Dear Diary 1-5, Support Calls

Roo Stercogburn

Resident Freddy
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
4,486
Been getting asked to repost the Dear Diary stuff from BW now its closed. Added two new ones, one of which I did ages ago but had never got around to posting.

Also have added the Support Calls, which was my own favourite stupidity I'd done on BW. For those that don't know, someone had made a thread complaining about GOA and I pointed out they should be glad their fellow players weren't doing the support.

Aaaaaaaaaanyway. Here they all are:


Dear Diary 1


Monday
----------

Found a bottle of tequila lying around. Ok, it was in an off-license and I had to buy it to get it, thats not the point.

Logged in and joined a random group for RvR. Everyone stood around looking at me like they were expecting something so I stuck on someone and said AFK until they decided to go off and kill stuff. Then told everyone I was back. I love insta debuffs. Nobody can tell if you're AFK or casting because there's no animation associated with it.

Got very very drunk. Missed lots of PM's.

Tuesday
----------

Drinking a lot of orange juice. Memory had a few gaps here and there but nothing above my usual warning threshhold until I got a load of PM's asking when the relic raid is and got this horrible feeling I'd said something I shouldn't the night before. Sent out a few quiet feelers to some peeps I know and got told everyone is buzzing about the clever plan. Got to find out what that plan is and who has it without giving the game away.

Got a lot of PM's about missed PM's.

Got asked something difficult class specific. Said I don't play that class then

scrolled back and realised they were talking about SMs. Fortunately it was taken as a joke and got told what a great guy I was. PM'd someone who knows what they're doing and fed the information back to the requester. Got told I was a great guy again.

Wednesday
---------------

Cracked it. Arranged a meeting and asked peeps what they thought of 'The Plan'. Was gradually able to piece together the various bits and worked out what we're doing.

Sort of. Just need to find people I can offload all the real work onto. Oooh someone said they like siege stuff.

Missed some PM's.

Thursday
-----------

Damn those Mjollneir doors were tough. Took ages to get through. Fortunately no Albs showed up. Relics are bugged though, we couldn't pick them up. Have sent a bug report to Right Now. Albs are laughing at us on forums but I thought we did well to get that far.

Two guilds in alliance have fallen out and each has threatened to leave unless the other is booted. Started a CG and let them shout at each other for half an hour. Had no idea what to say to them so said nothing and went AFK. They worked it out themselves. Got told what a great guy I was.

Searching the internet for some kind of parser that will let me track missed PM's.

Friday
--------

Got beer. Joined an RvR-guild group. Didn't like this, had to actually do stuff.

Managed to convince them that the only reason I wasn't hitting the right target was because I thought the healer was about to be attacked. Late evening the healer did actually get attacked. Didn't like to say it was because I'd broken the mez on the guy that ended up attacking him but nobody seemed to have noticed. Fortunately because the enemy was hitting the healer I could nuke him to death. Got told what a great guy I was.

Was having trouble getting more beer. Usually buff stops are long enough for me to dive to the fridge but this bloody group just keeps going and only takes about 10 secs to buff. Ended up faking not having Long Wind 1 so they'd have to come back and get me periodically which gave me time to get beer.



Dear Diary 2



Monday
---------

Couldn't log on as ISP is down. Decided I'd tell everyone I was out chasing chicks so I'd look cool.

Sat at broken internet connection and pined a lot.


Tuesday
-----------

Alliance hunt to some dungeon or other. No idea what it was. Just logged on my caster as they can't hurt the main mobs there anyway so could I justify doing very little.

Finding that buffing during fights very effective for fooling people.

Got PM's about how to spec Shadowblades. Never played one, no idea.

Nobody believed I was out chasing chicks. Possibly mentioning Kylie snores stretched credibility slightly. Of course she wouldn't snore.


Wednesday
---------------

Hibs did a relic raid. Joined the Defence CG to see where I should stay away from. Everyone thought I was there to help. Ended up with 100 Mids stuck to me and chugging around the frontier. Had hoped to avoid the Hibs but we accidently bumped into them and had to fight. Found a nice safe place at the back where I could say encouraging things to my fellow Mids while they got on with it.

More PM's from SBs. Getting annoyed now. I don't know what speed of weapon best for offhand, don't care, and am never likely to care.


Thursday
------------

Some new guy has joined the guild. Knows a lot about game mechanics, lots of experience, has a good way with people and knows how to lead a hunt. He has to go.

Have added some more SBs to my ignore list.


Friday
--------

Got beer. Unwisely decided to do some RvR. We did a keep take then sat around waiting for the Albs but they never came. So we took another keep. Still no Albs. Another keep. No Albs. Sent someone to look for them and they were all sat outside Castle Sauvage. Found out on forums later they were looking for someone that knew the way.

Am tempted to reroll to another realm just so I can start killing SBs. Sent a strongly worded email to Mythic to have SBs removed from the game. Got a reply within minutes saying "We're already working on it."



Dear Diary 3


Monday
--------

Had a guild apply for alliance. Had no idea who they were but their GM said he'd loan me his bot account to PL my alts. Have recommended them to alliance as a group of outstanding players who are all well known to me. Quelled any fears that "R0xx0rFotmBoiz" would be anything less than a fine addition.

Someone got excited in hunt group when a mob dropped a BoC. Trying to find out what that is and why everyone was laughing.

Tuesday
---------

Runemaster lvl28 and climbing. Will carry on using bot while publicly decrying them, just like everyone else.

The new guild in alliance caused a problem on alliance chat. I told everyone I'd deal with it and sat back and waited to see if it would calm down by itself. It did. As usual.

Only references to BoC I can find are something to do with British Gas.


Wednesday
-----------------

Runie lvl35. Hmmz. This char can actually kill stuff. Not used to this. It might raise expections. I'll decide in a few levels if I really want to play this for RvR. However, it is exceedingly good at running away and this I do like.

New guild causing a lot of problems with other guilds. Will try to keep everyone calm til Runie at least lvl40 or so.

I think BoC might be something to do with Birth of Christ, but not sure how this affects loot drops. Maybe you're blessed if you actually get something you can use and it isn't nabbed by someone else first.


Thursday
-----------

Runie lvl39.

Went farming skrats as SM. Couldn't get any drops, all I kept getting was a bag of coins. Very frustrating.


Big argument on alliance hunt. Someone wanted to go to Tuscaran Glacier, someone wanted to go to Malmo. Didn't help when the hunt leader AFK'd for an hour. I did wonder why we were having the argument while trying to kill the Alb Prince in Darkness Falls, but I didn't want to get in front of the train.


Friday
----------

Runie lvl41. Good enough. Kicked R0xx0rFotmBoiz out of the alliance and told them the other guilds had voted on it. Told the alliance that R0xx0rFotmBoiz had decided to leave as we were too hardcore for them. Universally thanked for doing a great job but somewhat amazed people believe I think we're hardcore. Its like saying Bugs Bunny was a bass ass gangsta mofo.

Getting rid of the runie - too many people that can actually play this char and I'd get found out for being crap very fast.

Found out what BoC is. Another player asked on a hunt and someone told him while everyone laughed at him for not knowing. Naturally, I laughed too, and twice as hard of course.



Dear Diary 4


Monday
-------

Made the mistake of logging on while not anon. Can use anon to pretend I'm always busy. Never could figure out why players make all their alts sound the same, its too easy to find you to actually make you do something. If people ask why my chars don't sound the same I just tell them they do in the original Outer Mongolian.

Asked one of the officers to remember to pay the rent on the guildhouse.

Tuesday
---------

Some Himalayan smart arse that joined the guild started giving me grief about my char names. When I told him he smells of wet Yak and he wanted to know why I was coming on to him.

Reminded one of the officers to remember to pay the rent on the guildhouse.

Wednesday
-----------

Big argument on alliance chat. Apparently posting football results during a relic raid is a bit of a no-no. Was reluctant to admit I'd asked for someone to post the results when they came in. I removed the guy's AC access for a while so he couldn't see me publicly tutting and shaking my head in disgust then when it had all died down I re-enabled his access.

Bought a new guild house. Thats the fourth this month.

Considering RvR to get BP to pay for guildhouse rent. Examined alts to see which would get me groups with minimum of effort:
Healer - way too much effort, have to run at the front and pay attention.
Shaman - good opportunies here. Sadly specced cave so again, expected to do stuff
SM - erm... no. Just no. I thought Dark spec kept me safe from any expectations but apparently there are players that can actually kill with this. Foiled again.
Bonedancer - hmmm... possibly. Nah. Again, are expected to do stuff and watch out for infs. Way too much effort.


Thursday
---------

Inter-alliance meeting. Lots of people with too much time on their hands formed a CG to sort a few things out between alliances. Joined CG, AFK'd, and set a timed macro to randomly post in CG things like "Ah", "I see", "Good idea, who volunteers to follow that up?" and stuff like that. Parsed log afterwards for anything interesting. Apparently nobody is repairing relic keep doors. No shit sherlock.

Cracked the RvR thing. Will load healer or shaman and go do keep defences. I can stand somewhere safe, AFK and set a macro to randomly hit group heal. Good ol' lag excuse for healing at inappropriate times works a treat. Got that macro to run every 10th heal. Feels almost like I'm levelling again.

Friday
-------

Ah, raid night. Went to Tuscaran Glacier. Some bastard made me pull. So much for sticking on someone and AFK'ing the rest of the night like everyone else seems to do. Spent the night running like hell from stuff five times bigger than me hoping enough people were actually at their keyboards to get the agro. I hate Fridays.



Dear Diary 5


Monday
---------

Got a PM from someone deploying their first ram and wanted to know about best setup etc. I answered with "Place the shaft dead centre from right behind - you'll find it works best from that position. Make sure you get a good rythmn going and then just give it what-for."

Meantime I got a PM from a female player "I'm having trouble with my boyfriend and thought you might be able to help." and she got this response instead :/

She was sceptical when I followed with "MT".

Reputation in tatters, logged in depression.


Tuesday
--------

Got PM from previous female player. Thanked me for the best sex she'd ever had. Typical. I wasn't even there. She insisted on telling me how it went blow by blow, which as it turns out is also an unfortunate choice of words.


Wednesday
---------

Now her friends are messaging me for sex advice. They won't believe me when I tell them I've got absolutely no idea. Have to admit they're describing some things they'd like to try that I thought were physically possible. Used same approach as do at alliance meetings. AFK'd and set macro to randomly answer with stuff like "I agree", "I understand", "How do you feel about that?" etc.

Checked log afterwards, went to bed wearing boxing gloves.


Thursday
----------

DAoC not easiest game to play from cold shower. Logged on bonedancer so could use stick to press needed key.

Albs may have done a fairly limp relic raid tonight. Hard to tell. Don't think their ram deployment was very good, they didn't penetrate very far.


Friday
---------

Various boyfriends are PM'ing me now for advice. At least I think it was advice. I'm sure at least one was after something else. Pointed him at a fellow SM in guild with the sort of interest that David Attenborough shows gorilla mating rituals. He logged off shortly afterwards then I got a text message saying he was busy all weekend and wouldn't be online.




Support Calls
----------------

Be glad some of the players aren't doing your technical support.
Apologies in advance to all.

"Allo, GOA Technical Support, Jupitus speaking. Anything you say will be rhymed into a dodgy limerick and used against you in a kangaroo forum court."
"Er, my char is stuck, I need someone to get it out?"
"Got any beer?"
"Er, no..."
"So how do you actually expect to pay for this support?"
"Er, I pay my subs."
<sound of laughter down phone>
"Your fee you fool is not the thing,
That gets you help when me you ring,
To Asda, Tesco,
Or Spar in a truck,
And get me beer or char stays stuck!"
<confused click>


klavrynd:
"Allo, Goa Techni... ah feck this. Look, just feck off, I'm having a bad day. Again. And its probably your fault. So get lost."
<hurried fearful click>


"Allo, GOA Technical Support, you're speaking to Ayam, how can I help you?"
"MY PC locked up playing DAoC"
"Do you think these combats make my ass look big?"
"Er, I just want my game sorted."
"Look, just be honest."
"I WANT MY DAOC FIXED"
"Oh you're no use at all, go away little man."
<click>


"Allo N00b, GOA Technical Support, Soulfly waiting to pounce on your every word."
"Hi, I have a prob wi..."
"You're a noob aren't you?"
"Well I..."
"Go on admit it."
"Well actually.."
"Look, at least learn to play before wasting my time."
"Now see here!"
"Cry more. Next!"
<click>


"Hi, welcome to McDonalds, how can I be of service?"
"Hi Brannor, I can't get any support from GOA, wondered if you could help?"


"Allo, GOA Technical Support, Hrodelbert here. How can I help?"
"My char's inventory is messed up, "
"Got any icecream?"
"Um, no."
"Got any icecream?"
"No."
"Got any icecream?"
"NO."
"Got any icecream?"
"Look I don't have any frickin' icecream."
"Got any icecream?"
"GRR NO! Now stop saying that."
<pause>
"Pistachio?"
<Click>


"Greetings, GOA Technical Support, Danyan your support bot."
"Hi, I can't seem to log in."
"Fascinating."
"...er, yeh. Well anyway, I get past the first login box and CoC but it seems to stop there."
"That is illogical captain."
"Um, I'm not a captain."
"I'm going through the Pon Far just now, are you doing anything this evening?"
<fastest click in history>



"Allo, GOA Technical Support, Pudzy here. How can I help you?"
"Hi, I'm having a problem with my cabalist..."
"OOOH I don't have one of those yet. Can you hold the line a minute?"
"I guess..."
<An hour goes by>
<And another hour>
<A third hour goes past>
"Back. Sorry to keep you waiting, had a problem getting a group to help with epic. Now, what did you want to know about cabbies?"
"Sorry I meant to say my armsman.."
"OOOH, can you hold a..."
<click>


"Allo GOA Technical Support, Kirinia here. How can I help you?"
"My graphics seem jerky all the time, any ideas?"
"Ok, 2 things you have to do."
"Sure, fire away."
"First, you have to say 'KIRINIA IS TEH WIGGLE'"
"Um...ok."
"And second, KYRA ONLY GETS A MAN BY STUNNING HIM."
"Uh... KIRINIA IS TEH WIGGLE and KYRA ONLY GETS A MAN BY STUNNING HIM, now will you help me?"
<sounds of pen scratching away on a scorecard, cackling and a muffled "Har har, take that slut">
"So you help?"
"Thank you for calling, have a nice day."
"Bu..."
<click>

"GOA Technical Support. MUHAHAHAHAH(TM)"
"Oh piss off Roo, I wanted a real techie."
<click>

"GOA Technical Support, Kyra here, how can I help y'all?"
"Hi, I need to change my password."
"Ok, 2 things you have to do."
"Sure, fire away."
"First you have to say KYRA IS TEH WIGGLE"
"Uh..."
"And second, KIRI ISN'T A REAL BLOND AND THE GALPLEN TROLLBALL TEAM HAVE THE PROOF."
<Pause>
"Ok... KYRA IS TEH WIGGLE, KIRI ISN'T A REAL BLOND AND THE GALPLEN TROLLBALL TEAM HAVE THE PROOF."
<sounds of pen scratching away on a scorecard, cackling and a muffled "Heh hehe heh hee, take that Middytart">
"So about my password?"
"What, you still here? Oh just log in to Right Now. Have a nice day."
<click>


"GOA Technical Support MUH..."
<click>


"GOA Technical Support, bow before Durgi and explain why should I help you?"
"Hi... erm... don't you mean 'How can I help you?'"?
"No, I'm God's representitive here on Earth. I meant 'Why'."
"Hang on... I know your voice. Give me a sec..."
"Of course you know my voice. I'm a god."
"No.. Got it! You were in my therapy group!!!"
<Sounds of thud and people running, someone shouts 'MEDIC'>
<click>


"GOA Technical Support, Nicodemus here. How can I help you my friend?"
<sigh of relief from customer end>
"Thank heavens, a nice techie at last. One of my chars got deleted by accident, can you get it back for me?"
"I lied by the way."
"What?
"Its Roo. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(TM)"
<click>
 

Addlcove

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
520
great fun :)

bit disapointed there wasn´t a shaeffer tech call though :p
 

Cyradix

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
2,128
Addlcove said:
great fun :)

bit disapointed there wasn´t a shaeffer tech call though :p
The customer doesn't actually see all the /flexing while on the phone :D
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Since me and Roo are known to fight amongst eachother and with kittens, who beat the living snot out of us, and to plagiarise eachother more then there are CS mods...i decided i make a diary too. I did this on BW but as most of the work by Teh Seel, those files are now devoured by the evil gorgonzola.(HAIL! -G)

So, here's the diary of Teh Seel(regarding DAoC):

Monday:

Decided to try a game Roo was jumping on the walls about. Got it installed and downloading the patch now. Decided to look up on the game in the meanwhile, found a really cool character creator. Thinking about making a thane, those guys seem cool.

Tuesday:

Download finished. Evidently i need to register before i can play. The registering page is down so i decided to finish my thane template. Thinking about going full weapon/shield, stormcalling sounds a bit iffy.

Wednesday:

Pages still down. Getting rather annoyed. Tried to send a mail about it to Mythic, they directed me to GOA. GOA mail service down. Figures. Heard that thanes suck on the boards, looked up some specs and templates and shut the guy up with some odd jibberish.

Thursday:

Pages down. Can't play. Getting really annoyed. Made a macro to refresh the pages so i can get there faster. Also made a macro to download porn faster, forgot about DAoC for a moment.

Friday:

Started a new job to pay for a new monitor. Falling speed of a 17" monitor calculated at 4m/s.
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
Joined
Jan 23, 2004
Messages
45,210
Tasslehoff said:
My vote goes to Roo To be honest, but nice try seel :p
Oh no competition there, i'm not gonna challenge Roo in this area, i just make the unlisenced, ripoff series that are slightly fun to watch :p
 

Tasslehoff

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 28, 2003
Messages
1,925
Quote by Teh Seel :p
Oh no competition there, i'm not gonna challenge Roo in this area, i just make the unlisenced, ripoff series that are slightly fun to watch
Lol, ok. It was actually fun to read, just hard beating Roo :p
 

Tuppe

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
834
"Allo, GOA Technical Support, Pudzy here. How can I help you?"
"Hi, I'm having a problem with my cabalist..."
"OOOH I don't have one of those yet. Can you hold the line a minute?"
"I guess..."
<An hour goes by>
<And another hour>
<A third hour goes past>
"Back. Sorry to keep you waiting, had a problem getting a group to help with epic. Now, what did you want to know about cabbies?"
"Sorry I meant to say my armsman.."
"OOOH, can you hold a..."
<click>

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
lol and prolly true :D
 

klavrynd

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
336
I actually "loled" at some of those support calls roo

and i'm not that grumpy am i? :(
 

Lakih

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
1,637
ROFL

Roo... quit your dayjob, more funneh stories please.

:clap:
 

Roo Stercogburn

Resident Freddy
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
4,486
klavrynd said:
I actually "loled" at some of those support calls roo

and i'm not that grumpy am i? :(
/fluffle klav

Nah, just wouldn't want to bump into you in a dark alley. Erm, or a well lit one. Actually I'd be nervous in a boulevard at noon on midsummer's day with a full police escort and helicopter gunships. I just KNOW the last thing I'd hear would be 2 axes getting drawn and "Call me grumpy would ye?" :D
 

Ayam Ganbatte

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 15, 2004
Messages
54
Hey, my ass happens to be attached to me.

That's the only fixation I have on my ass.

---
And on the side, come to Lineage 2, Roo! ...because so far I've managed to convince noone and you're a wild stab in the dark!
 

Belsameth

Tainted
Joined
Dec 13, 2003
Messages
530
I forbid you to post any more tech calls, Roo!
now I have to clean up the mess for peeing my pants laughing :(

\o/ first class stuff! :D
 

Cami

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
Messages
836
Roo - this is class material, i hate you for making me laugh when im at work ;)
 

Takitothemacs

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 8, 2004
Messages
329
Cami said:
Roo - this is class material, i hate you for making me laugh when im at work ;)
same here... hard to remember to try to look professional while reading this stuff!
 

Roo Stercogburn

Resident Freddy
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
4,486
Ayam Ganbatte said:
And on the side, come to Lineage 2, Roo! ...because so far I've managed to convince noone and you're a wild stab in the dark!
Sadly not really playing any online games atm. Didn't get bored with DAoC, needed to get away from it for a while. Both ToA and Frontiers will be great :)

Will be April at the earliest before I can put any time into a game I think and not sure even then :)
 

Dook

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 19, 2004
Messages
460
Quite possibly the funniest and most inventive DAoC post I've ever read...

Class as always Roo ;>
 

Kyra

Longtime Songbird
Joined
Dec 24, 2003
Messages
194
Hehe forgot how funny those were! You sure you haven't been reading my diary Roo? :D

Oh and Shaeffer isn't the only one who flexes... I'm surprised Laka's arm hasn't fallen off by the times he's /flexed me
 

Roo Stercogburn

Resident Freddy
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
4,486
I'm so dead its untrue...

Did some more. Er. I'm dog tucker I think after this lot get posted. Once again, apologies in advance...


"Allo, GOA Technical Support, Rambo speaking"
"Hi, the game keeps blue screening when I zone into SI."
"One sec, I'll conference this call."
<click as someone comes on>
"Hi guys"
<Another click>
"Hi there!
<clicketty click>
"Helloooo"
<clicketty clicketty click>
"Hey all, so whats the problem?"
"Blue screen mate when I zone into SI"
"Guys, there's a babe at the coffee machine, I think we should go there."
"Are there enough of us?"
"Dunno. Hang on, I'll get some more."
<clickety..>
"Hey all"
<clickety..>
"Allo!"
<clickety...>
"Hey peeps"
"Surely enough of us now."
"Dunno. Constanze, you there?"
"Yes mate, and have I told you this morning how great I think you are yet?"
"Yes, but I am great, aren't I."
"WHAT ABOUT MY BLUE SCREEN PROBLEM!!!"
"Don't you take that tone with Rambo!"
"Thanks Constanze. Extra biscuit."
<Constanze coos>
"DONT ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY PROBLEM!"
"He's really sounding upset isn't he?"
"Yes, a bit unstable."
"Hmmm that lass has gone from the coffee machine."
"THATS IT I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"
<Click>
<pause>
"So. What do you want to do?"
"Well I need to pee."
"Need me to hold your penis for you Rambo?"
"That would be great."
"We can all help."
"You guys are the best."



"Allo GOA Technica....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
<Deep snoring noises>
"Oh balls, Zargar again."
<click>



"Allo GOA Technical Support, Teh Seel riveted to your every wordthing!"
"Hi there, I can't renew my subs, can you do it manually for me please?"
"Nothing is any problem to Seely."
"So you can do it then?"
"Teh Seel can do anything!"
"Um yeh, but can you sort this for me?"
"Is it pink?"
"What?"
"Or is it blue?"
"What the hell are you on about?"
"How can you expect Teh Seel to help you if you won't answer some basic questions!"
"But they don't make any sense!"
"Not to you, but to the highly trained mind of Teh Seel, they are what is needed to uncover the inner secrets of your little people problem."
"I don't have any people problems. Well, not until I spoke to you."
"Then Why are you hotlining to Teh Seel? And by the way, a carrot is orange and that is a wonderful thing."
"I need my subs sorted."
"No naval base here, you must have the wrong number. Good day little confused pink or blue person."
<click>



"Allo GOA Technical Support, Sycho here lol"
"Um, why did you say lol?"
"I didn't, I laughed out loud."
"No you didn't, you said EL OH EL."
"LOL"
"You did it again!"
"No I didn't."
"You did, I just heard you say LOL again."
"I just laughed out loud, I'm a happy chappy support person supporting your needs."
"Um ok, well, I don't get any sound in dungeons."
"LOL"
<click>


"Allo GOA Technical Support, Shaeffer flexing mightily for you."
"Why is a Chauffeur doing technical support?"
"No, not a Chauffeur, its Shaeffer."
"Ah, sorry Shuffler. Anyway. I can't log in, is there a problem with my account?"
"You mean you didn't call to say you love me? And its Shaeffer by the way."
"Why would I call to say I love you? I don't love you. I just want my account sorted."
"You mean you don't love me any more?"
"What are you dribbling on about? I've never loved you."
"IT WAS ALL A SHAM! ALL THIS TIME YOU NEVER EVEN LOVED ME?"
"Look Sheepherder, I have no idea what you are talking about."
"ITS ALL LIES LIES LIES! THATS IT, I'M DELETING HERE AND GOING TO WORK FOR SONY!! AND ITS FECKING S H A E F F E R!!!"
<click>
 

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