read and decide

[Lamp]

^^ and end up having to explain to HR your actions....Not a good idea

 

[Jaem-]

^^ and end up having to explain to HR your actions....Not a good idea

I guess 2 wrongs don't make a right.

 

[old.Whoodoo]

This guy invaded personal space, fine, but getting the guy the sack in my opinion is a little harsh. Yes hes a twat for not listening, but imagine what life will be like for him in the future, getting further employment or references after being branded a "pervert" in the eyes of everyone.

Perhaps hes got a family, supporting them with a track record reading "sexual harrasment" is going to be tough. I do like normally to say an eye for an eye, but sometimes its not as cut and dry as that, in this case, perhaps a written warning, and transfer to a job less pleasant would suffice. By now I expect (as in most work places), that every man and his dog at your employers knows or has heard rumours about whats happened, so they will be aware of his presance. Hopefully your employer will know the best course of action to safeguard not just you, but your fellow employees.

Sometime humiliation alone can be enough to warn someone that they are breaching written or unwritten rules in life. But trashing someones future is a drastic way to get a message across.

I feel for your phobias, mine are spiders, heights and chlostrephobia, fear of confined spaces, the last I had to conquer as part of my job, now its still in the back of my mind, but I feel I have full control of it. Heights, well Im not really scared of the height, its the fear of falling, or unstable surfaces liek scaffolding, having been up the top opf the eiffel tower without incident. Spiders, well IMO anything with more than 4 legs just aint right!

 

[soze]

It is really up to your feeling if you think him still being there will stop you enjoying your job and maybe lead to your fears over coming you again then hes got to go.

But if you think you can still work there with him about maybe get him warned, also maybe tellhim why you dont want him touching you and get a bit more understanding.

So basically its all up to you. imo

 

[Jaem-]

It is really up to your feeling if you think him still being there will stop you enjoying your job and maybe lead to your fears over coming you again then hes got to go.

But if you think you can still work there with him about maybe get him warned, also maybe tellhim why you dont want him touching you and get a bit more understanding.

So basically its all up to you. imo

Well Ez said he was warned 3 times if I read her post correctly.

 

[Jaem-]

This guy invaded personal space, fine, but getting the guy the sack in my opinion is a little harsh. Yes hes a twat for not listening, but imagine what life will be like for him in the future, getting further employment or references after being branded a "pervert" in the eyes of everyone.

That phrase comes to mind, If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

 

[Siac]

Hopefully the 'responsibility' for firing / discipline will be in the
hands of the Management & Union

It's beyond my control

Also in terms of any guilt you *may* feel were he to be sacked,
if you had quit as a result of his actions do you think he would
have lost any sleep... and neither should you!

 

[Bubble]

ezt you did the right thing.

Ignore the idiots on this forum

 

[Lamp]

ezt you did the right thing.

Ignore the idiots on this forum

 

[Ezteq]

Thankyou for ALL the feedback, i wanted to hear every point of view not just the ones i agree with as i am a reasonable person and dont do serious things on a whim.

Firstly i would like to just say as far as my phobia goes it doesnt rule me (not any more any hoo, spent 2 years practically locked in my bedroom wasnt pleasant but i am determined not to get like that again) i went out and got a job as soon as i felt able to (i'd been dying to get to work, was so boring/demoralising being stuck in that room) i go out on my own now, something i could not do before and i know when something is about to set me off so i deal with it.

Secondly i dont want to see myself as a victim ever again ive had it too much in the past and its a sickening feeling, we had a meeting at work today me the manager and 2 union reps i think the thing that decided it for me was when they said "he was almost in tears yesterday at the thought of having to go home to his fiancee and tell her he was suspended for doing this to you". That made me decide to go all the way, he was almost in tears????? i was inconsolable i WAS in tears and what the hell is he doing groping another woman when he's engaged? i told them i wouldnt have gone this far if he hadnt already been warned off by me at least 3 times. And as someone already said on this topic, if you cant do the time dont do the crime.

So anyway he's on long term suspension, only allowed in to give statements etc, the union will take it to tribunal (dont know wtf will go on there as never been to one b4) and im not particularly looking foward to being grilled and asked if i possibly gave him the come on (you should see how i dress at work, honestly i dress like a man, baggy clothes hair up under a baseball hat definately not attractive at all) but tbh i believe this is the only way i can carry on working there, if i let him get away with it i WILL feel like a victim and i'll always be scared of it happening again and as ive said i love my job so much i dont want one little maggot ruining it for me.

Another thing is one of the other women he's molested in that way said to me she's going to tell the manager he's done it to her too (and she had witnesses aswell) so it obviously isnt just me that takes this thing seriously.

Thank you all so much for your feedback, believe me it has helped a lot.

p.s would love to learn ju jit su but london is waaaay too far im in bournemouth have been told ju jit su is excellant form of self defence, am really looking foward to starting my class next wednesday hopefully it will give me even more confidence.

 

[Outlander]

rar.

 

[Ctuchik]

p.s would love to learn ju jit su but london is waaaay too far im in bournemouth have been told ju jit su is excellant form of self defence, am really looking foward to starting my class next wednesday hopefully it will give me even more confidence.

yeah it it. theres no punches, no kicks and almost none of the "fancymoves" the karate or tai kwon do have for example. what u do is u use your opponents momentum and weight/strength and turn it against him. the more the opponent fights back, the bigger ur advangage is. its a very very nice way to do martial art sports if u dont feel like kicking someones face in.

most of the "hardcore" martial art fanatics thing ju jit su is a softie sport because its so non violence based.

very much good luck to you on ur first class

 

[Ctuchik]

But if most of the team like him well enough, getting him fired will be bad for morale and could affect you further. Do you want to go into work, and feel like everyone's talking about you?

so basicly ur telling Ez to just accept it if the guy is loved at work, and might be forced to quit a job she loves because of it? i wouldent care shit if the guy was god all mighty, if he was harrassing ME after he's been told i had problems i'd raise hell thats for sure. if EZTEQ cant stand him its HER desicion to make. NOT her co-workers.

 

[haarewin]

good for you Ez. I think you have done the right thing and agree with you.

what the hell is he doing groping another woman when he's engaged?

well he really really deserved it then. he may have to explain to his fiancé that he's been groping women and thats why he got sacked/suspended/whatever happened. hopefully she's got half a brain and does what is right too.

 

[Tasslehoff]

Interesting how a lot of people do some kind of martial arts. I went to "Wing Tzun" (or however you spell it) for half a year, a year ago. Considering starting it again, as I'm now starting to go more and more out at night, and getting out of trouble is becoming a more actual happening.

What do people think of Wing Tzun? I know it´s the most agressive martial-arts sport, but I also think it's the most effective.... Very off-topic though

In a few years you might want to try WT Ez, you have to touch people A LOT, I know you might not want that right now, but maybe in time

 

[Jeriraa]

hay cool! should we start an agoraphobics anon group...... ah guess no one would turn up though eh?
(sorry old joke but it made my doctor laugh)

Hahaha, I never saw a Doc about my problems but this is a joke I had in mind a few times too.

Suffering/having suffered from the same syndrom as you but being a guy I dont even want to imagine what caused it for you. About this co-worker... if you hadnt mentioned that he did this to other women too there could have been the possibility that he just has a crush on you and is too stupid to express himself. But the way you described it he IS an asshole and I wouldnt believe him for a second if he said he was sorry about having done this. He might be really sorry and have all reasons to be but for him it probably means being sorry about finaly getting caught.

PS: Yay for getting out and getting a job! Took me 4 years to force myself into that but my life changed completely to the better since then. The selfdefense class is also a good idea! Even if you wont get very good at it it will take away a great deal of this feeling of being helpless/vulnerable.

 

[Jeriraa]

In a few years you might want to try WT Ez, you have to touch people A LOT, I know you might not want that right now, but maybe in time

I went from Judo to Boxing. I'm not very athletic nor much of a good Boxer but yeah, actively enforcing physical contact with somebody (in my case my brother) broke some barriers.

 

[Mikah75]

some guy pinching your ass has scared you? come on, it's not like he's taken you into a dark corner and raped you. I'm not saying I stick up for the guy because you told him 3 times not to, he's obviously some kind of perverted freak. Once is fair enough, though I dont think I would ever go up to some bird who I work with and start fondling them without some kind of recognition there is a mutual feeling. You told him to stop, but he didn't listen.

But I dont think it's anything to be scared about, pull your socks up and get on with it. The best way to seem like your not phased out is just to put it to the back of your mind, and you will start having fun again and you will forget about it in no time. The guy's got his job at risk, unless he's a complete nutcase he will back off now. Best thing to do is put on a brave face, if you appear scared he knows he will be able to take advantage of you, if he is mentally unstable.

i think your a retard, try reading, it is basically an illness/problem, and it makes some feel insecure, stop patronising her.
To Ez: I feel you have done the correct thing Ez, you have warned him on many occasions, but he is obviously just a complete pervert and slightly retarded so its his fault he shouldn't of done that at work, i know for some its irresistable but then again its not for work time, and therefore after warnings still no change. It IS sexual harassment and can lead to instant dismissal, maybe if you feel guilty or are not too sure with him being punished, then i would ask for a phone number or something and contact him and ask him, see if he apologises and truthfully sounds sorry for what he has done then you could got o your boss and say it has been resolved? But that all depends how you feel and if you want to forgive/talk to him.
hope this helps
Aro

 

[old.Tohtori]

OFCOURSE....we're only hearing one side of the story and while i would be more inclined to believe Eq's story then a complete UK guys....i can't judge before i know it all.

Make him post here durnit so i may smite in a all around fashion!

 

[Ingafgrinn Macabre]

Get him fired,
Report him to the police
Get him jailed.
Write a book
Make it become a bestseller
Make a million dubloons
Take a nice holiday
<park a Harley on my driveway>
Go visit the dude in jail
And laugh at him wholeheartly


And I know what it is to have a real phobia and I can assure you, it ain't fun to truely be paralized, Sweatin' like an ox, get noxious, feel like everybody is totally staring at you and totally unable to do anything at all when you get in the situation you've got the phobia for. It's nothing like a normal fear for something. I think that only those suffering from phobia's can truely understand what they are.
Thankgod I'm almost rid of them.. took me a while though (years, not months or weeks)


So DocWolfe.... Shut up

 

[old.Tohtori]

Let's all gang up on DocWolfe 'cause he said something against the carryallwagon!

Gees...he didn't tell Ezteq to shut up and suck it up, but was just saying that they should be kept under control.

Ofcourse i have to say that if you took the decicion to go outside and deal with the phear, you have to also be prepared to be pinched in the arse(not that it's ok). You can't play the "phear" card everytime, it becomes a crutch(sp?) then.

Go about it the same way as "normal" people and forget the phobia thing completely when, as an example, telling your boss about it.

 

[Lamp]

what u do is u use your opponents momentum and weight/strength and turn it against him

True

One of the first dans I teach is a 6'9" copper who works out with weights. Big bloke basically. But Jui-jitsu enables me the lock him up / throw him around the mat like he was weightless.

The most difficult person I've had to work with was this green belt. He was 5'2" tall, and weighed about 16 stone. You have to get underneath his belt line for quite a lot of throws (eg. ippon seo nage) - which means squatting down knees bent - very uncomfortable when you've got to maintain the position for a few minutes while you demonstrate to your students

Old jitsu staying: "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest cavity."

 

[Mikah75]

..

Let's all gang up on DocWolfe 'cause he said something against the carryallwagon!

Gees...he didn't tell Ezteq to shut up and suck it up, but was just saying that they should be kept under control.

Ofcourse i have to say that if you took the decicion to go outside and deal with the phear, you have to also be prepared to be pinched in the arse(not that it's ok). You can't play the "phear" card everytime, it becomes a crutch(sp?) then.

Go about it the same way as "normal" people and forget the phobia thing completely when, as an example, telling your boss about it.

its not that, its the way he put it "pull up your socks and get on with it", this is classed as an illness mate, and he's just saying it like you can throw it the the side and ignore it being quite insensitive..

 

[old.Tohtori]

its not that, its the way he put it "pull up your socks and get on with it", this is classed as an illness mate, and he's just saying it like you can throw it the the side and ignore it being quite insensitive..

Maybe i just read it dfferently, but i didn't find it THAT insensitive.

Just like i said, i read it like "Don't get too worked about it". I don't think DocWolfe was commenting that Eq's phobia is something to just dismiss.

Could be wrong and DocWolfe might be a big l wanker, but i doubt it as Doc is usually "teh cool" about things.

 

[Mikah75]

..

sorry i just got angry, i have fears of some things and i find it very patronising when people tell you to just throw it aside and ignore it, that doesnt happen..
was the way i read it anyway

 

[Escape]

so basicly ur telling Ez to just accept it if the guy is loved at work, and might be forced to quit a job she loves because of it? i wouldent care shit if the guy was god all mighty, if he was harrassing ME after he's been told i had problems i'd raise hell thats for sure. if EZTEQ cant stand him its HER desicion to make. NOT her co-workers.

This isn't like school, where you can get the bully expelled and forget about it.

Work places are like a second family to some. If that's the case here, the strength of his relationship to the others should be taken into account. Otherwise you could become an outsider. This doesn't mean that Ezteq should put up with him. He just needed something more solid than a polite warning to get the point across.

He sounds like a prankster who can't take a hint, A "No means Yes" thinker.
Well he'll think differently now, regardless of the outcome.

 

[tris-]

get him fired, seems like a tosser if he goes around feeling peoples asses. doesnt matter wat he intended or didnt intend to cause, he it for self gratification.

this is to all the straight males by the way - what if a homosexual male co-worker went around fealing peoples cocks just for a laugh? what if he came up and squeezed your cock really hard and walked off. would you be like "ok, well its marked me for life, im crying inside but what the hell eh, everyone likes him so i wont take action".

fact is, he touched a body part that some people may class as personal, like i would say my cock is personal and wouldnt appreciate someone walking around and touching it when ever they wanted.

 

[old.Whoodoo]

What do people think of Wing Tzun? I know it´s the most agressive martial-arts sport, but I also think it's the most effective.... Very off-topic though

I studdied 5 different martial arts over 12 years, gave up at 21 cause girls and beer were more interesting, but back to the point.

Ez should look at ANY martial art as a form of defence, whereas in my experience Wing Tzun and its kind tend to favour assholes who think "I do karate, ill wtfpwn j00 after 5 pints of wifebeater when you look at me burd!" kind of phylosophy, with a few exceptions of those who do actually treat is as a sport or self defence.

Semi contact or kenetic martial arts liek Jutsu R'ai or Jujitsu, are more about defence and staying in one peice, including in the dojo. During my time, I broke more bones in the dojos of full contact than anywhere else, and what did it teach me, not to go there, as being in plaster for 6 weeks meant I missed out, which sucks.

One thing I will say, any effort to join a club like this will help you break down the barriers more, and with your new skills, you will also find new confidence to walk among people you would at present keep your distance from. Best of luck, and whatever, stick at it!!

 

[Fana]

Interesting how a lot of people do some kind of martial arts. I went to "Wing Tzun" (or however you spell it) for half a year, a year ago. Considering starting it again, as I'm now starting to go more and more out at night, and getting out of trouble is becoming a more actual happening.

What do people think of Wing Tzun? I know it´s the most agressive martial-arts sport, but I also think it's the most effective.... Very off-topic though

In a few years you might want to try WT Ez, you have to touch people A LOT, I know you might not want that right now, but maybe in time

Well, alot of people have tried martial arts at some point or other. Its a popculture thing these days, and getting to be a cool badge you wear like branded clothes etc. You can be damn sure when you meet someone new that if he has done or does any martial arts it will be mentioned within the 2 first minutes of conversation^^ And more so if he has only done a little of it. I find it funny personaly And yes ive done martial arts as well (7 years of karate).

About Wing Tzun - well, kungfu is pretty damn worthless in a real fight. As is taekwondo and other flashy martial arts. Karate is a borderliner since it does contain useful stances and techniques, and generally concentrate more on balance and controling an area, but also has some archaic and totally meaningless techniques. Best for selfdefence and actual streetfights are probably juijitsu, judo, kickboxing and wrestling.

And to Ez - good going Sexual harassment is inexcusable and the guy that did this to you should be made to feel the full consequences of it.

 

[yaruar]

I did read the post, and I admit that I am infact afraid of spiders, but phobias are conditions that you need to control, you can either cower in a corner or you can take control of your life and overcome them. Thats the choice, you have to be strong, do you really want something dictating your life, to a point that totally deteriates your ability to enjoy it? The answer is simple - no.

Phobias are by definition irrational, some with root causes, some without. I'm actually phobic of Celery (no s******ing, it's suprisingly common) and have on a number of occasions woken up with cold sweats nearly screaming after dreaming of the wretched stuff. A few of my friends know and a couple have tried to torment me with it. IT makes my skin crawl and teeth go on egde and i've been close to punching someone before for chasing myself round the room with it.

Where did it come from? I haven't the foggiest.

In terms of agrophobia, it's one of the worst kinds, I've suffered mildly from it in the past. I still can get panicy when around crowds of people especially in noise places (although a lot of that is due to hearing damage i've sustained which almost amplifies noise when it's surrounding me) and my girlfriend used to get panic attacks (and still does occasionally) when out of the flat due to a very badly delt with experience from her past (she got hypnotherapy which actually cured her 99 percent though which is good)