Motoring Mercedes Drivers/Variable Speed Cameras.

[Trem]

I am two weeks into my new job which is a driver for Cancer Research, which is more money than what I was doing which was a fuser engineer (basically the workings that go inside laser printers). Crazy but true. Considering the use of a van and bonuses and the pension I now get it is a hell of a lot more money but meh.

Anyway, first off, Mercedes drivers, what cunts. I don't mean the older cars, I mean from 2004 onwards. There is no grey area with them. I have not seen one...NOT ONE drive in a courteous way yet (about 1500 miles a week). They are either doing 20mph under the speed limit or 20mph over the limit and to indicate would mean giving all the other scum on the road an idea of what they are doing. I have never known such a fool proof way of spotting a cunt in all my life. Trust me on this, next time you are driving look for a newish Mercedes and watch them, watch how they drive. Their life is so much more important than yours, if they are in no rush then they *will* go *way* below the speed limit and if they are in a rush they *will* do whatever the fuck they want and all the time it will be done without any indicating or very little.

Secondly, entering and leaving Brum some bell end has decided that variable speed cameras are a belting idea. What this means is that above the road maybe every half a mile or so there are big neon signs telling you what speed you need to be doing 40mph, 60mph, 50mph etc sometimes they run in sequence and sometimes they mix them up, you know, for safety. So what this means is you aren't concentrating in front of you or on the slip roads you are watching and waiting for the next roulette sign, "ooooh what number will be next....*claps hands*" look up, look at speedo, look in front, look up, look to the side, look up, look at speedo..............it really is the most pathetic idea on a motorway I have ever known. Not forgetting this is also a very bloody busy stretch of road as well.

I honestly don't think I am going to last in this job, I am two weeks in and I can already feel my pressure release valve starting to strain. I am already making vendetta lists in my head against strangers in cars and some *ahem* worker (s).

If you drive a Mercedes, fuck you, and if you dreamt up those cameras, fuck you and your dad. (if you drive a Mercedes and I love you then not fuck you just change your car).

 

[Olgaline]

Must be a british thing....?

I find that people who drive "up scale" cars in DK are the ones with half a brain (with the exception of a few Audi cunts) who know how to get back in the inner lane after overtaking, know to indicate when switching lanes etc...
My biggest fear on the motorway?

THIS:

This WILL stay out in the overtaking lane, permenently for ages creeping up to cars in the inner lane at 1kmh faster than the cars in the inner lane, once he has overtaken, he/she WILL stay in the outerlane, since it's too much of a bother to switch back becuase, well, there is a another car comming up in the inner lane in a about a mile or so! only thing that will make me even more insame is seeing one doing this with the added sticker on the back saying "caution! kids on board" WHAT ? FUCK YOU!

 

[Tom]

I'm not sure why you're getting wound up. You're being paid to drive. There's absolutely nothing you can do about other vehicles on the road. Their actions do not alter your salary.

So just chill out. Also, remember that speed limits can be different for vans as opposed to cars.

 

[Trem]

I am pointing out it is a fool proof way of spotting a cunt Tom my old ginger mank chum (and yes I know you used to have an old Merc). Also, yes Audi drivers do appear to be nimrods as well, it is obviously a rep/doctor/salesman/director/retired all of the above type thing.

Also @Tom yes I am being paid to drive but what I see endangers me and other road users because of certain drivers lack of respect, if I worked as a knife maker and I caught another knife maker throwing knives close to my ear I would be pretty pissed off. See? I work alone, you lot get to read my vents, I can't go and shout at Brenda in the bloody Cancer Research shop now can I?

Edit - Hmmm Tom I did wonder about the speed limits you know, I am pretty sure that the van I drive is not meant to go above 60mph but I don't know, every other van this size always goes flying past me. Honestly I was given the job, given the keys and sent on my way, told absolutely nothing. Van is a Vauxhall Movano.

@Olgaline erk, aye those are worrying but luckily always in the slow lane.

 

[Tom]

https://www.gov.uk/speed-limits

Pay attention - 60mph on dual carriageways (not two lanes in either direction, but a road with a central reservation), 50mph on single carriageways.

The people you see ignoring speed limits will probably have points on their licence. I ignore speed limits too, but only when it's safe to do so—which is why I have 0 points.

 

[DaGaffer]

https://www.gov.uk/speed-limits

Pay attention - 60mph on dual carriageways (not two lanes in either direction, but a road with a central reservation), 50mph on single carriageways.

The people you see ignoring speed limits will probably have points on their licence. I ignore speed limits too, but only when it's safe to do so—which is why I have 0 points.

He's specifically talking about the gantry cameras in Birmingham that throw the posted limits out of the window, often randomly.

 

[old.user4556]

I think it's a congestion thing around Brum, they also "force" you to stay in lane between sections, probably to prevent those cocks that are like "there's a gap! quick, move into it!".

@Trem fear not, the roads are awash with cunts everywhere and it seems to be getting worse. I was driving on the M8 through Glasgow a couple of nights ago where a Passat taxi driver indicated to move into my lane, so I flashed him out. I then indicated and moved into the third lane to go past him - as I went past the window came down, he stuck his fingers up at me and mouthed something starting with an "F".

Not a clue, I can only assume he's a cunt-nugget who'd steal a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth.

 

[Trem]

He's specifically talking about the gantry cameras in Birmingham that throw the posted limits out of the window, often randomly.

Yes I am @DaGaffer , so very dangerous, I am surprised Clarkson hasn't mentioned them yet. They are so blatant as a money making scheme it is unbelievable. The one which is 60mph then the next is 40mph is the fun one, how is that a safety measure?

I think it's a congestion thing around Brum, they also "force" you to stay in lane between sections, probably to prevent those cocks that are like "there's a gap! quick, move into it!".

@Trem fear not, the roads are awash with cunts everywhere and it seems to be getting worse. I was driving on the M8 through Glasgow a couple of nights ago where a Passat taxi driver indicated to move into my lane, so I flashed him out. I then indicated and moved into the third lane to go past him - as I went past the window came down, he stuck his fingers up at me and mouthed something starting with an "F".

Not a clue, I can only assume he's a cunt-nugget who'd steal a biscuit out of an orphan's mouth.

Oh god yeah @Big G , I am very courteous and expect the same in return but you very rarely get it. The thing is the drivers who used to get a very bad name for themselves (BMW drivers) are the third worst now it seems (after Merc and Audi drivers) from what I have seen.

Driving is my job, like taxi drivers, lorry drivers etc. I have always been good at every job I have ever done, what is the point otherwise, like Muhammed Ali once said, if he was a garbage man he would be the best at that as well. I aren't being arrogant and yes I make mistakes and fuck up but they are just that, mistakes. I couldn't do things on purpose in my job knowing it is something bad or wrong or incorrect. Imagine if I did something wrong on purpose and I killed a mum taking her kids to school, that's the difference in this job, if I did a fuser wrong on purpose in my other job there would be lots of smoke the electricity would trip we would all laugh and the lads would point and laugh at me and I would piss myself as well.

@Tom I do pay attention you stroppy tool

 

[leggy]

I think they were installed to manage congestion (I remember the disruption when they were being installed) and, while they fuck me off regularly, it seems to have improved somewhat. I do agree that the constant monitoring of the random number generator is annoying though.

/edit... Merc A180 drivers: your car is pretty (but shit) and everyone has one but stop driving like a supercunt.

 

[Trem]

I think they were installed to manage congestion (I remember the disruption when they were being installed) and, while they fuck me off regularly, it seems to have improved somewhat. I do agree that the constant monitoring of the random number generator is annoying though.

/edit... Merc A180 drivers: your car is pretty (but shit) and everyone has one but stop driving like a supercunt.

@leggy oh yes, they are so lovely aren't they? Really nice looking cars. But......EVERYONE OF THEM IS DRIVEN BY A FUCKING BELL END!!

Edit - Look at my forum activity this morning can you tell I'm waiting for a delivery?

 

[Job]

It Range Rovers by us..all with crappy private plates to hide the fact they are ten years old...guarantee theyll be 2 inches off the back end of a guy doing 35 in a 30 zone trying to overtake when theres streams of traffic going the other way.

 

[Raven]

The only good thing that could happen in Birmingham is a giant wrecking ball. Possibly the worst city in the country.

 

[caLLous]

You must not be familiar with Leicester. Or Stoke. Or Derby. There was nothing wrong with Birmingham when I lived and worked there.

 

[Job]

Solihull is nice..but 80% of birmingham is dreadful..just a cesspit of minorities all not getting on and so frickin boring...

 

[Bodhi]

Heh I've been doing that commute pretty much every day for 3 years. Over that time I've watched the M6 get more and more unpleasant as time goes on. Managed motorways which do bugger all for traffic flow that I can see - if anything they've made it worse taking the hard shoulder away, so the inevitable breakdown/accident /polish lorry driver stopping for a wank results in multiple lane closures and carnage.

It also seems that as soon as you drop the limit from 70 people's already limited grasp of which fucking lane they're supposed to be in goes completely out the window, and you get some tosser in a Picasso sitting in the outside lane for miles doing 1 mph under the limit while the two inside lanes bunch up afraid to pass on the inside.

Notice a few twattish Merc drivers, still mostly Audis and Vauxhalls I notice, surprisingly few twats in BMW s these days in my completely unbiased opinion.

 

[Olgaline]

surprisingly few twats in BMW s these days in my completely unbiased opinion.

They have moved onto Audi, leaving BMW's to the driving enthusiasts

 

[Trem]

You must not be familiar with Stoke.

Oi I live in Stoke as you well know you absolu.....no.....nope....you are right, it is a fucking shit hole and no matter how hard I try I cannot find an inch of pride for the city I was born in.

 

[Gwadien]

The only good thing that could happen in Birmingham is a giant wrecking ball. Possibly the worst city in the country.

Birmingham is OK, compared to Leicester as Callous says - It's down to money though, Leicester seems to have very little investment from the council, in comparison with the other major cities.

 

[DaGaffer]

All the cities in the Midlands are pretty awful tbh; I've had some good nights out in Nottingham, but its still a dump, Leicester, awful, Peterborough (*shudders* lived there for the worst year of my life), Stoke, shite, Coventry, god awful, etc. etc. Outside of the cities there are nice places, but the cities themselves are all gash with none of the character of northern cities and none of the money of southern ones.

 

[Gwadien]

All the cities in the Midlands are pretty awful tbh; I've had some good nights out in Nottingham, but its still a dump, Leicester, awful, Peterborough (*shudders* lived there for the worst year of my life), Stoke, shite, Coventry, god awful, etc. etc. Outside of the cities there are nice places, but the cities themselves are all gash with none of the character of northern cities and none of the money of southern ones.

Nottinghams alright, because if you're in the central city, it's OK - not a great deal of people live around there, but if you go further north, then it turns shit, quickly, such as St Annes etc, where it's notorious, Leicesters issue with the people who are around is that you walk down a road, and you suddenly get into the really lovely areas such as St Matthews, which @Shagrat would agree, is a really lovely area.

The other major problem with Leicester is that it is so disconnected, if you go to where Leicester University, and the other colleges, there's -really- nice housing around there, and it's lovely, but if you go to the other side of the train station, it's the shopping area, and therefore a dump. Also, if you move a little bit away from the nice areas, it turns shit again, it's pretty odd.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/place/London Rd/@52.628043,-1.124819,3a,75y,272.3h,83.75t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1sWVDSfi2ffR-zt655hWxtYQ!2e0!4m2!3m1!1s0x4877641717fb4cd7:0xc8325479ed2496ec

But yeah, I generally agree with you, I don't think I'll permanently move back to Leicester once I've finished University tbh.

 

[old.user4556]

I get very depressed with North England when I drive to Nottingham once a year. I've got a face like a prolapsed anus by the time I get there, what a fucking depressing journey that A1 is.

 

[Shagrat]

Yep @Gwadien is right, there are some weird bits of Leicester where you can go from flashy area to shithole in a minute or so, and they are dotted about all over the place, Saffron Lane, St Matthews etc.

 

[Moriath]

So your driving round delivering cancer to people. Lol

 

[Job]

Mental note...dont give money to cancer research..if theyre overpaying van drivers imagine how else theyre throwing it away.

 

[Trem]

@Moriath Haha yeah I drive a cancer wagon, it's brilliant being a smoker and working for cancer research, I have to hide in a bush to smoke (i'm used to hiding in bushes though ask teedles). @Job honestly mate, It's the same with most charities though isn't it? Then theres the (quite frankly) brilliant unpaid volunteers. Some stuff I cannot get my head around. It isn't *just* van driving though, it is a bit more than that....sort of

 

[MYstIC G]

Trem, jerking off donkeys for cancer research since 2014...

That or you're the guy that they send to literally tell cancer to fuck off like in the adverts. In the adverts it's a reasonably fit bird, in real life it's Trem.

 

[Tom]

He's specifically talking about the gantry cameras in Birmingham that throw the posted limits out of the window, often randomly.

Yes I know, but people new to vans often don't realise that the speed limits are different depending on what you're driving. And I don't want Trem to get points for anything other than putting the bog roll on the wrong way round, the dozy cunt.

 

[Trem]

Yes I know, but people new to vans often don't realise that the speed limits are different depending on what you're driving. And I don't want Trem to get points for anything other than putting the bog roll on the wrong way round, the dozy cunt.

 

[Job]

That minty bit near the M5 on the M6 is actually Walsall which has the honour of being the most depressing place on Earth.

 

[Scouse]

I'm not sure why you're getting wound up. You're being paid to drive.

This old bean.

...what I see endangers me and other road users because of certain drivers lack of respect...

True. But the only difference between two weeks ago and now is that you see it - whereas previously you were oblivious to it.

Don't sweat it m8. Think of all the lovely money you're earning from just sitting in a car - which, frankly, is still a very safe thing to do. Especially on motorways in Blighty - safest roads in the world despite all the cunts.