Zompocalypse!!!!1!!!12!!!

[tris-]

i look out the window and notice its swarming with zombies. i get my swords and kill the next door neighbours. now ive boarded up the windows and doors down stairs and im gonna make a tunnel to connect the 2 lofts.
that way i have two bases of operation and 2 houses worth of food, so i dont need to leave.
im going to horde the food in this house and use the second house as an armoury.

 

[Will]

Sir Frizz : Where are you going to get all the canned foods from? Do you have a massive stash of spam in case of zombie attack?

Jup : Since you posted at 4.27, I'll accept it isn't rush hour. The driver does appear to have a human bite on his forearm...

Meg : Nice plan. Shame its a long walk to my remote Scottish fortress. And I'm not letting anyone in at the moment. My butler has orders to shoot on sight.

Jeros : Flatscreen monitor on a pushbike? You have obviously thought about this, but the details aren't quite right. And the landlord is looking fairly attached to his shotgun. On the plus side, he is a member of the zombie army, and therefore doesn't blow your head off. He does seem quite keen on eating you though.

 

[Will]

tris : ok, though you've only got enough food for a couple of days. You'll have to go shopping after then. And all you've got left in the house is baked beans and super noodles. If you want anything else, you'll have to go shopping now. And its starting to get dark.

 

[Calaen]

Lean over to my coat rack and grab my jacket and my Jayne hat!!!! I would then jump in the car and head off to raid Sainsburys for as many supplies as I can before getting home and protecting my family.

 

[Frizz]

Actually, no. There's a few cans of soup, though. In which case, I'd probably live on dried Basmati rice.

 

[DaGaffer]

DaGaffer : You aren't alone in your plan, and the choice of vessels is pretty limited. The good new is that you won't need to send co-workers off on their own one by one, because the dinghy doesn't have many nooks or crannies. There is a rather attractive looking lighthouse on a small island just off the coast, and it appears to be unoccupied. Which is lucky, because the seas are getting a little choppy.

I ignore the lighthouse and follow the coast (making sure I've put on a few spare jerrycans of fuel for the outboard, I siphoned it from the car). I'm pretty good in a boat, and never get seasick so the choppy water is fun! Eventually I'll find another boat moored offshore out of reach of all the other thieving bastards. I nick that and go back to plan A (with the aforementioned cannon fodder check). No zombies, and ooh look! Lots of provisions. The owner was obviously getting ready for a round the world trip. That was lucky!

 

[Will]

Calaen : Sainsburys is mobbed. With the undead.

Sir Frizz : At least the water is still on, so you can cook the rice, for now.

DaGaffer : You don't find an unoccupied boat. You do find an occupied boat whose owner agrees to take you on board since you have fuel which he desperately needs. His current plan is to head for one of the channel islands. Hopefully the plague won't have spread to their yet.

 

[Jeros]

i abandoned said flatscreen when i got on the bike relying on speed and agilty to escape the zombies

i grab one of the copper pans off the wall of my landlords house (god knows why he has them) after repeated attempts to kill him resutling in something made of copper that may once have been a pan shaped, i use the butt of the old blunderbuss on his head and procced to take the shotgun and prepare myself to no doubt face the legions of zombies and zombie farmyard animals in the main courtyard

 

[Will]

Jeros : kills : 1
There are only 6 shells in the house, and no black powder for the blunderbuss. There is an old naval cutlass on the wall. Which you will need, since a small crowd seems to have gathered outside. There aren't any zombie animals, but there are a couple of farmers, and about 6 farmhands.

Its also getting dark, so it may not be the best time to leave. The zombies appear to be a little less sluggish now, and there is a faint green glow from their eyes.

 

[rynnor]

Ring of salt round your house helps but usually we do some kind of occult ritual when zombies turn up - guns are useless - even our natty tommy gun didnt work tho improvised explosives do quite well but the fuses are flakey...

Cutting them to pieces with melee weapons kinda works but if theres too many you tend to get infected.

 

[Jeros]

Pondering the use of the 6 shells on the 6 farm hands i decide against it and retreat back into the house, locking the door behind me, i barricade the front and back doors with whatever i can find along with the windows, the house seems to be deserted and all the food is gone save one bar of fruit and nut and a can of spam, peering through the garage internal door shows the car to be gone, i procced to set up various items that will make noise when knocked over to alert me should my defences fail when im not in that room, i turn off all the lights and i go upstairs and to wait till morning, i have no mobile signal and the phone lines are out, i fall into a restless sleep filled with strange dreams about lighthouses, some guy brutally butchering his next door neighbours and a sainsburys full of zombies.

 

[MYstIC G]

Meg : Nice plan. Shame its a long walk to my remote Scottish fortress. And I'm not letting anyone in at the moment. My butler has orders to shoot on sight.

Unfortunately you CC'd me that e-mail to your butler by accident. Having received it on my shiny new iPhone (that's fully functioning as gmail with IMAP is now in 1.1.3) your butler is now your ex-butler (laying on the floor with a hole where his eye socket used to be) as during my as yet un-documented travels I happened to obtain a sniper rifle.

As your butler is dead we agree a trade, safety for me in that zombie proof fortress of yours in return for my TdCgimp (complete with leash) becoming your new butler.

 

[rynnor]

and a sainsburys full of zombies.

surely thats normal?

 

[mank!]

I'm at work. I'm near Croydon. How the fuck am I suppose to tell a zombie from the rest of them?

the zombies are the ones who don't have a gangster limp.

anyway, after watching neighbours and surveying the lack of incoming zombies it begins to get dark. i leave the house, carrying an axe and a big fuck off maglite. i walk towards the farm where there are plenty of guns and ammo as the farmer hunts...

 

[Will]

Rynnor : Sorry, these zombies don't care about a ring of salt. Body shots dont seem to harm them either. Explosives will sork ok, melee weapons tend to expose you to biting action unless you have mad skillz.

Jeros : Good thinking. You'll make it through the night.

Meg : Though I wouldn't make that elementary a mistake, I like your animal cunning. You can come in. Teedles was my butler, but if you've brought a clone, thats fine.

mank : Not the greatest plan ever, but I'll let this one run for a bit. You manage to mostly avoid the zombies, but you do have to take out one on your way to the farm. Lets hope you are luckier with ammo than everyone else has been...

 

[Cyradix]

Cyradix : There appears to be a shortage of hot nurses and policemen. You find a postman, and an elderly lollipop lady. The mall is not deserted, as the movies would have you believe, but is awash with the living dead. You better find somewhere else to hole up.

I grab the lollipops and throw them at the approaching zombies. While the old lady is braining zombies with her purse trying to recover the lollipops, the postman and me make our escape. We arrive at the post office (which is one of those old solid buildings with iron bars on all the windows) and lock ourselves inside.
The post office still has a nice supply of guns since the last chav invasion so we head up to the roof and start shooting a few zombies.

I cry as I realise I just shot a hot zombie nurse

 

[Ch3tan]

Righto, I'd head off to one of the many mosques or islamic "community centers" in the area and tell them that the zombies just made fun of mohammed. The resulting Jihad would ensure the end of the zombies.

And if you don't let me live through that one Will:

I live in Croydon, I refuse to believe that chavs can be made into zombies. They cannot be made any stupider for gods sake! Bearing that in mind, and faced with the choice of being a chav or being bitten, I go outside and stick my finger in the first zombie mouth I find.

 

[rynnor]

Rynnor : Sorry, these zombies don't care about a ring of salt.

Yeah - doesnt seem to work since the middle ages - zombies must be improving

I would consult my occult tomes to check whether there was any astronomical event of occult significance that might explain zombification.

Check the internet for any news stories of odd cults or other strange happenings at the primary sites.

If none of the above might be a viral zombification - crack out the Tamiflu as a defensive dose and wait the thing out in a barricaded cellar.

Check for news stories of chemical spills/lab outbreaks etc.

Zombification via carribean witchdoctor/strange roots seems unlikely if its passing from victim to victim.

Posession might be possible or some mutated form of vampirism - possibly blood transfusions may delay onset but change likely to be on a genetic level.

Gene therapy might work but would likely take years of research.

Perhaps its the commies who released it? They may have already developed the cure and be using the disease to clear the population prior to invasion!

 

[Frizz]

^What?

In any case, I think I heard something...

 

[Wij]

I've just come back from a posh do so I hang the DJ in the wardrobe and wonder to myself if I should go to bed now or perhaps practice a stiff forward defense stroke with the old willow.

 

[Will]

Cyradix : A bit of cultural confusion over what a lollipop lady is, but I'll let it slide. You make it to the post office. Due to cutbacks, they have replaced the firearms with stout brooms, but you are safe inside for now. Not a whole of of food inside.

Ch3tan : We'll run with option a, but that doesn't lead instantly to the death of all zombies. The mosque is putting up a well organised and effective defense, and have some spare room if you are prepared to help out.

rynnor : I'll assume you are locked in the lab, with a white coat on, cackling to yourself while you work. You seem to be having most luck with some sort of viral vamparism. Finding a cure will take some time.

Frizz : You can hear some banging at the front door. It seems like the zombies have found you...

Wij : I'd get out the linseed oil if I were you, you might need it in the morning.

 

[Calaen]

Seeing the supermarket is crammed with the undead, I head directly for home. Once home, I nip upstairs and grab my axe, meat hook and baseball bat from underneath my bed.

After explaining to the wife our situation we decide to camp out upstairs, worse case scenario we will only get two zombies at a time due to the bend at the top of the stairs.

 

[Hawkwind]

Luckily London is around 4000 miles away. All the zombies here are given trucks and buses to drive.

In any event I am at work right now so would obviously just pop down to the Advanced Weapon Lab and break out the latest BFG. Then jump in the car, travel a short distance to the Royal Flights hangers and steal a fully fuelled B747 VIP config and travel the world looking for nice trim to save!

 

[Jeros]

i wake up and shake off my strange dreams of the night, i ready the shotgun and start creeping downstairs to see if there is any evidence of zombies breaking through my defences incase i slept through my noise traps going off.......

 

[Will]

Calaen : You have a meat hook, baseball bat, and axe...under your bed? 0_o

Hawkwind : Unfortunately, the people manning the weapons lab are blasting anything approaching with the aforementioned BFG. Blam!!!!
Status : Deceased
Kills : 0

Jeros : Just a mob banging at the door. You didn't sleep too well.

 

[Rubric]

I am bored as i have watched shaun of the dead 3 times now.

 

[Thadius]

I would grab a samurai sword, baracde myself in my room with tins of beens and bottles of water and wait. If they break through my baracdes, I would simply climb onto my roof and make a big help me sign using spraypaint!

 

[Will]

Rubric : Are you going out for a walk down to Blockbuster?

Thadius : You may notice that non-regular posters here aren't living that long. And I'm very suspicious of people who seem to have piles of food and weapons ready. But you can sit in your bedroom for now.

 

[tris-]

its been 2 days and ive consumed all the food i have available. i realised next door has a dog which ive managed to tame using digestive biscuits covered in marmite. looking out the top window of my armoury i notice the closest zombies are about 10 meters from the cars, but i need more food so i gotta get going!
the dog, which ive named rambo, ran out first to distract the zombies, running circles around them. rambo just bit one of the zombies in the kneck and dived through the passenger window as i sped off towards..
the super massive tescos!
im now carrying with me my carbon steel wakizashi as its small and light.

 

[Jupitus]

The bus comes to a sudden halt, and I shout to the driver to keep going... I hear him unlock his protective door and the scraping of his shoes across the decking of the lower level, and the the clumping of his slow, limping progress up the stairs... realising he must have been infected I wait until his head appears over the top of the rail and swing the chair back as hard as I can at his neck...