lost mojo, if found please return to...

[Ezteq]

Gah it's happened, it's gone!

well not actually gone tbh I still have my mojo in most respects but not in 'that' way if you know what I mean.

Since I got dumped which is like 4 months ago now I cannot believe the number of blokes who have asked me out/chatted me up (a few include: security guard, ghostbuster, college pal, guest lecturer at uni, taxi driver, sexy men at BBQ) and I am just not interested (and the ghostbuster was pretty damned cute tbh).

Yesterday I was at a BBQ, which was awesome btw, and I was up to my eyes in young attractive males who were making it obvious they were available and 'ya know' a bit interested (tbh I think they were just after my hawiian shirt, it's the marlin pattern...sheer sex) and there have been 2 occasions where I've gone out from drinks with a guy I was at college with who made it more than obvious (he actually came out and said it) that he was more than interested and I just am not.

I don't know if it's that I'm not in 'single' mode yet, I mean I know I am available and have had the option to ride the old boner train a few times but it all just screams wrongwrongwrong at me; I could be out there right now (now man!!) having awesome sex or at the very least playing a serius game of tonsil hockey and I just do not want to know about it with anyone else (it's not like I'm not um...you know, it all still works down there if you get my drift...)

Just how the hell long will this go on for tbh because I'm not getting any younger and the guy that did my tattoo said whe he broke off with his wife and they got back together 12 years later she'd not had/wanted anyone else in the mean time...excuse me but fuck that!

It's not like I want to leap into bed with all these people, just because someone shows an interest doesn't mean I'm automatically going to boink them but one day someone might show an interest who I actually might be interested back in and if I want to but my brain & heart are still crying "wrongwrongwrong he's not B2" I may very well be tempted to extract them with a chip fork and be done with it.

god damned pissing well frustrating this is, I mean it's not like fucking b2 had the same problem, he was off with his slovak slapper the day after I moved out so it must be a girl thing yes?

Any ideas, observations, similar own experiences would be very (very!) welcome I would like to know if this is 'normal' and just how the sod long it's likely to last because (and yes this is verypetty) I wouldn't mind actually walking down the street with some tasty chap and fucking B2 seeing me do it for a sodding change instead of the other way round.






fucking moron making me love him so fucking much, dumping me...ME ffs! and me not being able to even do a revenge sex gah bastards!!! buggrit millenium hand and shrimp!!!! goddammit all the hades!!!

 

[Wonk]

I feel with you Ez.. I can't even leave my home, without getting pulled in every direction by horny girls.

In all honesty, I've not had a problem moving on - I guess it's a girly thing :/ that, or because B2 was focused on moving on long before you were.

 

[cHodAX]

Be totally honest Ez, you are just saving yourself for me. It is ok, I feel the same way too, I often save myself for me!

 

[old.Tohtori]

To be blunt; get it over with.

It's ALWAYS going to be your last one in your mind. So before you boink someone else, ol hubby dearest is in your head.

So grit your teeth, stop bitching about it, get out there and do something.

Oh and the "i'm surrounded by hot men/women(you wonk )" only reminds me of this

 

[georgie]

Reckon you just need to get back on the horse, Ez.












Was gonna put something else but I think it stands on its own and I'm not sure the filthometer could take it.

 

[Ezteq]

thanks for the posts to all those not on my ignore list.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Real mature there.

 

[Jupitus]

Toht - you know she has you on ignore so why keep on antagonising?

 

[fettoken]

I guess it comes with time, if you feel stable on your own and doing things your way which works out keep on doing it (like going to conventions, basking in the sun and going to bbq's(without some horny dude following you arround))! Dont force it. But if you have a sudden urge to, yeah you know... at least there are guys willing to so.... i'd say you are having the time of your life.

Actually. I met an aussie guy on the bus when i were meeting my friends and parents this midsummer. At first i thought he was a swede but then he started speaking croc dundee dialect xD. I offered him a cold beer and we kept talking about everything there is. He was 31 y/o and on and were visiting places all around the world. Before he went away from Australia he and his GF separated so now he took the chance to look around some and get new experience, he said was having the time of his life. Anyway. Maybe you should try something like that? Get perspective, see what you want to do next.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Toht - you know she has you on ignore so why keep on antagonising?

Oh shush, i gave sound advice from own experience, did i not? Hardly antagonising.

She decided to have a little jab at me, even without knowing the facts, so i stated how it is.

 

[soze]

After my worst break up which was horrible i went over 12 months without even touching a girl as the idea repulsed me.

It actually took a real good female friend practically raping me to drive home that the problems i had were with one woman not all women. Maybe you just need to get over what the fuck nugget did to you before you can see there are better people out there.

 

[Edmond]

Sounds to me like your trying to hard for 'it' to happen, and you are obviously not ready. Enjoy the company you keep and the attention it brings

Dude, its a marathon, not a sprint

 

[cHodAX]

It does no good to wait trust me, from personal experience it just makes it that much harder.

 

[- English -]

Sounds to me like your trying to hard for 'it' to happen, and you are obviously not ready. Enjoy the company you keep and the attention it brings

Dude, its a marathon, not a sprint

Exactly my thoughts, I dont think its something you can rush into. I also wouldnt worry about men not "wanting" you as your getting older EZ,

geeeez your 29-30? who knows you may meet someone tomorrow and know its the one, if you believe in that stuff. I also think it would appeal more to men if they know you havent "rebounded" straight back into a relationship for the sake of it, as it shows your an honest woman etc.

 

[Thorwyn]

Why do you put up so much pressure on yourself? God knows how long your current state is going to last. But since - apparently - something in your mind is still resisting, there´s not much you can do about it. Even if it would never change... what´s the problem? There´s no theory that people need to live in a relationship becuse otherwise they´re running the risk of spontaneous explosions.

Ask yourself this: if you said "yes" to any of the offers you had... what *exactly* would be so wrong about it? Feeling of guilt? Mistrust? Remaining feelings of the old relation?

 

[Tuthmes]

Yeh just get it over with. You dont have to actually feel something for someone. Just do it for the sex, or to see how it all feels (not just fysical). And if the word gets out, see how B2 responds. Chances are you don't hear a thing, which by then you'll figure out its time to get him out of your head.

That beeing said, it's no problem if you don't do it. Whenever you're ready!

 

[Bahumat]

What you need Ez is a swift kick up the arse, a lolly in your mouth and a penis in your ear. That's what my nan always said.

 

[Sparx]

Theres nothing wrong with not being ready. I went 9 months without even female company until i was ready after an ex, then went mental and caught up

 

[Zenith.UK]

You guys (and I do mean the males) don't "get it" about the female psyche, do you?

Women simply don't think or feel in the same way us blokes do. Our attitude is "Oh well, I'll go out and get her out of my mind with some no-strings sex".
A woman's attitude on being dumped is one of poor self-esteem, feeling she's the one to blame and generally putting herself down. Regardless of how many blokes tell her she's hot, good looking, fuckable etc. She may not even be conscious of it, but it's there under the surface.

Applying my male mentality to this situation (along with my wife's observations), I get the feeling that the blokes showing an interest can tell that you're sort of vulnerable. On some level, they're picking up on the "I was dumped" vibe and are after rebound sex.

Put another way, you were in a relationship for 8 years (?). If B2 had dropped dead, you'd still be grieving right now. It's not as extreme as a death, but you're still grieving from a loss. YOU will know when you're ready to move on. Don't let anyone try to force you before you're ready.

 

[Levin]

In my opinion and as someone said, try to put a little less pressure on yourself. I wouldn't just go out and "do it" just to have it done. It's obviously not something that feels right for you, so why do it? And if you are looking for something deeper, longer lasting, why not shoot for friendship first? Then build on that, let it flourish into what feels good. If you're both single, there's no limit to where it might end. At the same time though, I wouldn't go into new relations thinking it has to end in bed or it's a fail. Just let things run their course and take your time getting to know the lucky guy!

And then, one day, that barrier you feel now will break down and you'll feel ready to take the next step and be as close as you can be with someone. When it does, would you rather share that moment with some one stranger who gave you looks at the bar, or with someone that you deeply care for? Someone that you could build something real with again? It might be the selfish way; to build friendship and comfort for yourself and keeping someone waiting like that. But if they truly care for you and want to be with you, they will wait and build the relation with you in the meantime. And i think you are allowed to be a little selfish right now.

Oh and try to not think in terms of "what can i do to make B2 regret his actions". I've been there, and it's not really a healthy way of thinking even if it's feels so bloody good right then to make them hurt and regret. Focus on your own comfort and your own happiness. Be open to new people, and try to take tiny tiny steps out of your comfort zone. Maybe accept a lunch date, or some invitation to a party where you don't know many people. And when you get to that moment where someone new can make you laugh and laugh until your face hurts, make you forget time and make you think and dream about them and want to see them again (even if just as friends!) - you might sometimes give a brief thought back to the time with B2 and see it as something valueable that happened in the past, and maybe even be able to hope he's as happy with his new life as you are with yours.

Sorry, this got long. I don't even know if this would help or if it's the right way of thinking for you. But it's one way of going at it, and I think it's how i would try to get to grips with things in your spot. Bottom line Ez, it will work out. I promise.

 

[Job]

I 've still got my Mojo, it just won't boot up past the welcome screen, even in safe mode.

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

I think its supposed to be about one fifth of the time a relationship lasted to fully get over it. Don't know how accurate that is but when I was told, it fitted with what I had experienced. That doesn't mean no relationships, its just a reference to the leftover feelings that follow a person and may pop up unasked-for at times.

And frankly, don't push or force it. It sounds more like your confidence has had a knock than your readiness for a relationship.

No need to go to a bbq and yell, "Right lads, who's up for the best shag of their life?" (though if you did, it would be brilliant to see a picture of Papa Cho's reaction if he's not at that particular bbq).

Offtopic: Oh and btw there's a Ray Harryhausen exhibition on up in London. Can't remember if it was someone from FH that posted about it. They've got some stuff from the original Clash of the Titans and a few other examples of his awesome work

 

[Talivar]

Society is the problem, not you. You sound worried that you are somehow not acting as you percieve someone in your situation should. The problem stems from being bombarded with storys and images of people going from one relationship to the next or talking about the "magical" rebound sex /relationships.
As previously stated deep down you will feel bad or hurt or guilt over the fact the relationship ended and this weakened state of mind just makes you more vulnerable . So when you then feel you are not acting in a way you percieve to be the norm it will just confuse or annoy you more.
Best answer is to purely follow your feelings. When you want to do something do it, but until then just block out all the pressure and advise that trys to make you do what you know deep down is not what you want.

 

[Ezteq]

Society is the problem, not you. You sound worried that you are somehow not acting as you perceive someone in your situation should. ...

d'you know I think that's spot on tbh. Thanks for all the other observations and thoughts too, it's really interesting to see how folk (ok well, guys especially) interpret something, I think Zen said about how I may be giving off signals and I think I am but they're not the 'just been dumped' ones they're the 'i'm just not interested' ones.

and as we all know, when you want something badly you can't bloody find it but when you really don't want it you're up to your eyes in it lol.

I think I got all worried because right now, not saying this will last forever...though it might, I really actually do not believe in long term relationships lasting, love, romance any of that I think it's all a bit pointless (but then I am allowed to feel like that and there are millions of people in long term really happy relationships to prove me wrong...but I'm a chick I don't need to make sense) and I can't see the point in starting something that won't last.

That's how I feel now and my total lack of interest or excitement or anything (because previously I was sooo disgustingly gooey and romantic it was like a barbra cartland novel covered in valentine candy) even remotely interested in having a relationship is not what society shows us (Bridget Jones etc etc) i.e. that all chicks should be longing for love and romance when all I want is beer, pizza and a movie with lots of 'spolsions!

Cheers chaps, I don't know why I do this tbh I get all worried about not feelign the way I think I should feel and then after reading original posts and subsequent posts by wise and knowledgeable fredlings realise that it's all good and just go with it!

Cheers babehs
xxx

p.s. I'd love to see the ray harryhausen exhibition tbh.

 

[Vasconcelos]

Indeed men behave in a total different way than women.

I admit it, in a rather similar situation, I started hitting on every bird I crossed my paths with, some of them I even didnt care what their names were (rather embarrasing when you have to drive them back home if you know what i mean)

 

[Talivar]

Movies with explosions help cure everything imo!

 

[Imgormiel]

Gah it's happened, it's gone!

well not actually gone tbh I still have my mojo in most respects but not in 'that' way if you know what I mean.

Since I got dumped which is like 4 months ago now I cannot believe the number of blokes who have asked me out/chatted me up (a few include: security guard, ghostbuster, college pal, guest lecturer at uni, taxi driver, sexy men at BBQ) and I am just not interested (and the ghostbuster was pretty damned cute tbh).

Yesterday I was at a BBQ, which was awesome btw, and I was up to my eyes in young attractive males who were making it obvious they were available and 'ya know' a bit interested (tbh I think they were just after my hawiian shirt, it's the marlin pattern...sheer sex) and there have been 2 occasions where I've gone out from drinks with a guy I was at college with who made it more than obvious (he actually came out and said it) that he was more than interested and I just am not.

I don't know if it's that I'm not in 'single' mode yet, I mean I know I am available and have had the option to ride the old boner train a few times but it all just screams wrongwrongwrong at me; I could be out there right now (now man!!) having awesome sex or at the very least playing a serius game of tonsil hockey and I just do not want to know about it with anyone else (it's not like I'm not um...you know, it all still works down there if you get my drift...)

Just how the hell long will this go on for tbh because I'm not getting any younger and the guy that did my tattoo said whe he broke off with his wife and they got back together 12 years later she'd not had/wanted anyone else in the mean time...excuse me but fuck that!

It's not like I want to leap into bed with all these people, just because someone shows an interest doesn't mean I'm automatically going to boink them but one day someone might show an interest who I actually might be interested back in and if I want to but my brain & heart are still crying "wrongwrongwrong he's not B2" I may very well be tempted to extract them with a chip fork and be done with it.

god damned pissing well frustrating this is, I mean it's not like fucking b2 had the same problem, he was off with his slovak slapper the day after I moved out so it must be a girl thing yes?

Any ideas, observations, similar own experiences would be very (very!) welcome I would like to know if this is 'normal' and just how the sod long it's likely to last because (and yes this is verypetty) I wouldn't mind actually walking down the street with some tasty chap and fucking B2 seeing me do it for a sodding change instead of the other way round.






fucking moron making me love him so fucking much, dumping me...ME ffs! and me not being able to even do a revenge sex gah bastards!!! buggrit millenium hand and shrimp!!!! goddammit all the hades!!!

Ez...learn to love. Seems you haven't yet

 

[old.Tohtori]

Indeed men behave in a total different way than women.

I admit it, in a rather similar situation, I started hitting on every bird I crossed my paths with, some of them I even didnt care what their names were (rather embarrasing when you have to drive them back home if you know what i mean)

I have to say i don't agree with that, it's the same misconception created by society as "men need to boink to cope".

Sure, some do boink their way out of depression, for some it works, but it's not how all work.

It's all individual, but as i said, your last will be in your mind and before you move on and try something new, you'll pine over that one.

If you're not ready to let go, then do nothing.
If you want to move on, grit your teeth and boink the mailman. (in other words, start dating and finding)

It's a common female misconception that when men say "Gotta go out and get some!", they mean they want some objectified poon. It's the same thing as "I want to go out and meet someone nice.", just different language.

That's all i'm going to say on the subject on this thread, as i'm not particulary wanted in her threads.

 

[Calaen]

It will happen when it happens.

What I will say to you is this!! Sex is something to be enjoyed and if you think you are not going to enjoy it then don't worry about the way you respond to these other guys giving you the green light.

 

[Thorwyn]

rather embarrasing when you have to drive them back home if you know what i mean

...call them a Taxi, problem solved.
Lateral thinking, dude!