it's been a while, another breakup thread!!

[Paradroid]

Its rare that I post properly on here now because trying to fight the flow of right wing, generalising, patronising bullshit on here is just not worth it but I HAD to post after reading Paradroid's informed words.

I'm 35, my mrs is 23. We met when she was 20, and I was 33. I thought she was 25/6 as she was mature and looked like a woman not a street corner dwelling hoody. She thought I was 27/8 probably because she was blind.

According to you Paradroid I'm a paedo. You can guess my reaction to your post.

I did type a something a lot stronger that was probably going to get me banned, but I've just gone back and deleted it.

As for G, after going from one heavy relationship, you walk straight into another! Mate, just go easy and learn to see someone casual for a bit.

Apart from being funny, I was referring to the fact that she's 19 now, she was obviously younger when they dated (17). At 17 she could still be at school! Legally, it's ok, but what life experience do 17 yo's have? For me, today, even a 25 yo is way too young (*sniff*).

I think ultimately I'd miss not having someone to share the same memories of growing up - I experienced the 70's & 80's as a kid, and that whole social-cultural environment was the backdrop...to be in a relationship with someone who didn't know anything about that would be hard.

The brain goes through a lot of development between 16-24, especially in the social/emotional areas (recent docu.).

 

[Ch3tan]

You were hardly funny though.

 

[mycenae]

They say age doesn't matter.....but i think in this situation it might. Personally, to me, it sounds as though she is trying to have her cake and eat it, and I wouldn't want to be the mug thats on the receiving end of this sort of treatment. (having been that person one too many times in the past!)

I depends how much you trust her and how much you like her. If you have NAY doubt at all, run a long way in the opposite direction!

 

[Trem]

While I should take my own advice sometimes I truly believe this life is for living and it will be over far too soon. What will be will be G, stop worrying if you can.

Also sis pics will make you a more popular person amongst...erm.....well.....me.

 

[old.Tohtori]

They say age doesn't matter.....but i think in this situation it might. Personally, to me, it sounds as though she is trying to have her cake and eat it,

I think it's more like, "Have her cake, eat it and then go snab that carrot cake also"

 

[Paradroid]

You were hardly funny though.

I meant funny as in not-serious, whimsical. I did try and work in a gag about cock sucking, I really did, I just couldn't pull it off.

 

[old.user4556]

I spoke with her last night, she's just flat out told us both that she doesn't want to be with either of us; and that's final. She isn't driving me away so she can be with him, she doesn't want him; and even if i ended it and said "im moving on" she wouldn't be with him. Anyway, she can't entertain the thought or situation of me moving on. Again, she said she loves me.

However in a moment of contradiction, she blurted "i think it's rediculous that you're waiting for me" - the thing is, i've come to learn that when under pressure she tends to say harsh things that she doesn't mean. May sound like wishful thinking, but she even said it herself when I first met her (don't most women say horribly obnoxious things that they don't really mean? both my sisters and mum do)

However, she still insists on space (which she's getting) and she may or may not want to get back with me down the line. I spoke with her sister, and she (being closest) said that I was everything she ever wanted, treated her like a princess, treated her with respect and made her so happy, just this other bloke (who is apparently a 'jackass') has pretty much fucked it up. Her sis likes me way more than the other guy, and she'll be selling my case personally. Now, that's interfering, but sister's will interfere - so i'm glad that it'll be good press i'm getting.

I'd rather she was apart from me just now and not painfully trying to keep it under wraps. Will she come back to me? Heaven only knows.

 

[Wij]

Is her sister hot ?

 

[Paradroid]

Yes, it looks like your only option is sleeping with the sister.

Tell us how you get on with that.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Now i get what the problem is....

My ex did this too. She pushes you away with any possible 'cause just 'cause she gets scared of a relationship going "too good" or "too far".

I didn't take the pushing and f*cked off, but that's just me, and looking back i do sometimes think "what if".

She loves you, but pushes you away with the ex-cuse(har har) and hopes you don't go away.

 

[old.user4556]

Now i get what the problem is....

My ex did this too. She pushes you away with any possible 'cause just 'cause she gets scared of a relationship going "too good" or "too far".

She loves you, but pushes you away with the ex-cuse(har har) and hopes you don't go away.

So what do you think is the purpose of that? Bit of game playing tbh.

(nearly three days into the 'no contacting', 'give me space')

 

[tris-]

S Bit of game playing tbh.

which is what kids do

 

[Damini]

G, you should never spend your life waiting for someone to come to their senses and date you, return to you, leave that person, whatever. If nothing else, it fucks up all the status in the relationship. Instant boyfriend, just add water, ready and waiting for whenever you feel like it. They won't respect you for it in the long term, you'll just become a security blanket with testicles, there for them to pick up whenever they need you.

 

[old.user4556]

Tbh, i'm just ticking along, business as usual. She's on my mind all the time though.

 

[Wij]

Tbh, i'm just ticking along, business as usual. She's on my mind all the time though.

She should be on your cock or on the bus.

 

[old.user4556]

I'm getting t shirt with that on it.

 

[old.Tohtori]

So what do you think is the purpose of that? Bit of game playing tbh.

(nearly three days into the 'no contacting', 'give me space')

Three days is quite normal.

the purpose of it...well...it's basicly a defence towards the pairing up and commitment.

It's like a mans firsdt reaction when waking up in a strange bed "Get the fek out of here!" or to a marriage discussion "Get the fek out of here NOW!"

It's just rearing up on hind legs and pushing is easier then conronting. Text her, call her, whatnot, contact when you feel like it and ask her for a coffe and sit her down. Explain things, in own words, to the court where you we...err..wrong paper.....Explain to her that she has nothing to be afraid of you, that you ARE there for her...basicly boost her sense of safety, don't go telling she looks pretty or other crap like that, it's neither here nor there.

 

[old.user4556]

Well, after all this "no contacting" stuff, I went to bed early last night, about 11:20pm. About 12:20am, the phone rings, it's her. Wtf.

So she's just wondering how I am, what i've been up to and what i've got on this weekend. We chat, and I tell her i miss her. I say to her "i'm not sure why you're phoning, i wasn't expecting to hear from you again". She got a bit shy and said "oh. well. maybe i shouldn't have phoned then" and i said "no it's fine". We talk more, then we start having a bit of a giggle about a couple of things. I ask her out to a couple of gigs, she says "yeah, that sounds nice" and then "... just as friends just now". I said "well, yeah for now".

That was it really.

I wouldn't have expected her to agree to go out, or even phone at silly o'clock if there was nothing in it between us. I certainly would never call her at that time, no matter how desperate i was to talk to her. I texted her a couple of times to find out what was happening with the other guy, she said "i don't know, no decisions made". And I asked "what about staying just friends just now?" to which she said "i haven't decided on that yet".

I'm not sure if she even wants contact with him at all, it's a bit hard to know what she means.

 

[DaGaffer]

Run. Run for your life. Don´t turn off the computer. Ruuuuuuuunnn!

 

[Xtro]

Fuck's sake G, you have a sign on your head saying "Walk over me, I LIKE!"

Stop letting them dictate what's going on, go out and meet someone else who isn't a plank. You come across as a right pushover.

No need to be a twat to the girl but stick up for yourself.

 

[Ch3tan]

Pfft, Xtro, don't tell him that. He might get a sane bird and we wont get threads like this anymore.

 

[throdgrain]

Im so glad Im not just post adolescence

 

[old.user4556]

Pfft, Xtro, don't tell him that. He might get a sane bird and we wont get threads like this anymore.

I wish, I really wish.

She seemed so down to earth and normal; but has turned into a total lunatic.

 

[TdC]

She seemed so down to earth and normal; but has turned into a total lunatic.

ah, goes for most girls imo*. and you know, I suspect most women think that of men as well


















*at least the ones I end up with o0

 

[Fweddy]

I think Big G turns them crazy

 

[Skyler]

He is the catalyst!

 

[Tom]

Fuck's sake G, you have a sign on your head saying "Walk over me, I LIKE!"

Stop letting them dictate what's going on, go out and meet someone else who isn't a plank. You come across as a right pushover.

No need to be a twat to the girl but stick up for yourself.

^this^

 

[old.user4556]

You see I disagree completely.

I spent the first two months playing cool with her, not there for her whenever she called or texted. Tbh, it made no difference to who she was or how things were between us. When she admitted she had anxiety going on, I just said i would support her. She flaked out mid-December saying "i need to be on my own for a bit to sort it out" and I said "fine, bye". She got back in touch in a few days. I was never desperate towards her or clingy, just that I would support her and listen to her when she wanted to talk. Seems to be the human thing to do?

She asked me for some space since the ex is back on the scene, I gave her, never spoke to her for a couple of days, she's the one phoning me up.

If you mean stick up for myself by being obnoxious, or tell her to take a flying leap, i don't see how that'll benefit anyone and if anything drive us both apart and create irrecoverable animosity.

 

[rynnor]

If you mean stick up for myself by being obnoxious, or tell her to take a flying leap, i don't see how that'll benefit anyone and if anything drive us both apart and create irrecoverable animosity.

You should be out meeting someone new though - this relationship is not going anywhere - the earlier you break it off the better it will be for you.

Otherwise I can just see it dragging on while she oscillates between you and the other guy on a dailly basis - someone in this triangle has to break it.

 

[old.user4556]

That's kinda how i'm playing it now, just out living life but in the back of my mind wondering when she'll make a decision.