Help Single Parents

[Calaen]

Anyone currently in this situation?

My friend is splitting with his wife, and he is being left with the two children.

Been trying to have a look around for what he could be entitled to, but I can't seem to find anything solid!

Sensible advice would be swell

 

[MYstIC G]

Benefits adviser service : Directgov - Do it online
Benefits covered by the benefits adviser : Directgov - Do it online

 

[Calaen]

brilliant thanks.

 

[MYstIC G]

No problem. Almost tempted to fill it out myself and see if I'm entitled to anything.

 

[Scouse]

Just out of interest, what's he splitting with his wife over? Amicable?



I'm not casting any aspersions over your mates situation but my experience has shown me this:

1) Women don't leave unless they've got something better to go to. (If that's the case then your mate should hit her for everything she's got, it would happen the other way round).

2) Women who split and leave their children with the man are, in my experience, utter utter bitches. (If that's the case your mate is better off!)

 

[Chilly]

bitch needs to be pay child support, too. it's not just for deviant fathers.

 

[Scouse]

it's not just for deviant fathers.

Oh but it is. Do you know how many angry women used to work for the CSA?

 

[Calaen]

Just out of interest, what's he splitting with his wife over? Amicable?



I'm not casting any aspersions over your mates situation but my experience has shown me this:

1) Women don't leave unless they've got something better to go to. (If that's the case then your mate should hit her for everything she's got, it would happen the other way round).

2) Women who split and leave their children with the man are, in my experience, utter utter bitches. (If that's the case your mate is better off!)

She has pretty much come out and said she wants to live a life without responsibilities, which means no husband or children to answer too.

They have a house together which they can't sell because it was given to them by his parents to help manage some debt they were in.

He's taking it all a bit hard, so I figure if I can gather up some information that will help him get some financial assistance of some sort then I will.

Because of the debt they currently owe he can't sting her for anything extra than her half of the debt because she only takes home about 900 quid a month. After she's paid him half of their current debt she's only got about £50 quid.

It's been an ok split in the sense that she could be being a bitch about it, but because she wants out she seems to be willing to give him everything anyway.

 

[MYstIC G]

She's going to saddle him with the debt. He needs to watch himself.

 

[rynnor]

She has pretty much come out and said she wants to live a life without responsibilities, which means no husband or children to answer too.

Wow - thats horrible - the kids must be traumatised

 

[Mabs]

thats fucking callous

also, feel somewhat sorry for your mate, and more so for the kids

 

[Calaen]

Wow - thats horrible - the kids must be traumatised

No it's not to bad to be fair, she has gradually spent less and less time with them for a good period, due to her going on holidays and away for weekends with friends and her own family, so the kids spend very little time with her anyway.

Which judging from the way she is going on is a good thing for them.

 

[Scouse]

She has pretty much come out and said she wants to live a life without responsibilities

Seeing someone else...

No it's not to bad to be fair, she has gradually spent less and less time with them for a good period, due to her going on holidays and away for weekends with friends and her own family

Ah. Seeing lots of other people...

Which judging from the way she is going on is a good thing for them.

This is true.

But as for the "debt" thing. Fuck her. She can pony up 40% of her gross income until the kids are of school age - just like my mate had to.

Screw her to the wall legally IMHO. Men don't often get advised to do that (and generally are reluctant to do so) - but I've never known a split to go the other way (and never in such bad circumstances) that hasn't resulted in the woman wanting half of all future earnings.

Proper legal advice is definately needed here. If not for simple revenge (which I don't really condone) then for future financial stability for the kids...

 

[Chilly]

shocking mother. fucking ****. he should get a court order barring her access, after he's taken her for every penny.

this is when the bias towards mothers in the courts turns to mush.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well as advice for raising the kids; don't pamper them to compensate, don't blame them and make sure they know it and set strict limits(like you would with two parent children) and keep to them and watch out that the kids don't try to use the splitup as an excuse.

Also reassure your mate that single parent kids more often grow stronger and that single parent raising doesn't have to be difficult and it doesn't traumatise them.

And since it's you Calaen, yes i have personal experience from that kind of home

 

[Larossa]

How old is she? That sort of attitude about being without responsibilities usually comes from getting married with kids too young. I'd say she was immature, at least mentally.

 

[Chilly]

I'd say she was a fucking bitch and good riddance.

 

[Calaen]

How old is she? That sort of attitude about being without responsibilities usually comes from getting married with kids too young. I'd say she was immature, at least mentally.

She's 32, she is very very naive. And yes you are correct they have been together since they are 17!

 

[throdgrain]

I'd say she was a fucking bitch and good riddance.

I agree. Any woman who could abandon her own children is nothing but a piece of shit.

 

[Scouse]

I agree. Any woman who could abandon her own children is nothing but a piece of shit.

Yup.

And doesn't deserve to be 'let off' her financial responsibility just because she's a woman...

 

[Shagrat]

She's 32, she is very very naive. And yes you are correct they have been together since they are 17!

Man, thats cold. Just walking out on your kids because you want a life with no responsibility for a while.......

 

[Gumbo]

She won't continue to pay off the debts, I would be 100% on that. She will also want to return for the children within the year, as they can get her more benefits, I'm sure of that too.

This is a shitter for your mate, I'm sorry to hear of it. I'd start stockpiling the beer for the inevitable consoling which will need to be done when she comes back, takes the kids, leaves him bankrupt and rips off his testes.

Sorry

 

[Scouse]

I'm not sure about the rest but yep, she'll want to ditch the debts.

Cal - this is why getting your mate to talk to a lawyer is really really important. He'll get the debt moved solidly onto her and, more importantly, she won't be able to just waltz back in, shout "I'm a woman" and take his kids off him.

I know your mate's hurting right now, but if she's this big a cnut right now, imagine what she could be....

She's going to saddle him with the debt. He needs to watch himself.

This.

And it doesn't matter if she only earns £900/month now, in five years time she may be on £2500/month and she's still got a responsibility to pay for her kids...

 

[Calaen]

Yup.

And doesn't deserve to be 'let off' her financial responsibility just because she's a woman...

Nah it's not that simple.

Basically they had a bit of debt a few years ago with no real means of refinancing it. His parents owned a first floor and ground floor flat. They lived in the first and rented out the second.

They signed over the ground floor flat to him so he could remortgage it and sort his finances out. So if he goes down the financial route in court with her by law she could file for half of the house. A house which he is actually handing back to his parents in 5 years when the money he owes is paid off. As the property was intended to be part of their retirement plan.

 

[Scouse]

Even more evidence that he needs to get a lawyer involved. Today.

There's nothing to say that this bitch won't shack up with some chav who'll badger her into trying to take half the house off him.

I've seen it done.

 

[MrHorus]

Cal - this is why getting your mate to talk to a lawyer is really really important. He'll get the debt moved solidly onto her and, more importantly, she won't be able to just waltz back in, shout "I'm a woman" and take his kids off him.

My god she sounds like a complete and utter fucking bitch.

I'm going to echo the above comments - it's desertion of the family and the marital home and he NEEDS to see a lawyer NOW and get himself some legal protection in case she decides to come back in and try and get the kids and assets.

And it doesn't matter if she only earns £900/month now, in five years time she may be on £2500/month and she's still got a responsibility to pay for her kids...

Let's not beat about the bush here.

If it was the man that was only earning £900 a month then you can be sure that all sorts of woman's groups would be queuing up to advise her on how to take him for every spare penny that he had.

He needs to get onto the lawyer and make sure that she starts contributing to the upkeep of the children.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Kill the kids and perform a homemade historectomy on the ex, it's the DaGaffer way.

 

[MYstIC G]

Nah it's not that simple.

Basically they had a bit of debt a few years ago with no real means of refinancing it. His parents owned a first floor and ground floor flat. They lived in the first and rented out the second.

They signed over the ground floor flat to him so he could remortgage it and sort his finances out. So if he goes down the financial route in court with her by law she could file for half of the house. A house which he is actually handing back to his parents in 5 years when the money he owes is paid off. As the property was intended to be part of their retirement plan.

Read your own sentence back mate... "it's not that simple".

Your friend needs to protect himself. People talk shit and do shitty things. If the property is his parents he should get it back in their hands now and out of her reach.

 

[Scouse]

Your friend needs to protect himself and his children

Fixed

But it's a serious point. She obviously gives more of a shit about herself than her own children - and your mate needs to protect his children.

That includes financially and from possible future interference from "mum"...

 

[Calaen]

See this is why I brought it all up.

I'll start badgering him I guess.