Funniest lines heard in a movie?

[tierk]

Saw a movie the other week and heard a line in it that has me in stitches every time i think about it. Feel free to share your all time favourite funny lines, mine goes like this......


"South London gangster?!?!??

You're just a cardboard cut-out C*nT!!

Look at ya; you look like a f**k'n P***."

Taken from the - The Business.

A English gangster flick set in Gibraltar.

 

[Shadowss]

"Thats a F**king anti-aircraft rifle vincent" (snatch)
"OI! WOULD EVERYONE STOP GETTING SHOT" (smoking barrels)
"Yipee-ki-yay motherfucker" (die hard)
"Thats it, enuff of this kung-fu Sh*t" (die hard)
" Yeah its not like we're from out of space or something.... Helooooo.... Helooooo" LOL (zoolander)
"MERMAN" (zoolander)
"What is this? A SCHOOL FOR ANTS!?... it needs to be atleast.....3times bigger than this" (zoolander)

many others hehe

 

[Lethul]

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

"Charlie don't surf!"

Apocalypse Now

 

[aika]

haha class film , Lethul

also:

Chef: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets?
Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.
[Chef laughs a little, seems to think for a second and then sits on his helmet]

 

[Hawkwind]

"Women, can't live with em! Can't burn em!" - Nice girls don't explode.

One of hundred great quotes from Lock Stock.

Nick the Greek: Dunno. Seems expensive.
Tom: Seems? Well, this seems to be a complete waste of my time. That, my friend, is 900 nicker in any store you're lucky enough to find one in. And you're haggling over 200 pound? What school of finance did you come from Nick? "It's a deal, it's a steal, it's the Sale of the fucking Century!" In fact, fuck it Nick, I think I'll keep it!

 

[tierk]

One of hundred great quotes from Lock Stock.

One of my all time favourite films seen it at least thirty times and still watch it if i see it on anywhere.

 

[Craparoni]

So many assholes... So few bullets... ( Ford Fairlane)

 

[CorNokZ]

Mole... Mole... Mole... Mole...*pokes mole with stick* (Goldmember )

 

[alkz]

Don't be afraid, we're negros.

Bad Boys

 

[Arumos]

Did you see the sign on my door that says "Dead n***** storage"? ... No,
You know why you didn't see that sign? Cuz storin' dead n*****s ain't my fuckin' business!

pulp fiction

 

[>.< Pooned]

Matrix

Agent Smith: I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

a smaller translation could even be : i hate you all

 

[Overdriven]

"Let me guess... You're Buck? And you like to... Fuck?"

 

[Glacier]

All quotes from the marvelous movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

“"we can't stop here this is bat country."

"If we're ever going to get out of here alive, we're going to need some golf shoes."

"You drive. You drive. I think there's something wrong with me. "

"With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know. "

"Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man. "

"Clerk at Flamingo Hotel: Can I call you a cab?
Police Chief: [screaming] Sure, and I'll call you a cocksucker! "

"Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat! "

 

[Amphrax]

The film 'White Chicks' has some some finnny ones if anyone has seen that.

Amphrax/Arauddry

 

[tierk]

Anyone remember a line from the film thirteenth warrior along the lines of

"lo i see before me my father.... and then something something something my brothers in a long before me till something something something...... in the Halls of Valahalla.

Anyway was a awesome line and tbh i imagine every Mid will no it esp the roleplayers out there amongest you!!!

Feel free to fill in the missing bits.

ps i just realised that it wasnt a funny line!! But what the hell it was a awesome line, just wish i could remember it

 

[Overdriven]

Clerks 2:

Randal Graves: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little Hobbits to go for a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now *that* would have been an Academy Award-worthy ending.
Hobbit Lover: Hey, faggot! They're not gay. They're hobbits.
Randal Graves: And then after the Frodo and Sam suckfest, just before the credits roll, Sam straight up fucking bricks in Frodo's mouth.

Dante Hicks: The guy's in a wheelchair.
Randal Graves: I know. That's why I call him "crippie-boy."

Randal Graves: Since when did "porch monkey" suddenly become a racial slur?
Dante Hicks: When ignorant racists started saying it a hundred years ago.
Randal Graves: Oh bullshit. My grandmother used to call me a 'porch monkey' all the time when I was a kid, because I'd sit on the porch and stare at my neighbors.
Dante Hicks: Despite the fact that your grandmother might've used it as a term of endearment for you, it's still a racial slur. It'd be like your grandmother calling you a little kike.
Randal Graves: No it is not. Plus my grandmother had nothing but the utmost respect for the Jewish community. When I was a kid, she'd always tell me to treat the Jewish kids well or they'd put the sheeny curse on me.
Dante Hicks: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?
Randal Graves: What?
Dante Hicks: Sheeny is a racial slur, too!
Randal Graves: No it is not.
Dante Hicks: Yes, it is!
Randal Graves: Well, she never called any Jews "sheeny," she just used to say "sheeny curse" a lot. It was cute.
Dante Hicks: It wasn't cute! It was racist!
Randal Graves: I disagree, man, she was just an oldtimer. That's the way people talked back then. Didn't mean they were racist... But my grandmother did refer to a broken bottle once as a "****** knife."
[Dante stares in horror]
Randal Graves: You know, come to think of it, my grandmother *was* kind of a racist.
Dante Hicks: YOU THINK?

Dante Hicks: 'Porch monkey' is a racial slur against black people!
Randal Graves: Oh it is not! Coon, spook, spade, moolie, jigaboo, nig-nog, those are racial slurs!

 

[Spher]

From King Pin;

Roy: Just because you're familiar with the missionary position, doesn't make you a missionary.

Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.

Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein? <-- [LOL!]

 

[kiliarien]

Anyone remember a line from the film thirteenth warrior along the lines of

"lo i see before me my father.... and then something something something my brothers in a long before me till something something something...... in the Halls of Valahalla.

Anyway was a awesome line and tbh i imagine every Mid will no it esp the roleplayers out there amongest you!!!

Feel free to fill in the missing bits.

ps i just realised that it wasnt a funny line!! But what the hell it was a awesome line, just wish i could remember it

"Lo there do I see my father. Lo there do I see my Mother, and my sisters and my brothers. Lo there do I see the line of my people, back to the beginning. Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take me place among them in the halls of Valhalla where the brave may live forever." Or thereabouts, had to quickly put it on as that got me curious as I couldn't remember.

Awesome line I agree - even if not fitting the 'funny' category, awesome film in fact.

For me, the whole scene (or most of the film) from Monty Python & the Holy Grail with Arthur and the Black Knight culminating in "OK, we'll call it a draw".

Or "Must be a king,"
"How do you know he's the king?"
"Well, he hasn't got shit all over him."

 

[tierk]

....... "Must be a king,"
"How do you know he's the king?"
"Well, he hasn't got shit all over him."

indeed!!

 

[Kragh]

Can't make a thread like this without mentioning the Boondock Saints. One of my all time fav films


Rocco: F*cking... What the f*ck. Who the f*ck f*cked this f*cking... How did you two f*cking f*cks... F*CK!

Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

 

[Hawkwind]

Can't make a thread like this without mentioning the Boondock Saints. One of my all time fav films


Rocco: F*cking... What the f*ck. Who the f*ck f*cked this f*cking... How did you two f*cking f*cks... F*CK!

Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

Great film.

 

[tierk]

Great film.

lol keep hearing about this movie still ahvent managed to see it yet.

 

[Vasconcelos]

A classic, you prolly will know from which movie

FRANCIS: Yeah. I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--

STAN: Or woman.

FRANCIS: Or woman... to rid himself--

STAN: Or herself.

FRANCIS: Or herself.

REG: Agreed.

FRANCIS: Thank you, brother.

STAN: Or sister.

FRANCIS: Or sister. Where was I?

REG: I think you'd finished.

FRANCIS: Oh. Right.

REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--

STAN: Or woman.

REG: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.

STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.

FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

STAN: I want to be one.

REG: What?

STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.

REG:What?!

LORETTA:It's my right as a man.

JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

LORETTA:I want to have babies.

REG:You want to have babies?!

LORETTA:It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

REG: But... you can't have babies.

LORETTAon't you oppress me.

REG: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?! LOOOOOOOLLLLL XD

LORETTA: "/cry"

JUDITH:Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies.

FRANCIS:Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.

 

[Septima]

A classic, you prolly will know from which movie

FRANCIS: Yeah. I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--

STAN: Or woman.

FRANCIS: Or woman... to rid himself--

STAN: Or herself.

FRANCIS: Or herself.

REG: Agreed.

FRANCIS: Thank you, brother.

STAN: Or sister.

FRANCIS: Or sister. Where was I?

REG: I think you'd finished.

FRANCIS: Oh. Right.

REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--

STAN: Or woman.

REG: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.

STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.

FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

STAN: I want to be one.

REG: What?

STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.

REG:What?!

LORETTA:It's my right as a man.

JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

LORETTA:I want to have babies.

REG:You want to have babies?!

LORETTA:It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

REG: But... you can't have babies.

LORETTAon't you oppress me.

REG: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?! LOOOOOOOLLLLL XD

LORETTA: "/cry"

JUDITH:Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies.

FRANCIS:Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.

The life of brian?

 

[Punishment]

The life of brian?

Well Fucking Duuuuh !

Airplane

''There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?''

''Looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.''

Dr. Strangelove

President(Peter Sellers)''Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the war room''

Dogma

''I know they were just kids... but man we beat the fuck out of them!''

All classics

 

[Nibble]

watched it last ngiht n was laughin when i heard this line:

from the film Click:
Micheal jackson the first person to clone himself, is now Suing himself, for molestering himself.

 

[GV-Miera]

Fat white guy in "Remember the titans" walks in and showing that he got pain in his back

black guy asks: "what's wrong?"

Fat guy answers:


"I just gave your mama a piggybackride (sp?) and she's twice my size!"

Best mama joke ever imho!

 

[gravi-]

"how did a bunch of guys with hand tools build such a thing as this"

"same way they built the pyramids and the great wall of china"

"yeah, the aliens helped em" (national treasure)

 

[WiZe^]

YouTube - Dude! Sweet!

 

[Zerubiel Propane]

We're supposed to be robbin' this place, you dumb fuckin' hebe



You call yourself a man? You know you're a lyin', low-life, motherfuckin' gambling degenerate prick? You know that's what you are?



You fucking mo-mo, what's the matter with you?



You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table? You shit-kicking, stinky, horse-manure-smellin' motherfucker you. You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in the fuckin' desert. You understand?


Maybe if I stick your head through that window over there you'll get unconfused. Give me the fuckin money.


A few of my favorit quotes from the movie casino.