Thorwyn
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2003
- Messages
- 4,752
Just received this via email an found it rather funny, so I made a (sloppy) translation:
Important message from your IT department:
If someone from the IT Dep. is coming to your office, log out from your computer and go have a coffee. We´re able to memorize 700 passwords, no problem.
If your computer needs to be moved from one office to the other, make sure it´s hidden under a pile of postcards, pictures, toys, dryed flowres and other stuff. We don´t have a life and love to dig in other peoples junk.
If you´re receiving an email from your IT department, delete it immediately. They´re probably just testing the mailserver.
If a member of the IT staff is having lunch, snow him with your computer problems and expect him to answer immediately. The only purpose of existence of the IT staff is to serve you and they´re exclusively thinking about fixing computers.
If you meet a IT staffmember somewhere outside of his office, ask him something about computers. He´s probably just looking for people who´re not using Email or telephones.
If the Xerox is broken, call the IT department. After all, there´s electronics in a Xerox too, isn´t there?
If you´re having problems with your modem dialup at home, call the IT department. They´re able to fix telephone problems from the distance.
If your private computer is broken, bring it to the IT department and put it on a chair or desk. Don´t leave your name, phonenumber and most important no description of the problem. IT people love solving riddles.
If a member of the IT department is on the phoen, trying to guide you through some process on your computer, read a newspaper or do something else. They don´t want you to listen, they love hearing their own voice.
If the printer doesn´t print, send the printjob 20 more times. Print jobs sometimes tend to dissapear in the void.
If the pritner still doesn´t print, send the printjob to the other 68 printers in the office. One of them WILL print out.
Online help is for whimps.
Don´t hesitate to fix or upgrade drivers and other software on your own if you feel like it and if you think that you´re a computer geek. We love solving problems at 3 AM.
Never say thank you! IT staff love their job and they´re getting payed for it.
If they´re asking you whether you´ve installed new software on your computer, always LIE! It´s nobodys business what´s on your computer.
If the cable of your mouse threatens to push over the coffee mug, lift your monitor and fix the cable with it. Mousecables are designed to survive a 20kg monitor resting on them.
If the SPACE key is broken, blame the mail program.
Bread crumps, Coffee and sticky stains of Cola drastically increase the functionality of your keyboard.
If you´re receving a message from your computer, saying "Are you sure", immediately click YES. Hell.. if you weren´t sure, you wouldn´t have done it, right?
Don´t hesitate to say things like: "I don´t know jack shit about this computer crap". It doesn´t bother the IT staff at all if you call their work "crap".
If the toner of your printer is empty, call the IT department. Changing the toner is a complex and dangerous issue and requires professional technical support.
If there´s something wrong with your computer, ask your secretary to call the IT department. They love comtemplating problems with a third person who doesn´t know what the problem is all about.
If you´re sending an email with a 30 MB attachment, make sure set them on high priority and send a CC to every member of the office. The space on our mailserver is unlimited.
Never divide large print batches into smaller ones. God doesn´t allow anybody else but YOU to print.
If your son is studying IT, let him go to your office every weekend, so he can work on the fast PCs in the off
ice. We wil lbe there to fix the problem when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6 crashes the servers.
If you bring your private PC to the IT department, tell them how important it is to fix it quickly, so your kids can play Doom or DAoC again. They got plenty of time and will start immediately.
Important message from your IT department:
If someone from the IT Dep. is coming to your office, log out from your computer and go have a coffee. We´re able to memorize 700 passwords, no problem.
If your computer needs to be moved from one office to the other, make sure it´s hidden under a pile of postcards, pictures, toys, dryed flowres and other stuff. We don´t have a life and love to dig in other peoples junk.
If you´re receiving an email from your IT department, delete it immediately. They´re probably just testing the mailserver.
If a member of the IT staff is having lunch, snow him with your computer problems and expect him to answer immediately. The only purpose of existence of the IT staff is to serve you and they´re exclusively thinking about fixing computers.
If you meet a IT staffmember somewhere outside of his office, ask him something about computers. He´s probably just looking for people who´re not using Email or telephones.
If the Xerox is broken, call the IT department. After all, there´s electronics in a Xerox too, isn´t there?
If you´re having problems with your modem dialup at home, call the IT department. They´re able to fix telephone problems from the distance.
If your private computer is broken, bring it to the IT department and put it on a chair or desk. Don´t leave your name, phonenumber and most important no description of the problem. IT people love solving riddles.
If a member of the IT department is on the phoen, trying to guide you through some process on your computer, read a newspaper or do something else. They don´t want you to listen, they love hearing their own voice.
If the printer doesn´t print, send the printjob 20 more times. Print jobs sometimes tend to dissapear in the void.
If the pritner still doesn´t print, send the printjob to the other 68 printers in the office. One of them WILL print out.
Online help is for whimps.
Don´t hesitate to fix or upgrade drivers and other software on your own if you feel like it and if you think that you´re a computer geek. We love solving problems at 3 AM.
Never say thank you! IT staff love their job and they´re getting payed for it.
If they´re asking you whether you´ve installed new software on your computer, always LIE! It´s nobodys business what´s on your computer.
If the cable of your mouse threatens to push over the coffee mug, lift your monitor and fix the cable with it. Mousecables are designed to survive a 20kg monitor resting on them.
If the SPACE key is broken, blame the mail program.
Bread crumps, Coffee and sticky stains of Cola drastically increase the functionality of your keyboard.
If you´re receving a message from your computer, saying "Are you sure", immediately click YES. Hell.. if you weren´t sure, you wouldn´t have done it, right?
Don´t hesitate to say things like: "I don´t know jack shit about this computer crap". It doesn´t bother the IT staff at all if you call their work "crap".
If the toner of your printer is empty, call the IT department. Changing the toner is a complex and dangerous issue and requires professional technical support.
If there´s something wrong with your computer, ask your secretary to call the IT department. They love comtemplating problems with a third person who doesn´t know what the problem is all about.
If you´re sending an email with a 30 MB attachment, make sure set them on high priority and send a CC to every member of the office. The space on our mailserver is unlimited.
Never divide large print batches into smaller ones. God doesn´t allow anybody else but YOU to print.
If your son is studying IT, let him go to your office every weekend, so he can work on the fast PCs in the off
ice. We wil lbe there to fix the problem when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6 crashes the servers.
If you bring your private PC to the IT department, tell them how important it is to fix it quickly, so your kids can play Doom or DAoC again. They got plenty of time and will start immediately.
![[SS]Gamblor](/data/avatars/m/2/2844.jpg?1319140898){kind=avatar}
