T
Testin da Cable
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- #61
lol 
O
old.xBaboon
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- #62
oo oo, i just remembered another fave...
A man desperate for a shag bursts thru the doors of his nearest whorehouse, and runs to the madam at the counter. He says 'Look, I'm desperate for a shag here, but I've only got £10, can you do anything for me?'. The madam says 'Why yes, we have women here to suit every taste and price. Go all the way to the end of the hall, and take the last door on the left'. 'Bless you' shouts the man, slams his tenner on the counter and sprints down the hall and in thru the door.
In the dim light he can see a beautiful blonde, naked and spreadeagle on the bed. Wasting no time, he quickly strips and leaps on the girl, and starts shagging her like a man possessed.
Halfway thru, he looks up and sees that the girl has something oozing out of her nose and ears. He jumps up like a shot, runs down the hall totally naked and explains this to the madam. She puts her cigarette out and says 'one moment please'. She turns round and leans thru a door and shouts 'Harry, the dead one's full again!'
A man desperate for a shag bursts thru the doors of his nearest whorehouse, and runs to the madam at the counter. He says 'Look, I'm desperate for a shag here, but I've only got £10, can you do anything for me?'. The madam says 'Why yes, we have women here to suit every taste and price. Go all the way to the end of the hall, and take the last door on the left'. 'Bless you' shouts the man, slams his tenner on the counter and sprints down the hall and in thru the door.
In the dim light he can see a beautiful blonde, naked and spreadeagle on the bed. Wasting no time, he quickly strips and leaps on the girl, and starts shagging her like a man possessed.
Halfway thru, he looks up and sees that the girl has something oozing out of her nose and ears. He jumps up like a shot, runs down the hall totally naked and explains this to the madam. She puts her cigarette out and says 'one moment please'. She turns round and leans thru a door and shouts 'Harry, the dead one's full again!'
S
Sir Frizz
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- #63
\o/
S
Summo
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- #64
Ewwwww...
Heh heh.
Heh heh.
G
GDW
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- Thread starter
- #65
you've probably heard this but here goes...
Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree went off for the weekend....It was
AfterEight. She was from Quality Street He was a Fishermans Friend on the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar. He had a Rum and Butter. She had a Wine Gum. He asked her name. She said "Polo, I'm the one with the hole." (But I'm the one with the Nuts he thought) Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. But Ms Rowntree wasn't keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies, So she let him take
a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge Finger nudging. It was a Magic Moment as she let out of scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. So he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Sherbert. At the same time he gave her a Gob Stopper! Unfortunately Mr Cadbury had to go home to his wife Caramel.
Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D. It turns out Ms Rowntree had a Box of Assorted Creams because she had been with AllSorts.
Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree went off for the weekend....It was
AfterEight. She was from Quality Street He was a Fishermans Friend on the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar. He had a Rum and Butter. She had a Wine Gum. He asked her name. She said "Polo, I'm the one with the hole." (But I'm the one with the Nuts he thought) Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. But Ms Rowntree wasn't keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies, So she let him take
a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge Finger nudging. It was a Magic Moment as she let out of scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. So he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Sherbert. At the same time he gave her a Gob Stopper! Unfortunately Mr Cadbury had to go home to his wife Caramel.
Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D. It turns out Ms Rowntree had a Box of Assorted Creams because she had been with AllSorts.
M
mankatron2001
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- Thread starter
- #66
two blondes walked into a building, you'd think one of them would have seen it!
boom badda tsch :/
boom badda tsch :/
S
Sir Frizz
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- Thread starter
- #67
what is an advantage of marrying a blonde?...
you get to use the disabled parking space
you get to use the disabled parking space
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Nibbler
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- #68
Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish.
The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island.
The second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off.
Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island.
The second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off.
Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
B
bodhi
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- Thread starter
- #69
A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff. Who lands first?
The Brunette. The blonde had to stop halfway down for directions.
They jump off again, who lands first?
The blonde. The brunette isnt stupid enough to do it again.
The Brunette. The blonde had to stop halfway down for directions.
They jump off again, who lands first?
The blonde. The brunette isnt stupid enough to do it again.
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- Thread starter
- #70
my turn plz...
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some p*ssy, fuck reading that book.
Momma in here teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window, I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we built,
Showed a broom up his arse, clean up to the hilt.
When up to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa Sh*thead, whoa A$$hole, hey Dickface, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig, or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for that lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sliegh, 'cause I gotta pee!"
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa got out, and puked on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard something splatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I put on my Jacket to cover my a$$,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all covered with dip spit galore,
He looked like a bum, he smelled like a whore.
"I'm all fuckin' shit-canned," he said with a smile,
"And Rudolphe had gas the last half-a mile."
He walked to the kitchen, for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, as my wife turned around,
Santa was hung half way to the ground.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a manual on how to pop zits.
A dime bag of reefer was Santa's next find,
And six pairs of panties, the edible kind.
A boarding school pisser, a penis extension,
And several other thing I can't even mention.
A cock ring, a g-string, and all types of oil,
A bong that was wrapped in alluminum foil.
"This stuff's not for kids, Mrs. Santa will sh*t,
So I'll leave it all here, and then I'll just split."
He filled both our stockings, looked at my wife's cleave,
And tucked my son's crackpipe up under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Made it out of the chimney, on my roof smacked his head.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Sayin' "Take me home, Rudolphe, this nights been a b*tch!"
The sleigh was near gone when I heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about $aw's place, the beer won't run out!"
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some p*ssy, fuck reading that book.
Momma in here teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window, I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we built,
Showed a broom up his arse, clean up to the hilt.
When up to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa Sh*thead, whoa A$$hole, hey Dickface, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig, or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for that lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sliegh, 'cause I gotta pee!"
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa got out, and puked on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard something splatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I put on my Jacket to cover my a$$,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all covered with dip spit galore,
He looked like a bum, he smelled like a whore.
"I'm all fuckin' shit-canned," he said with a smile,
"And Rudolphe had gas the last half-a mile."
He walked to the kitchen, for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, as my wife turned around,
Santa was hung half way to the ground.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a manual on how to pop zits.
A dime bag of reefer was Santa's next find,
And six pairs of panties, the edible kind.
A boarding school pisser, a penis extension,
And several other thing I can't even mention.
A cock ring, a g-string, and all types of oil,
A bong that was wrapped in alluminum foil.
"This stuff's not for kids, Mrs. Santa will sh*t,
So I'll leave it all here, and then I'll just split."
He filled both our stockings, looked at my wife's cleave,
And tucked my son's crackpipe up under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Made it out of the chimney, on my roof smacked his head.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Sayin' "Take me home, Rudolphe, this nights been a b*tch!"
The sleigh was near gone when I heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about $aw's place, the beer won't run out!"
B
bodhi
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- Thread starter
- #71
Why did the condom fly across the room?
It was pissed off.
It was pissed off.
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- Thread starter
- #72
Don't rub the lamp if ya don't want the Genie to come out...
N
Nibbler
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- #73
Feisty lil thang aintcha?
D
DAN200
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- #74
Two blondes walk into a building, you woulda thought one of them would've seen it!
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- Thread starter
- #75
What do ya get when you cross Kaczinski with Lewinski?
A dynamite blow-job.
A dynamite blow-job.
D
DAN200
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- Thread starter
- #76
What did the penis say to the Condom??
"Cover me, im going in!"
"Cover me, im going in!"
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- #77
De ja vue :?/
N
Nibbler
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- #78
Hmmm....
Feisty lil thang aintcha?
Aaaargh the deadly double deja-vu...
Feisty lil thang aintcha?
Aaaargh the deadly double deja-vu...
O
old.$aw$aLL
Guest
- Thread starter
- #79
How do ya get a sweet lil old lady to say fuck?
Get another sweet lil 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Get another sweet lil 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
N
Nibbler
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- #80
What has an elderly lady got between her legs that a younger woman doesn't?
Her tits.
Her tits.
B
bodhi
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- #81
How do you make a granny's toes curl?
Fuck her with her tights (nylons for $aw$sall) on.
Fuck her with her tights (nylons for $aw$sall) on.
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- Thread starter
- #82
Woooooooohoooooooo!
Yes
:touch:
Yes
:touch:
B
bodhi
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- Thread starter
- #83
I ran out of jokes!
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- Thread starter
- #84
lol.....I gotta million of em...ok
Rejected Motel 6 Slogans
=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-
16. We're working on that smelly thing too.
15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.
14. As seen on "Cops."
13. If we'd known you'd be staying all night, we'd have changed the sheets.
12. Not just for nooners anymore.
11. We left off the 9, but you know it's what we mean...
10. You rented the room, now we'll sell you the video!
9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.
8. We'll just leave the Lysol there for ya!
7. Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!
6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery better.
5. It's hookerriffic!
4. Official lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins.
3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheets art since 1962!
2. Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother.
And the number one slogan is..........
1. We put the "Ho" in "Motel"
Rejected Motel 6 Slogans
=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-
16. We're working on that smelly thing too.
15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.
14. As seen on "Cops."
13. If we'd known you'd be staying all night, we'd have changed the sheets.
12. Not just for nooners anymore.
11. We left off the 9, but you know it's what we mean...
10. You rented the room, now we'll sell you the video!
9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.
8. We'll just leave the Lysol there for ya!
7. Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!
6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery better.
5. It's hookerriffic!
4. Official lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins.
3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheets art since 1962!
2. Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother.
And the number one slogan is..........
1. We put the "Ho" in "Motel"
D
DAN200
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- Thread starter
- #85
Welll, you're not american are you?
O
old.$aw$aLL
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- Thread starter
- #86
Yes...but we joke about everything and anything.
I'm wearing a red. white, and blue thong now.
Gotta go for the night, bye
I'm wearing a red. white, and blue thong now.
Gotta go for the night, bye
S
Stazbumpa
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- Thread starter
- #87
I'm in love.
Are you single?
Are you single?
O
old.ignus
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- Thread starter
- #88
lol best joke yet.
O
old.xBaboon
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- Thread starter
- #89
What's blue and fucks old ladies?
Hypothermia.
What's green and eats nuts?
Syphillis.
What do you call an essex* (*replace with region of your choice) girl in a white shellsuit?
The Bride.
A blonde is walking along a road when she sees a brunette standing on the hard shoulder. The brunette is just stood there chanting '88, 88, 88.....' and the blonde says 'that looks like fun, mind if I try?'. 'Sure' says the brunette and so the blonde starts chanting the same '88, 88, 88.....'. The brunette stops her and says, 'You know whats more fun, stand in the middle of the road and do it'. The blonde says 'Wow thanks!' and wanders into the road and begins to chant again '88, 88, 88.....' when SMACK, she's killed stone dead by a car speeding along. The brunette smiles to herself and starts chanting '89, 89, 89...'.
Hypothermia.
What's green and eats nuts?
Syphillis.
What do you call an essex* (*replace with region of your choice) girl in a white shellsuit?
The Bride.
A blonde is walking along a road when she sees a brunette standing on the hard shoulder. The brunette is just stood there chanting '88, 88, 88.....' and the blonde says 'that looks like fun, mind if I try?'. 'Sure' says the brunette and so the blonde starts chanting the same '88, 88, 88.....'. The brunette stops her and says, 'You know whats more fun, stand in the middle of the road and do it'. The blonde says 'Wow thanks!' and wanders into the road and begins to chant again '88, 88, 88.....' when SMACK, she's killed stone dead by a car speeding along. The brunette smiles to herself and starts chanting '89, 89, 89...'.
G
GDW
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- Thread starter
- #90
enuff enuff I say....my fookin teef keep fallin out