one liners

[old.Tohtori]

How about..."To each their pwn"?

 

[Bahumat]

"Some men like to pee in the bath, some women like to buy shoes"

 

[Ingafgrinn Macabre]

There's no I in team. There's a me though, if you jumble it up.

Gotta have three characters here.... Guess this'll do

 

[Huntingtons]

i had made a good one but forgotten it shame on me!

 

[Everz]

There is no I in Team America

 

[old.Tohtori]

There is no I in Team America

F*cked it up didn't ya?

 

[Aoami]

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

I went into a shop and said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Ok, where is he?"

Advent Calenders, Their days are numbered.

more Tim Vine

 

[DocWolfe]

F*cked it up didn't ya?

You not seen team america? It's ironic.

 

[old.Tohtori]

You not seen team america? It's ironic.

Aye, seen it.

That's not irony though, it's just a bad example.

If you were to say "there's no I in team" and then the team would turn out to be sponsored by I-phone and be called I-team, that would be ironic

 

[Aoami]

Aye, seen it.

That's not irony though, it's just a bad example.

If you were to say "there's no I in team" and then the team would turn out to be sponsored by I-phone and be called I-team, that would be ironic

Que?

 

[collegien]

Some great Tim Vine quotes there.

For those that may be able to go or are interested, he is recording his second DVD of stand up next month. You can get the tickets here http://www.thebloomsbury.com/event/run/1214

I am going along should be a bit of a giggle.

 

[Calaen]

Aye, seen it.

That's not irony though, it's just a bad example.

If you were to say "there's no I in team" and then the team would turn out to be sponsored by I-phone and be called I-team, that would be ironic

That would just be a shit team name

 

[Ezteq]

i went for a blood test the other day and got an F

I had to go for a brain scan last week, they found nothing.

thought for the afternoon: what the hell do you shout if you see a duck in danger of being hit by a low flying object??



[disclaimer: afaik these are all original Ezisms...however, apologies if they aint!]

 

[Ormorof]

I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out!

i wondered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me

give me a piano falling down a shaft and ill give you a flat minor

light travels faster than sound, this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

just a few ive heard over the years

 

[Lamp]

Bob Monkhouse will be rolling in his grave at all the "gags" in this thread

 

[CorNokZ]

If there's tomatoes in her tin, stick it up her bin!

It's better in danish

 

[tris-]

If there's tomatoes in her tin, stick it up her bin!

It's better in danish

what does that even mean?!

 

[Bahumat]

Bob Monkhouse will be rolling in his grave at all the "gags" in this thread

I'd gag him and give him the bumming of his life!

 

[Lamp]

I'd gag him and give him the bumming of his life!

Then he could make another post-death advert

"Take FHOT seriously. I didn't, and I died from it"

 

[Hawkwind]

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Stephen Wright

 

[soze]

Your deffo not two faced if you were you would not be wearing that one.

Heard that or similar this weekend nearly spat out a mouthful of beer.

 

[Bahumat]

Then he could make another post-death advert

"Take FHOT seriously. I didn't, and I died from it"

Steven Seagal is actually a very emotional person. He just has a paralysed face.

 

[Lamp]

She had a laugh like a dog vomiting into a drain

 

[Bahumat]

stop posting the same time as me

 

[Lamp]

stop posting the same time as me

You started it ! You invaded Poland !

 

[Bahumat]

I neve meant to! I thought it was a car

 

[pikeh]

I'm on the Whisky diet. Ive lost 3 days already.

 

[Binky the Bomb]

I cannot tell a lie, your shit in the sack, but a decent cook.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Rock 'n roll, all night long, morning come and i'll be gone *nod*

 

[Hawkwind]

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!