Embarrasing sex0r moments!

[tris-]

1 - choked on someones pube

2 - just as me n this lady were about to get it on, some music came on that was based on making love etc. i laughed but she didnt find it funny :/

3 - just before me and a lady were about to do it, she sat on the edge of the bed, threw up on the carpet and started crying. . i didnt realise i was so repulsive. i was gonna hang around but the smell of warm vomit and garlic nearly made me throw up. so i ran the fuck out of there, but left my underwear behind :/. theres a quid i wont see again. as i was leaving she tryed to kiss me again, but noticing vomit on her face i just ran off.

i have more, but its all too painful.

 

[Gamah]

Someone farted on my head with in the 69 posision...not cool!.

 

[Thadius]

:worthy:

(1)
(5) Its gotta be better than reading another fucking thread about Hasselhoff, Chuck Norris, or Mr T, all of which are lobotomised gay icons with huge egos.

 

[Thadius]

Someone farted on my head with in the 69 posision...not cool!.

Fucking lol!!

:worthy:

 

[Lamp]

Not particularly funny at the time, but my gf was sucking my cock and she gagged big time and vomitted all over it. I wasn't too bothered but for some reason she didn't want to carry on...

 

[Killswitch]

lol power owned

what did her mum say ?

She was surprisingly nice about it all...although I never saw her or her daughter again

 

[Cozak]

Rofl you're one to talk

Also Cozak, when did you go to Magaluf?. I'm off out there in 3 weeks, need some pointers on where to go

Yeah like Fetid says BCM is awesome, saw Judge Jules there and Tim Westwood (sigh) lasted about 20seconds in that gig, walked in the room and first thing we hear westwood yell is ''ALL THE GUYS WITH THE BIG DICKS IN THE PLACE MAKE SOME NOISE'' ok U turn and downstairs to the beach club. The Scouse House clubs are pretty awesome, you can get a pass for about 20euros where you get access to about 5 of them, Boomerangs, Carwash and Bananas iirc. Carwash I think it was was pretty cool had a swimming pool behind the bar with naked spanish chiks diving in and out all night, something to look at whilst waiting to get served

Spoiler

I personally didnt like the popcorn party, it was just full of charvs with 3pint beer glasses going around eating scranny popcorn that people had been treading all over, not particularly as sexy as rubbing foam all over half naked ladies.
The bars we spent most time in were Poco Locos and Janaito Bananas they were cool but we stayed in the hotel till quite late as it was all inclusive. The hotel we booked into was just beside palma nova and when we arrived it turned out to be a fucking fred flintstone themed family hotel, so there was aload of families around the pool and 17 geordie pissheads.. we didnt go down to well got a ton of complaints.

Spoiler

The flintstone car model outside the hotel... That got broken.. mate tried to sleep on the roof. Its a fucking awesome place, you will have fun Vlad.. ooh before I forget there is a beach bar down near magaluf beach that sells like alcoholic slush puppys in various cocktail flavours they are fucking lush and you get hammered from them, that bar always has gorgeous barmaids as well.

 

[Dandare]

Not really a sex0r story, since I was FAR to drunk to perform...

Meet girl in The Music Factory in Sheffield (RIP...not that it was that good of a club tbh ) and head back to hers at the end of the night. She was living with her mother, so had to sneak in quietly and go upstairs without falling on my ass (which I managed).

Fall asleep pretty much straight away (sure she loved that ) but then wake up about an hour later with a slightly full bladder and make a mad dash to the toilet.

Finish (feeling pretty good), walk straight to her mum's bedroom, walk in and get into bed with her...

Now tell me how you explain that one?

Rofl did you do them both after that

 

[old.Tohtori]

Does having sex with the wrong sister count?

 

[Ingafgrinn Macabre]

Does having sex with the wrong sister count?

well, depends... for humans it does, but all the seals look thesame so I don't blame you for that. I know I wouldn't be able to keep 'em apart

 

[Hawkwind]

How about parking up in a field, with a stunning view of the valley bellow, not far from Salisbury. Then feeling a bit randy getting down to the naughty on the bonnet of your, just had a shiny new yellow paint job, Triumph Spitfire (showing age). When the handbrake cable goes (wasn't in gear) and the car starts rolling downhill. Crashes through a fence and hedge and ends up in a small river. Luckily the future mrs had the good sense to roll off before the car picked up any serious speed.

Still the image of my then GF's legs akimbo on the bonnet as the car started to roll downhill will remain forever . She has never forgiven me for just standing there, trousers around my ankles, rooted to the spot with a look of horror on my face. The fact that my legs were virtually tied together was no defense in her eyes.

The car was a right off but the insurance paid out so not a problem.

 

[old.Tohtori]

well, depends... for humans it does, but all the seals look thesame so I don't blame you for that. I know I wouldn't be able to keep 'em apart

Bah. Racist. IT's like saying all japanese look alike, you know that seal from near portsmouth? That's a cubby only a mother could love.

Anyway, the story is short and rather un interesting:

Dated a girl.
Girl had hot sister. Hot'er that is.
Drunk outing with girl, sister and friend.
Girl go home, friend go home,sister stays.
Drink more.
Drink more and more.
Wake up next day next to sister.
Sister say "We don't have to tell anyone"
We do one more time...i'm such an ass...

 

[soze]

Does having sex with the wrong sister count?

I once got stood up on a semi blind date, i got a text but was already at the pub. I got chatting to the bar maid and ended up getting off with her after the club. I got her number and stored it incase the blind date the next night did not work out. Show up at the second date and get introduced to her cousin who was the barmaid from the night befor so it did not really go so well

 

[old.Whoodoo]

Aged 16:

At a m8s birthday party, way too many people turned up, trashing the house and getting very drunk. So Im getting it on with this rather tasty number called Carol, who was georgous but a little shall we say loose. So there I am in a room full of shagging teens, about to get busy with my fly half mast and her hand firmly where it should be, when her sister (my m8s GF) runs in annoucing that hes barfing carrot chunks in the room opposite. Being his best m8, I leg to the kitchen to grab a bucket, run back, chuck it in front of him and leg back to resume the proceedings....

Only to find a school m8 was "filling" in for me in my absense.

Aged 19:

Borrowed my dads Granada Ghia like, feeding this rather nice young (and heavily buxom) young tallent a length of gristle, when she puts her high heel through the passenger window. It was closed at the time.

My dad found it funny, I didnt find the bill so... but a good job me n dad are good m8s, the ex wife never found out!

Age 19 again:

Got married, on the night, there we are consumating the deed in a nice hotel, while listening and trying to outperform the couple next door, when their bed broke with a huge BANG! Pissed ourselves laughing so much the dude came round and banged on our door for 10 minutes threatening to do somethign involving a large stick and my posterior. The next morning we saw them in reception, trying to explain the damage, and I thumped the groom.

Aged 22:

Got caught doing the horizontal mumba by the cops, the nice female officer was also my mums next door neighbour. They chuckled about that one. Good job me and my mum are best m8s too, she helped pay for the divorce.

Theres more, but I cba to share em.

 

[Bugz]

I hope this was legal sex since you're only doing your gcse's... tut tut tut

Sue me :<

And Whoodo - married @ 19?

 

[old.Whoodoo]

Sue me :<

And Whoodo - married @ 19?

Divorced the byatch @ 21!

 

[Mikah75]

i've not met anyone of my standards yet

 

[Icatel]

Finish (feeling pretty good), walk straight to her mum's bedroom, walk in and get into bed with her...

Now tell me how you explain that one?

THAT. is a blinder...

I've had parents walk in with friends at the moment of her climax.. :england:

That was a fun explanation..

 

[Icatel]

(5) Its gotta be better than reading another fucking thread about Hasselhoff, Chuck Norris, or Mr T, all of which are lobotomised gay icons with huge egos.

Ego... is that what we call it now?

 

[Gamah]

Why marry and 19 then cheat on your wife till you eventually divorce?

seems a little prickish to me.

 

[Vladamir]

Not so much a sexor moment, but very well could've been.

New years eve party of this year. My mate's got a free house (massive may i add) and he's decided to have a party there. Me, my mate and his bird arrive their about 7.30 and take a look around and instantly we wonder if we should've gone somewhere else.

Armed with my bottle of vodka mixed with orange juice and my mates with their various drinks, we start necking to get the night underway as fast as possible. I think i managed to drink a 2L bottle of this 'mix' of mine in about an hour.

Anyway there was this girl there i vaguely knew from school and we got chatting. As i got more and more pissed as the night went on i started gaining my confidence as you do with alcohol .

Before i know it we've headed upstairs to find somewhere quiet. Close the door of a random room and teh smooching begins. Though a few minutes later the door opens, random head pops through the door. Turns out to be my mate who is absolutely off his face. I can recollect something along the lines of "youuuuuuu'll regreeeeeeeeeeet this tommorooooooooow morniiiing".

So we shrug it off, and head to another room. Why its the same kid popping his head around the door, saying the same thing!. This carried on throughout the night. It even got to the stage where he was going to start on me if i didn't leave her alone, despite the fact he's half my size and weedy as they come . Surprised i didn't lose it tbh, was so close to getting my leg over that night

 

[Thadius]

was so close to getting my leg over that night

Im sure Outlander help you get over the "pain"

 

[Lamp]

THAT. is a blinder...

I've had parents walk in with friends at the moment of her climax.. :england:

That was a fun explanation..

So you weren't with her then ?

 

[Gamah]

Not so much a sexor moment, but very well could've been.

New years eve party of this year. My mate's got a free house (massive may i add) and he's decided to have a party there. Me, my mate and his bird arrive their about 7.30 and take a look around and instantly we wonder if we should've gone somewhere else.

Armed with my bottle of vodka mixed with orange juice and my mates with their various drinks, we start necking to get the night underway as fast as possible. I think i managed to drink a 2L bottle of this 'mix' of mine in about an hour.

Anyway there was this girl there i vaguely knew from school and we got chatting. As i got more and more pissed as the night went on i started gaining my confidence as you do with alcohol .

Before i know it we've headed upstairs to find somewhere quiet. Close the door of a random room and teh smooching begins. Though a few minutes later the door opens, random head pops through the door. Turns out to be my mate who is absolutely off his face. I can recollect something along the lines of "youuuuuuu'll regreeeeeeeeeeet this tommorooooooooow morniiiing".

So we shrug it off, and head to another room. Why its the same kid popping his head around the door, saying the same thing!. This carried on throughout the night. It even got to the stage where he was going to start on me if i didn't leave her alone, despite the fact he's half my size and weedy as they come . Surprised i didn't lose it tbh, was so close to getting my leg over that night

haha that classic story xD

 

[Lamp]

How do two grossly overweight people shag ?

 

[Gamah]

How do two grossly overweight people shag ?

Once you get really fat you cant afaik. Although im guessing the best way is for the bloke to rest his stomach on the womens back and do it doggy style. Close so her leg fat doesn't get chance to flip back. lol

There was actually a program on it recently on Channel 4.

 

[crispy]

Not really a sex0r story, since I was FAR to drunk to perform...

Meet girl in The Music Factory in Sheffield (RIP...not that it was that good of a club tbh ) and head back to hers at the end of the night. She was living with her mother, so had to sneak in quietly and go upstairs without falling on my ass (which I managed).

Fall asleep pretty much straight away (sure she loved that ) but then wake up about an hour later with a slightly full bladder and make a mad dash to the toilet.

Finish (feeling pretty good), walk straight to her mum's bedroom, walk in and get into bed with her...

Now tell me how you explain that one?

I know a guy who instead of going on the toilet went in her parents closet so dont be too ashamed, of course he was quite drunk at the time ^_^

 

[Ging]

loads but ill tell @ london meet

 

[eggy]

Deleted the crap, keep the personal insults and whine to PMs please.

Carry on on-topic (in this off-topic thread!), don't want to have to close it.

 

[Ging]

hmm there was the time when eggy fell asleep so i wanked him off into jacobs snoring face...


..LD helped