Adult Limericks.

[Wilier]

Hope I dont get into trouble for these. :uhoh:

There once was a girl from Nantucket
whose pussy was big as a bucket
I put my dick in
and said with a grin
I'm gonna need a fence post to fuck it


A spiritual healer named Lee
Ducked into the alley to pee
He pissed in the eye
Of this blind homeless guy
Who screamed "Holy shit! I can see!


There was a young man from Lainus
Who emitted an odor quite heinous
As people passed by
Many started to cry
Turns out there’s a leak in his anus


They switched to the topic of sex,
which left them both quickly perplexed
'cause she was still virgin,
and and he stunk like sturgeon,
and both were as old as a t-rex.


A bloke by the name of Osama,
Was fucking a big hairy llama,
He then piped its head,
'til the poor beast was dead,
then asked for some oil to enbalm her


One evening I went for some beer
I drank much, had many a cheer
I woke up in a daze,
Couldn’t speak a straight phrase
And I smelled of southern-fried deer

 

[Ch3tan]

Hee hee, ban TBH

I'd post some, but I can never remember them, and I really can't be bothered to google.

 

[doh_boy]

When I get home I'll find my 'bumper book of limericks' which has a chapter for such occasions

 

[Rubric]

For the good of your own health,
You should make them up yourself,
But two things for sure,
It wont be a bore,
And it wont add to your wealth.

 

[Jupitus]

There was a young lady from Crewe,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
she said, with a grin,
'if they fight to get in',
'they can fight to get out of it too!'

And no... I'm not getting into a rude limerick contest, no way!

 

[Wilier]

OK, so its not a contest, but my personal favorite is.......


There was a young vampire called Mable
Who's periods were very unstable
So every full moon
She took out a spoon
And drunk herself under the table

 

[Rubric]

Originally posted by Wilier
OK, so its not a contest, but my personal favorite is.......


There was a young vampire called Mable
Who's periods were very unstable
So every full moon
She took out a spoon
And drunk herself under the table

But remember that Mable,
She did come with a label,
So at the full moon,
You'd avoid the loon,
And it became a fable.

 

[leggy]

Originally posted by Rubric
But remember that Mable,
She did come with a label,
So at the full moon,
You'd avoid the loon,
And it became a fable.

:/

There is a syllable rule for limericks.

This does not fit it

 

[Rubric]

Originally posted by leggy
:/

There is a syllable rule for limericks.

This does not fit it

7
7
5
5
7

Seems to work for me.

But remember that Mable,
1 3 1 2 Total 7
She did come with a label,
1 1 1 1 1 2 Total 7
So at the full moon,
1 1 1 1 1 Total 5
You'd avoid the loon,
1 2 1 1 Total 5
And it became a fable.
1 1 2 1 2 Total 7.

 

[Munkey-]

Its not really the syllable rule i think he means. Its just that "mable" ends the first line off on too high a note rather than a low one.

 

[Ch3tan]

Originally posted by Rubric

But remember that Mable,
1 3 1 Total 7

Nice math there.

 

[Rubric]

Originally posted by Ch3tan
Nice math there.

Oops. Duly edited.

 

[bids]

Mary had a little skirt
with splits all down the sides
and everytime that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
with splits right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often.

I know it's not a Limerick, but funny though.

 

[mookie]

Originally posted by bids
Mary had a little skirt
with splits all down the sides
and everytime that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
with splits right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often.

I know it's not a Limerick, but funny though.

i laughed more at that one than i did any of the rest. but then i'm childish.

boobies. tee hee.

 

[Ch3tan]

/me sends mookie to sit through a basic anatomy video.

 

[mookie]

fs ch3t. i *know* what it is

boobies was an unrelated outburst.

 

[Mr^B]

"For the good of your own health,
You should make them up yourself,
But two things for sure,
It wont be a bore,
And it wont add to your wealth."

Doesn't work.

"But remember that Mable,
She did come with a label,
So at the full moon,
You'd avoid the loon,
And it became a fable. "

Doesn't work either, unless you hack it about a bit:

"But remember that poor girl called Mable,
She certainly came with a label
So at the full moon
You'd best avoid the damn loon
And soon it became a strange fable."

...and it's still utterly shit, even fitting the limerick pattern correctly.

Honestly...what DO they teach kids about in school these days?



I would come up with one about Rubric, but:

a) fuck all rhymes with Rubric (apart from prick - and I don't want to start a flame-war)
b) I CBA



So instead, 3 of my favourites:

There was a young man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
he was heard to alude
(if I may be so crude)
"If my ear was a [edit]vulgar; female genitals[/edit] I would fuck it"

A plucky young lady from Crewe
remarked as the Vicar withdrew
"The Bishop was quicker
and slicker and thicker
and two inches longer than you"

A plucky young lass from Coleshill
tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina
In North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil

 

[Tom]

Continue this:

There was a young man named Willier....

 

[Ch3tan]

Originally posted by mookie
fs ch3t. i *know* what it is

boobies was an unrelated outburst.

I realise that, but it was still an easy opportunity, and if I hadnt done it someone else owuld have

 

[leggy]

Originally posted by bids
Mary had a little skirt
with splits all down the sides
and everytime that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
with splits right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often.

I know it's not a Limerick, but funny though.

Excellent. I told my work mates that and passed it off as my own doing








They had heard it before

 

[Scouse]

Originally posted by Tom.
Continue this:

There was a young man named Willier....

Awww tom. No-one wants to play your game


Bless

 

[Wilier]

Originally posted by Tom.
Continue this:

There was a young man named Willier....

Who said "Tom, Im gonna have to kill ya"........

 

[GDW]

....so he pulled out his cock...

 

[kameleon]

" so he got out a knife,
to end young Toms life....

 

[kameleon]

Originally posted by GDW
....so he pulled out his cock...

To Give Tom a shock

 

[Jonaldo]

Alison Limerick is an adult if I recall correctly.

 

[Tom]

And said "This beast is sure gonna fill ya"

 

[Wilier]

 

[Jonaldo]

Originally posted by Rubric
7
7
5
5
7

Whoever told you this was the syllable rule for limericks doesn't know how to write limericks.

First line is always 8 or 9 syllables for a start..
For instance.

There was a young lady from Ealing = 9
Who had a peculiar feeling = 9
etc etc
Your rule is way off the mark

 

[-fus-]

Whats a Shitzu?































A zoo with no animals. *groan*

I know it's not a rhyme, but i don't give a fuck.