Embarrasing sex0r moments!

[Thadius]

Anyone had any fairly funny moments whilst sex0ring?

I was having it away with a lass in her bedroom, shes moaning and groaning then all off a sudden her mum is braying at the door.

I shit myself, got dressed in under 5 seconds and when mum came in, started chatting stuff that i was fixing her pc

She likes me now though, first time ive met her!

 

[Elkie]

wtf is actually with all these threads lol.. why would you really want to share your sex stories on a public board you never know whos reading... sorry i just find these threads abit urg..

 

[Blackjack]

wtf is actually with all these threads lol.. why would you really want to share your sex stories on a public board you never know whos reading... sorry i just find these threads abit urg..

Simple answers.

1. Sex is fun
2. You want to let everyone know that you actually have sex
3. You are almost guaranteed to be entertained for atleast 5 mins with people's silly stories.

 

[Thadius]

Simple answers.

1. Sex is fun
2. You want to let everyone know that you actually have sex
3. You are almost guaranteed to be entertained for atleast 5 mins with people's silly stories.

Agreed, its funny reading about mishaps

I was laughing in the taxi ride home and nearly wetting myself by time I got in

 

[DocWolfe]

wtf is actually with all these threads lol.. why would you really want to share your sex stories on a public board you never know whos reading... sorry i just find these threads abit urg..

whats the big deal? sex is sex a couple of my mates are like clams when it comes to talking about their sex lives and everyone else is willing to freely chat about it. I dont understand what the problem is. Now on to the feature presentation...

I came out of a club pretty hammered, and then next thing I know I'm being dragged into a taxi with this bird (she weren't the best ) so we get to her house and I'm shagging her and then she turns over so her ass is sticking up and says "shag me up my arse, I want to feel the pleasure and the pain" I was like but I went with it and then next thing I know I had brown wings to pin on my lapel next to my red and pink ones.

The next morning I had to stay until like 11 until her mum went to work I was like wtf do I do... she lived miles away from where I lived so I had to endure a 3 hour hike back to my house!

 

[cHodAX]

whats the big deal? sex is sex a couple of my mates are like clams when it comes to talking about their sex lives and everyone else is willing to freely chat about it. I dont understand what the problem is. Now on to the feature presentation...

I came out of a club pretty hammered, and then next thing I know I'm being dragged into a taxi with this bird (she weren't the best ) so we get to her house and I'm shagging her and then she turns over so her ass is sticking up and says "shag me up my arse, I want to feel the pleasure and the pain" I was like but I went with it and then next thing I know I had brown wings to pin on my lapel next to my red and pink ones.

The next morning I had to stay until like 11 until her mum went to work I was like wtf do I do... she lived miles away from where I lived so I had to endure a 3 hour hike back to my house!

...and 3 days later his cock fell off because he forgot to wash the poo off....

 

[Haggus]

No thad stop asking about everyones sex lives !

 

[Cozak]

Was banging a lass in magaluf, we were going for awhile then she asked if we could take a shower, fair enough I said so we go to the bathroom open up the door and there is the dude I was sharing a room with behind the door tossing off, bit of an awkward moment

 

[DocWolfe]

Was banging a lass in magaluf, we were going for awhile then she asked if we could take a shower, fair enough I said so we go to the bathroom open up the door and there is the dude I was sharing a room with behind the door tossing off, bit of an awkward moment

LOL!

 

[Blackjack]

Was banging a lass in magaluf, we were going for awhile then she asked if we could take a shower, fair enough I said so we go to the bathroom open up the door and there is the dude I was sharing a room with behind the door tossing off, bit of an awkward moment

Nice one actually it's disturbingly common. The whole gimp wanking to his roomate having sex thing

 

[Aiteal]

Girl I was going out with about 8 years ago, we'd beeen seeing each other for about 3 weeks or so and she phoned me up just as I was about to leave for the pub to meet her to say she would rather come over to my place that night than us going out.
So I ran upstairs and gave my bedroom a quick tidy then I asked my house mate if he could go stay at his GF's that night and he obliged.

So she came over, and we sat and drank a few beers and had way to much to smoke.
I got "the fear" like I usually do when I smoke, and we sat and watched The Exorcist, which was the first time I ever saw it, and Jacobs Ladder.

So, with my heart beating like a fat clock, we watched the films, and to be honest they got to me a little, especially the cut scenes in The Exorcist with the priests mother walking down the dirty subway steps and the face that briefly appears for all of a half second, as well as the "eyes", the "Dream On" and the fucked up dance/sex scene at the party in Jacobs Ladder.

After the films were over, she said she was going upstairs and would I give her 10 mins then come up.
So I sat downstairs, stoned to my eyeballs with my skewed perception of time and rewinded the exorcist to the face scene and paused the video and stared at the face till I thought my heart was gonna burst.

Went up to my bedroom, turned the light off and joined her in bed. I'm really into foreplay when stoned, and was quite happy with the slow languid touchy feely you tend to appreciate when you've smoked too much.
But I couldn't get the scary scenes from the movies outta my head.
After a while she indicated she wanted to go to the next stage, so I lay ontop of her about to go, when all the crap that was laying on my bedroom floor that I shoved into the old wardrobe fell forward and crashed to the floor in the dark.

I jumped outta bed and screached like a big girl, completely spoiled the mood, and when she realised I wasn't an alpha male she said

"You aint getting any tonite big-boy"

I was fucking gutted

Dont mix smoke, scary movies and sex.

 

[Blackjack]

Funny story

Bwuhaha self pwned

 

[Commandment]

"You aint getting any tonite big-boy"

I was fucking gutted

Dont mix smoke, scary movies and sex.

fucking brilliant!

 

[Gamah]

I think one of my most embarrassing moments was reading a thread where someone called sex "sex0ring"

 

[Thadius]

I think one of my most embarrassing moments was reading a thread where someone called sex "sex0ring"

Its something to keep the kids happy

 

[echome]

I am the king of sex, so nothing bad to report from my side.



<cough cough> DAoC geek and king of sex... as if... well this one time I were giving my GF oralsex and she did a virginafart or whatever it is called. I started laughing but apparentley she didnt she the fun in it.

 

[Bugz]

Nothing much to really say here :l

I was having it out on a sofa bed (the sofa's that transform into a bed) and managed to fall off and sort of army roll down the room a little. But just got up and got back on with it :l

 

[DocWolfe]

Nothing much to really say here :l

I was having it out on a sofa bed (the sofa's that transform into a bed) and managed to fall off and sort of army roll down the room a little. But just got up and got back on with it :l

I hope this was legal sex since you're only doing your gcse's... tut tut tut

 

[haarewin]

I hope this was legal sex since you're only doing your gcse's... tut tut tut

hes a sex offender! haha. nothing interesting from me :x

 

[DocWolfe]

hes a sex offender! haha. nothing interesting from me :x

I dont think most people what to know what you get up to anyway

 

[Vladamir]

I dont think most people what to know what you get up to anyway

Rofl you're one to talk

Also Cozak, when did you go to Magaluf?. I'm off out there in 3 weeks, need some pointers on where to go

 

[soze]

Once i was hard at work and something poped into my head kind of like "ohh the new las vegas starts next week" but not that so i kind of got distracted and stopped moving. I got a slap and then laughed at after some negotiation i was allowed to finish what i had started and then we both had a laugh about how easily i lose concentation.

 

[Fetid]

vlad i went 3 weeks ago, i would have too say if you like good homemade food find the eastenders bar near palma nova. For clubs go around abit.. theres BCM which is the big daddy of clubs.14/16 euros too get in and a free bar from 10-6am And you get free stuff! i got a towel/bag/frizby/lilo they do diffrent free gifts everynight. justlook for bcm rep's too find out what goes on they are always on the streets in the day handing out flyers. there is also a BCM bar called the Fun Place. if you head near there the rep gives you free bottles of vodka/rum/wine/champaine ect too try get you in. one night i was there we had a foam party and the foam was taller than me and im 6ft :O quite funny as if you wanted too breath you would have too run out of the foam. They have table dancers too and its funny too watch the pervs just behind them with there vid camra's. althou i have too say i got 1 or 2 nice pics from there myself(bwahah)
The other clubs is boomerangs they have popcorn partys ( eww ) and alot of theme nights aswell.
Theres multiple bars too goto a couple good un's that i found where Mano's and Crusoe's. Also for a fucking wickid night out Go see pirates uncut. I didnt realy know what too expect but it was cool! and theres asmuch pirate punch as you can drink! ( red/white wine and sangria ) anyway have a good time. and i want too go back out there, but everyones skint :<
( i cant/cba too spell soo just ignore them kthxbye )
sorry for hijack

 

[Killswitch]

Not really a sex0r story, since I was FAR to drunk to perform...

Meet girl in The Music Factory in Sheffield (RIP...not that it was that good of a club tbh ) and head back to hers at the end of the night. She was living with her mother, so had to sneak in quietly and go upstairs without falling on my ass (which I managed).

Fall asleep pretty much straight away (sure she loved that ) but then wake up about an hour later with a slightly full bladder and make a mad dash to the toilet.

Finish (feeling pretty good), walk straight to her mum's bedroom, walk in and get into bed with her...

Now tell me how you explain that one?

 

[Outlander]

Ive never had sex.
Im an angel.

 

[Thorwyn]

Not really embarrassing, but painful...

Looong time ago, on a lovely sunny day, my gf and I decided that it´s the prefect day for a "picknick" (*wink* *wink*) in the cornfield. So we grabbed a blanket and drove to a nice spot, went to the center of the high cornfield and laid out the blanket. There, we realised that we didn´t even bring something to picknick (silly us tehehe) so we started doing other things to avoid boredom. Suddenly, I had to sneeze. And sneeze again. And again. And there was this stupid itching in my eyes. And my throat started to burn.
I simply had forgotten that I was allergic to wheat (or rather: I thought I wasn´t allergic anymore)! So we quickly dressed up again, grabbed the blanket and dashed out of the cornfield... but too late. My eyeballs were already swollen and I looked like a frog. So I went home, dissapointed and suffering like a dog for the next 24 hours while my hysterical gf almost went mental because she though I´d die until I told her to STFU and leave me alone. Didn´t exactly improve our relation.
This kinda marked the end of my desires to combine sex and nature.

 

[Dandare]

I can't use my most embarrasing moment as I only posted it a bit ago in the popping cherry thread.....but one to comes to mind is when I was 17 and knew a girl who's boyfriend was in the army. Her being a easy girl had invited me up for the evening on the proviso I pretend to her dad we was doing a project at 6th form together( I'd left school!).
After her father was satisfied he was studying like swots he went out leaving us to our devices.
After getting into it for about 15-20 minutes, I was nearing the money shot and heard the downstairs door go, lost in lust I carried on until her furious father threw her bedroom door open, I jumped up desperatly trying to pull up my jeans but it was too late and was in full flow, some of which landed on her curtains near the window.
Her father told me he's break my legs etc if he ever saw me again and I left quickly hearing him shout at his daughter.
I ran off laughing lighting a smoke thinking what her mother or father would say upon discovering the strange stain on the lovely curtains

 

[Haggus]

Not really a sex0r story, since I was FAR to drunk to perform...

Meet girl in The Music Factory in Sheffield (RIP...not that it was that good of a club tbh ) and head back to hers at the end of the night. She was living with her mother, so had to sneak in quietly and go upstairs without falling on my ass (which I managed).

Fall asleep pretty much straight away (sure she loved that ) but then wake up about an hour later with a slightly full bladder and make a mad dash to the toilet.

Finish (feeling pretty good), walk straight to her mum's bedroom, walk in and get into bed with her...

Now tell me how you explain that one?

lol power owned

what did her mum say ?

 

[Thadius]

lol power owned

what did her mum say ?

Haha that is funny!

 

[Lamp]

wtf is actually with all these threads lol.. why would you really want to share your sex stories on a public board you never know whos reading... sorry i just find these threads abit urg..

(1) It gives people something to do while bored at work

(2) It allows people to make anything up and pretend they're sex gods

(3) It allows virgins to lie and pretend they've actually had sex

(4) It gives the illusion that the person who started the thread is not a virgin

and

(5) Its gotta be better than reading another fucking thread about Hasselhoff, Chuck Norris, or Mr T, all of which are lobotomised gay icons with huge egos.