hmm any1 notice how serious we've become

[Ezteq]

it has been brought to my attention that this forum has got all together too serious, this cant be good for us tbh it's high time for some humour, i am casting out this thread as an appeal to post something funny! be it a joke, link to a silly pic or an amusing tale of something embarressing, funny or just plain wierd thats happened to you irl..........

 

[old.Tohtori]

Got them all in one:

Wij's date last friday. After the date.

 

[Ezteq]

Got them all in one:

Wij's date last friday. After the date.

LoooooooooL wtf has been done to that lady!!!!!

 

[Job]

Is she a Sheriff?

 

[Hargh]

a deputy

 

[Job]

Waht do you call an Italian with a false rubber toe?













































































Roberto

 

[Job]

A woman walks into a supermarket and while at the checkout the cashier asks her if she would like her bags packed.
'why not' she says
So this handsome 6ft guy walks over and starts packing her bags, he finishes and as he starts for the car park with her bags, he says..
'anything else Miss?'
'Well yes' she replies
'I've got an itchy pussy'

'You'll have to point it out' he replies 'all Japanese cars look the same'.

 

[Ezteq]

OoooooooK <cracks knuckles and gets the bumper book of jokes out> :

-penguin walks in to a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?" barman says "dunno whats he look like?"

-two goldfish sat in a tank, one says to the other "ok i give in how the hell do we drive this thing??"

-slug and a snail down the pub, snail says to the slug "so how's the devorce going?" the slug sighs and says "well as you can see SHE got the house"

-woman stood infront of the mirror starts weeping, her husband says "whats wrong love?" she sobs "i'm old, im getting fat and my wrinkles look like a road map" the husband gently slips an arm round her and says "ah but at least theres nout wrong with your eye sight pet"

- two drums and a cymbol fall over a cliff.....Baa Daa Cha!!

-michael jackson has just got a date for his trial....its a 12 years old puerto rican boy called miguel!

well i shant subject you to any more i think you've suffered enough :touch:

 

[Binky the Bomb]

Warning on a train platform: Please stand behind the white line when the express goes by, otherwise passengers will be SUCKED OFF! (Capitals on sign, not shouting).

Man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder, walks to the bar and says: "Whiskey for me, half of guiness for Tiny here" barman asks "Why's he called tiny?" Man replies "Cos he's 'my nute'!"

How do you stop a woman from drowning? Take your foot off her head.

What do you call a blonde in between two brunettes? Mental Block.

What do you call a horde of cats? Pussy Galour.

An englishman, an irishman and a soctishman walk into a pub, and the barman says "Is this some sort of joke."

Here's some, i prepared earlier.
https://forums.freddyshouse.com/showthread.php?t=4223

 

[Ezteq]

lol that reminded me of a thing from a radio show in america and afaik this is true
the presenter is one of these shock dj's and doing a joke on this woman and her husband, i cant remember the whole thing but it was the dj asked them these really outrageous questions and they both had to answer the same to win some money, last question to be asked was to the woman (he already had the husbands answer)
dj: when did you last have sex?
woman: this morning.
dj: ok where did you have it.
woman: aw man jeeze i cant answer this my moms in the next room.
dj: your husbands already told us if you dont we'll say it anyway and you wont get the money.
woman: <silence for a long time> ok it was up the ass
dj: ok well thats odd cos your husband said it was in the kitchen.

dont know if it really is true but gave me a fit of the giggles all the same

 

[Job]

Woman says to her husband she thinks her tits are too small, he suggests rubbing toilet paper between them every morning to make em bigger, so she tries this .
After a week she says 'do you think this will really work?'
'why not ' he says, 'it worked fine on your ass'

 

[Ezteq]

ADVERTISING BLOOPERS: The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?" Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

 

[Ezteq]

and wait...theres more!!

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.


Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.


Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"


Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.....or SEEL!.


Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.


Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.


Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."


Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.


Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving


Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

 

[Ormorof]

 

[Job]

How many nails in a Lesbians bed?




None, it's all tongue and groove.

 

[Shamyn]

How many nails in a Lesbians bed?




None, it's all tongue and groove.

haha, stupid kid got pwnd

 

[Morchaoron]

hmm any1 notice how serious we've become

guess we are finally growing up eh...

 

[Ezteq]

guess we are finally growing up eh...

speak for yourself i intend to stay immature tbh

 

[Job]

3 tortoises decide to go on a picnic, its a 10 day hike for them.
When they get there, they realise they have left the tin opener at home
So they ask the 'fastest tortoise' to go back and get it.
'No way' he says, 'you'll eat the sandwhiches while I'm gone'
'We promise not to' reply the other two.
'Sorry, no way it'll take me 20 days round trip, and the sandwhiches will be gone when I get back'
'We really, really won't' promise the other two.
Well OK ' he says but if those sandwhiches are gone I'll be well pissed'
So he walks off
20 days later he's still not back, the other two are staring at the sandwhiches.
22 days later still no sign, tummies are rumbling.
25 days and they are freakin starving.
'He's not coming back' says one, 'lets pinch a sandwhich'
'No way says the other, 'give him one more day'
Next day no sign, so they both agree to start on the sandwhiches, they carefully lift the basket lid and reach in for the sandwhiches.
Just as they do the third tortoise leaps from behind a bush and shouts.

'I knew it you bastards, I'm not going!!!!'

 

[Ezteq]

lol was truely bored yesterday so went nosing around some chat rooms, one called the vampire tavern....i went in and ordered a steak,
well it made me chuckle.