise there voices. It's no different if she shouts at me does that mean I am suffering from it?

We really need to seperate the actual sufferers of abuse instead of giving naive and gullable people who are looking for an excuse to get out of a relationship a fake reason.

 

[Scouse]

While I don't disagree if you go to see a RELATE councellor you get a piece of A4 paper with a list on it ranging from have you been shouted at to does your partner ever get angry. If you say yes to any of them they ask you to turn the page over and on the other side of the paper it says your a victim of domestic abuse.

I've never been in a relationship where, at one point or another, the bird hasn't at least slapped me, hard, and in anger.

I don't consider myself a victim of abuse. I just think women have a lower bar than men in what's "tolerable action".

Also, if you never get angry you have to ask yourself if you're emotionally involved in your relationship?

 

[TdC]

While I don't disagree if you go to see a RELATE councellor you get a piece of A4 paper with a list on it ranging from have you been shouted at to does your partner ever get angry. If you say yes to any of them they ask you to turn the page over and on the other side of the paper it says your a victim of domestic abuse.

what a load of cock. only thing I can come up with to explain that is that it is a lever to get the max gain out of splitting up.

 

[Calaen]

what a load of cock. only thing I can come up with to explain that is that it is a lever to get the max gain out of splitting up.

It's a bit silly.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I think what Roo meant with "It's ok for the man to leave" as "it's a norm that men leave all the time and as such, women leaving is more shocking".

Though i agree to a point that there are sme serious double standards, on both sides, when one parent leaving is considered.

 

[Calaen]

I think what Roo meant with "It's ok for the man to leave" as "it's a norm that men leave all the time and as such, women leaving is more shocking".

Though i agree to a point that there are sme serious double standards, on both sides, when one parent leaving is considered.

I thought Roo meant he could see people in this thread saying it was alright for the man to do it?

 

[old.Tohtori]

I thought Roo meant he could see people in this thread saying it was alright for the man to do it?

It's easy to get the impression, since, as i said, man leaving is such a standard.

The impression from peoples posts is that it's more shocking for a woman to leave.

 

[rynnor]

The stereotypes are quite fixed -theres a guy at work who's primary carer for his kids.

The company helps out with care costs for primary carers but since he's not a woman they wont believe him and wont pay it out yet women claiming it just ask for it - so much for equality...

 

[MYstIC G]

Since I can see it as it's quoted, perhaps we can let Roo say what he means for himself. Lets get back on topic anyhow. Why is the "bitch" friends with your mates partner? Is it a recent thing?

 

[Calaen]

Since I can see it as it's quoted, perhaps we can let Roo say what he means for himself. Lets get back on topic anyhow. Why is the "bitch" friends with your mates partner? Is it a recent thing?

No mate she's been around since they we were at school, she suffers from ME which means she can't work, but amazingly she never takes a bad turn when she's on holiday without her husband or out shopping with friends all day long while he's working 16 hour days. She tends to suffer from ME when He wants to go out.

Her facebook updates are fast and frequent and tend to revolve around her doing fuck all lying in the sun or when it's raining lying in bed not feeling well.

We've tried to tell the guy that she is taking the piss but he defends her and tells us to mind our busniness. It's a shame really.

 

[`mongoose]

personally I think Russell is dead right.

I also think alot of what has been said in this thread is fairly judgemental and incredibly harsh. Read it back for yourselves. She's a bitch, she's a **** she's fucking someone else, she's lying she's this she's that.

All we know is that for whatever reason Cal's mate is left with the children after his wife decided that she needed a life without responsibility.

I suspect it's a decision that the poor lady will come to regret a very great deal and I hope her children forgive her and can come to terms with it. I also hope that Cal's mate listens to reason and actually protects himself and the future of his children.

Like it or not now he has to think calmly and rationally about the future for his kids first and him second. He needs to ensure that in the event of anything happening to him that his kids have a sensible and healthy guardian to look after them until he can take the responsibility again.

As it stands he is at risk of his wife coming back and taking the kids and the house and unless he's strong and a little bit streetwise he won't be able to prevent it without legal advice now. He needs to ensure that his parents are protected against that eventuality too.

I'm not even talking about finances here. We're talking the balanced and safe upbringing of his two daughters. I don't envy him or his wife tbh. It can't have been an easy decision and I suspect this is something that will rumble on for some time.

As for whether he can forgive his wife and accept her once she realises her folly, only he'll know that. The soppy old romantic in me hopes that he can and does for the good of his kiddies.

I realise not everyone is like me but my wife does the lions share of caring for our children and I do the lions share of earning cash to pay for that. I am thankful because my job is easier. Being mum is probably the most important career choice a woman can take and too often it's neglected, disparaged or discouraged (in my opinon). We might be about to swap roles in our household thanks to funding cuts in education and I'm not sure I'll do half as a good a job as she has

M

 

[old.Tohtori]

By the way, how old are the kids?

 

[`mongoose]

5 and 3


D