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Sir Frizz
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- #31
got any more then:uhoh:
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Wij
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- #32
I'll try to remember 
T
Testin da Cable
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- #33
/me fabs Wij
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old.$aw$aLL
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- #34
Nudder 1
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was goin to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that
the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the
village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more wood in order to be prepared.A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's
going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to
collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied."It's going to be one of the
coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like
crazy."
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was goin to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that
the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the
village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more wood in order to be prepared.A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's
going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to
collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied."It's going to be one of the
coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like
crazy."
G
GDW
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- #35
I thought the original joke in this thread was by far the best
B
bodhi
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- #36
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic in a house fire.
*duck*
A paraplegic in a house fire.
*duck*
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old.katerina
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- #37
Hmnnnnn
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Will
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- #38
Hmnnn
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Summo
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- #39
The sexual tension in this thread is unbearable.
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Wij
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Jane's plane crashes in the Jungle. Once she's recovered a little she has a walk around and sees tarzan merrily shagging away at a hole in a tree.
"Wow, tight little buns and good rythm", she thinks, "I fancy a bit of that."
So she strips off and lays down and shouts, "Hey big boy, try this it's much more fun I guarantee !"
Tarzan turns round and sees Jane and smiles. She does look like a better shag than his usual method. Jane smiles back but her face soon turns to a look of agony when Tarzan starts kicking her repeatedly in the fanny.
"What the fuck are you doing you doing you dumb ape ???"
Tarzan replies, "Checking for squirrels."
"Wow, tight little buns and good rythm", she thinks, "I fancy a bit of that."
So she strips off and lays down and shouts, "Hey big boy, try this it's much more fun I guarantee !"
Tarzan turns round and sees Jane and smiles. She does look like a better shag than his usual method. Jane smiles back but her face soon turns to a look of agony when Tarzan starts kicking her repeatedly in the fanny.
"What the fuck are you doing you doing you dumb ape ???"
Tarzan replies, "Checking for squirrels."
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Will
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- #41
Says the man who's arse is rosie and highly buffed.
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Stazbumpa
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What's black and white and can't turn round in a corridor?
A nun with a javelin through her neck.
I'll get me coat.
A nun with a javelin through her neck.
I'll get me coat.
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Sir Frizz
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- #43
these jokes are actually getting worse...so i'll add one of my own
How many whites are there in New Zealand?
none, theyre all blacks
*runs*
How many whites are there in New Zealand?
none, theyre all blacks
*runs*
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Summo
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- #44
Been like that for ages. I'm beginning to suspect it's a rash.
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Sir Frizz
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- #45
Originally posted by SomeGuy
Been like that for ages. I'm beginning to suspect it's a rash.
from what?:uhoh:
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Wij
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Two blokes go into a bar. The first bloke says, "I'm off for a piss." The second bloke says, "OK, I'll get us both a pint of bitter." The first bloke toddles off to the Gents while the second gets the pints. Just after he's paid a big muscly black girl picks his pint off the bar holds it next to her arse and guffs into it.
Looking shocked the second bloke tries to punch her but she easily floors him first. The first bloke had seen this on his way back from the bogs and when he gets back to the bar he asks his friend, "What was that all about ?" The second bloke manages to point at the woman and gasp, "Fart... in ma Whitbread." "Nah", says the first, "that's definately Tessa Sanderson."
Looking shocked the second bloke tries to punch her but she easily floors him first. The first bloke had seen this on his way back from the bogs and when he gets back to the bar he asks his friend, "What was that all about ?" The second bloke manages to point at the woman and gasp, "Fart... in ma Whitbread." "Nah", says the first, "that's definately Tessa Sanderson."
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raw.
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- #47
/me throws old cabages at plightstar
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bodhi
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- #48
A guy walks into a bar. He says "ouch".
/me bows
/me bows
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Summo
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- #49
/me sticks a book of 'non-jokes' up Bod's arse
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Stazbumpa
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
*hushed silence and tumbleweed a la' Shooting Stars*
Because it was dead.
*hushed silence and tumbleweed a la' Shooting Stars*
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Summo
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- #51
*cough*
T
Testin da Cable
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- #52
*shuffle*
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Wij
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A man goes into a whorehouse and tells the madam of the place, "I like my women as tough as they come. Real mean bitches !"
The madam replies, "Ah, then perhaps Lurlene will be to your liking." Lurlene stands up covered in tattoos and with big muscles. She takes him upstairs and lays on the bed. The man takes out a cigar and then a match and attempts to strike the match down her leg. "Jesus Fucking Christ. That hurts like crazy." she whelps and leaves.
The man complains to the madam who says, "OK, I'm warning you about this one but you could try Jolene." Jolene stands up and looks about 18 stone with facial hair and a permanent scowl. She takes him upstairs and lays on the bed. The man takes out a cigar and then a match and attempts to strike the match down her leg. "Jesus Fucking Christ. That smarts like the devils own ass-whooping." she whelps and leaves.
The man is not happy and rants at the madam. "OK", she replies, "but I really gotta warn you about Francene." Francene stands up she's actually an attractive young girl. She takes him upstairs and lays on the bed. The man takes out a cigar and then a match and attempts to strike the match down her leg. She doesn't flinch but opens her legs.
"What are you doing that for woman ?", asks the man. The girl replies, "I thought you might wanna open a bottle."
The madam replies, "Ah, then perhaps Lurlene will be to your liking." Lurlene stands up covered in tattoos and with big muscles. She takes him upstairs and lays on the bed. The man takes out a cigar and then a match and attempts to strike the match down her leg. "Jesus Fucking Christ. That hurts like crazy." she whelps and leaves.
The man complains to the madam who says, "OK, I'm warning you about this one but you could try Jolene." Jolene stands up and looks about 18 stone with facial hair and a permanent scowl. She takes him upstairs and lays on the bed. The man takes out a cigar and then a match and attempts to strike the match down her leg. "Jesus Fucking Christ. That smarts like the devils own ass-whooping." she whelps and leaves.
The man is not happy and rants at the madam. "OK", she replies, "but I really gotta warn you about Francene." Francene stands up she's actually an attractive young girl. She takes him upstairs and lays on the bed. The man takes out a cigar and then a match and attempts to strike the match down her leg. She doesn't flinch but opens her legs.
"What are you doing that for woman ?", asks the man. The girl replies, "I thought you might wanna open a bottle."
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Wij
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Tony and Trevor are going on holiday with their wives. They've both been married a while and are fancying a bit of a wife-swap to spice things up. They decide that on the first night they get there they'll get their wives completely drunk and then go into the other wife's bedroom for some action.
Of course they both want to know how well the other one did with their wife so they devise a system. At breakfast the next morning they should tap their teaspoon on their cup once for each time they shagged the other one's missus the previous night.
All goes according to plan and at the end of the evening they lead each other's wife off to their bedroom. Tony has a much broader grin than Trevor because he knows that his wife is actually on the blob and he hasn't told Trevor.
The next morning they're sat at the Breakfast table and Tony smugly picks up his teaspoon, moves it over to his cup and *tap*, *tap*, *tap*. He then sniggers at Trevor and sits back in his chair. Trevor looks a little confused for a while then picks up his teaspoon and goes *tap* on the strawberry jam and then *tap*, *tap*, *tap* on the nutella.
Of course they both want to know how well the other one did with their wife so they devise a system. At breakfast the next morning they should tap their teaspoon on their cup once for each time they shagged the other one's missus the previous night.
All goes according to plan and at the end of the evening they lead each other's wife off to their bedroom. Tony has a much broader grin than Trevor because he knows that his wife is actually on the blob and he hasn't told Trevor.
The next morning they're sat at the Breakfast table and Tony smugly picks up his teaspoon, moves it over to his cup and *tap*, *tap*, *tap*. He then sniggers at Trevor and sits back in his chair. Trevor looks a little confused for a while then picks up his teaspoon and goes *tap* on the strawberry jam and then *tap*, *tap*, *tap* on the nutella.
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Summo
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- #55
Ewwww. Funnee though. Well done.
Well done.
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Wij
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- #56
Youngsters may not get this...
A bloke goes into the doctors. "Doctor, I've got a peanut stuck in my ear." The Doctor says, "No problem" and goes to the cupboard, grabs something, fiddles around with the man's ear for a second and the peanut has gone.
"Marvellous", says the man, "How did you do it ?"
"Easy", replies the Doctor, "I just poured in a little chocolate and it came out a Treat."
A bloke goes into the doctors. "Doctor, I've got a peanut stuck in my ear." The Doctor says, "No problem" and goes to the cupboard, grabs something, fiddles around with the man's ear for a second and the peanut has gone.
"Marvellous", says the man, "How did you do it ?"
"Easy", replies the Doctor, "I just poured in a little chocolate and it came out a Treat."
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Summo
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- #57
*cough*
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Wij
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- #58
I think this one may have appeared in FHM (theiving bastards) so apologies if you've heard it.
The Pope is having a check-up with his Doctor and the Doctor says, "Oh, Your Popeship, terrible news. You have a deadly disease. You will die within a week unless you have sex with a woman."
"I cannot do that.", coughs the Pope, quite atsounded.
After a long argument the Pope finally says, "Alright but I must lay down three strict conditions. Unless these are met I must refuse."
The Doctor agrees. "Firstly", says the Pope, "she must be blind so that she can never know who it was who she had sex with." The Doctor agrees.
"Secondly", he continues, "she must be mute so that even if she finds out who it was she can never tell a soul." The Doctor nods.
"Thirdly", says the Pope waving his arms, "biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig tits."
The Pope is having a check-up with his Doctor and the Doctor says, "Oh, Your Popeship, terrible news. You have a deadly disease. You will die within a week unless you have sex with a woman."
"I cannot do that.", coughs the Pope, quite atsounded.
After a long argument the Pope finally says, "Alright but I must lay down three strict conditions. Unless these are met I must refuse."
The Doctor agrees. "Firstly", says the Pope, "she must be blind so that she can never know who it was who she had sex with." The Doctor agrees.
"Secondly", he continues, "she must be mute so that even if she finds out who it was she can never tell a soul." The Doctor nods.
"Thirdly", says the Pope waving his arms, "biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig tits."
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Sir Frizz
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- #59
/me shoves wij :/
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old.xBaboon
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- #60
This badass pimp in a zootsuit is walking along the streets of harlem when he finds an old looking lamp. Thinking it maybe worth something he picks it up, and gives it a rub to get the dust off. With a big flash and a puff of smoke a genie appears from the lamp and says to him 'You have 3 wishes, but you must make them quickly!'
The pimp looks at the genie and says 'Hey brother, thats easy. I wanna be up-tight, outta sight and in the grooove'
The genie claps his hands and the guy turns into a tampon.
The pimp looks at the genie and says 'Hey brother, thats easy. I wanna be up-tight, outta sight and in the grooove'
The genie claps his hands and the guy turns into a tampon.