dumped after five years

[TdC]

IMHO you're better off gay, just like the rest of the Freddyshouse regulars.

excuse me? I may wear pink spandex tops but I'm not gay. kindly go blow your rampant generalising out your ear.

Big G is being amazingly open and candid about his personal life in this thread, so make an effort and respect that and please try and express yourself in a manner that doesn't piss off the other 1800 active members.

as Big G has pointed out, he's feeling quite low and is using this thread to bounce thoughts off of the rest of us. some of those thoughts you may agree with and some you may not, but that doesn't give you free reign to insult everyone.

 

[Dweller]

It's a lot easier to say (or type) than do, but I think you need to put a bit of distance between the two of you for a while, figuratively speaking.

Alot of people at the start of this thread suggested having zero contact with her for a while, and whilst you may have done that initially, it reads like there have been quite a few phone calls from you to either her family or herself, since you broke up. And while it might seem like an eternity to you, it's only been 2 weeks since you posted this thread, and there have been how many phone calls in that time ?

See if you can get away for a weekend or something, or try and find a way to just stay out of contact, for at least a few days, if not a week or so, as it sounds like you're both getting confused over what you want because of the continued contact, and other pressures in both of your lives.

I'm not trying to suggest forgetting about her, during that time, as I doubt you can do that after 5 years together, but the only way you can be sure you definitely want to be with her and can make whatever changes are necessary, is to give yourself a bit of time to think and get some perspective, without the temptation to find out how she is every other day.

Also, with a few days between you, it will give you time to plan your next move, ie, what you might do to prove to her you can change. And it could give her that bit of space to work out what you mean to her and what place she wants you to hold in her life.

Just my 2 (or more like 10) cents.

 

[Calaen]

Agree with Dweller, mate already said it before, try and aviod contact even the calls.

 

[inqy]

I can see why G is doing this and there is some excellent advice coming from people (and a few not so good things), so that will do him good to hear this.

However I happen to think this is a very bad place to look to initially. This kind of thing should be discussed with a (or a few) very close friend(s). I don't personally know G, so anything I say is pretty generic. It's also possible some of things he posts he'll regret. Some of the posts a few pages in for example.

What I mean is until he knows how he feels and what he wants it would probably better to discuss this privately with friends he trusts and that understand him well and can offer advice based upon his current situation.

This is not because anything he has said has offended me or that I don't like what he has said just that I think a public forum may not be the best place for this. Potentially anyone could read this. Maybe that doesn't bother you G, maybe you feel close enough to a number of the people on FH that their opinion means alot to you, I don't know. Just offering more thoughts from my jumbled head too.

 

[old.user4556]

Yes, however friends/family also have prejudice, grudges and other opinions that have built up over the time that they have known us as a close couple for so long; so it's actually refreshing to get some alternative opinions on the situation. My mother has ground her axe about a couple of things which certainly didn't help. She basically said "i told you so", which was fuck all help.

 

[Insane]

My mother has ground her axe about a couple of things which certainly didn't help. She basically said "i told you so", which was fuck all help.

Mothers are always like that

<son> I lost my job because they closed the factory
<mother> I told you so, you should of worked harder at school
<son> I also got hit by another car on the way home
<mother> i told you so, you shouldnt have learnt to drive in that death trap on wheels
<son> im also gay
<mother> i told you so, no good women trying to take my son away from me

 

[JBP|]

She basically said "i told you so", which was fuck all help.

Which is hardly surprising considering that appears to be the last thing you want to hear and/or accept.


What you decide to do is entirley between you and your (ex) ladyfriend, however if you really think you can change into what appears to be the complete opposite of the person you have been for the last 12 months (allthough i suspect it to be closer to 25 years or whatever) then good luck to you both.


*I also reserve the right to say " I told you so" if it goes tits up again.

 

[Tom]

Never mind G. I still love you. Group hug!

 

[GDW]

Never mind a group hug, lets have a group wank

 

[moomin]

check out my avatar

always makes me hor.. happier!


HYPNO BJOOBIES

 

[Trem]

Anyone who slags off Big G is a fucking wank.

There fixed.

 

[Trem]

No wonder she dumped you, you just don't shut up about how great, clever, rich, wonderful etc you are.

Fucking wank.

 

[Bodhi]

I can see why G is doing this and there is some excellent advice coming from people (and a few not so good things), so that will do him good to hear this.

However I happen to think this is a very bad place to look to initially. This kind of thing should be discussed with a (or a few) very close friend(s). I don't personally know G, so anything I say is pretty generic. It's also possible some of things he posts he'll regret. Some of the posts a few pages in for example.

What I mean is until he knows how he feels and what he wants it would probably better to discuss this privately with friends he trusts and that understand him well and can offer advice based upon his current situation.

This is not because anything he has said has offended me or that I don't like what he has said just that I think a public forum may not be the best place for this. Potentially anyone could read this. Maybe that doesn't bother you G, maybe you feel close enough to a number of the people on FH that their opinion means alot to you, I don't know. Just offering more thoughts from my jumbled head too.

</obvious comment alert>

You fucking play DaoC ya wanker what the fuck do you know about women?



Ya fucking wank.

 

[TdC]

ok let's not try it on any more than this shall we?

 

[Tom]

Fucking hell TdC, they really got to you with this mod lark didn't they?

 

[inqy]

</obvious comment alert>

You fucking play DaoC ya wanker what the fuck do you know about women?



Ya fucking wank.

wrong. I got a life again now. I've also been with the BW crew a long time believe it or not, just went silent for a long while. yes thank daoc for that, curse it!

 

[Yoni]

I dont play DAOC, and I have been around here for many years, if I may give my very unbiased point of view?

From a very female point of view (to the chap who called us all gay.. lik OMG there are women who use this forum are we gay too ... I hope so!!) I think you have some big issues to resolve. I find your posts about your situation go from one extreme to another and that some of your ideals (your level of materialism for example) incomprehensible to me.

If I were you I would be exploring my own mind to understand why I am so materialistic. Do not get me wrong Big_G from what I remember you are nice eye candy but reading some of this that is as deep as it goes. Maybe that is the same for your ex.. you said she was pretty but without substance... perhaps she found that you were the same?

Now if I may defend JBP a little.. he isn't great with words but his heart is very much in the right place (and Trem he most definately is a Wanker, just like you and I are... I like to watch him!!).

I have to agree with him though when I look at your situation from the outside I would move a long and do some self discovery..I walked out on my husband after 7 years for very different reasons to you and although I didnt love him I missed the company and having someone around... doesn't mean it would ever have been right to go back to him.

 

[Trem]

(and Trem he most definately is a Wanker, just like you and I are... I like to watch him!!).

FS!! Was that you the other night then? I thought I saw someone at the window but just assumed it was my mum so carried on.


Seriously though.....I was very drunk last night when posting.

 

[GDW]

 

[bigbb]

I see no justification for this thread to enter an 11th page.

 

[Calaen]

Trem a/s/l?

 

[Trem]

47/little from column A, a little from column B/under your bed.

 

[GDW]

 

[Delboy]

The dreams and night time are the worst part.

I keep dreaming every night that we're still together, together in a perfect way although this was never the case. I can smell her, touch her, hold her. I can talk to her too, last night's dream we were laughing to one another that we had broken up and how silly it was. I was driving around in my car and her hair was blowing with the window down .... even though she hated that because it messed her hair up.

It hurts like a motherfucker because it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day and opens up all the wounds as if she had only just dumped me.

I was out in Edinburgh last night for the festival, there are certainly a lot of gorgeous women out there and in a sense it was great to be able to look or smile at someone again, i've not done this for five years so it was all quite new and exciting.

My experience is that it'll take 6 months to feel "human" again. Dialogue with close friends and perhaps new activities should mean that "thoughts about ex" become less frequent.

But it depends on what you want to do.

As an aside: I take it someone has already mentioned dancing classes? Dance schools are full of women. Salsa, funky Jazz etc...... Great way to pair up with folk for an introduction. Edinburgh appears to have a better dance learning scene than Glasgow, in particular the dance place in GrassMarket which is open during the weekend too.

 

[Mellow]

So basically Mr G, you gave her ultimatums to study harder, and then when she was trying to and going out to let off some steam with her friends you accused her of cheating all the time?

No wonder she went on holiday, shagged some random guy and dumped you. If you were that possessive when you weren't living together, how do you think the possessive meter would have increased if she had moved in with you?!

From your earlier bullet pointed list of problems with her, i'm surprised you lasted so many years. Plus have you ever realised that you chasing every girl you meet since being single is just a sign of you having some twisted desire to not be alone and be in control of someone. (usually someone a lot younger than you too!)

 

[leggy]

47/little from column A, a little from column B/under your bed.

What? Did I say you could leave my sex dungeon?

Put the wombat outfit on and get back in there!

I think another 5 years have passed since this thread was started. I'm pretty sure no single human needs this much advice

 

[old.user4556]

I only once gave her a hard time about studying, she just seemed to be pissing her time up the wall and didn't put in the effort that it was going to take - particulary after failing two subjects. I'm not a fucking mind reader, she should have told me something was grossly wrong way back then.

What was I supposed to say "yeah fuck uni and your future!! go get pissed!"?

Perhaps I did it the wrong way, I never intended malice in it. She always dreamed of the large house, the two kids etc and I just reminded her that if she wanted all that then she'd need to work hard to get it just like every other human being. That was all.

I only once accused her that something went on behind my back (last day of holiday), she just resented it when I used to call her the next day after a night out and said "did you have a nice time last night? good .... did you behave?" and that was it. In the past she has asked similar questions. I've never said "did you cheat on my last night?".

Now, i'm not saying it makes it ok, but i've never known a couple in my life that haven't been slightly insecure or asked inquisitive questions at times. I've been in night clubs, i'm a bloke, I know how men think.

 

[JBP|]

I walked out on my husband after 7 years for very different reasons to you and although I didnt love him I missed the company and having someone around... doesn't mean it would ever have been right to go back to him.

Once you've had some JBP| there is no going back (Just ask Starman :kissit: )

 

[old.user4556]

If I were you I would be exploring my own mind to understand why I am so materialistic. Do not get me wrong Big_G from what I remember you are nice eye candy but reading some of this that is as deep as it goes. Maybe that is the same for your ex.. you said she was pretty but without substance... perhaps she found that you were the same?

I think you're pretty spot on there, I think both of us are pretty material people. Part of my problem is probably to do with me thinking that's what she wanted, she's big into getting nails done and handbags n stuff - she models herself on a footballer's WAG and/or Girls Aloud, so I spent a good bit trying to fit into the sort of man I thought she wanted me to be. I got it completely wrong, she just resented what I was doing, thought I was rediculous spending whatever on a Gucci belt. I just wanted her to be proud of me and see that I took as much care in my appearance as she took in hers.

But alas, this is probably not what she wanted at all.

 

[FuzzyLogic]

All that money on nametags when this would have sufficed: