Zompocalypse!!!!1!!!12!!!

[Rubric]

Rubric : Someone has already rented it. There is the entire Night of the Living Dead series on the shelf. And some popcorn. Awesome.

The staff behind the counter are looking a bit hungry, though they appear to be unable to get out from behind the tills.

As they are so hungry i open some of the bags of popcorn and start throwing the toffe encrusted puffs of delight at there heads. They don't seem to bothered and just continue moaning at me.

Having seen everything they have available on the shelves thanks to my lovefilm.com subscription i think i'll help myself to a ps3 and xbox 360 and a few games and head back to the house. It's gotta blow over soon i think. I head back outside to find a mob of about 5 or six zombies outside my car. They musta heard me coming as they turn and start to shuffle towards me. I chuch the 360 at on of there heads but it seems to have no affect. I then lob the ps3 at another. Direct hit again but this time the head comes clean off. Must be because the PS3 comes with everything i need in the box unlike the 360. I turn tail and flee the scene. Im now on foot with no idea what to do next.

 

[soze]

Get orf my land soze! Thats my plan!!

Gimme a lift then ill bring my PSP? Plus im a crack shot at Land of Dead at Clacton Arcades i might come in handy?

 

[MYstIC G]

I'm armed with an ak, which there seem to be lots of in the mosque, a grenade, various knives of which the rude boys who were praying at the time seem to have lots of, and a hook which came off some dead preachers hand....

I have been shouting rallying cries to boost moral, but not actually helping the frontline defense... Suddenly they all turn around and tell me to hold the entrance and go to pray. Fuck this I think and make a run for it, lobbing the grenade to clear a path. I turn south down the a23, croydon town center is a quarter of a mile away and there is a lidl and fitness first 1 minute down the road. I can hear sounds of battle from the town center -it seems all the chavs, gangsters and drug dealers have got their guns out. After a 100 yards I am in the middle of a pitched battle between chavs and zombies, no one seems to be winning. I am mugged 4 times before I make it to the fitness first, and have had all my weapons stolen.....

Follow Chet's progress live! (brought to you by Google Maps)

 

[haarewin]

haarewin : As he is trying to argue with you, a zombie smashes the window, and drags your brother out. While they are distracted by eating him, you manage to get clear of the car, and run into the petrol station shop. You put the ice cream freezer in from of the door, but you can't find any way of locking the door properly.

There isn't a guy behind the counter so I climb over and grab a bunch of lighters, matches and some lighter fluid.
One of the zombies knocks some of the petrol pumps out and petrol starts going everywhere on the forecourt.
I couldn't set it on fire because I'd be risking blowing myself up. Desperately looking for an escape route I knock a switch and set the car wash going, and the noise draws the zombies towards it, away from the car and the forecourt.
Making a run for it, I jump into the car and turn on the engine. I try to light a few matches to throw into the puddle of petrol while I drive off, but I stall and the zombies head towards me much faster than they have before me. Grabbing one of the cans of lighter fluid, I spray it out the window and throw a few lit matches into the stream, setting 2 zombies on fire. I manage to get the engine going and drive away, and the zombies wander about on the forecourt and as I get past Burger King, I hear a massive explosion.
On my own with no idea where to go, I decide to drive towards the motorway, hoping I can escape somewhere.

 

[TdC]

taking over from Will to give him a bit of a break, so you're dealing with me now

wow i wake up and switch my computer on and check the news as you do, read the alert, I grab my bag and fill it with food and drink and head out the door on to a quite town street.

The street does indeed seem quiet for the time being. There are several crashed cars visible and there seems to be a large fire in a distant building. Besides that, there is no sight or sound of anything unnatural.

We finish stocking up the cars, but my flatmate comes running at us looking very pale, hes says hes fine but I think he may have been bittin , hes clothings have been torn, I hope hes going to be ok, I decide to drive his estate and he can drive my astra and I put my mate and his mum in with me just in case. As we drive past the other side of the building we see the Zombies begining to make there way through the first door to my flat. Onwards to the Golf Club.

Driving flat out down the road, you see a massive pile up of crashed cars and a lorry blocking the intersection. As you slow to assess the situation, your flatmate rams the astra into the back of the car you're driving. You have a sudden sensation of someone throwing a bucket of warm milk at the back of your head, and realize it's either your mate or his mum that's now soaking through your jacket as the car tips over and rolls. You black out briefly.

i charge full force at the zombie and pin it up against the wall, but i cant hold him forever. i throw the bottle of rum at it, which smashes allowing the contents to cover it. then i light the zippo and chuck at it. disorientated from the flames surrounding its body, i manage to ram the trolley at it a few more times. its sort of wriggling about on the floor now, and i avenge hambo and slice the head right off the zombie.
hambo looks pretty fucked up, i do the humane thing and decapitate him, his head rolls violently across the hall and ends up next to the zombie head. i spot the zippo next to the smoldering corpse and retrieve it.
after a few minutess of fumbling with the keys, i manage to unlock the managers office. its a fairly large square room, and has CCTV monitors. there doesnt appear to be anyone in here, so i lock the door behind me and search around the office.

in the office you find no food, but you do find several old FHM's and a crusty old penthouse magazine from 1989. There is a cold, half finished cup of coffee that smells like decaf, and on one of the CCTV monitors you notice movement.

I have a look out of the window and realise my plan of driving to a more secure location isn't going to work, the roads are littered with cars blocking the way, it's time to break out the motorbike from the garage, I suit up, open the door and make a dash for the garage.

You make the garage easy, but while you're there fumbling with the bike's cover you see a shadow at the back door and hear a groaning / gurgling sound. Will your bike start right off, or do you run for it?

I wake up and decide today is as good a day as any to chuck one over my thumb.

I then cover myself in petrol soaked sheets, ignite it and run at the nearest flock of birds trying to singe as many as possible.

If I am still alive I chat up the nearest female zombie, at least I can take her tits with me.

The nearest female zombie is your 78 year old neighbor with the ill-fitting dentures, slowly shambling towards you as you pick yourself up off the street where you collapsed under the burning sheets. Lucky for you the flames died out quickly, and no birds were harmed and have happily gone back to eating your grass seeds. You decide against the old lady zombie and sprint down the street, trying to ignore the fact that you are naked, and also the chafing from the fact that all your pubes, under-arm hair and buttock hair have been burned off in the fire. Your german-pornstar moustache is still intact though.

I settle down for the night in my canoe, anchored just off the northern coast.

In the morning, I move off with the intention of getting to the army base at Barrybuddon. Being that I am already adept at avoiding groups of youths after years of living near Livingston, I slowly hike my way north, staying away from towns and villages.

I spot Kinross House in the distance, and head towards it hoping to replenish my food stocks and perhaps find a coal bunker to sleep in for the night.

You reach the house grounds, but while having a mild panic attack in a handy bush, you see several undead roaming the lawns, and some shadows in the windows.

Get orf my land soze! Thats my plan!!

you actually team up with Soze, and stand together discussing your options briefly, before hearing the now-familiar sound of a closing in group of undead. You look at each other, and try to work out what to do...

you are now a team with Soze. if one of you dies, you are both dead!

As they are so hungry i open some of the bags of popcorn and start throwing the toffe encrusted puffs of delight at there heads. They don't seem to bothered and just continue moaning at me.

Having seen everything they have available on the shelves thanks to my lovefilm.com subscription i think i'll help myself to a ps3 and xbox 360 and a few games and head back to the house. It's gotta blow over soon i think. I head back outside to find a mob of about 5 or six zombies outside my car. They musta heard me coming as they turn and start to shuffle towards me. I chuch the 360 at on of there heads but it seems to have no affect. I then lob the ps3 at another. Direct hit again but this time the head comes clean off. Must be because the PS3 comes with everything i need in the box unlike the 360. I turn tail and flee the scene. Im now on foot with no idea what to do next.

The group of zombies you agitated seem to be in hot pursuit. You sprint down the road but become winded very quickly. Leaning against a fence panting heavily, you mentally curse your flab and years of inactivity playing computer games, and a diet made up almost entirely of pita bread and various forms of goat meat isn't helping either. You are nearly back to normal again when you hear a sound you've not yet heard before from the block of flats behind you on the left somewhere. Looking up you can just make out a zombie standing on the edge of the roof through the gathering murk.

 

[TdC]

There isn't a guy behind the counter so I climb over and grab a bunch of lighters, matches and some lighter fluid.
One of the zombies knocks some of the petrol pumps out and petrol starts going everywhere on the forecourt.
I couldn't set it on fire because I'd be risking blowing myself up. Desperately looking for an escape route I knock a switch and set the car wash going, and the noise draws the zombies towards it, away from the car and the forecourt.
Making a run for it, I jump into the car and turn on the engine. I try to light a few matches to throw into the puddle of petrol while I drive off, but I stall and the zombies head towards me much faster than they have before me. Grabbing one of the cans of lighter fluid, I spray it out the window and throw a few lit matches into the stream, setting 2 zombies on fire. I manage to get the engine going and drive away, and the zombies wander about on the forecourt and as I get past Burger King, I hear a massive explosion.
On my own with no idea where to go, I decide to drive towards the motorway, hoping I can escape somewhere.

Speeding through the city you can not help but take in the growing desolation around you. Empty cars, stopped everywhere, open doors and here and there traces of fire or actual flames construct a landscape alien to what you are used to. Jolting you out of your reverie, the car shudders, the engine misses, surges again, and then cuts out completely. Struggling with the heavy wheel, you coast to a halt in front of an office block, with a DIY shop off to your right across the street. You see a zombie come out of the building, and ignore it as it is far away, until you realize it is running towards you. This is a fast zombie, and you're going to have to act accordingly or it will kill you!

 

[PLightstar]

I awake to find my mates mum dead and slumped, my friend has somehow pulled me from the wreck and into a nearby house, my flatmate is nowhere to be seen my mate informs me that he is still in the car now a zombie and trying to drive. He tells me that we got to keep moving as theres a strange smell in the air, he thinks it may be gas. Though I took the mick as a kid im glad he went to every scout outdoor activity. We are going to travel through the back gardens, of peoples homes as its the rich part of town the gardens are huge and offer good line of sight in all directions, we stop at one house and hear screams coming from the inside and decide to press on faster to the fort. At this rate we will be there in ten minutes, the only thing im worried about is the road we have to cross to get to the golf club there are alot of trees and dark places.

 

[haarewin]

Speeding through the city you can not help but take in the growing desolation around you. Empty cars, stopped everywhere, open doors and here and there traces of fire or actual flames construct a landscape alien to what you are used to. Jolting you out of your reverie, the car shudders, the engine misses, surges again, and then cuts out completely. Struggling with the heavy wheel, you coast to a halt in front of an office block, with a DIY shop off to your right across the street. You see a zombie come out of the building, and ignore it as it is far away, until you realize it is running towards you. This is a fast zombie, and you're going to have to act accordingly or it will kill you!

I grab my backpack, umbrella and snooker cue from the backseat, jump out of the car, and try to sprint away. The zombie is much faster than I anticipate and it gains on me quickly, so I turn and with great force spear the umbrella through it's left eye. I press the button just above the handle that would normally put the umbrella up, and it attempts to unfurl, making a bigger hole in the zombies head and forcing goo and congealed blood out of other eyesocket and it's ears. The zombie sways and falls to the ground, and I keep running to the DIY store, not stopping to think that it was Mum's office building the zombie came from.

 

[Ch3tan]

I find a firedoor that appears to link fitness first to lidl. Armed with my pipe and with a yoga mat strapped to my back I take the risk of setting of alarms by opening the firedoor. I do not think I could take another night of protien shakes and diet bars... I open the door and an alarm goes off, bugger I wish I still had that AK. I head cautiously into the dark supermarket.

 

[soze]

As i head to Tesco to get a Tuna and Mayo sandwich I notice the roads are full of deserted cars and that there are lots of dead bodies. When I get to the main doors I see Nate and his Dogs are there loading provisions. When i approach Nate tells me the world is falling apart and offers me a lift. While we are driving we decide the best course of action is to get to the Army Barracks where we can stay safe. We head to a house on the road opposite the Army barracks to see dozens of zombies. Knowing if we try to run across the road either the zombies or squadies would kill us. We sit there with my trusty MagLite and flash an SOS over to the front gate. When they see this a rescue mission springs into life and the Squadies armed with APC come across the road to save us and bring us back to base.

 

[Talivar]

Knowing m gonna die i vow to die a hero and use my militarty first aid and tough man mental training and stamina to keep myself human as i head to the nearest military base , after all i need to keep occupied till right near the end so i can cameo and do one last final act to save the geeky nerd and cheeleader before i make some very unmanly girly crying sobs and say something very sad and unmanly then go ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

[Wij]

Wijlet : DIY is very important. All the staff in B&Q are nowhere to be seen, which isn't unusual. You eventually find someone hiding in the kitchen section, but he has turned. You find it strangely theraputic bashing his head in with your cricket bat. Which supplies are you picking up?

I large colander provides my head-protection and a large meat-cleaver and dustbin lid provide prmary armaments. Overclocked hand-blenders augment my armour.

I also nip off to the hardware secton and holster a pair of steel mallets to my back so I can quickly whip them out for dual-wield hammer-time.

I stick a petrol lawnmower in my boot too. You never know when it might come in handy.

The usual burger-van outside has some tasty cold burgers left over. Yum.

Maybe a trip to the cinema after ?

Gagging for a wank too.

 

[Tom]

Tom : The roads are pretty riddled with crashed and burning cars, so you can't get much speed up. You eventually get in sight of the base, but you hear the gunfire and explosions long before then. You get some height, and it looks like a pitched battle, squaddies vs. zombies. If you get past the zombies, you run a very high chance of being shot. Looks like you need a new plan.

I take my boom stick from the boot and blast my way through, rescuing a lady en route who later 'gives me sugar'.

The soldiers are awe-struck with my greatness, and instantly fall to their knees, at which point I say "Hail to the King, baby".

The zombies retreat to eat the remains of their fallen comrades.

 

[TdC]

I awake to find my mates mum dead and slumped, my friend has somehow pulled me from the wreck and into a nearby house, my flatmate is nowhere to be seen my mate informs me that he is still in the car now a zombie and trying to drive. He tells me that we got to keep moving as theres a strange smell in the air, he thinks it may be gas. Though I took the mick as a kid im glad he went to every scout outdoor activity. We are going to travel through the back gardens, of peoples homes as its the rich part of town the gardens are huge and offer good line of sight in all directions, we stop at one house and hear screams coming from the inside and decide to press on faster to the fort. At this rate we will be there in ten minutes, the only thing im worried about is the road we have to cross to get to the golf club there are alot of trees and dark places.

Working your way across the garden of the second from last house, you think it's going a little too well as you push through the shrubs. At that moment, the house's large veranda doors shiver open slowly to allow two shambling zombies into the garden. One seems to be partially burnt, as it's almost fully unclothed and covered in angry black and red weeping welts, the other has only a stump of a left arm, ripped shreds of flesh hanging from the sleeve of an otherwise neat dinner jacket. Both stare at you malevolently, lurching forwards with arms outstretched. As both you and your mate sprint towards the line of conifers marking the wall to the next garden, the zombies correct their shambles to keep walking towards you via the shortest route. Fueled by rising panic, you vault over the wall effortlessly, but your mate is less lucky as he slips just at the start of his jump, and you hear an audible crack like a wet branch breaking as hitting the wall, his arm whips around the wrong way at a point between elbow and wrist. Suddenly he is gone from the wall and you hear various wet noises from the other side, and another sound, that does not last very long. You are alone again in the last dark garden before the road. From the bushes near you you hear a snarl.

I grab my backpack, umbrella and snooker cue from the backseat, jump out of the car, and try to sprint away. The zombie is much faster than I anticipate and it gains on me quickly, so I turn and with great force spear the umbrella through it's left eye. I press the button just above the handle that would normally put the umbrella up, and it attempts to unfurl, making a bigger hole in the zombies head and forcing goo and congealed blood out of other eyesocket and it's ears. The zombie sways and falls to the ground, and I keep running to the DIY store, not stopping to think that it was Mum's office building the zombie came from.

From the entrance of the DIY, you pause and look back across the street. Past the remains of the fast zombie you were lucky enough to slay, you see a crowd of zombies slowly exiting the office building across the street. Biting back a curse, you retreat further into the pitch black halls of the DIY store. You realize someone's been here before you, as you find yourself in the garden implements aisle and all the large axes are gone, as well as most of the shovels and pitchforks. In desperation, you take a screwdriver and tape it to the end of your snooker cue. Looking around in the darkness, you see the outline of what seems to be a door in the wall closest to you.

I find a firedoor that appears to link fitness first to lidl. Armed with my pipe and with a yoga mat strapped to my back I take the risk of setting of alarms by opening the firedoor. I do not think I could take another night of protien shakes and diet bars... I open the door and an alarm goes off, bugger I wish I still had that AK. I head cautiously into the dark supermarket.

It's totally dark in the supermarket, other than the intermittent flashing of the red alarm light casting twisted shadows of you on everything. Normally you would have enjoyed looking at rows of shredded wheat and peanut butter, but this day all looks threatening. As you turn a corner, the rolled yoga mate strapped to your back catches a glass gherkin jar which falls, only aided by your grasping fingers as you vainly try to catch it. The shattering sound is loud in the otherwise quiet space, and instantly you hear the shuffling steps of what can only be a zombie heading towards the noise and you turn, trying to pinpoint it by ear alone. Three quarters of the way through your turn, you stop and stare at what can only be a fast zombie, because the shape is darker than the surrounding gloom and you only noticed it because it was in two different places between the flashes of the alarm's red strobe light. The fast zombie jumps directly at you but misses as you turn and sprint around the end of the shelves and directly into the regular zombie coming up in the other aisle. Your pipe flashes out and it's head explodes like it was under pressure, but there is no time too celebrate as you hear the other zombie snarl in the darkness. You are in a dark supermarket, separated from a fast zombie by one row of shelves.

As i head to Tesco to get a Tuna and Mayo sandwich I notice the roads are full of deserted cars and that there are lots of dead bodies. When I get to the main doors I see Nate and his Dogs are there loading provisions. When i approach Nate tells me the world is falling apart and offers me a lift. While we are driving we decide the best course of action is to get to the Army Barracks where we can stay safe. We head to a house on the road opposite the Army barracks to see dozens of zombies. Knowing if we try to run across the road either the zombies or squadies would kill us. We sit there with my trusty MagLite and flash an SOS over to the front gate. When they see this a rescue mission springs into life and the Squadies armed with APC come across the road to save us and bring us back to base.

Once inside the base you are delivered to the ranking officer and he takes you to the infirmary. Once there, you and Nate are shocked to see many soldiers with festering wounds being tended by medics, and try to convince the young officer that the wounded need to be decapitated and burnt, for the good of all. They're going to be fine, he stubbornly persists, as you go to the mess for tea. and nothing you can say will persuade him otherwise. As he reaches out to the milk, you notice that his lower arm is bandaged, and the beads of sweat on his forehead are enough to make you exchange glances with Nate. You can't leave, of course, that would be suicide, the officer says. It's not safe outside, he continues. You'd best stay the night.

Knowing m gonna die i vow to die a hero and use my militarty first aid and tough man mental training and stamina to keep myself human as i head to the nearest military base , after all i need to keep occupied till right near the end so i can cameo and do one last final act to save the geeky nerd and cheeleader before i make some very unmanly girly crying sobs and say something very sad and unmanly then go ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sweat pooling in your camo-undies, you barely make the ditch in the base's perimeter before collapsing against a handy tree. The wound you took is itching like you've stuffed it with nettle leaves, and great blue-green streaks of colour branch from it down the major veins of your arm let alone what is going on down your back where you can't see. You grit your teeth, flex your fingers, and try to get up again only to see three zombies shamble into the ditch with you just as you make it upright. You turn to the fence at the top of the ditch, but realize that with your wound you're going to have to leave your sword if you're to have any hope of climbing it.

I large colander provides my head-protection and a large meat-cleaver and dustbin lid provide prmary armaments. Overclocked hand-blenders augment my armour.

I also nip off to the hardware secton and holster a pair of steel mallets to my back so I can quickly whip them out for dual-wield hammer-time.

I stick a petrol lawnmower in my boot too. You never know when it might come in handy.

The usual burger-van outside has some tasty cold burgers left over. Yum.

Maybe a trip to the cinema after ?

Gagging for a wank too.

Barely able to stagger forwards after a hefty meal of congealed burgers, let alone strapping so much ironmongery to your person, you waddle towards the fetid entrance of the XXX adult cinema at which the burger van was parked. Tipping back the colander on your head, you mutter "one all day pass please" to the enormous blood stained mass of entrails and remains that lies partially in and partially out of the ticket booth. Without batting an eyelid, you step over a head, and make your way further into the cinema. Sounds come from the private booth section, but you can skip that and come back later if you want to see the main attraction.

I take my boom stick from the boot and blast my way through, rescuing a lady en route who later 'gives me sugar'.

The soldiers are awe-struck with my greatness, and instantly fall to their knees, at which point I say "Hail to the King, baby".

The zombies retreat to eat the remains of their fallen comrades.

Waking from such pleasant dreams is always a bit of a chore. You're all by yourself in a small closed space that could only have been a cleaning man's store in the building you chose to hole up for the night. After having unblocked the door, you make your way outside to see that your car has two flat tyres. Muttering a curse, you look up and down the street considering your options. There seems to be nobody here at all, human, animal or undead. Crossing the street, and skipping a shop that looks like an abattoir's drain system had been flushed into it, you pop in to the newspaper shop next door to score some sweeties. After having stuffed your pockets with mars bars, and picked up a whole packet of scratch lottery cards, you hear a noise from the street, and turn to see a zombie shamble by.

 

[DaGaffer]

I've been on this fucking boat for two days now. The captain doesn't seem to know where we're going. I'm sure we've left the Channel Islands way behind and are in the Atlantic somewhere. The captain is getting right on my tits as well, and that fuel I brought with me can't last that much longer. Lots of gin and pringles on board though.

 

[Nate]

I bring you the wall of text!

The barracks seems to have taken quite a number of dead/wounded so security is slack. I notice an empty mess tent and motion Soze to come with to see what we can find, luck has it Noodle(one of my dogs) starts playing with some Soldiers Helmets and Clothes, me and Soze quickly put them on and look in a few lockers. A grenade, that'll be handy. and a machine gun, but only one magazine of ammo. Guess it'll have to do. Soze with his quick thinking takes the pin out of the grenade, chucks it in the Medical Tent and boom! Body parts fly everywhere, Soldiers are running around like crazy trying to figure out what could have possibly happen. We take this confusion and put it to our advantage, I find a truck and soze finds a few litres of diesel after filling up we use it to ram the fence and escape. We drive off in to the night, towards Frinton(a very old peoples village). I still have my BT Card and get us in the Frinton Exchange(there everywhere I tells ya! zombie proof with wire mesh all over the windows and electric locking system) luckily this time the Alarm doesn't go off, now if only we can take the smell of piss and biscuits it seems another Employee might have been here recently.

 

[Deebs]

Stumbled across this thread tonight, too pissed to make sense of it so please ignore this post, just be happy knowing that I tried to read it and lost the plot after post #1 on page #1. Sigh.

Oh, if I was under attack by anything I would use by brother's arse against them. His farts are that lethal he has to go to hospital to understand why he can't smell the devastation he unleashes everytime a small piece of air slips out. That is enough to kill the undead, the dead and the living, the only reason I still live is that I can read his facial expressions and run at the right time.....

 

[Talivar]

Realising Time is running out i jam my sword into the ditch making it a handle to help me climb out of the ditch and over the fence. As i land on solid ground i try my rambo impersonation as i pour small ammounts of gunpowder into my wound and then burn it slowly to seal the wound and remove any of the infectious virus/bacteria present in that part of the wound. I then oh so cleverly spray my wound with a very very cold muscle relaxant spray knowing that virus/bacteria spread and breed very very slowly at less than normal human temperature. As i spray though i realise i cant even remeber picking up the spray and hope im not actually using a spray of the not so nice Liquid nitrogen.

 

[Jimmy]

i continue down the road coming to a halt just out side the ring road of town, i look acrros at the shoping centre and see some movement just near the doors not knowing what or who they are i move closer.

 

[Stimpy]

You make the garage easy, but while you're there fumbling with the bike's cover you see a shadow at the back door and hear a groaning / gurgling sound. Will your bike start right off, or do you run for it?

I decide to take a risk and jump on my bike, it starts first time, I kick open the garage door and go for it, zombies are making a grab for me but I manage to make it through a large pack of them and I'm onto more open roads, I head towards the countryside passing crashed cars along the way though not to much sign of life, I make it onto country lanes, no sign of zombies or humans anywhere, I see a farm in the distance and ride slowly up to the door, its slightly open, I grab hold of my axe and slowly venture inside...

 

[Nate]

So I guess we all had a nice day off as it's the weekend, zombies played football with some decapitated heads and we drank some tea?

 

[TdC]

heh sorry I've been a little busy, though as first complainer I may concoct something particularly surprising for you

 

[TdC]

I bring you the wall of text!

The barracks seems to have taken quite a number of dead/wounded so security is slack. I notice an empty mess tent and motion Soze to come with to see what we can find, luck has it Noodle(one of my dogs) starts playing with some Soldiers Helmets and Clothes, me and Soze quickly put them on and look in a few lockers. A grenade, that'll be handy. and a machine gun, but only one magazine of ammo. Guess it'll have to do. Soze with his quick thinking takes the pin out of the grenade, chucks it in the Medical Tent and boom! Body parts fly everywhere, Soldiers are running around like crazy trying to figure out what could have possibly happen. We take this confusion and put it to our advantage, I find a truck and soze finds a few litres of diesel after filling up we use it to ram the fence and escape. We drive off in to the night, towards Frinton(a very old peoples village). I still have my BT Card and get us in the Frinton Exchange(there everywhere I tells ya! zombie proof with wire mesh all over the windows and electric locking system) luckily this time the Alarm doesn't go off, now if only we can take the smell of piss and biscuits it seems another Employee might have been here recently.

You make your way into the dimness of the exchange, only a dull glow of the sparse emergency lighting reminding you that there must be a problem somewhere. The smell of urine is pretty bad now, and you're muttering at Soze that the new workers include some real scumbags, when you turn a corner and almost step on a colleague of yours. He's lying on the floor in a huge pool of blood and you're briefly surprised at how much it is. He seems to be partially eviscerated, and one leg is bent at an awkward angle forwards from the knee, Soze turns and pukes up the three mars bars and the tea he had at the military base before turning back to complain about the smell again. At that point you both realize the man at your feet is still alive. Panting with effort he twitches, and his hand slowly moves to point down the corridor towards a door standing slightly ajar. At that point the lights go out and with a bang the doors at the end of the corridor smash open, from the faint greenish glow and the scratching of feet and bone on the floor there must be at least two fast zombies running directly towards Soze and yourself!

Stumbled across this thread tonight, too pissed to make sense of it so please ignore this post, just be happy knowing that I tried to read it and lost the plot after post #1 on page #1. Sigh.

Oh, if I was under attack by anything I would use by brother's arse against them. His farts are that lethal he has to go to hospital to understand why he can't smell the devastation he unleashes everytime a small piece of air slips out. That is enough to kill the undead, the dead and the living, the only reason I still live is that I can read his facial expressions and run at the right time.....

Standing in a huge circle of formerly undead, your glee at surviving fades when your brother turns to you with a stricken expression on his face. Refraining from inquiring if that last fart was a wet one, you arch an eyebrow at him and he confesses that he may have lost his mojo and you're best off looking for a curry shop asap. At that time three more zombies emerge from the XXX porn cinema across the street. It's time to start running!

Realising Time is running out i jam my sword into the ditch making it a handle to help me climb out of the ditch and over the fence. As i land on solid ground i try my rambo impersonation as i pour small ammounts of gunpowder into my wound and then burn it slowly to seal the wound and remove any of the infectious virus/bacteria present in that part of the wound. I then oh so cleverly spray my wound with a very very cold muscle relaxant spray knowing that virus/bacteria spread and breed very very slowly at less than normal human temperature. As i spray though i realise i cant even remeber picking up the spray and hope im not actually using a spray of the not so nice Liquid nitrogen.

It's actually a new Lynx "Ultra Hottiecakes" underarm deoderant you found as a pressie in the office a few days before presumably all the people there joined the ranks of undead now harrowing the country around you, and it burns like a very burny thing as you spray it on your freshly cauterized wounds accidentally. The zombies in the ditch on the other side of the fence seem to like it though, and the closest one rips an entire panel of fencing out of the ground losing several fingers in the process. The other two are fine though, and they're coming right for you. Better leg it!

i continue down the road coming to a halt just out side the ring road of town, i look acrros at the shoping centre and see some movement just near the doors not knowing what or who they are i move closer.

From about 30 yards away you still can't tell if the movement is a group of chavs trying to loot the corpse on the ground in front of the shoppingcenter's revolving doors or a bunch of zombies trying to eat it. Trying to decide what to do, you're startled when you realize that most of the group are trying to run away from the corpse as it effortlessly rises to it's feet in time to rip an arm off the closest chav, and use it to brain another. As you stare, rooted to the ground it takes a standing jump that was a good five yards onto the back of a fleeing chavette knocking her to the ground. Opening it's mouth wide enough to nearly split it's head in half, it latches on to the chavette's head and neck and bites down with a sickening crunch. Covered in gore and chavette brains, it drops the body and casually flicks a spec of bone off it's left arm. A sudden chill runs through you as, bathed in the green glow from the fast zombie's eyes, it's looking right at you and you find that your legs are having difficulty obeying your brains orders to run away quickly.

I decide to take a risk and jump on my bike, it starts first time, I kick open the garage door and go for it, zombies are making a grab for me but I manage to make it through a large pack of them and I'm onto more open roads, I head towards the countryside passing crashed cars along the way though not to much sign of life, I make it onto country lanes, no sign of zombies or humans anywhere, I see a farm in the distance and ride slowly up to the door, its slightly open, I grab hold of my axe and slowly venture inside...

There seems to be a man sitting in an armchair watching a television in the living room, only the telly is off and there's a large empty space between the man's hips and his chest. There's an awful smell in the room and there's a faint hissing from the radio set in the corner. The curtains are drawn, causing what otherwise would be a comfortable gloom which now only seems threatening. You decide to explore the house and make your way though the wetness of the living room floor towards the stairs. The upper floor seems utterly black, and you're wondering to yourself if this is such a good idea to attempt, one foot on the lowest step and one foot off, when out of the darkness to your right a voice comes. "Ere you, I know you're there and you're human. Spare me some aspirin would you!". A match flares.

 

[Tom]

omg teh wordz

 

[soze]

You make your way into the dimness of the exchange, only a dull glow of the sparse emergency lighting reminding you that there must be a problem somewhere. The smell of urine is pretty bad now, and you're muttering at Soze that the new workers include some real scumbags, when you turn a corner and almost step on a colleague of yours. He's lying on the floor in a huge pool of blood and you're briefly surprised at how much it is. He seems to be partially eviscerated, and one leg is bent at an awkward angle forwards from the knee, Soze turns and pukes up the three mars bars and the tea he had at the military base before turning back to complain about the smell again. At that point you both realize the man at your feet is still alive. Panting with effort he twitches, and his hand slowly moves to point down the corridor towards a door standing slightly ajar. At that point the lights go out and with a bang the doors at the end of the corridor smash open, from the faint greenish glow and the scratching of feet and bone on the floor there must be at least two fast zombies running directly towards Soze and yourself!

As the two Zombies charge I think our best chance is distraction and I grab and throw Nates colleague (he’s nearly dead any way). This distracts one of the zombies long enough for Nate to Kill Bill the mofo. That leaves one Zombie who for some reason has zoned in on me (must have been a spurs fan) as I remember my many years of SAS training (Books and Movies) I bring up the gun to aim at the zombies chest and fire. I then go to make sure the Zombie is dead with a double tap to the brain. We know that the exchange is still our best shelter for tonight so we check out all the surroundings using my 4D Cell LED MagLite making sure we have no more house guests before throwing the bodies out side blocking the door and checking our supplies. Now its morning we decide we need supplies and a boat or better hiding place maybe a farm house.

 

[Talivar]

Not wanting to disapoint my two new friends i decide to show them the lynx spray close up as i use my lighter and turn it into a flamethrower! with skill and precision beyond compare i dispatch the two with an ease beyond measure. So pleased with myself am i , that i dont even realise i have just thrown my still flaming lynx can down a nearby hole in the military base floor that leads to the neucleur power generator. Unaware im soon to wipe the town and surrounding area off the map i make my way deeper into the base still bragging to myself how i just pwned the two zombies!

 

[PLightstar]

A half dead looking dog jumps out of the bush, I dart into the house, bursting from the door and barricading behind me the Golf Club is so close now I can hear shots from that general area, I barricade the downstairs and climb into the loft, I am going to try and get some sleep here before attempting to go back out in the dark. The only weapon I can find the house is a cricket bat and an air rifle.

 

[Ch3tan]

Bugger! It's dark and this zombie is fast! As I have no military training, or mega fighting skills or big stash of weapons like everyone else in this thread, I use my years of retail experience and fling stock from the shelves into his path and then push a gondala down in his path. He stumbles, but I doubt he will be down for long, as the red light flashes across him I see that he appears to be a big Nigerian security guard zombie - and he is a big bastard. I run for the door and exit into the lidl carpark. As I turn to see if he has followed me, I hear a shout to my left "dvds"......

 

[TdC]

As the two Zombies charge I think our best chance is distraction and I grab and throw Nates colleague (he’s nearly dead any way). This distracts one of the zombies long enough for Nate to Kill Bill the mofo. That leaves one Zombie who for some reason has zoned in on me (must have been a spurs fan) as I remember my many years of SAS training (Books and Movies) I bring up the gun to aim at the zombies chest and fire. I then go to make sure the Zombie is dead with a double tap to the brain. We know that the exchange is still our best shelter for tonight so we check out all the surroundings using my 4D Cell LED MagLite making sure we have no more house guests before throwing the bodies out side blocking the door and checking our supplies. Now its morning we decide we need supplies and a boat or better hiding place maybe a farm house.

Although Nate is somewhat upset you so easily threw his late colleague into the face of onrushing death, you manage to pack the few items you have left up in what you think is the morning, and go outside. To your dismay the truck you took from the barracks yesterday fails to start, probably because it's radio had been left on and thus the battery is completely drained. Nate does try to talk you in to pushing the 6 tonner while he steers, but you're having none of it and you'll have to walk. An eerie stillness descends as the two of you step out onto the road. There is absolutely no sound other than your twinned footsteps, and you're both feeling utterly miserable in the early morning gloom.

Not wanting to disapoint my two new friends i decide to show them the lynx spray close up as i use my lighter and turn it into a flamethrower! with skill and precision beyond compare i dispatch the two with an ease beyond measure. So pleased with myself am i , that i dont even realise i have just thrown my still flaming lynx can down a nearby hole in the military base floor that leads to the neucleur power generator. Unaware im soon to wipe the town and surrounding area off the map i make my way deeper into the base still bragging to myself how i just pwned the two zombies!

The crackling of burning zombie flesh fades into the distance as you turn a corner and decide to go indoors .The itching in your arm has faded somewhat, but there's a burning sensation at the base of your skull and you are feeling peckish. A bite of a mars bar doesn't do a thing either. You're just getting more and more hungry, and now the itching's back too. Inside the building there's the usual shambles you've been seeing outside as well, but it's looking like your mates put up quite a fight here before overcoming the humans. Drawing your finger through a puddle of congealed blood, you give it a meditative suck before shambling your way further in to the building's depth. You're being almost magically drawn towards a door at the far end of the hallway where you can feel life force beckoning to you like a magnet. Slowly pushing the door open, you see two humans cowering behind a makeshift barricade of an overturned table and some chairs, but it just looks like rubbish to you. A shout of "Stop! Get away from us!" doesn't mean or sound much like anything now, as the green glow gushing from your eyes illuminates the room and almost cancels out the flashes from the paltry guns they're holding and the impacts of the bullets are like so many pebbles hitting you. Leaning forwards, and the closer human's head crumples between your scarred hands like paper, splashing you with liquid and the warmth of it is lovely and you have to have more. Turning as the other human attacks you with his weapon like a bludgeon, you tear it from his hands like a twig from a tree as the whole world around you suddenly turns white as the reactor somewhere in the rock below detonates, causing the base's secondary and primary munitions to go up in sympathetic detonation.

Congratulations, you almost made it

A half dead looking dog jumps out of the bush, I dart into the house, bursting from the door and barricading behind me the Golf Club is so close now I can hear shots from that general area, I barricade the downstairs and climb into the loft, I am going to try and get some sleep here before attempting to go back out in the dark. The only weapon I can find the house is a cricket bat and an air rifle.

The air rifle seems a feeble thing to you now so you leave it, as the cricket bat feels a lot more secure in your hands. The dog seems to have followed you into the house and by the sound of things is going insane down stairs. There's no sound from the stairs though, and you do a slow circuit of the loft before trying to make a bed. At the far end the floor creaks alarmingly but you make it around.

Bugger! It's dark and this zombie is fast! As I have no military training, or mega fighting skills or big stash of weapons like everyone else in this thread, I use my years of retail experience and fling stock from the shelves into his path and then push a gondala down in his path. He stumbles, but I doubt he will be down for long, as the red light flashes across him I see that he appears to be a big Nigerian security guard zombie - and he is a big bastard. I run for the door and exit into the lidl carpark. As I turn to see if he has followed me, I hear a shout to my left "dvds"......

...cd's...best chinese imports, only a pound! It's a thrift shop, and the doors are wide open. The sound is a cd running on repeat loudly praising the shop's best bargins. Knowing that everyone hates those shops you duck inside hoping the Nigerian security zombie will miss you. Pushing your way into the furthest recesses of the thrift, the scent of patchooli and anti-cockroach spray is nauseating, and you have a vague hope that the zombie won't smell you over it. You can't stay long though, because the loudspeakers blasting the shop's offers is getting on your tits.

 

[soze]

Although Nate is somewhat upset you so easily threw his late colleague into the face of onrushing death, you manage to pack the few items you have left up in what you think is the morning, and go outside. To your dismay the truck you took from the barracks yesterday fails to start, probably because it's radio had been left on and thus the battery is completely drained. Nate does try to talk you in to pushing the 6 tonner while he steers, but you're having none of it and you'll have to walk. An eerie stillness descends as the two of you step out onto the road. There is absolutely no sound other than your twinned footsteps, and you're both feeling utterly miserable in the early morning gloom.

As i exit our Shelter machine Gun in hand dog at side i start to feel all I am Legend. I know Nate is still pissed off at me the wet dog piss patch on my trousers gives this away. So i think its time to cheer him up. So as Will Smith went Deer hunting i decide we should go Old Dear hunting. First we need to sort a escape so Nate suggests we check out the Lifeguard shed on the beach, carefully we head in there and as luck would have it a small dingy with a tiny motor has been left behind. As Nate gets this to the water i go and start lifting the grates on the flood drains opposite the cafe. When we have a nice big hole between us and the zombies we start throwing stones at the Old Dears outside the Cafe. Around 40 minutes later after they have crossed the road and are getting close to our trap Nate points to our left where we have angered a Bingo hall full of the grey haired demons. We decide it’s time to hit the boat and head down the coast to Harwich Big container ships full of supplies and a inbreed population who were already zombies before the attack.