Complaints to a local council

T

tisme

Guest
Genuine complaints received by local councils..>>>......

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age Pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but still have no satisfaction.


P.S. I didnt write any of them
 
F

FeraMcFlurry

Guest
Originally posted by tisme
Genuine complaints received by local councils..>>>......

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age Pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but still have no satisfaction.
lol :clap:
 
A

Ala

Guest
:ROFLMAO:

People are so lame and funneh at the same time! woohoo!

Hi Tissy!
/waves
 
L

loxleyhood

Guest
I love how Tisme suddenly appears when Salty gets banned. :)
 
E

Ekydus

Guest
You should read the FBI top 20 deaths if you think this was funny. :p
 
B

BlitheringIdiot

Guest
Tisme, you're one of those people who reads chain mails arent you? :p
 
O

old.Dillinja

Guest
Old. Read this on general before dinosaurs were invented.
 
T

tisme

Guest
Originally posted by BlitheringIdiot
Tisme, you're one of those people who reads chain mails arent you? :p

Never read a chain letter yet :p
I get sent a load of stuff from my nephew ... and i like to share :)
 
T

tisme

Guest
Originally posted by k9awya
they arent :/

hmm not much i can say about that...oh apart from....do u have a sense of humour ??
 
K

k9awya

Guest
i have a great sense of humour tisme, i will laugh if something is funny

this thing is a bit lame though sorry, not a touch on the crabs
 
W

Whisperess

Guest
Originally posted by tisme
hmm not much i can say about that...oh apart from....do u have a sense of humour ??
I put k9 on ignore list, this section just became a lot better ;)
 
S

Sharma

Guest
Originally posted by tisme

Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.


:ROFLMAO:

Oh the mental images. :D
 
A

Ala

Guest
Originally posted by Whisperess
I put k9 on ignore list, this section just became a lot better ;)

Omg that's fantastic :D No more flashy annoying avatar, no more incessant drivel from the king of drivel! Thanks for sharing that Whisp, had forgotton that option was only a mere click away :)
 
T

Telamon

Guest
Re: Re: Complaints to a local council

Originally posted by Sharma
:ROFLMAO:

Oh the mental images. :D

Aye :) .. was a crack
Have to pour over some old stuff similar to this.
Makes life worthwhile for a second or two *smirk*
 
T

Telamon

Guest
Originally posted by k9awya
i have a great sense of humour tisme, i will laugh if something is funny

this thing is a bit lame though sorry, not a touch on the crabs

Stfu :)
if you don't like it click 'Next Thread' and get out of my life ;)
 
T

tisme

Guest
Originally posted by Telamon
Stfu :)
if you don't like it click 'Next Thread' and get out of my life ;)

Well put :clap:

hmmm wot was that u said Whisperess ?
Oh yeah K9 on ignore list best bit of advice i've heard yet :)
 

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