Help Live By The Sword.....Die By The Sword

[Darthshearer]

I think her father meant "either get together or get the f*ck off our face about it". Not that, "YOU go get single and f*ck off".

I won't point back to the "i asked my ex back" comment

Come on...it's funny

Its not me running to them saying "Is it me or should Martin be going out on the 15th with his mates rather than re-arranging to go away with me?"

 

[old.Tohtori]

Its not me running to them saying "Is it me or should Martin be going out on the 15th with his mates rather than re-arranging to go away with me?"

Oh aye, it's a "simple" thing of saying "i re-arranged it once already, now i can't, take a moment to understand i can't put my life on hold for you even if i'd do anything for you*blargh*added-cute-stuff"

 

[Darthshearer]

Haha

For 3 years Ive had to work around her hockey shite, its never bothered me once, I knew when I started seeing her she loved her hockey and therefore I never moaned.

The main thing I think is, she is shocked that I have fucking put my foot down for once and she is a spoilt cow and doesnt like it!

 

[old.Tohtori]

Then keep your foot down and show her you're a damn man and not some canadian hockey player :lol:

Female hockey player that is.

 

[Darthshearer]

Then keep your foot down and show her you're a damn man and not some canadian hockey player :lol:

Female hockey player that is.

You mad man

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well if you want to go the same route i did, when an ex told me that "we should spend the weekend together" when i had other plans, you could say;

Listen up, there's no YOU in a relationship, there's no ME either, but if you don't acknowledge that we're in it together with both our lives, the SHIP that is in there will sail.

Ofcourse i used different words as finnish is a bit different

And don't add "if you didn't have those tits i'd be out the door" either

 

[Darthshearer]

She keeps saying that she understands why I did what I did. Now, she still doesnt seem to be understanding that she needs to change her ways, not just give me sex!!!

Just because we had sex on Sun and Mon its not all great.

Fuck it!

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well, it's not all bad 'cause you DID have sex, sex is always good, no matter the outcome :lol:

Just tell her that it's good that she understands what you did etc, but that she needs to understand that a relationship is two lives put together, not two lives turned to one. You going out with your mate, is part of your life, and that doesn't mean you don't care about her, just that it's something that's been planned ages ago.

She needs to get that it's not you in her life, or her in your life, it's your lives together.

 

[Darthshearer]

Well, it's not all bad 'cause you DID have sex, sex is always good, no matter the outcome :lol:

Just tell her that it's good that she understands what you did etc, but that she needs to understand that a relationship is two lives put together, not two lives turned to one. You going out with your mate, is part of your life, and that doesn't mean you don't care about her, just that it's something that's been planned ages ago.

She needs to get that it's not you in her life, or her in your life, it's your lives together.

Thats the bit she doesnt understand.

Its like last night, I play footy on a Tuesday evening. So because Im out, she has to be out so goes out to this club meeting. Anyways, so I dont see her Tuesday as I play footy and now shes out with this club

Weds - Hockey Training, dont see her
Thurs - Hockey Fitness, dont see her
Fri - Im mostly out, dont see her
Sat - Hockey, dont see her

So, she expects me to knock Fridays on the head so I can see her!

She cant get it round her head that she has to make some sacrifices like I have done.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Actually according to that, you have only one day that you would have to need to see her.

I'd be glad as f*ck of a girl who was away most the week so i could do my stuff then

Is giving up fridays that bad? If you get the rest of the week to yourself?

 

[Darthshearer]

Actually according to that, you have only one day that you would have to need to see her.

I'd be glad as f*ck of a girl who was away most the week so i could do my stuff then

Is giving up fridays that bad? If you get the rest of the week to yourself?

She sees her mates Tues, Weds, Thurs & Sat and some Sundays

I play footy on a Tueday. Dont really know most of the lads who I play with to go out for a drink with, so my mates can only do Friday as we are all up early mid-week.

I am also knackerd from working and have the house to sort as she is never fucking in!

Its not just the regular week though thats fucking me off, its the fact that Ive always had to arrange my plans around hockey, yet she very rarely does for me.

 

[Belgerath]

How long have things been like that?

Ie. not really seeing each other that often?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Ah ok, seems like you need two days, she needs 7 days.

Time to compromise. By-weekly shifts to arrange your lives according to the other.

Fair and simple.

1 veto "trip out"/two weeks each.

So this week it's her week, next week it's your week etc, but if an "emergency" going comes up on either of your weeks, you have a veto for that.

 

[Darthshearer]

Weve been like that more or less since we met, its become a problem though since we have moved in, ie less gets done in the house because she or I are never in. Its like were (and yes we are) leading seperate lives.

If I get pissed on a Friday night and I am a littel hungover on a Sat I get a bollocking from her. yet, if she does its nothing. She is 30 and recently shes been getting that pissed and throwing up its a joke!

Anyways, thats something else!

 

[Belgerath]

Sounds like your going through what my wife and I went through.

Due to various reason's Either she or I where out all the time bar a day or maybe 2 at most.

We started to grow apart, and things went from bad to worst.

It finally came to a head and we almost got divorced as we had grown so far apart...

We ended up compromsing and working it out. Its far from perfect still but we are working at it.

All i can say is try if you want to make it work but it has to be both of you.

If even one of you isnt into it and starts to fall back to old ways pull them on it asap and if it don't change then its time to call it quits.

 

[Dark Orb Choir]

that isn't a relationship, its you shagging your housemate when she isn't playing hockey...........


(apologies for my usual bluntness)

 

[old.Tohtori]

that isn't a relationship, its you NOT shagging your housemate when she isn't playing hockey...........

Fixed it

 

[Darthshearer]

Fixed it

:lol:

Aye more like it!

 

[Chilly]

brooky speaks sense for once!

 

[Darthshearer]

brooky speaks sense for once!

Has brooky changed his name

 

[Bahumat]

Why not just talk to her from the start.
You need to put the lid on things and she needs to stop nagging.

 

[chipper]

get her pregnant! then she will rarely go out lol

on a more serious note m8 you need to sit her down and say, look i realise your hockey is important, but its time to choose me or hockey because your sick to death of been the only one comprimising. if she loves you and wants to be with you m8 she will compromise, she will get upset and make out that your trying to make her quit it but just point out to her just how much she does go.

 

[Bahumat]

get her pregnant! then she will rarely go out lol

on a more serious note m8 you need to sit her down and say, look i realise your hockey is important, but its time to choose me or hockey because your sick to death of been the only one comprimising. if she loves you and wants to be with you m8 she will compromise, she will get upset and make out that your trying to make her quit it but just point out to her just how much she does go.

haha big mistake. If you force someone to chose, you lose.

 

[chipper]

not saying he should make her quit it all together saying she needs to acknowledge the fact she doesnt spend enough time with him she needs to decide does she want to spend time with her boyfriend or throw herself into her hockey she cant have it all her own way. if she chooses hockey over him well least the poor lad knows where he stands and he can knock it on the head and find someone who wants to make him the focus of her attentions not just a diversion.

 

[`mongoose]

what I can't understand is how hockey training equates to not seeing her?

Would I be right in thinking that Hockey Training goes from when it starts to when she stumbles back from the pub?

From the side of the story presented here I'd say you're best off out of the relationship, and from the sounds of things, so is she.

You have (imo) 3 choices.

1. You bottle it all up, decide that she's worth the sacrifice and duck your head in.

2. You finish the house to a point where you will recieve a decent return on investment, and move on in as civilised a manner as possible

3. You fuck it all off (it's only money) and GTFO. If you do this you need to ensure that the house is remortgaged or sold. A previous Bf of my sister kicked her out of their shared house when he split up with her She didn't realise he'd taken bankruptcy and she's had the mortgage company chasing her for the balance for the last 10 years.

You'll notice that I've not put in a "you work your differences out and move on" thing. This is because I think it's gone to far for that. Your tone of posting has gone from "oh fuck it's over" to "thank fuck it's over" in the process of this thread. From your side of the story she sounds more than a little irrational and I'd personally be furious were I in your shoes that she'd chosen to take the private argument beyond the circle of her friends. Having said that - were I her I think your balls would be worn as earings by now for airing this on a forum.

I'm surprised you fell for the "texting a girl" thing tbh mate - you've always struck me as a more intelligent person than that from your posts. 4 months might seem like a long time without kids but wait til you've been married 10 years and have 2 children under the age of 3 Then you'll know what no sex feels like!

Either way - take care and make sure you make the right decision for you. you can't make her decision for her and one person can never make a relationship work.

Gl

M

 

[Marc]

Darth, you need to find a nice St Helens lass!

 

[Darthshearer]

Goos Stains Helens Lass? Do they exist

I dont want her to quit hockey at all, that not going to help, you need give and take in a relationship, me making her quit hockey will just be lowering myself to her wanting me to quit seeing my mates. I would like her to sacrifice some activity after games etc for us so we can do soemthing.

The reason I dont see her when she is training is the fact she come home from work, goes to sort her pony out, then straight out to training, has a pint and natter after training and by the time she is home I am shattered and getting sorted for bed.

Like I say, you have give and take and for the past 18 - 24 months its been too much take on her half. I put a lot thought into her Bday, Xmas and then other stuff like taking her away for anniversary etc, she doenst seem to do the same.

 

[Scouse]

You already made your decision, then you went back on it.

You were hurting when you made your decision, you're still hurting now you've gone back on it.

Make progress in your own life. Ditch her and be man enough not to answer the phone/door/mail to her. Things'll get much better...

 

[Darthshearer]

Its hurting me thinking about all the fun we had though. Its hurting me thinking of her with someone else etc

 

[chipper]

dude thats what happens when you end a relationship its clearly not working save yaself some pain and get out while you can, yes its going to hurt and if you see her with someone else itll feel like youve been stabbed in the heart. but m8 seriously youll get over it and youll move on and in time youll find someone you want to be with again.

your not in a happy relationship m8 everyone here sees that its time you did too fella and said time to move on. good luck m8