leviathane
Part of the furniture
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2003
- Messages
- 7,704
[Contains offensive material] Sick joke contest #57!
- Thread starter Ezteq
- Start date
Just for you tris- not a joke, and not for anyone eating dinner ;p
I love to open your mouth and shit down your throat, then get you to bring it back up and spit it into my mouth, I then would like you to wank into my mouth mixing the nice warm shit with your fresh hot cum. I would then swill it around and force your mouth open before spitting it back down your throat getting it all over your face and licking the dribble off your chin
Overdriven
Dumpster Fire of The South
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2004
- Messages
- 12,850
Gamah, that made me hungry 
Everz
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2004
- Messages
- 13,685
Rescuers in Pakistan have this morning confirmed that the number of dead so far is over 30,000 people and is still rising..........they will attempt to enter a third house this afternoon
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Ever hear of the Gary Glitter burger?
It's 60 year old meat in ten year old buns
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Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile
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Why is a Black mans eyes always red after sex?
From the mace
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How do you blindfold a chinese person?
Dental floss
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Whats the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
Acne doesn't come on a boys face untill after hes thirteen.
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What do you call an ethiopian with buck teeth?
A rake.
Anymore?
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Ever hear of the Gary Glitter burger?
It's 60 year old meat in ten year old buns
----------------------------------------------------
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
----------------------------------------------------
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile
----------------------------------------------------
Why is a Black mans eyes always red after sex?
From the mace
----------------------------------------------------
How do you blindfold a chinese person?
Dental floss
----------------------------------------------------
Whats the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
Acne doesn't come on a boys face untill after hes thirteen.
-----------------------------------------------------
What do you call an ethiopian with buck teeth?
A rake.
Anymore?
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are gone. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you stick it in a disabled one
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Heres a couple of chat up lines that will ensure success with the ladies:
1) 'Don't let this rape turn into a murder'
2) "Do you fancy going halves on a bastard?"
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Whats the odd one out ??
A: Washing Machine
B: Toaster
C: Woman
D: Freezer
B Toaster - It's the only one that doesn't leak when it's fucked
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Just been to my first Muslim birthday party.
The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick
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Heres a couple of chat up lines that will ensure success with the ladies:
1) 'Don't let this rape turn into a murder'
2) "Do you fancy going halves on a bastard?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whats the odd one out ??
A: Washing Machine
B: Toaster
C: Woman
D: Freezer
B Toaster - It's the only one that doesn't leak when it's fucked
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just been to my first Muslim birthday party.
The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick
Ctuchik
FH is my second home
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2003
- Messages
- 10,475
i don't get thoseThese are quite bad so i'll spoiler them incase you don't want to see
Theres a new car on the market, apparently you won't even know your children are in the back. They're calling it the Renault McCann.
Whats the difference between the pope and Maddy McCann?
The Pope died a virgin
1. What do you tell a woman who's got a black eye? -- Nothing. She's been told once already.
2. What do you do if you see a bloody black man running in your backyard? -- Stop laughing and shoot again.
3. The difference between Santa Claus and a jew? -- Santa goes down the chimney.
4. A woman in a hospital was giving birth to her first child. The labour took several painful hours. Then it was time for the last push. "Push, push!", yelled the midwife. The woman pushed with all she had left in her.
When it was finally over, the midwife took the child, gave it a good look, took it by the legs and bashed it's head against the wall. The woman was in shock -- "Oh my God! Oh my God! What've you done?! You killed my child! You murderer!"
The midwife grinned -- "Aw! You should've see yer face! The child was stillborn."
Yours,
GRN
2. What do you do if you see a bloody black man running in your backyard? -- Stop laughing and shoot again.
3. The difference between Santa Claus and a jew? -- Santa goes down the chimney.
4. A woman in a hospital was giving birth to her first child. The labour took several painful hours. Then it was time for the last push. "Push, push!", yelled the midwife. The woman pushed with all she had left in her.
When it was finally over, the midwife took the child, gave it a good look, took it by the legs and bashed it's head against the wall. The woman was in shock -- "Oh my God! Oh my God! What've you done?! You killed my child! You murderer!"
The midwife grinned -- "Aw! You should've see yer face! The child was stillborn."
Yours,
GRN
Just remembered a few more.
1. What do you feel when you see a black man in distress at sea through a scope? -- The recoil.
2. What is more fun than throwing a newborn off a cliff? -- Being at the bottom hearing it come down.
3. How do you fit 100 babies into a phonebooth? -- Through a blender.
4. How do you get them out? -- Through a straw.
5. Why do you drive a newborn through a blender feet first? -- To see it's face.
Yours,
GRN
1. What do you feel when you see a black man in distress at sea through a scope? -- The recoil.
2. What is more fun than throwing a newborn off a cliff? -- Being at the bottom hearing it come down.
3. How do you fit 100 babies into a phonebooth? -- Through a blender.
4. How do you get them out? -- Through a straw.
5. Why do you drive a newborn through a blender feet first? -- To see it's face.
Yours,
GRN
AhoyHoy
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2004
- Messages
- 429
half of these are not as bad as you guys like to make out. unless im just too desensitized to everything. i want the hardest of hardcore
Same for me, too many years of reading 4chan has entirely desensitised me to anything people would deem to be un-PC or racist, and I happen to be Jewish myself.
Better luck next time.
AhoyHoy
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2004
- Messages
- 429
Thanks, shall I turn the oven on for you?
Azurus
Can't get enough of FH
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2005
- Messages
- 1,263
Wingnut
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2006
- Messages
- 28
Owned
I bet it's my fucking oven you Jews would be to stingy to pay for the gas!
I am so very sorry for this, but this joke could be considered to be sick by some.
It's quite long, so you might want to skip it if you only like it short.
Flame on.
Yours,
GRN
It's quite long, so you might want to skip it if you only like it short.
A finn, a swede and a norwegian were on a flight accross the Atlantic when suddenly an engine caught on fire.
"This is your captain speaking. We are experiencing some technical difficulties and were forced to shut down engine number one. Fortunately we still have three engines left. UNfortunately, we do have to lighten the payload so we are dumping the luggage. The airline will ofcourse fully compensate all your material losses."
The passangers were somewhat startled, but remained calm, because everything they knew everything they lost would be compensated and the flight continued like it was business as usual.
Then another engine broke down.
Again, the voice of the captain was heard through the speaker; "This is your captain speaking. Unfortunately, the technical difficulties are persistant and we have had to shut down another engine." And after a brief silence -- "We also have a difficult decision to make: one of you, the passangers has to be discarded, as we are too heavy to make it safely to the airport."
Again, after another pause, the captain continued: "We do, however, have water, a parachute, lifeboat, air jacket and a GPS-tracking-device, so the person volunteering will have a good chance of surviving the ordeal."
The passangers were shocked and started to glance at each other -- who would it be, and would he or she be voluntary?
A man stood up and walked to the flight attendant -- "I'll do it. I'll jump. I am an U.S. Navy SEAL, am the only one here with the proper training and have survived much worse."
The passangers and crew cheered the man, who then jumped out shouting "LONG LIVE DEMOCRACY!"
The flight continued.
After a while, the plane flew into a flock of birds, of which one hit an engine causing it to burst into flames.
"This is your captain speaking", a grave voice announced, "We have had to shut down yet another engine. We now have only one engine."
"We still have a chance to make it, though, but again we must lighten the ballast. So, we have to ask one of the passangers to gamble with their life once again. We do have a parachute and water, alas we do not have another lifeboat or a GPS-tracking-device, but the chances of being rescued are still good."
Not a word was whispered among the passangers and crew. It was dead silent -- until a chinese man stood up: "I am Hong Wai Kim! I will sacrifice myself for the benefit of other people!"
Everyone stood and silently saluted as brave Hong Wai Kim put on his parachute and stepped into the door.
"LONG LIVE THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA! LONG LIVE COMMUNISM!" He shouted as he jumped out the plane.
The mood was tense, but the flight went on.
After a hour of silence, only thirty minutes from the shore, the passangers felt a thump and saw flames from the windows. Then their greates fear came to be -- the captain's voice on the speaker once again.
"We are so close! So very close! We can make it, but we need one more brave person to make the ultimate sacrifice -- we don't have anything to give. Not a parachute. No water. No GPS. No nothing. I am so sorry but there is no chance of being rescued or even surviving the fall."
Without a second thought, the finn and norwegian looked at each other and threw out the swede, shouting "LONG LIVE SCANDINAVIAN TEAMWORK!"
"This is your captain speaking. We are experiencing some technical difficulties and were forced to shut down engine number one. Fortunately we still have three engines left. UNfortunately, we do have to lighten the payload so we are dumping the luggage. The airline will ofcourse fully compensate all your material losses."
The passangers were somewhat startled, but remained calm, because everything they knew everything they lost would be compensated and the flight continued like it was business as usual.
Then another engine broke down.
Again, the voice of the captain was heard through the speaker; "This is your captain speaking. Unfortunately, the technical difficulties are persistant and we have had to shut down another engine." And after a brief silence -- "We also have a difficult decision to make: one of you, the passangers has to be discarded, as we are too heavy to make it safely to the airport."
Again, after another pause, the captain continued: "We do, however, have water, a parachute, lifeboat, air jacket and a GPS-tracking-device, so the person volunteering will have a good chance of surviving the ordeal."
The passangers were shocked and started to glance at each other -- who would it be, and would he or she be voluntary?
A man stood up and walked to the flight attendant -- "I'll do it. I'll jump. I am an U.S. Navy SEAL, am the only one here with the proper training and have survived much worse."
The passangers and crew cheered the man, who then jumped out shouting "LONG LIVE DEMOCRACY!"
The flight continued.
After a while, the plane flew into a flock of birds, of which one hit an engine causing it to burst into flames.
"This is your captain speaking", a grave voice announced, "We have had to shut down yet another engine. We now have only one engine."
"We still have a chance to make it, though, but again we must lighten the ballast. So, we have to ask one of the passangers to gamble with their life once again. We do have a parachute and water, alas we do not have another lifeboat or a GPS-tracking-device, but the chances of being rescued are still good."
Not a word was whispered among the passangers and crew. It was dead silent -- until a chinese man stood up: "I am Hong Wai Kim! I will sacrifice myself for the benefit of other people!"
Everyone stood and silently saluted as brave Hong Wai Kim put on his parachute and stepped into the door.
"LONG LIVE THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA! LONG LIVE COMMUNISM!" He shouted as he jumped out the plane.
The mood was tense, but the flight went on.
After a hour of silence, only thirty minutes from the shore, the passangers felt a thump and saw flames from the windows. Then their greates fear came to be -- the captain's voice on the speaker once again.
"We are so close! So very close! We can make it, but we need one more brave person to make the ultimate sacrifice -- we don't have anything to give. Not a parachute. No water. No GPS. No nothing. I am so sorry but there is no chance of being rescued or even surviving the fall."
Without a second thought, the finn and norwegian looked at each other and threw out the swede, shouting "LONG LIVE SCANDINAVIAN TEAMWORK!"
Yours,
GRN
Commandment
Fledgling Freddie
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2004
- Messages
- 973
that was pro xD
Whats the difference between a dead cat and a dead knacker lying on the road?
There is skidmarks before the knacker
(handy joke because the *knacker* can be changed to anything depending on situtation
there is a few different versions as you might imagine but ill probley get stabbed thru my screen if i was to type them^^